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offended - 11/1/2008 5:41:09 PM
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lionofzion56
Posts: 47
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline
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oook. so, there is this guy that recently got saved and he has been going to church and he started coming b/c one of the other members invited him - she is his neighbor. so, we've talked (chit-chatted) and such and i have pretty much kept at a distance, b/c i could see that he was kindof... sensitive(??).
so.. here is what happened... he attends a book study meeting that i also go to.. and last week after church he and a lady and her godson and i all went to the park and talked and stuff like that... and when we dropped him off, he gave me his number. he had mentioned he needed a job and i know someone in his line of work... etc, etc.
well... a nyways to make a long story short, he and i had talked on the phone a time or two, and he lives in a neighborhood where a few of my other friends from church live. so thursday the fair in our town ws set up and i wanted to see a band that was performing that night and i started calling the people that all live over there and he was the only one i could get a hold of at first, i told him i was trying to get a group to go... ended up only he and i went... i drove.
i do not know why this is happeneing, but now he calls my cell phone like, 3 times a day. and i haven't answered, till, just a few minutes ago.. (well, i didn't answer, but i called him back).
after thursday night (between me and the Lord) I repented for not being honest with this guy. i went and got him b/c i felt bad.. b/c i had brought up the fair, and he said, "well, i'll go with you" and i didn't know (at the time) how to politley decline. (the Lord has since showed me to JUST BE HONEST! all i had to say was that i wasn't comfortable with that)
so, just now, I called him back, and I told him, basically that i felt bad, b/c i hadn't been honest and picked him up... i told him too that i try not to talk to guys much like on the phone and stuff ( which is true... ) b/c of where i am at in the Lord. he got offended and said he would never call me again and hung up on me!
so immediatly i called my accountability partner, she also knows this person and lives right by him.. and she didn't answer. so, i thought i would call him and explain the reason that i said that was because it is making me uncomfortable that he keeps calling me, but when i tried to call him again, it rang and rang then he picked up and hung up.
it is all a little weird to me... i know he has some issues... (im not sayng that faceciously_) but... now i am not sure how to deal with this.... i am also waiting for my accountability partner to call me back....
_____________________________
Embrace Yourself!
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RE: offended - 11/1/2008 9:24:23 PM
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csl7037
Posts: 2073
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: online
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Talk to your accountability partner and see if she has a different perspective knowing the both of you. But, on the surface of it (not knowing either of you), I'd say let it go and keep your distance - politely, of course. For starters, you were just trying to be honest and I assume you didn't give him any reason to be calling constantly...if he got a wrong idea you can't really help that (I remember the type!)...plus, you were the one who was hung up on! A halfway stable person would've at least attempted to be gracious, I would think. Maybe, just maybe, you did inadvertently say something or do something misleading - obviously whatever it was you couldn't have known he react that way. Even if that is/were the case, given his reaction, I just don't think there's anything you can rectify it because whatever was so easily mistaken before tells me whatever you tried to say now would probably be as well.
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RE: offended - 11/1/2008 9:57:22 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1938
Joined: 9/26/2007
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I read in an etiquette book that a gentleman never objects when a lady says "no" and he never asks why she said it. You told him the "why" and it was for a reason of modesty, appropriate behavior in the Lord, and a function of where your life is right now.
That he was offended tells me he thinks you should put his desires as more important than your modesty, appropriate behavior in the Lord, and a function of where your life is right now. That is so wrong. He is so wrong.
If a person will be offended at thoughtful Christian living then everyone (or at least the pretty girls) are going to offend this guy. No, let me reword that: he's going to take offense.
Think of it this way: what if I said "if you breathe, I'm going to be offended." Should you worry about that? It's not like he said short skirts stumble him and you need new clothes to protect your brother. You didn't do anything wrong. The problem is his, and not something reasonable you should change in your life to help him.
He's not sensitive, because that means we notice smaller details about others for their benefit. Rather, he's touchy. The love chapter of 1 Cor. 13 says love isn't touchy and doesn't even notice a slight.
So you've got a touchy new Christian. God is going to deal with his sins just like the rest of us: one at a time. I'd recommend you let the pastor/elders know how he responded to you, because it might be he only does it to single girls and you and the other gals might need a little more protection/watching over by the men of your church whe this guy is around.
The 3x daily phone calls sends up a real red flag in my book. Tell him you don't want him to call you at all anymore because he's been inappropriate. If he argues with you about it, know you've got a sick one here, and change your number. And tell the pastor - it's a real red flag for an obsessive man and the pastor needs to know.
There's a guy who calls me every day at 1 pm, but that's because I told him to stop calling me 10x a day. He's retarded, has speed dial and loves to talk. That's not sick, just clueless and lonely. I can live with that. And besides, he prays for me everyday. 
You're a sweet gal who is probably used to people keeping their behavior in socially acceptable boundries. Well, now you have one who doesn't.  So take a deep breath and just tell him the truth in a matter of fact way: "No, I don't do that." Or add "anymore." "I'm not comfortable with that. Maybe one of other the guys will go with you to the concert." "I don't know why you're offended; no one has sinned against you." Tell the truth and don't apologize so he doesn't take advantage of your good manners.
Or get the pastor to gently talk to him, and not so gently if the guy doesn't get it after that. This guy could be a stalker type. Stay safe.
And pray for this brother. He might just be really immature and clueless.
_____________________________
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RE: offended - 11/4/2008 5:47:22 PM
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Sadey
Posts: 455
Joined: 7/25/2007
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The 3 phone calls a day lets you know that you are fortunate to have this behind you. I hope you don't call him back. It might open a can of worms that you won't be able to shut again. If your accountability partner thinks you should call, then please talk to your pastor before you do. Let him counsel you. You might want to ask him to be there when you talk to this young man.
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RE: offended - 11/6/2008 12:32:03 AM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 765
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
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Let the matter go - the guy has "issues".
Calling you 3 times a day is too much and
it seems he "pegged" you for his "girlfriend" right away...
be glad he isn't calling anymore!
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