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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 8/5/2007 2:33:02 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10209
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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quote:
What is the minimum age at which spanking should be used as a method of discipline?
We don't spank before purposeful defiance is displayed. Usually around 18 months or so.
We do swat hands and diapered bottoms for safety issues (cords, outlets, grandma's fireplace, etc.) from the time they are crawling (about 6 months for my kids so far). I don't consider that spanking though.
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He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 8/5/2007 2:45:28 PM
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karlie
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Us too...we never spanked an infant or young toddler in the process of being trained. Spankings were only for willful disobediences and open defiance when they already knew and could understand what was expected and they deliberately chose to disobey.
Light hand swats with a young toddler were different...we did do that at a younger age for things that needed to be learned very quickly, such as outlets, lamp cords, touching the oven, etc.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 8/9/2007 8:25:14 PM
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frazzledmom
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I was not spanked as a child and turned out fine, though looking back I was probably a bit proud, arrogant and precocious. I was usually a good kid, but was so smart at a young age I think I back-talked a lot to my parents and caught them off-guard because I was so mature.
My husband and I have used spanking to deal with obvious defiance and disobedience. Now that our children are getting bigger and older we have changed tactics from a few swats to push-ups in multiples of five or ten, depending on the circumstances.
Frazzledmom
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 8/10/2007 8:41:28 AM
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VincentGrayson
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I definitely will *not* be spanking my kids. Aside from my belief that it's never ok to hit a child, regardless of the reason, I recall that on the few occasions my parents spanked me, it just further fueled my defiance, rather than curbing it. Since I can already see many of those same traits in my kids, I won't be using the same method that failed on me to try and get them to behave.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 8/10/2007 11:56:55 AM
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um_lilly
Posts: 27
Joined: 6/20/2007
From: The Carolinas
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quote:
ORIGINAL: VincentGrayson
I definitely will *not* be spanking my kids. Aside from my belief that it's never ok to hit a child, regardless of the reason, I recall that on the few occasions my parents spanked me, it just further fueled my defiance, rather than curbing it. Since I can already see many of those same traits in my kids, I won't be using the same method that failed on me to try and get them to behave.
Yep!
I tried a few methods with my kids that pretty much worked.
First being that if they got near a hot stove, I'd put their little hand over it just so they could feel the heat and then I'd say "HOT - OUCH". It took a few tries to make them understand what I meant. Then they would say "hot" and point. Felt like that got the point across more that poping them on the hand.
If they touched things that they were not supposed to as toddlers, I'd just tell them "no - don't touch" and put them up out of the way. If there were issues with food, I'd just make the little tupperware bowls full of what they liked and sit it out for them so it would be available. Tupperware works wonders!!!
There were so many other ways that I redirected them on their behavior that there was no need to spank. I didn't want my children growing up to think that their rear end, a thing to sit on, was to be used for a target.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 8/10/2007 4:19:56 PM
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car2ner
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I used to believe in no spankings since I was seldom spanked myself. But my DD could throw temper tantrums for a couple of hours using the P.C. methods. So her dad decided that we would spank. By golly, that took care of those temper tantrums.
I am not talking about just swatting the kid out of anger or frustration. This is the first, "or else" after we are clear that they understand the directions. Then after the ordeal and the child has complied, then we would talk about the "how comes" of it all.
Do be careful how hard one spanks and always use the bottom.
Some kids are strong willed and no amount of spanking will get them to change their minds. Some kids are compliant and just looking at them sternly will change their course. What ever a kid needs, they need to know that you are in charge and you love them and are looking out for them. But that does not mean the parents are the bullies who can do no wrong, either.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 8/11/2007 10:52:04 AM
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dramagirl4God
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I guess there's just a lot of different parenting philosophies out there, and some people follow one, and some people do their own. I don't spank, but I also don't use a specific philosophy, so to use me or my methods to talk about gentle discipline wouldn't be accurate to the people who actually follow the philosophy, KWIM?
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 8/11/2007 3:18:25 PM
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HenriettasCat
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I wouldn't do the hand over heat thing. My youngest would think it was a game and probably just go and do it again.
Since I cannot trust him yet (he has just turned 2 and fazed by nothing at all - I think this kid is going to be into extreme sports when he is older) I will just make sure he is never in a position to touch the cooker. I am not a spanker.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 8/13/2007 10:49:20 AM
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um_lilly
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From: The Carolinas
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quote:
ORIGINAL: HenriettasCat
I wouldn't do the hand over heat thing. My youngest would think it was a game and probably just go and do it again.
Since I cannot trust him yet (he has just turned 2 and fazed by nothing at all - I think this kid is going to be into extreme sports when he is older) I will just make sure he is never in a position to touch the cooker. I am not a spanker.
My son was always the one that had a bad habit of waiting until I was pulling something hot from the stove to pop up and want to touch. I had to show him that it was hot that way.
Of course my kids are older now. I'm not in the toddler phase like some of you are.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 8/13/2007 11:43:01 AM
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bzirk
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From: Where the deer and antelope play
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quote:
ORIGINAL: karlie
Us too...we never spanked an infant or young toddler in the process of being trained. Spankings were only for willful disobediences and open defiance when they already knew and could understand what was expected and they deliberately chose to disobey.
