|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
Asking someone out from a church - 11/23/2008 3:36:46 PM
|
|
|
ekserekseez
Posts: 693
Joined: 7/3/2008
Status: offline
|
I don't know if this is the right forum to post this in. If not, please let me know.
I don't go to church except with my folks sometimes for midnight mass on Christmas Eve, otherwise haven't been for years. A couple of months ago I went with a friend to someone's baptism, which was apparently a church service held in a house (they used the swimming pool for the baptisms). There was sort of a party afterwards, and several young ladies invited me to their church.
I decided finally to take them up on their invitation and went to a service today. It was a pretty big church, very different from what I went to as a kid (I was raised Catholic). I wasn't much into the music and there was almost no art or any real service, just singing and sort of spontaneous prayers, not the ones I learned in chapel. And then a really REALLY long sermon.
Anyway, afterwards, several ladies began paying me a lot of attention. This has happened to me before, I think because I stand out (I'm almost 6'6" with bright red hair). Anyway, here's my question: In a church like this, is it cool to ask girls out? Some of the women seemed interesting and were attractive, and I wouldn't mind dinner or a movie or whatever with one or more of them. I don't want to be really rude though, if this type of church looks down on asking girls out while you're hanging out before or after the service.
Any advice would be welcome. Thanks!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/23/2008 4:38:21 PM
|
|
|
shemaromans
Posts: 3751
Joined: 3/30/2007
Status: offline
|
Hello, ekserekseez. Nice to see you outside of the Election threads. :)
As far as I'm concerned, it depends upon the women, not the church. What are these women like? Would they all want to date the same man? Perhaps you might consider getting to know them better and focus on one at a time?
Sometimes, some women *attack* the new single male visitor. Great for the guy but not so great for the women if the claws competitive natures emerge. Plus, you might discover that they're not interested in you, per se, but more in who can score a date with the newbie, especially if the single men are slim pickings. Make sense?
But since you don't want to offend anyone--which is thoughtful--you could suggest a group lunch post-service and see where it goes from there. You might get a better response that way.
Hope that helps!
Out of curiosity, what was the REALLY long sermon about?
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/23/2008 5:37:27 PM
|
|
|
ekserekseez
Posts: 693
Joined: 7/3/2008
Status: offline
|
Hi shemaromans!
Thanks for the response. It seemed like the single men in this church were all hanging out in a group and pretty much ignoring the ladies. I think that I'll take you up on your post-service group lunch idea and see what evolves from conversation.
Thanks for the advice!
PS: The really long sermon was about hiding a lamp in a basket. I have to confess I sort of zoned out.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/23/2008 5:39:51 PM
|
|
|
Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6041
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: shemaromans
Hello, ekserekseez. Nice to see you outside of the Election threads. :)
As far as I'm concerned, it depends upon the women, not the church. What are these women like? Would they all want to date the same man? Perhaps you might consider getting to know them better and focus on one at a time?
Sometimes, some women *attack* the new single male visitor. Great for the guy but not so great for the women if the claws competitive natures emerge. Plus, you might discover that they're not interested in you, per se, but more in who can score a date with the newbie, especially if the single men are slim pickings. Make sense?
But since you don't want to offend anyone--which is thoughtful--you could suggest a group lunch post-service and see where it goes from there. You might get a better response that way.
Hope that helps!
Out of curiosity, what was the REALLY long sermon about?
I was thinking the same thing about the attack of the church ladies. 
Great idea, Shema, about the group lunch idea. Make it open to all the singles in the congregation and see how many show up. It's a great start.
But even better is to get involved in the church. A single male coming into the church who starts dating girls may be looked upon suspiciously by the elders. If you're involved and known by a few regulars, you'll have a much easier time.
_____________________________
<-- When did Hollywood go from classy to 'cheap & easy'?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/23/2008 5:59:05 PM
|
|
|
shemaromans
Posts: 3751
Joined: 3/30/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy
But even better is to get involved in the church. A single male coming into the church who starts dating girls may be looked upon suspiciously by the elders. If you're involved and known by a few regulars, you'll have a much easier time.
That's a good point, GnM, but I don't think that would deter the women, especially given Esk's description of the single men. Sound familiar? :)
Depending upon the women, some of them might be suspicious of the guy. They'd still probably meet for the group outing, though.
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/23/2008 6:04:09 PM
|
|
|
zoebob
Posts: 8875
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: offline
|
I would hope that these ladies would wait to get to know you and discover if you are really a Christian before accepting a date. Most Christians believe in not dating those who aren't.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/23/2008 6:04:39 PM
|
|
|
shemaromans
Posts: 3751
Joined: 3/30/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: ekserekseez
Hi shemaromans!
