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where do i start looking? - 11/23/2008 8:24:17 PM
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getsavednow
Posts: 8
Joined: 11/23/2008
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im a 14yr old high school freshman (male) and im not sure where to start looking for the "right woman".
everywhere i look i end up getting put down by somembody b/c they say im "too into jesus"
and i dont have time for them or either i dont wana do the nasty things they do. i look everywhere and try to find advice but i havent really seeked help from another christian that could possibly help. its not that im desperate. im just so tired of people not wanting to date me b/c of how into church i am. im just not sure where to start. any advice would help.
thanks:)
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RE: where do i start looking? - 11/23/2008 9:34:54 PM
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csl7037
Posts: 2073
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: online
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IMO start looking about six years down the road. Or not at all would be even better. You're so right not to waste your time on anyone not as sold out as you are. When you're ready and she is, and in God's timing...
1 Corinthians 7:32.I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. 33.But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife--
Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you
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RE: where do i start looking? - 11/23/2008 9:37:02 PM
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levimichal
Posts: 51
Joined: 10/9/2008
From: Christiansted, Virgin Islands live in Minneapolis
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Do not think of the things this world offers. Why would you want to be close to a girl that
1) You cannot marry
2) Temps into sexual sin (lust, masturbation, fornication, homosexuality, and adultery)
You are young and neither are ready for marriage, and are not a man.
In the song of songs it says "that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases."
The world offers fleshly pleasures that should not be sought after by those who Christ has brought to life. The things of the dead should not tempt the living.
_____________________________
Levita Michal Ayala Goeloe
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RE: where do i start looking? - 11/23/2008 9:52:41 PM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 10364
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From: Lone Star State
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Make friends first. After a few years then perhaps the "right woman" will appear. Right now those whom you will become friends with are still girls. Accept that and let God lead you through this maze called "life".
Do you belong to your churches youth group? Begin there and DO NOT be in a rush.
_____________________________
We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: where do i start looking? - 11/23/2008 10:14:57 PM
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getsavednow
Posts: 8
Joined: 11/23/2008
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i understand what youre saying. its just that i see all my friends that are so happy and in love. and youre right i should find a good girl at my church. thanks 
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RE: where do i start looking? - 11/23/2008 10:17:29 PM
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getsavednow
Posts: 8
Joined: 11/23/2008
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thanks im am too "right now" . i think im going to let god handle this one 
thanks
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RE: where do i start looking? - 11/23/2008 10:19:24 PM
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getsavednow
Posts: 8
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and the things about temptations is all too real for me, ive been down that road. but thank god im out now. thanks 
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RE: where do i start looking? - 11/23/2008 10:22:56 PM
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getsavednow
Posts: 8
Joined: 11/23/2008
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yall dont know how much this helps.
and i do belong to a youth group, matter of fact i lead worship and teach youth at my church. so im gona start by looking there.
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RE: where do i start looking? - 11/23/2008 10:23:20 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 765
Joined: 11/28/2005
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If you are wanting a girlfriend you should look for a young
lady who's heart is on the Lord --- get connected with
Christian teens in your area. Many churches have youth
groups and some of them do get together for sports,
field trips or local missions activities etc...
There's no rush to get into anything serious when you're
14 - enjoy being a teen who's focused on following where
the Lord is leading you - don't get sidetracked by other teens
your age who are getting into romantic entanglements too
soon... many of them end up very hurt.
Work on making solid friendships first.
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RE: where do i start looking? - 11/23/2008 10:29:35 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1938
Joined: 9/26/2007
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Wow - any guy who is getting flack for being "too into Jesus" sounds like a brother to me! Welcome, Getsavednow! I'm glad to meet you.
I try to live my life according to God's Word because He saved me, and nonChristians just can't figure out why I'm such a Jesus Freak. It's because He made the world and tells us how it runs and calls us to love and obey Him, that's why. So anyone in rebellion against God is going to think you and I are extreme. We are. Extremely close to God and beloved by Him.
I commend you for thinking ahead about who you'll marry, but now is the time for you to grow in grace and the skills you'll need to be married later when your education is finished and you have a career to support a wife and children. It's not a bad idea to think things through and study God's Word for what's important.
