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married men - 11/19/2008 9:18:08 PM
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nyiie42
Posts: 2
Joined: 11/19/2008
Status: offline
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Hello i im a 42 year old woman never married, i was in a relationship for 20yrs and he left me and now is going to marrie another woman this month. i have been praying for a husband, and want very badly to be married. i meet a man that is in the Military but he is married and he tells me he is separated his wife lives in Atlanta and he lives in Arizona. he havent spoke of divorcing her he said he cant leave his children, but i explained to him that you have left your children when you moved to Arizona/ please give me your thoughts.
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RE: married men - 11/19/2008 10:15:55 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8026
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nyiie42
i meet a man that is in the Military but he is married and he tells me he is separated his wife lives in Atlanta
Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Avoid this man like the plague. Even if he should divorce his wife to be with you he'll just divorce you to be with the next woman foolish enough to pursue him.
It's OK to wnat to be married. It's not OK to flirt with, pursue. entertain etc a married man. Do not destroy his marriage and your life by doing this.
And again:
Thou shalt not commit adultery.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: married men - 11/20/2008 2:22:22 AM
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skreyola
Posts: 2204
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: U.N.C.L.E.
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Stay away from married men.
John's right. Not only is pursuing a married man adultery, but, as Oscar Wilde put it:
"A man who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy in that position."
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: married men - 11/20/2008 2:23:11 AM
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BlessedAngel1983
Posts: 11780
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: South Carolina
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I agree not to mess with a married man. They are nothing but trouble!
_____________________________
Reflecting with Terri
If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings
AKA AngelInWaiting1983
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RE: married men - 11/20/2008 8:54:49 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1775
Joined: 4/25/2005
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Do not do this. I repeat, do not do this. Not only is it wrong in the eyes of God (which should be reason enough), it will hurt you, the wife, and the children. And being a mistress is not the route to marriage. All that will do is tie up your emotions so that you are unavailable should a good, godly man show interest in you. So basically - you will be in a relationship with a man who is still unavailable to you. And you don't want that.
If this married man is pursuing you as well (and not just you pursuing him) while he is married (in God's eyes there is no "separated" you are either married or single) - this speaks volumes about his character. Also, to be very frank with you - the fact that you are pursuing a married man and attempting to rationalize the issue with his children as "him already having left them" should trouble you. Think of it this way. If you had a husband who was living somewhere else - due to a job or that fact that you were having problems - would you want him involved with another woman? Would you want him to leave his children? If the answer is no, then you shouldn't do that to anyone else either.
Instead, the right thing for you to do is to end the relationship immediately, stop pursuing him, and start praying that the relationship between he and his wife would be restored. This is hard to do when you are hurting or wanting to be married - but it is the wise thing to do - and will in the long run be better for you and all involved.
So where does that leave you? Let the Lord heal your heart. You are probably still grieving the loss of the 20 year relationship. Well, 20 years is a long time. So give yourself time - take a break for a while and work on building/strengthening your relationship with God. Only God will truly satisfy what is inside of you and he will give you wisdom. Use this break to try to learn from the mistakes of the past. Read the bible - particularly the gospe of John and the book of Proverbs. Pick a translation you can understand. Let the bible be a mirror. As you read, ask yourself - am I doing this? Am I wrong? If so, repent (which means to be sorry about it and stop doing it) and ask the Lord to help you. Ask yourself why you were with someone for 20 years in a relationship that didn't lead to marriage. Why did you not end it at 2 years or 5? You might discover that you are afraid to be alone. Or you might think that there are no good men out there (which is not true). You need to understand why you have been willing to accept something that is less than the best that God has for you. And you need to understand why you are willing to do something that is wrong in the eyes of God.
Most of all, dig into God deeply. If you don't know God - you can say a very simple prayer "God - I want to know you." I pray that you'll learn to receive God's love if you haven't already. When you are healed, it can help you to be open to a man of integrity who will really love you. It can happen - you don't need to settle for someone who has you and another woman. You are too precious in the eyes of God for that.
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RE: married men - 11/20/2008 9:22:16 AM
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Jess_M
Posts: 24
Joined: 6/30/2008
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Do NOT involve yourself with a married man! I agree with rgod's advice. You need to seek God, and you need to ask Him to heal your heart.
quote:
Even if he should divorce his wife to be with you he'll just divorce you to be with the next woman foolish enough to pursue him.