Thanks for the response. It seemed like the single men in this church were all hanging out in a group and pretty much ignoring the ladies. I think that I'll take you up on your post-service group lunch idea and see what evolves from conversation.
Thanks for the advice!
PS: The really long sermon was about hiding a lamp in a basket. I have to confess I sort of zoned out.
You're welcome, Esk. I'm glad I could offer an idea. Please let us know it goes over.
I'd say that most of us zone out from time to time on Sunday mornings. Unfortunately, I did this morning while playing the piano. 
Hiding a lamp under a basket...Good stuff! Matthew 5, Mark 4, and Luke 11 in case you want to read what you zoned out on. :)
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/24/2008 2:23:14 AM
|
|
|
ekserekseez
Posts: 693
Joined: 7/3/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
I would hope that these ladies would wait to get to know you and discover if you are really a Christian before accepting a date.
I'm pretty much a lapsed ex-Catholic. I'll have to find out if that counts!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/24/2008 2:24:19 AM
|
|
|
ekserekseez
Posts: 693
Joined: 7/3/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
Hiding a lamp under a basket...Good stuff! Matthew 5, Mark 4, and Luke 11 in case you want to read what you zoned out on. :)
I don't know this one. I'll ask my mom to look it up when I see her Monday.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/24/2008 3:20:41 PM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: ekserekseez
quote:
I would hope that these ladies would wait to get to know you and discover if you are really a Christian before accepting a date.
I'm pretty much a lapsed ex-Catholic. I'll have to find out if that counts!
Does that mean that you're now a Catholic again?
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/24/2008 4:56:54 PM
|
|
|
ekserekseez
Posts: 693
Joined: 7/3/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
Does that mean that you're now a Catholic again?
That's pretty funny! I'm not much of anything now as far as religion. My parents are pretty hard-core church types, my sister is some sort of New Age-type wicca witch priestess something-or-other, her son (my nephew) currently goes to Catholic school but is quitting that soon.
Anyway, I asked my mom about the lamp and basket thing, and she said that she new the story but would ask monsignor what it meant (that's normal for her).
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/24/2008 6:05:06 PM
|
|
|
Psalms274
Posts: 2246
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
|
quote:
Anyway, I asked my mom about the lamp and basket thing, and she said that she new the story but would ask monsignor what it meant (that's normal for her).
Basically what Jesus is talking about is the light that shines through those He has a relationship with ... there is just something different (in a good way  ) about people who have a genuine walk with Christ. There are plenty out there who call themselves Christians, yet when you look at their life and lifestyle is no discernible difference then those who would not call themselves Christians.
But to those who are "His children" He gives this something special ... "a light." It is useless to hide a light under a basket, in the same way it is useless to hide that something special from those we meet. He wants us to make a difference in the lives we touch ... and the only way to do that is to let others see Him working through us so that they can see "our good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
Clear as mud?
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
Linus, my dog, little Kaleigh and Sally!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/25/2008 2:15:27 AM
|
|
|
ekserekseez
Posts: 693
Joined: 7/3/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
Clear as mud?
No, I think I get the gist of it. Thanks!
Mom did ask monsignor, and he said it meant something about taking sacraments or something.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/25/2008 4:27:29 AM
|
|
|
Clark08
Posts: 11
Joined: 10/14/2008
Status: offline
|
I have wondered the same thing.
A few weeks ago, I visited a new church after not attending anywhere for a while. Afterwards, I met a nice young lady who told me she had recently begun attending.
So, being male, I wondered what would be the proper way to approach this lady and enquire of the possibility of a casual date, express an interest in getting to know her. I do not KNOW for certain of her status, only that she does not wear a ring, and said she had moved to the area only recently, and was not attached (hanging with or onto) to any other person at the church.
On one hand, I prefer not to make a fool of myself, having not known her long and not knowing much about her life. On the other hand, it's not likely we would ever get to know one another sitting across a room of a couple hundred people during the church service.
So what might be a prudent way to approach such a person?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/25/2008 5:41:02 AM
|
|
|
ekserekseez
Posts: 693
Joined: 7/3/2008
Status: offline
|
I've taken the group approach: I asked nine women if they wanted to have dinner with me after their church service next Sunday! Eight said yes and one said no because she only "courted," something I'm unfamiliar with, but appears to mean an old-timey date with chaperones or something.
