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[Poll]
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Who's Gotta Ask First?
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| The Man, always |
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| The Man, sometimes |
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| The Woman, always |
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| The Woman, sometimes |
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| Either one |
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Total Votes : 38
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(last vote on : 12/18/2008 4:34:14 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/19/2008 12:45:52 PM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2886
Status: offline
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I thought it would be fun, not to get into a fight, but to see who you think should ask the other person out first!
I personally want the guy to, because then I know he is a pursuer and will lead the relationship. This is something that I just recently realized though. So, what's your opinion?
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/19/2008 1:03:40 PM
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Tashilein
Posts: 210
Joined: 9/30/2008
From: Belgium living in Bahrain
Status: offline
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The man. I'm just a chicken when it comes to asking a guy out and I actually like it if certain things happen the old-fashioned way where the guy takes the lead
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/19/2008 1:09:32 PM
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FunBetty
Posts: 7534
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Dr Pepper Country
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I used to be in the far extreme camp "the man must do the asking, all the pursuing, yada yada..."
However, I learned that it never hurts to display a little interest 
_____________________________
Fun Betty's Therapy Centre and Cheesecake and Cookie Shoppe
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/19/2008 3:20:27 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8649
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LabGuy
quote:
ORIGINAL: FunBetty
I used to be in the far extreme camp "the man must do the asking, all the pursuing, yada yada..."
However, I learned that it never hurts to display a little interest
Yes, sometimes we guys need a clue-by-four to the back of the skull to alert us to possibilities. 
(Other times a few well-aimed rocks are enough.)
After that, I lean more towards us guys taking the lead. (In more of a stepping up and taking responsibility way, not a "Ha ha I'm in control" way, if that makes sense.)
-Robb
Oddly enough, that made perfect sense. 
I have no problem expressing interest in a man, but when it comes to dating, then he really needs to step up and do the asking. If he can't even ask me on a date, how can I expect him to take over as Alpha Wolf in my house?
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/19/2008 3:24:23 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
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I wanted to say the man always but I could not. I had to say either. You ask why I could not? M asked me out on our first date. I took the lead for the next 19 years but she did ask first.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/19/2008 3:57:25 PM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2886
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
quote:
ORIGINAL: LabGuy
quote:
ORIGINAL: FunBetty
I used to be in the far extreme camp "the man must do the asking, all the pursuing, yada yada..."
However, I learned that it never hurts to display a little interest
Yes, sometimes we guys need a clue-by-four to the back of the skull to alert us to possibilities.
(Other times a few well-aimed rocks are enough.)
After that, I lean more towards us guys taking the lead. (In more of a stepping up and taking responsibility way, not a "Ha ha I'm in control" way, if that makes sense.)
-Robb
Oddly enough, that made perfect sense.
I have no problem expressing interest in a man, but when it comes to dating, then he really needs to step up and do the asking. If he can't even ask me on a date, how can I expect him to take over as Alpha Wolf in my house?
Perfectly said Tink and Labguy! (Where do I purchase a clue-by-four? Just wondering...LOL!)
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/19/2008 4:02:18 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8649
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jesuschick247
quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
quote:
ORIGINAL: LabGuy
quote:
ORIGINAL: FunBetty
I used to be in the far extreme camp "the man must do the asking, all the pursuing, yada yada..."
However, I learned that it never hurts to display a little interest
Yes, sometimes we guys need a clue-by-four to the back of the skull to alert us to possibilities.
(Other times a few well-aimed rocks are enough.)
After that, I lean more towards us guys taking the lead. (In more of a stepping up and taking responsibility way, not a "Ha ha I'm in control" way, if that makes sense.)
-Robb
Oddly enough, that made perfect sense.
I have no problem expressing interest in a man, but when it comes to dating, then he really needs to step up and do the asking. If he can't even ask me on a date, how can I expect him to take over as Alpha Wolf in my house?
Perfectly said Tink and Labguy! (Where do I purchase a clue-by-four? Just wondering...LOL!)
I have a whole bunch of them over in Andalasia. They've been used but it was well worth it. 
In all seriousness if you feel the urge to walk up to some man and ask him out...pray about it. God won't lead you astray. Since I have been doing that, He has yet to lead me to ask out a man. *shrug* I've been single for a VERY long time...but I haven't asked out a man.
Anyone see a connection? Hmmm....
_____________________________
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/19/2008 4:05:54 PM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2886
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
quote:
ORIGINAL: jesuschick247
quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
quote:
ORIGINAL: LabGuy
quote:
ORIGINAL: Funnest
I used to be in the far extreme camp "the man must do the asking, all the pursuing, yada yada..."
However, I learned that it never hurts to display a little interest
Yes, sometimes we guys need a clue-by-four to the back of the skull to alert us to possibilities.
(Other times a few well-aimed rocks are enough.)
