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What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/22/2008 11:45:09 AM
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Grace-N-Mercy
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I was just reading the following sentence: "'Complementing' means bringing different perspectives, talents, abilities, experiences, and other gifts to the relationship and forming a partnership." Sometimes, in my own insecurity, I may say that I don't have much to bring, though I'm sure I do -- I just don't always see it. So this is an exercise for us to see what characteristics we have that are useful in a healthy relationship.
For instance, one might have business skills, the other may have artistic skills. One might be good at seeing the problems in a new opportunity while the other might be good at finding the opportunities. All of these facets help the couple work together as a team.
There are areas of "completeness" that marriage cannot provide. It's a given that marriage is not designed to "complete" a person, that we must become complete, in Christ, before becoming married.
I just want us to take a look at our areas of strength. This is not about being boastful or prideful, but a genuine reflectiveness of our abilities to bring something to our future relationships.
_____________________________
<-- When did Hollywood go from classy to 'cheap & easy'?
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/22/2008 4:02:10 PM
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Tashilein
Posts: 210
Joined: 9/30/2008
From: Belgium living in Bahrain
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Does being a blonde count?  
No, seriously... a nice smile.  Well, I have been given this compliment quite a bit at work as outside work. Just on my recent trip I was told this. Ok, he was the captain sitting in uniform as a passenger in First. We had a set of crew as passengers cause they were having just over minimum rest before working the flight back to Bahrain. We were having a conversation later on in the hotel and he said that there are crew who don't smile when approaching a passenger, so he was pleasantly surprised when I came to him with genuine smile (there are crew with the lovely fake smile but I just can't do that) and saw I was the same to other passengers.
Mommy-material. Well, I have been told I'm kinda like mother goose during my times as a nanny though I felt more like a chicken without a head running around the plane, making sure I've greeted all the kiddies and all the babies have their own seatbelts and around the correct body part. I've seen a mom putting the infant seatbelt around the baby's neck. I'm very focused on safety, not just regarding the kiddies but all passengers. And I have gone soooo out of my way a few times in helping a family with a sick child who couldn't keep anything down during an 8-hour flight. I've made a mother speechless by surprising her son with piece of cake and ice cream as it was his 6th birthday and he wasn't so happy cause he hadn't be able to give out goodies for his birthday to his classmate and celebrate cause of all the planning and packing for the trip. And after landing the captain let him come to the flight deck for some pictures. She had no idea how to thank me for that and on top of that her daughter was sick and has asthma and I told her we carry medicine and oxygen and told her to press to call button several times so we would know she had an emergency with her daughter and I would inform the rest of the crew. So.... I've been told I would make a good mommy cause I care and worry so much, though maybe I am a bit overprotective. But the thought of letting my kids sit without a seatbelt in a car and stick their heads out of the window or jump around in the car (like I see here sooo much)... I would never forgive myself if something bad happened.
Caring and affectionate. I like to take care of someone I care about through small things like making lunch for work, a hug (regardless who sees it). I've seen my dad trying to give my mom a hug, but she can't do it. She never saw her parents being affectionate cause she lost her dad in a coal mining accident when she was 5 years old. My grandma had to take care of 5 children by herself. I can understand that, but I can't go without a hug. I want to show my future hubby my love for him not just by saying it by giving a hug or just being in his arms even when he's watching some sports' game I'm not interested in.
Listener. I'm not much of a talker, I prefer to listen.
Oh... I actually like to iron.
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/22/2008 4:10:33 PM
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Prairiehiker
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quote:
Listener. I'm not much of a talker, I prefer to listen.
This is one quality that I have.
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/22/2008 11:07:42 PM
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John_O
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I'd have to provide a list of references and let them descirbe me. If I relied to this thread the OH would get tired from kicking me.
(Ouch. Oh come on I'm trying to behave here. What was that for? Just in case?!)
(See what I have to put up with?")
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/23/2008 8:09:34 AM
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ShallbeRebuilt
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Poor John_O...always hounded by the OH...
John, I'd be glad to oblige you and post your good qualities but then someone might banish me to the flirt thread...
I didn't think I had any good qualities either, then a certain poster who will remain unnamed but who seems dogged with a familiar named OH pointed out some qualities I hadn't thought of.
Unfortunately it turns out that while they are very wonderful qualities (to be named hereafter), guys in my demographic don't want those qualities--or those are not enough. They want those PLUS others, such as physical beauty and youth (pretty unrealistic--if you want all the experience and good qualities, there's a certain amount of wear and tear you'll have to put up with). John himself admits to this mindset, though he's slightly out of my demographic.
