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odd man out - 10/31/2008 11:35:43 PM
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Odile
Posts: 44
Joined: 7/15/2007
From: Northeast USA
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I had an interesting experience tonight. I was at a multi-generational Halloween party, enjoying everyone's company.... conversing, laughing, reminiscing. Then the "young adults" (mid 20's to 30) decided to play a game. As we're setting up teams we decide it will be boys against girls and set out to make sitting arrangements (boy, girl, boy, girl), only to discover we have an odd number of players. It's then that I look around the table and realize that not only are there more girls than boys, I'm the only non-couple. My first reaction was "I can't believe I didn't realize this before!" For years it has been my habit to determine if any other unattached people will be attending a party. But then, out of no where, I felt like I should be the one not to play. And not in a "I'm not worthy" sense, but just there's 4 couples and me, I'm the natural odd man out. No one mentioned any such thing and we arranged the game to accommodate an extra player.
Though I enjoy my freedom as a single woman, at the same time, sometimes what I wouldn't give to to "belong" to someone else. Will I ever reach a point when such realizations (I'm the only single one in the room) don't effect me? I didn't let it ruin my good time, I still enjoyed the game, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't aware of it for the rest of the night. Or especially now, when I return home, alone.
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RE: odd man out - 11/1/2008 12:10:11 AM
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rgod
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Odile,
I think this is a natural feeling when you are single. I don't know if you ever really grow out of it; for myself I find the converse is true - as I get older, I am much more aware of it instead of less. That is because most people my age are either paired or are divorced. I would love to "belong" to someone else too. But, that can be a good thing and a painful thing. This week especially - I was aware of how difficult it can be to be married - even if you are evenly yoked - so many things can affect the other person - mental illness, physical health problems, and much more. But marriage and dating can also be so sweet and rewarding too.
For some people it is different; the awareness is different. I accept it; but there are times when I do just leave. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a concert thinking that one of my friends would be there. She was, but I didn't see her and all of the other people I knew were paired together (lots of husbands and wives). I kind of sat in the back - I just didn't want to sit with the other couples and I left early. But, at the same time, sometimes I just go. For example, two nights ago I went to something alone - it was late at night - but it was a once in a lifetime event. No way was I going to not go just because I didn't have someone to go with me. (Well ... I found out the next day that there was someone who would have gone, but ... it was too late then.) This weekend, there is a show I promised a co-worker of mine that I would see (to lend support - he's in it). But, I don't have anyone to go with me. But I might do the matinee - we'll see. The main reason I don't have people to do things with is because I'm kind of new to my area. I did go out to eat with two friends this week - and that was pretty cool.
Anyway, I think it is great that you enjoyed the game instead of just leaving. Perhaps you'll be one of the people for whom singleness doesn't affect you much. Some people are that way. In any event, I think you are blessed to have people who tactfully accomodated you - they sound like nice friends.
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RE: odd man out - 11/1/2008 9:27:10 PM
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Odile
Posts: 44
Joined: 7/15/2007
From: Northeast USA
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oh we did win!
It was a close game, but in the end, they gave us 3 extra points by being cocky and we beat them by 2 pts. And you know what they said then??????? It wasn't a fair game because we had 5 players and they only had 4!!!! MEN! =)
Thanks for the insight rgod and onejohn..... it's nice to have been listened to. And yes rgod, I do have good friends, but doesn't always help me feel like less of a third wheel.
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RE: odd man out - 11/1/2008 9:34:12 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17763
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Just Outside of Boston
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You know Odile, with a title like Odd Man Out, I thought you were in fact, a man. 
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RE: odd man out - 11/1/2008 11:18:17 PM
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Odile
Posts: 44
Joined: 7/15/2007
From: Northeast USA
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sorry to disappoint humble..... I can pretend if you'd like.
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RE: odd man out - 11/1/2008 11:18:38 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17763
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From: Just Outside of Boston
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No thats ok, I prefer women to men anyhow.
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RE: odd man out - 11/2/2008 12:10:57 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8026
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I have this problem every time I leave teh hosue for a social event.
Odd? Yep that's me.