After that, I lean more towards us guys taking the lead. (In more of a stepping up and taking responsibility way, not a "Ha ha I'm in control" way, if that makes sense.)
-Robb
Oddly enough, that made perfect sense.
I have no problem expressing interest in a man, but when it comes to dating, then he really needs to step up and do the asking. If he can't even ask me on a date, how can I expect him to take over as Alpha Wolf in my house?
Perfectly said Tink and Labguy! (Where do I purchase a clue-by-four? Just wondering...LOL!)
I have a whole bunch of them over in Andalasia. They've been used but it was well worth it.
In all seriousness if you feel the urge to walk up to some man and ask him out...pray about it. God won't lead you astray. Since I have been doing that, He has yet to lead me to ask out a man. *shrug* I've been single for a VERY long time...but I haven't asked out a man.
Anyone see a connection? Hmmm....
I might need to borrow one...LOL!
The most forward thing I have ever done is when CR and I first became friends I asked could I have his phone number and it was funny cause he was like-"Mine? or his?" pointing at his friend who all the girls at youth group liked. I was like- "If I had wanted his, I would have asked him for his! Yes, I want yours stupid!" After that we became really good friends! LOL!
I highly doubt that I will ever be lead to ask a guy out, could be wrong, but I doubt it.
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/19/2008 4:28:25 PM
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gal220
Posts: 80
Joined: 7/31/2008
Status: offline
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I say the guy should ask but women should definitely show interest (which I find to be very tricky, but that may be a different issue)...I used to ask guys out all the time but realized my selections weren't very good
I had to learn not to be the pursuer otherwise it was pretty much a doomed relationship from the start.
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/19/2008 5:10:58 PM
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broyce1981
Posts: 2064
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline
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I think if somebody is interested in dating someone they should just ask regardless of gender. I see no harm in either person doing the asking.
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/19/2008 5:12:08 PM
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BlessedAngel1983
Posts: 11774
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: South Carolina
Status: online
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I said either. I am of firm belief in saying "We should get together sometime" when I meet a guy I like. Then its their responsibility to go from there.
< Message edited by AngelInWaiting1983 -- 11/19/2008 5:18:19 PM >
_____________________________
Reflecting with Terri
If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings
AKA AngelInWaiting1983
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/19/2008 5:50:18 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3273
Status: offline
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My position on this is anyone can ask for the initial date, but if the men don’t start pursuing you after the first date, then, it’s better to let him go rather than keep pursuing him. Some men just can’t get the courage to ask, but once you’ve given him that assurance that you’re interested, he will pursue you if he’s interested in you. And at times, you have to ask him out to give him a very clear signal...lol...some men are just clueless.
In my 20s, I never hesitated to ask any man that I found attractive on a date. Even strangers that I’ve met in passing, or men that worked out in the same gym. In fact, my ex (daughter’s dad) didn’t even really know who I was when I asked him to go to a football game. He just happened to work in a bank at the lower level of the building I worked at. I passed a note to his co-worker to tell him to call me if he was interested in seeing a game, and gave him a description of who I was (I’m sure he’d seen me in passing). He called within an hour and agreed to it. It was the best date of my life (though he had no clue about football, lol). And he did pursue me after that.
Now, with my latest crush to be, I might get the courage to do it once I know more about him. IF I do, you’ll all be the second to know, lol.
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/19/2008 9:53:00 PM
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onthewayray
Posts: 54
Joined: 7/23/2008
Status: offline
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Sometimes us guys dont have a clue that there is some chance a lady might like us. I liked a gril back in school but did not think I had a chance at all with her. I saw her many years later yes she was married with kids. We talk for a little and I told her I hade a crush on her in school.She told me she never knew that and wished I had ask her out she said she would had gone out with me. So I think it ok if the lady ask the guy sometimes. Let us know if  you might want to go out with us. If we like you well it helps us know you like us.
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I am still being shaped by God.
Isaiah 64:8
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/20/2008 1:49:09 AM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1520
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LabGuy
quote:
ORIGINAL: FunBetty
I used to be in the far extreme camp "the man must do the asking, all the pursuing, yada yada..."
However, I learned that it never hurts to display a little interest
Yes, sometimes we guys need a clue-by-four to the back of the skull to alert us to possibilities.
(Other times a few well-aimed rocks are enough.)
After that, I lean more towards us guys taking the lead. (In more of a stepping up and taking responsibility way, not a "Ha ha I'm in control" way, if that makes sense.)
-Robb
Yes, but in your workplace, have you not considered what kind of inertial whack a clue-by-four could have on someone? The trauma to the eyeballs smacking into the front of the brain, the swelling of cranial tissue at the point of impact... maybe death by falling forward unconscious and cracking skull open. Pug-nosed for life due to broken nose? Those do not quite deliver the little I-like-you-pay-attention pat that people think they do.