He made the point that no man marrying me would have to worry about me being a good wife or mother: I have proven these things over 28 years. I had a wonderful marriage which produced 4 marvelous, God fearing children (IN SPITE OF MY LOOKS, I might add--and my ddh was a discerning and happy man): children which I have raised by myself for the last 10 years.
If I do say so myself, this points to an unimaginable amount of grace on God's part, but also to a rather long list of qualifications for marriage that God has built into me. One would have to deduce from these evidences that I am
...responsible
...personable
...persevering
...kind
...submissive in a balanced way
...loving in all aspects of the concept
...supportive
...godly
...industrious
...creative
...relatively positive and hopeful in outlook
...active
...somewhat intelligent
...a good listener
...probably a good cook
...not a bad housekeeper
...probably brush my teeth and put on deoderant every day.
Ok...maybe that last doesn't necessarily follow, lol!
I also have friends and family who love me and like to be around me. By this it can be deduced that God has enabled me to be
...kind
...understanding
...caring
...fun
...loyal
And though he'd have to actually ask around to find out, a fellow could easily discover that I was exclusively faithful to my ddh, and that I've been celibate since his death 10 years ago. From that he could discern that God has enabled me to be faithful.
As I said, however, I may get an A in everything else, but I get a D- in looks and age...and that apparently disqualifies me.
Meh. Go figure.
But I would like to point out to you others that you have more qualities that you think you do!!
And that's the main emphasis of this post, in spite of the fact that it is focused on me, haha.
shallbe
< Message edited by ShallbeRebuilt -- 11/23/2008 10:53:05 AM >
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SHALLBE’S BATTY BELFRY
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/23/2008 9:53:51 AM
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skreyola
Posts: 2204
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I have the ability to see things from multiple points of view.
I have, in some areas, patience (though not in others).
I learn quickly.
I have a romantic mind.
I am inventive.
I don't like talking about myself (i.e., "me" isn't my default subject when the conversation lags).
I am determined to keep God above my future wife.
I am creative.
I can fix many computer problems (and am therefore good at troubleshooting, which is helpful in a relationship).
I am a good listener.
I am faithful/loyal.
I guess that's enough for me to say. I don't like to toot my own horn.
Shallbe: Out of curiosity, would you consider a younger man, if he had no problem with your age/looks?
< Message edited by skreyola -- 11/23/2008 8:39:26 PM >
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/23/2008 10:04:00 AM
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Grace-N-Mercy
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Y'all are coming up with some great qualities... I'm impressed!
For those of you who are still scratching your heads wondering what your own qualities are, think of things other people have said to you, whether or not you believed them or wanted to accept them. What do other people like about you?
And for the record, I'm still working on my list; but the deadline for my paper is looming.
_____________________________
<-- When did Hollywood go from classy to 'cheap & easy'?
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/23/2008 10:49:48 AM
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ShallbeRebuilt
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quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
I have the ability to see things from multiple points of view.
I have, in some areas, patience (though not in others).
I learn quickly.
I have a romantic mind.
I am inventive.
I don't like talking about myself (i.e., "me" isn't my default subject when the conversation lags).
I am determined to keep God above my future wife.
I am creative.
I can fix many computer problems (and am therefore good at troubleshooting, which is helpful in a relationship).
I am a good listener.
I guess that's enough for me to say. I don't like to toot my own horn.
Shallbe: Out of curiosity, would you consider a younger man, if he had no problem with your age/looks?
I think I would, Skrey, but the circumstances would have to be fairly special. I have couple friends where the man is younger than the woman, and they have a strong marriage, so I know it's possible.
For one thing, I am at an odd age for being matched up. Men my age or younger are often still interested in and capable of having children: but I am not. Therefore in taking up with a younger man I would be taking the chance of depriving him of that opportunity. He'd need to be sure that God was calling us to be together and realize what he'd be giving up.
For another, I have had a lot of experiences in my life. Men my age or younger may not have had all the ups and downs that I have had, and may or may not be able to relate. In building a relationship with a younger man, there would be the challenge of maturity. I need a man who is stronger and wiser than I--if that can be found in a younger man, then no problem.
I have adult children and also teen and pre-teen children. This would require a certain amount of parenting skill or experience that a younger man may or may not have.
With those caveats in mind, I would accept a man younger than I.
I haven't met any men younger than I who have those qualities. I sincerely doubt there are men younger than I and single who would give up the opportunity to have a good-looking, younger wife.
