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potential spouses - 8/31/2008 9:46:31 PM
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slimon11
Posts: 188
Joined: 2/10/2008
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Are there things that may appear as negative at first glance that you have sucessfully worked through together? For example, bad credit and debt...
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RE: potential spouses - 9/1/2008 1:06:21 PM
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tfkeel
Posts: 59
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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The thing about it is this.
With God, all things are possible. However, no scripture ever says that they are easy, nor quick....
You CANNOT CHANGE another person. Only yourself.
Yes, you can influence your spouse for the better. However, the motivation required for the change must come from within your spouse. And there are NO GUARANTEES that this motivation will ever come.
Bad credit and debt are not only negative at first glance.... they are at second, third, and fourth glance, too....
In my opinion, bad credit and debt should be resolved PRIOR TO ANY MARRIAGE. It is 100%, totally, and unequivocally UNFAIR to enter a marriage expecting your future spouse to stand good for the mess you created.
Marry someone who earns the money FIRST, then spends it.... this is a GIANT RED FLAG.....
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RE: potential spouses - 9/1/2008 1:30:47 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1857
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tfkeel
In my opinion, bad credit and debt should be resolved PRIOR TO ANY MARRIAGE. It is 100%, totally, and unequivocally UNFAIR to enter a marriage expecting your future spouse to stand good for the mess you created.
Marry someone who earns the money FIRST, then spends it.... this is a GIANT RED FLAG.....
This is true, and a red flag I didn't know about with my beloved husband, who is a good man in so many ways. He was a little in debt when we married, and I didn't notice the dynamic that drove this.
So, we just paid off that debt and celebrated our 20th anniversary. It's been tough to live with a major chunk of our income going to the bank every month. God has been so gracious to us inspite of it all. Praise God for His graciousness!
_____________________________
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RE: potential spouses - 9/6/2008 1:23:12 AM
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slimon11
Posts: 188
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I sometimes feel like everyone comes with at least one red flag. I needed confirmation that this is a big RED FLAG. Thanks for the wisdom.
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RE: potential spouses - 9/6/2008 8:58:29 AM
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sisrev
Posts: 886
Joined: 8/7/2006
From: The South, ya'll
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quote:
ORIGINAL: slimon11
I sometimes feel like everyone comes with at least one red flag. I needed confirmation that this is a big RED FLAG. Thanks for the wisdom.
A lot of it would depend on the reason for the debt & the bad credit. Unexpected medical bills/emergencies? Just likes to spend money? No self-discipline?
Also, a lot of people have debt, but that doesn't necessarily translate into bad credit. I would be more concerned about bad credit--if these are legitimate debts that they incurred, why have they not paid them? Again, goes to motivation.
My husband & I made some foolish decisions when we were younger that we are still paying for. As a result, we have debt, but we have excellent credit because we pay & we pay on time.
You need to find out the story behind the story before you decide how big this red flag is.
_____________________________
My new blog, A Virtuous Woman
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RE: potential spouses - 9/8/2008 12:42:05 AM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 785
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It's possible to work through obstacles such as bad debt/bad credit if both parties are willing to do so. Both would have to be committed to being on a budget and learn to control their spending habits.
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RE: potential spouses - 9/8/2008 7:15:59 PM
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lastblast
Posts: 1603
Joined: 9/20/2005
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Slimon,
Yes, it is VERY important to recognize "red flags" BEFORE the marriage. Some red flags will devastate your life if they are BIG things (abusive language towards each other/flirting with others, lazyness/etc).
As for debt, I have to say that before I was married I was pretty stupid with money/credit cards. Thankfully I did not get into HUGE debt, but I was in debt and that debt became my husband's when we married. Guess he thought I was worth it 
The thing is that I was never taught how to handle money properly, so when I started working, I started BUYING/CHARGING and did very little saving. I had to learn from my husband. ..........and I did. He is VERY good with money and frugal, which is why I am able to be a stay at home mom and we are able to give when occasions come our way. So you see, one can amend their bad spending habits if they so choose and that is what is important. If she will NOT change her habits, then that would be a very important thing to note and act upon. If she loves you and will work WITH you with the family finances, isn't that the kind of wife you would want, a helpmate? BTW, hubby and I will be celebrating our 20th anniversary. 
_____________________________
Blessings as you seek Him, Cindy
What does the bible say on Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage?
www.marriagedivorce.com
www.cadz.net/faq.html
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