I guess the "checking to see if their single" part never occurred to me. I assumed if I asked a woman out in what appears to be a conservative church, and she said yes, then she was probably free to go out.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/25/2008 1:19:34 PM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: ekserekseez
I've taken the group approach: I asked nine women if they wanted to have dinner with me after their church service next Sunday! Eight said yes and one said no because she only "courted," something I'm unfamiliar with, but appears to mean an old-timey date with chaperones or something.
I guess the "checking to see if their single" part never occurred to me. I assumed if I asked a woman out in what appears to be a conservative church, and she said yes, then she was probably free to go out.
Do they all know it's going to be a group meal or will you have eight very upset women at the table? If it's a group you should also invite some guys so it doesn't look like you're recruiting a harem.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/25/2008 1:30:06 PM
|
|
|
ekserekseez
Posts: 693
Joined: 7/3/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
Do they all know it's going to be a group meal or will you have eight very upset women at the table? If it's a group you should also invite some guys so it doesn't look like you're recruiting a harem.
I made it obvious that there would be other ladies present. Didn't think about the harem look; it sort of amuses me! I'll invite some guys too then (a couple anyway). That's probably a good idea on your part. I don't want them to feel like I'm competition moving in on their territory. Although, as I said before, the 20- and 30-something single guys in this church all pretty much hang out with each other, sort of like extended high school. This still strikes me as a little weird.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/26/2008 2:12:34 AM
|
|
|
ekserekseez
Posts: 693
Joined: 7/3/2008
Status: offline
|
So I texted and emailed around and got three guys to go with us (do all non-Catholic churches have directories of members like this? Convenient!). So it will be myself, three dudes, and I think nine ladies for dinner/lunch/whatever you call eating after church on Sunday.
The guys actually seemed to be really glad to be asked to go. I was pretty upfront with them as to my motives (getting to know some women a little better prior to asking one or more out). They seemed to think it was a good idea.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/26/2008 3:16:05 AM
|
|
|
OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2958
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: ekserekseez
quote:
I would hope that these ladies would wait to get to know you and discover if you are really a Christian before accepting a date.
I'm pretty much a lapsed ex-Catholic. I'll have to find out if that counts!
Not to most dedicated, conservative, protestant christians, it doesn't. Eskerekeez, I am not trying to be rude to you, but please be careful..these girls may be getting excited, not realizing that you and they don't share the same core beliefs. To dedicated christians, they are commanded not to be unequally yoked. I do see that you have, for some reason, visited a church which may mean you are seeking answers, and I do pray that you come to have a vibrant relationship with the Lord..but please make it clear to these women where you stand..they may be thinking you are on the same page as them spiritually, when you may not be.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/26/2008 7:14:49 AM
|
|
|
ekserekseez
Posts: 693
Joined: 7/3/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
but please make it clear to these women where you stand..they may be thinking you are on the same page as them spiritually, when you may not be.
Dear OneOfHisJewels:
I promise you that I have been EXTREMELY upfront re: my intentions, beliefs, etc. with these ladies. I appreciate your concern, and have a mother who raised me to always be upfront with women. I have many MANY failings, but misrepresenting my intentions to women is not one of them.
I understand and deeply respect your concern for women not being deceived.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/26/2008 9:40:58 AM
|
|
|
zoebob
Posts: 8875
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: offline
|
Yes, I believe most protestant churches do have directories of regular attenders. Any church I have attended does.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/29/2008 2:53:12 AM
|
|
|
Clark08
Posts: 11
Joined: 10/14/2008
Status: offline
|
Sounds like a good way to meet lots of women at the same time.Is this dinner at your house or a restaurant? Can I come?
You have some serious balls to ask that many women to dinner at the same time. :) Good on ya, mate!!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/29/2008 2:56:22 AM
|
|
|
Clark08
Posts: 11
Joined: 10/14/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
If it's a group you should also invite some guys so it doesn't look like you're recruiting a harem.
One of the best lines I've read in quite a while!!!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/29/2008 5:18:42 AM
|
|
|
ekserekseez
Posts: 693
Joined: 7/3/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
Sounds like a good way to meet lots of women at the same time.Is this dinner at your house or a restaurant? Can I come?
I'm going to foot the bill at a nice place mid-town. You want to come? Are you in NYC?
I'm looking forward to it and think it will be a lot of fun for all concerned.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Asking someone out from a church - 11/29/2008 7:40:04 AM
|
|
|
mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12079
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
|
quote:
I'm going to foot the bill at a nice place mid-town. You want to come? Are you in NYC?
Where were you when I lived up there? 
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