Even so, I believe it would be somewhat unwise to think of building a relationship with a man very much younger...I'd say 3 years would pretty much be the limit.
Why do you ask?
shallbe
_____________________________
SHALLBE’S BATTY BELFRY
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/23/2008 11:08:41 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12079
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From: west coast of FL
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Qualities - interesting thought - can I get out my resume? LOL
God-fearing
Strong
Tenacious (in a good way)
Logical (almost to a fault)
Dedicated
Loyal (again, almost to a fault)
Intelligent (again, it's almost a fault, as most men seem turned off by it)
Leader, when necessary
Willing to ask for help when necessary
Love being part of a "team"
Adventurous (loves to travel)
Serving - loves to do things for others (especially relating to disasters)
Inquisitive (loves learning new things)
Supportive
Honest
Friendly
quick with a smile
artistic through my photography
Not sure if that's what you're looking for, but it's what I came up with off the top of my head.......
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/23/2008 2:07:48 PM
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shemaromans
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God has given me the following qualities:
* lover of His word
* a peaceful and joyful spirit
* good listener
* some say wise
* a critical thinker that can understand and evaluate multiple perspectives
* can find a silver lining in any circumstance
* talented musically
* both a teacher and a lifelong learner
* believe in interdependence, not co-dependence
* youthful demeanor
* good cook, if enough time is available
* faithful/loyal/100% committed to whatever it is I commit myself, once I commit myself
* appreciate the simpler things in life
* enjoy serving others
That's difficult to write, GnM. :)
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/23/2008 2:48:37 PM
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Prairiehiker
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Wow, I don’t know why I struggle to put down the good qualities I have on paper. I know them in my head, and I don’t doubt the good qualities that I have to offer, but to actually articulate them…..it’s tough. Now, you got me wondering if I actually believe my good qualities, lol.
The first thing I can think of is that I’m the most loyal/faithful person I know to the people that I allow myself to get close to. I’ve observed this time and time again.
Second is that I’m very loving to the person that I’m loyal to. I’m also very honest even though it doesn’t sound like it. I believe that honesty has to be tapered with discretion, and I always think about the feelings of the person before I speak truthfully. How should I say….the Lord has taught me how to truthfully loving, or lovingly truthful.
I have both seriousness and goofiness. I’m such a goofball, but it only comes out when I feel safe with people. Otherwise, I’m all about the serious stuff.
I can see most sides of the story, and I’m very diplomatic. I should be the secretary of state, lol, but I don’t think we have that position here in Canada.
I’m adventurous and spontaneous, as long as I have all the big things in life all ironed out, then the world is my play ground. I’m very young at heart.
I am always open to learning new things, so if my mate has different interests from mine, he can bet that he’ll be able to drag me along to do his things.
I take care of myself physically and emotionally.
I am a mediocre cook, mediocre housekeeper, good money manager (I’m a bean counter, so I have to be), good provider.
I’m easy to talk to in person….online can be like pulling teeth, lol. I"m more of a listener than a talker, but you can't tell that by the length of this post, 
I always see the positive things in people…sometimes a little too much and I can be easily deceived.
I’m gentle with people that are suffering, but can be crude with arrogant people.
And the last and probably the most important quality I have is I’m a follower of Jesus and try to live life under his direction. I think he has given me a good heart, but he’s still working on a lot of junk that I’ve put in there along the way.
I asked my daughter this and she came out with a truckload of qualities. She said that I’m exciting, and fun, and adventurous, and goofy but can be too serious at times, and that I’m a very good cook, and very good with kids. There you go folks….straight from the mouth of babes.
Edited to add this tiny little compliment that i received from my kid. As we were driving home from church this afternoon, my kid told me that she hopes that she grows up to be like me. Wow, that's somethign you don't hear from your preteen. Normally, they want to be as different from you because you're so uncool. But she said it without me soliciting any compliment. We weren't even talking about this particular thread. So, I feel good!
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 11/23/2008 3:06:16 PM >
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/23/2008 5:45:21 PM
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SamsonUSA
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Often it seems the best qualities I see displayed by Godly people they aren't even aware they possess due to the humble spirit they have been blessed with. I believe the number one quality we should bring into a relationship is just being ourselves. If we do so and are drawn to someone that wants to get close to us despite our shortcomings I'd leave it up to them to share what qualities they saw in me that led them to want to be with me in the first place.