It appears that this man is setting a bad precedent, but I do not think a one-time incident means it is set pattern. People can confess and repent and truly turn from their sinful ways, and God performs miracles in people's hearts daily, so this would not necessarily be a true statement. Please be careful about throwing someone in a box labeled condemnation. After all, what did Jesus tell the woman who was caught in the act of adultery? Your sins are forgiven, go and sin no more. It would be better to pray that this man's marriage is restored, and even better yet, that his relationship with God is restored.
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RE: married men - 11/20/2008 10:40:43 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4477
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nyiie42
he havent spoke of divorcing her he said he cant leave his children, but i explained to him that you have left your children when you moved to Arizona/ please give me your thoughts.
besides for the fact that it's wrong, you said you were praying for a husband. by him remaining married it's clear he's not husband material as you can't marry someone already married! you spent 20 years dating someone without it leading to marriage, do you want to go through all that again as this certainly doesn't seem like he's in any state to be married.
_____________________________
Photoblogging My Life
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RE: married men - 11/20/2008 10:57:44 AM
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ladioffaith
Posts: 3099
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: NE Ohio (L.A. . . Lower Akron)
Status: offline
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Run screaming! He who cheats WITH you will cheat ON you.
And ask yourself why an unavailable man is so appealing. Could you be dealing with your own fear of commitment and of getting your heart broken again?
_____________________________
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with
his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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RE: married men - 11/20/2008 11:05:18 AM
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Psalms274
Posts: 2246
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nyiie42
Hello i im a 42 year old woman never married, i was in a relationship for 20yrs and he left me and now is going to marrie another woman this month. i have been praying for a husband, and want very badly to be married. i meet a man that is in the Military but he is married and he tells me he is separated his wife lives in Atlanta and he lives in Arizona. he havent spoke of divorcing her he said he cant leave his children, but i explained to him that you have left your children when you moved to Arizona/ please give me your thoughts.
I know you must be hurting right now and just grasping for someone to love you. I can only imagine how abandoned you must feel. It is probably difficult to understand just how much God loves you when looking at your own circumstances.
But He does love you. And His love is fierce, promising to draw you with His loving Kindness.
He promises to never leave you, nor forsake you.
He promises that He has good plans for you life, plans that will not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.
He says that the thoughts He has of you out number the grains of sand in all the earth ... that is how very special you are to Him.
He also says that He, the King of the Universe and Creator of all things, He is enthralled by your beauty. You touch His heart in a very special way. You are so special that He gave His only Son for you, so that you might be able to come to Him, fully clean, and be with Him forever.
He really does have a very special plan for your life. So often we go about trying to do things our own way and wonder how we ever got in this mess ... and how in the world do we get out. God is not bound by your age or circumstances to bring about the wonderful things He has planned just for you. He promises to restore the years the locust have stolen as only He can ... He can restore all those lost years. He promises to give you a door of hope in the Valley of Trouble.
What does He require from you for all of this? Simply to be His own child ... trusting Him in all that He says. He does not give us rules to bind us, rather they are for our own protection ... He has something very good for you, but you will not find it by seeing a married man. We often fool ourselves into thinking we know what is best for our life. Especially when we are hurting ... we doubt that God has anything planned that is good, but that is just a lie from the enemy stated in hopes that he can allure you away from the Father and His special plan He has just for you.
If you do not know Him, get out your bible and begin to read the Gospel of John. Let the words that Jesus spoke, speak directly to your heart. If you do know Him, you already know the answer to your question here ... you must flee from this man. But do not be afraid, you will not be alone. Ask our Lord to direct you to some ladies in your church who can love on you and help you as you heal. If you do not have a church, ask the Lord to show you one ... and listen to the promptings of your heart. If you visit one and it just doesn't feel right, go to the next until you find the place He has for you.
"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
Linus, my dog, little Kaleigh and Sally!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: married men - 11/20/2008 4:30:43 PM
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nyiie42
Posts: 2
Joined: 11/19/2008
Status: offline
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I thank every one for your heart felt thoughts, u people have help me so much to open my mind and eyes. i thank God the father, that there are people like you out here that can help people like me. I pray that God continue to bless you all with his wisdom.
thank you and God bless
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