Light hand swats with a young toddler were different...we did do that at a younger age for things that needed to be learned very quickly, such as outlets, lamp cords, touching the oven, etc.
This is exactly what we did, and I guess I just think of this as common sense.
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may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 8/16/2007 6:06:33 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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From: California
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quote:
t's funny how differently kids within the same family can respond. Our first daughter wasn't a tantrum thrower at all and could be reprimanded with just a look and a soft talking to about how what she did was wrong. She was compliant, contrite and seldom had to be told twice, even as a toddler. I decided that the "terrible twos" and strong willed rebellious children were because of poor parenting skills, and that if other parents just knew how to handle their kids properly, they would be as easy to handle as my daughter was. Then came along daughter #2. Let me just say, "oy" We had to learn a whooooole other parenting method to get through to her, and it was a long haul getting her strong will and hard-headed attitude turned in the proper direction. What worked amazingly well with her sister, didn't begin to even phase this one. quote:
LOL That sounds so much like my older sis and me! Perhaps a 2nd child phenonmenon?
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 8/18/2007 12:45:36 PM
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joyfulnoise
Posts: 6
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: Miami
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quote:
I used to believe in no spankings since I was seldom spanked myself. But my DD could throw temper tantrums for a couple of hours using the P.C. methods. So her dad decided that we would spank. By golly, that took care of those temper tantrums. There are temper tantrums, and there are rages. I have a 9yo son with autism who does both; when he was littler, I did try spanking him in calmness as an attempt to deal with his horrible tantrums. BOY did that backfire. Just telling him that I was about to spank him would throw him into a rage and he resisted physically with all his might. I pulled two rib muscles one time just trying to wrestle him away. Spanking typically threw him into a complete, outraged fury. I don't think it hurt as much as it made him completely defiant and indignant that I would impose upon his person in such a way, and created a huge chasm of mistrust between us. I know now that the Bible tells us not to draw our children's wrath, but I didn't know that then, and seriously regret listening to people who said spanking would help his behavior problems.
The only other authority figures in his life, i.e. grandparents and dad, are permissive to a radical degree (my parents believed in NO disclipine AT ALL, not even loss of privilege) so the spanking further set me up as "The Bad Guy" aka the sole disciplinarian in our family, and made him resent me tremendously. It's something that we are just now starting to heal from. He still has a lot of anger toward me. Keep in mind, I did not beat him at all, just spanked his bottom. If I were to ever get married and have more children, I would adamantly not spank. Even if done "in love," which to me is a contradiction in terms since we don't hit people we love, I think it can sometimes do more harm than good.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 8/19/2007 9:30:07 PM
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wallflower1996
Posts: 71
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From: USA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
quote:
My dad took off his belt and we got a strap on the bare bum. But I honestly don't think it was very effective.
I can imagine.  That kind of spanking shames the child and remembering back to when I was a kid, I can totally see how it would have prompted anger and rebellion. My husband had a similar experience with his mother's method of spanking.
However, we do it differently, and it is effective. It is not in the same category as hitting or physically venting frustration.
I also got spanked on the bare bottom as a kid, and although I felt ashamed it didn't create any rebellion as far as I can recall. I just remember that it made the punishment more of a deterrent.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 11/3/2007 3:01:24 PM
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HomeSpunLady
Posts: 1204
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From: Lovely Pennsylvania!
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So tell me, how does one discipline a toddler going through that usual phase of self will and defiance? I thought I would be an advocate of spanking and I am, but not for me. I already have issues with anger and I know spanking is not for me to do. I feel bad everytime I do it and I'm not even sure I am doing it right. She doesn't seem to grasp abstract ideas such as, taking things away yet. So what do I do? I'm getting frustrated. I beginning to think her bad behavior is my fault!
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 11/3/2007 3:19:07 PM
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salsadip
Posts: 290
Joined: 9/27/2006
From: my avatar is Lily Allen
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quote:
ORIGINAL: HomeSpunLady
So tell me, how does one discipline a toddler going through that usual phase of self will and defiance? I thought I would be an advocate of spanking and I am, but not for me. I already have issues with anger and I know spanking is not for me to do. I feel bad everytime I do it and I'm not even sure I am doing it right. She doesn't seem to grasp abstract ideas such as, taking things away yet. So what do I do? I'm getting frustrated. I beginning to think her bad behavior is my fault!
It is easy to expect a kid to get it when they have been told no to something but the attention span of a very young child is so short plus they get frustrated as they don't understand why, but i would say tight boundaries are essential even when you don't hit them. I would try physically picking a child up and removing them from the situation, also keeping a tight routine will help, so it doesn't allow much time for wandering kid looking for something to fiddle with, lol.
Pick times when everything is quiet to praise them alot and reward them heaps when they do what it is you want them to, even with a star chart or something like that. There are so many reasons why a kid might be behaving in a way you don't want them to, tiredness, headache, frustration etc i hope the sugestions are a bit helpful in some way.
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I am soooo thankful that her attitudes and rebellious streak didn't carry through into the pre-teen and teenage years. God was merciful!
) She just said that she chooses NOT to spank, and chooses to do the other method.