_____________________________
Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/23/2008 6:01:53 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6041
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SamsonUSA
Often it seems the best qualities I see displayed by Godly people they aren't even aware they possess due to the humble spirit they have been blessed with. I believe the number one quality we should bring into a relationship is just being ourselves. If we do so and are drawn to someone that wants to get close to us despite our shortcomings I'd leave it up to them to share what qualities they saw in me that led them to want to be with me in the first place.
This is the whole purpose of this thread. I know that I struggle with a poor self-image and don't always see positive qualities in myself, though I can easily list off a number of negative qualities. It just brings tears to my eyes to think of the number of times I've been "myself" with people only to have them turn away in rejection. So I want this thread to be a place where we can look in the mirror and see ourselves as God and others see us, no matter how difficult it is to write. So far, I've seen several beautiful "portraits" of very different individuals, yet their individuality shines. I can also see beautiful/handsom qualities in other people who haven't yet posted (and I hope they do, though I'm not going to embarass anybody).
ETA: I was reading this waaay too quickly. Samson, we don't know you well enough yet to know all your qualities. Give us a glimpse... what have others said about you?
The most constructive feedback we can receive from others is about how they perceive us. It's usually much different than how we perceive ourselves.
One thing that stands out in my memory is the time I told a supervisor that I used to sing in the choir. He stopped in his tracks and asked me why I didn't currently sing. I gave some lame excuse, and he said that's a shame, that others may be missing out on what I had to offer. That impacted me, and soon I joined the choir and orchestra. A few years later, my church was performing in his church at Christmas time and I was playing flute. It made me smile to think back on that conversation and how it made me change a behavior.
Another time I was going through a deep depression, even though I was surrounded by friends and a supportive youth group (this was many moons ago). The pastor told me that I was basically the leader of the group, and I couldn't comprehend it because I saw myself pretty low on the totem pole... I was more awkward and more socially inept than the rest of the people there, so how could I be the leader?
My son likes for me to fix things for dinner that I think are rather bland. My co-workers come to me on certain issues rather than our supervisor. On the other hand, I may spend a lot of time working on one aspect of my life to make it more attractive to others, while certain people don't find that attractive at all.
In my reading this week, I saw the story of a man and wife who had gone in for counseling. He asked her to tell a certain sports story. The counselor interrupted and asked the guy why a sports story... he didn't like sports. He just grinned and said that he liked the way she told the story. He liked hearing her perspective, the way she sees the world. She had no way of knowing beforehand that would be attractive to him. And yet he was fascinated. How often do we shut down areas of our lives because we think nobody would be interested in hearing that? Where does that come from? Has someone told us that we are uninteresting? That "nobody cares" (oh, how many times I heard THAT phrase growing up [not from parents of course, but other people])? Just a few thoughts.
< Message edited by Grace-N-Mercy -- 11/23/2008 7:13:50 PM >
_____________________________
<-- When did Hollywood go from classy to 'cheap & easy'?
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/23/2008 6:49:12 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 4238
Joined: 2/11/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy
I was just reading the following sentence: "'Complementing' means bringing different perspectives, talents, abilities, experiences, and other gifts to the relationship and forming a partnership." Sometimes, in my own insecurity, I may say that I don't have much to bring, though I'm sure I do -- I just don't always see it. So this is an exercise for us to see what characteristics we have that are useful in a healthy relationship.
For instance, one might have business skills, the other may have artistic skills. One might be good at seeing the problems in a new opportunity while the other might be good at finding the opportunities. All of these facets help the couple work together as a team.
There are areas of "completeness" that marriage cannot provide. It's a given that marriage is not designed to "complete" a person, that we must become complete, in Christ, before becoming married.
I just want us to take a look at our areas of strength. This is not about being boastful or prideful, but a genuine reflectiveness of our abilities to bring something to our future relationships.
I may come back and share my list of qualities, I would bring to a relationship. However, the thing that stood out to me in the OP is Complimenting each other. It is interesting that in my dating relationship before I got married, I was looking for my opposite. I thought that My weaknesses would be his strengths and vise versa. I kinda found that in my husband and it worked well. (mostly)
Now, however, I am looking for sameness. I want us to be in a similar place in life and enjoy the same things. Isn't that weird. I guess I'm just not the same person I was 20 years ago.