Man? Correct again.
Out? Yep. I left the house.
The difficulty I have is I don't get invitations to those sorts of events anymore. M and I used to go to everything. But now that it's just me it's like I'm invisible somehow. My married friends don't consider me married and teh singles don't yet consider me single.
Ah well, God will provide.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: odd man out - 11/3/2008 5:28:21 PM
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hisprincess59
Posts: 116
Joined: 7/17/2007
From: Tulsa, OK
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I have the blessing of attending a church where most everyone is single...there are only a few married couples. It is an Apostolic house and we are all about the Kingdom and not too concerned about being "unpaired". Where I feel the odd man out is, most everyone is in their 30's and went to college together, and the few older ones are family. I'm nearly 50 and although I've been there for 2 years, I often feel like a bit of an outsider. I only have a few close friends at this time, and they are single women also...but they are roommates, so I feel odd man out there also.
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RE: odd man out - 11/5/2008 10:06:34 PM
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Odile
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Joined: 7/15/2007
From: Northeast USA
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Thanks for responding... and understanding. It's made me think a lot this week. I've started a mental pro's/con list in my head in an attempt to feel grateful for my current circumstances. The one the stands out the most.... SLEEPING IN!
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RE: odd man out - 11/5/2008 10:58:53 PM
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stimulus
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I've been struggling with this lately too. I remember watching lots of my college friends get married after graduation, but there were still single people left. Now, I'm in my late 20s, and my remaining single friends are all getting married. A year ago, there was a group of us who did things together. Along the way, people started dating, and they've gotten engaged - leaving me and one single, opposite-sex friend. Now, we go to dinner together, and it's our engaged, soon-to-be-married friends, and the two of us.
Like Sunday night. After service, four of us went to dinner - a couple that gets married in two weeks, me, and the other guy. Even though I told the server that the guy and I needed separate checks, she still only brought one, and we had to ask her to split it. It's a whole new definition for "odd man out" and "fifth wheel"!
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RE: odd man out - 11/6/2008 10:28:34 AM
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CoachSteve
Posts: 90
Joined: 5/26/2008
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I have that same problem of being the odd man out. I have become sort of a surragate(sp) husband. I have 3 main couples friends that I hang out with. all of which when the wife needs something done, or someone to talk to or something like that I get a call or email or something like that. It is all very innocent, and is a joke between us all, but it does get old being the only single guy in a group of couples. I don't have any single friends that I hang out with anymore. all my friends are married.
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RE: odd man out - 11/7/2008 12:19:26 AM
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Odile
Posts: 44
Joined: 7/15/2007
From: Northeast USA
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A true friend is a true friend (and I think we all know how hard a true friend is to come by), but why the discrepancy between married friends and single friends? I have 4 friends at this time who are not married, 1 is seriously dating, 1 is a serial dater, and the other two lead very busy lives so they aren't too available. Meaning, if I have the opportunity to be with people, or go out, it's either with a married friend or a couple (or a few couples.... which is the worst! I hate being the 5th, 7th wheel). However, why is it really different when hanging out with a married friend versus a single friend? Do we created those boundaries? I experience it, but I wonder.... is it self imposed?
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RE: odd man out - 11/7/2008 1:34:07 PM
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Odile
Posts: 44
Joined: 7/15/2007
From: Northeast USA
Status: offline
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Diva... I have totally done that.... looked around and discovered I'm the only single one at church. I'll even one up it, during open house night at the preschool (it's all the parents and teachers, so about 50 people) I realized I was the only person in the place that had never had sex. I don't know why this realization occurred. And that's certainly NOT my goal of being married. However, there is this amazing intimate experience that I may never have, yet I wonder if it's something these couples even consider. The intimate connection they share with another human being, a tangible person they can look at, and cry on their shoulder, etc etc etc. Now that is a con to singleness.
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RE: odd man out - 11/8/2008 12:14:16 AM
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Odile
Posts: 44
Joined: 7/15/2007
From: Northeast USA
Status: offline
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womanship!
Thanks for your responses Godzdiva.... I say ditto to it all!!!!
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