Personally, I don't like dating because it's good practice for divorce: give your heart away, break up, repeat. God says to guard our hearts, so you might want to consider saving your heart to give only to that special one who will become your wife in God's perfect timing, and court her when you find her.
Think about how you will know "the One" for you? And importantly, it's not too soon for you to be working on the spiritual maturity that it takes to live godly and to be developing the skills you'll need for a successful marriage: conflict resolution, leadership, ability to anticipate others' needs and take steps to meet them, understanding how a woman's mind works (keep in mind that guys are door bells and women are sleigh bells - guys usually think about one thing at a time and gals are thinking about 8 things at once. You don't have to think like a woman, just anticipate this and their need for security. So that career is important).
I'm the mother of a marriageable age daughter, and her father and I have come up with a list of important things that would be deal breakers breakers if the answer is no. It's a list that a potential suitor would have to pass. Maybe it would give you an idea of areas of life to work on so in case your future wife has similarly loving and protective parents, you'll be ready to present yourself to them successfully (and they'll be begging you to marry their daughter!). Our daughter is a godly woman that we've poured our lives into, and your future wife, Lord willing, will come from that kind of family.
Anyway, here's the list we'd expect to see from a potential suitor:
- Does he have a reputation as a godly man with his pastor and other mature Christians who've known him for years? Does he get in to his Bible daily, act on what he learns there and deal with his sin quickly? Is he free of habitual or besetting sin? Does he let his understanding that God loves people drive him to love people, too?
- Is he emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually healthy, or willing and determined to become so (and willing to wait until he's got it before asking for her)?
- Does he have the skills necessary for marriage - leadership, conflict resolution, knowledge of how marriage works, life skills? Is he finished with his education and have a career that can support a family?
- Is he teachable?
Which boils down to:
Is he godly?
Is he healthy?
Is he ready?
Is he teachable?
It would be very frustrating to you to meet your future wife now and not be able to marry her for years because you couldn't support her yet, so be grateful in your loneliness (I know that sounds like an oxymoron but the hard times shape us - see Rom. 8: 28 AND 29 - it tells you why) that she's still "out there" and probably praying that God will give her a kind and supportive husband some day. Pray for her; God will hear you.
Work hard on school and life skills (communication, character, trusting God, ministry, skills on how to do things, even like fixing a car, etc.) and pray for your future wife. Become that man who will be welcomed to marry some Christian parents' daughter. Then when you meet her, you're ready to pursue her and win her hand.
It's hard to be lonely and frustrated and think about years of education but think about the man you'll be when it's finished: wow! If you are looking for the best, she'll be worth the wait. And she's having to wait, too. Pray for her patience and godliness, and God's perfect timing.
I bet at the right time, you're going to be a great husband and father. God bless you!
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: where do i start looking? - 11/23/2008 10:53:25 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1938
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: getsavednow
i understand what youre saying. its just that i see all my friends that are so happy and in love. and youre right i should find a good girl at my church. thanks
I was a discipleship leader for our church's high school group for 5 years (I'm a woman and worked specifically with the gals) and saw 14 year olds who were happy in love and getting emotionally involved, sexually tempted and couldn't get married. Ack! They were getting all dressed up and had no where honorable to go with this. Dating is preparation (ideally - sometimes it's just an excuse to make out or just not be lonely) for marriage and the first steps in the dance of love - that can't be righteously completed. If you were my son, I'd advise you to avoid this scene altogether. Yeah, the others look like they're having fun, but it's a dance that ends in lots of bills to pay and loss of opportunity to finish education (and no one wants to flip hamburgers for a career - low pay, lousy benefits, and life is expensive. My kid ran up $15,000 in hospital bills in one week, and without good insurance we'd still be paying it off and not able to buy food).
Be friends with gals in groups so you learn how to get along socially, hit the education hard, and find things to do on your own that will help you know how to do things (e.g. ham radio teaches communication, physics, math, and is a ton of fun. Especially the transmitter hunts - adults and teens play hide and go seek with a radio over a 60 mile wide "playground." The first person to find the transmitter got a box of donuts. When I did it... I never got a donut. But I had a blast!).
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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