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/23/2008 7:49:45 PM
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rgod
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Hmmm ... neat thread. These are the things I usually hear people say about me. People are so nice though - so I don't think they really mean all of them, and I don't agree with them all. I do think that a couple of the strongest things I can bring to a relationship are - diplomacy (I know how to handle situations fairly well - but only by the grace of God), steadiness (I don't fly off the handle often), peacefulness, the ability to see things from different angles, flexibility, gentleness, comfort and encouragement. I think my husband will be pleased with me - and I am being very careful about who I will say yes to. I too am looking for both similarities and differences - but mostly, I'm looking at man's heart. I'm talking to someone right now who says he is impatient - I haven't seen evidence of this yet, but I believe him when he says that. I probably wouldn't do well with someone who is like that - so we probably won't be going much farther ...
Anyway - here is my list.
Outgoing and friendly
Takes initiative
Dependable
Good Listener
Diplomatic
"Really a nice person"
Peaceful
Smart
Articulate
Genuine
Compassionate
Loves God "Seeks hard after the Lord"
Gracious to others
Helpful
Giving
Humble (Guess, I'm not being humble right now though ... but these are things that I hear from others).
Encouraging
Good singer
"Cool" (but really I'm pretty square ... see I don't even know the new hip word for "square" ... or for "hip")
Usually happy
Sometimes quiet
Can keep a secret (discrete)
Sweet (I always, always, always get this from just about everyone I know)
Good at discerning the character of people
Approachable
Nice smile, nice legs, nice eyes (I don't consider myself pretty though - I'm ok).
Easy to get along with
Funny
Adventurous and daring (cause I'm always doing something new ...)
Notice that good cook is not on that list. lol! But hey ... no one has died from my cooking ... that I know of ... yet ...  .
< Message edited by rgod -- 11/23/2008 7:59:05 PM >
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/23/2008 8:30:36 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3273
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quote:
Notice that good cook is not on that list. lol! But hey ... no one has died from my cooking ... that I know of ... yet ... .
Rgod, Um....no one has died from your cooking........but has anyone been hospitalized?
quote:
For what it's worth, everything I posted has been mentioned to me by at least two of my close, God-fearing relatives and friends--with the exception of being able to find a silver lining in every situation.
I'm checking my list to see which ones were directly mentioned to me by my closer friends, and acquaintances, and which ones were just my not so humble assessment of myself.
Well, let's see....I think the greatest compliment I ever get is from my best friend, and I know for a fact that even though she's very positive, she won't tell me anything that she doesn't believe is true in her mind. In the 20 years that I've known her, she's always told me that if she were a man, she'll marry me anytime, lol. It sounds funny, but it has the most serious thought behind it. We've had numerous fights, but we've always managed to rise above it. Despite that, she tells me things about me that I don't even believe myself, and I don't think she says those as manipulation tactics....like in self help books style of complimenting people.
ALso, my daughter's dad, after all the ugliness of the legal battles were over, he said to me that he respects me. And it's somehow evident in how we relate, though it still gets pretty annoying at times. Receiving the respect of your "enemy" is a compliment one will always treasure and I certainly do.
From my daughter always comes the biggest compliments. Just the last few months, she's always mentioned that I've never had a date since her dad and I split up. That was years and years ago. She's never seen me with any man other than with male friends. She's only met one man that I seriously dated, and even then, it was under the disguise of a friendship. I consider that a compliment in how I handle the testimony that I show my kid about how I conduct my dating life.
Most of the compliments I get are about being compassionate and having a heart for people.
But trust me, I have a lot of qualities that are not so good, lol. Should we make a thread for this?
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/23/2008 8:37:42 PM
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skreyola
Posts: 2204
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: U.N.C.L.E.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ShallbeRebuilt
quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
Shallbe: Out of curiosity, would you consider a younger man, if he had no problem with your age/looks?
Why do you ask?
Just as I said, out of curiosity. Your reasoning is well thought out. I'm sure there are men like that, but you're right that they would be rare, indeed.
I'm just always interested in challenging people's reasoning. I'm contrary, that way.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: What qualities do you bring to a relationship? - 11/23/2008 8:42:56 PM
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skreyola
Posts: 2204
Joined: 1/28/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy
Y'all are coming up with some great qualities... I'm impressed!
For those of you who are still scratching your heads wondering what your own qualities are, think of things other people have said to you, whether or not you believed them or wanted to accept them. What do other people like about you?
And for the record, I'm still working on my list; but the deadline for my paper is looming.
Oh, now that is interesting... I have a paper on my wall from when I did the Disciple I study. Here is what they said about the "gift of" me, for better or for worse:
Reader; Knowledgeable; Passionate; Speaker; Stubborn; Challenger; Opinionated; Knowldege of Self; Prophet (in the sense of one who speaks for God); Server; Apostle; Ministers; Dependable; Orthodox; Called.
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-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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Luckily that rarely happens