The leader and led positions are great to think about... and then there's the where do you want to go Friday night? Um, I don't know... where would you like to go? Well, why do I have to decide all the time, like I'm some sort of Alpha Pack Leader? You do not, either, why a month ago I picked the place. Oh yeah, I remember that one... one of the lamest times we've ever had eating out. Well, it sure beat the time we ordered and then had to remind our waitress we'd ordered a half hour later!- your pick.
It's probably been touched on... but when all that is figured out, hopefully both SOs can look back on things and consider the present, and how God's been in the lead. I mean, even if there's not one but two collegiate football teams in the picture. Sometimes that's not such a bad thing.
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/20/2008 2:33:35 AM
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skreyola
Posts: 2204
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: U.N.C.L.E.
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
My position on this is anyone can ask for the initial date, but if the men don’t start pursuing you after the first date, then, it’s better to let him go rather than keep pursuing him. Some men just can’t get the courage to ask, but once you’ve given him that assurance that you’re interested, he will pursue you if he’s interested in you. And at times, you have to ask him out to give him a very clear signal...lol...some men are just clueless.
Yes! Thank you. Exactly.
There is an extent to which this popular notion of the woman as sitting demurely waiting for the man to ask her out sends men the signal that they aren't interested. I don't think the person who makes the very first move has any bearing on or indication of how the two people will act in a long-term relationship. The guy who didn't make a move until you asked him if he'd like to take you out? He might be an awesome leader who didn't want to impose on you, or he might have simply not noticed you for various reasons but still makes an awesome mate. The guy who came right up and asked you out with confidence and smoothness? He might turn out to be a man who can't lead anyone but wanted a wife to fill a slot in his life, or who asked every woman he met until he found one who said yes and later turns out to want her to lead in the marriage.
So, I stand by my statement that it is the responsibility of whichever person is interested in the other to ask the other out, or at least let the other know that a request to go out would be accepted/not be rejected. Tink is right, by the way; we should pray about asking someone out.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/22/2008 3:00:13 AM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3751
Joined: 3/30/2007
Status: offline
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I know people have asked this question several times, but some of us are slow learners in this area--at least I am when it comes to offering an initial invitation to do something.
How should a woman go about asking the guy without coming across as too forward, too domineering, too bossy?
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/22/2008 5:42:03 AM
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ebony101
Posts: 1077
Joined: 4/1/2007
From: the big blue marble
Status: offline
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I voted man always, I thought that the question referred to asking the big question: "Will you marry me?"
I don't mind asking first though (I've said this countless times before), and many of you have swayed me with your arguments of the man should do the pursuing. But just yesterday I met a male acquaintance on the bus, and if it wasn't for the fact that my bags were heavy and I was looking forward to going home. I would have asked if he'd like to join me for a slice at "Slice of cake" (my name for a neat little store where you can go just for a bite to eat and mild conversation). I really don't see anything wrong with the initial going out, but after that it's all up to Him.
What do the guys think of that?
_____________________________
'We're writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that we do & the words that we say.'
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/22/2008 10:07:56 AM
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TNBelle
Posts: 419
Joined: 10/10/2008
Status: offline
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I think this is a much more complicated question that it appears on the surface. I absolutely believe it is a man's responsibility to pursue a relationship with a woman if he is interested in her. However, every situation is going to be just a little bit different.
When I met my husband, he was a volunteer for a non-profit agency where I was employed. He missed a deadline on a project, apologized, and I told him he would need to take me to lunch to make up for it! It WAS NOT a date, but I certainly wouldn't have said that had he been married or if I wasn't interested in him. After lunch, he asked me out and a few months later we were married! So, I would say that I displayed interest, but he pursued.
Belle
_____________________________
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
~Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/22/2008 11:48:53 AM
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skreyola
Posts: 2204
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: U.N.C.L.E.
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shemaromans
I know people have asked this question several times, but some of us are slow learners in this area--at least I am when it comes to offering an initial invitation to do something.
How should a woman go about asking the guy without coming across as too forward, too domineering, too bossy?
I leave it up to you to decide what is too forward, domineering, or bossy. Here are some ideas:
Straightforward: "Would you like to get some coffee or something?" (Many people consider coffee to not be 'a date')
Playful Sassy: (After some event, positive or negative) "Now you owe me lunch."/"I should buy you lunch to make up for it."
Hinting: "You know, if you were to ask me out on a date, I wouldn't say no."
Vague hinting: (May not work as well) "Hmm... I don't have any plans on Saturday. (What are you doing that night?)" OR "Are you doing anything Saturday?" "Hmm, neither am I." (nudging optional)
Pushy: "I know a girl you should ask out on a date." He asks who? "Me!"
Poetic: "If this girl you tried to charm, your ego would not come to harm."
Symbolic: Hand him a paper plate. He asks why? "It's a coupon good for my company at dinner." (Shouldn't happen, but possible he might think this means Dutch/your treat.)
Sappy: Find a flower with an odd number of petals, give it to him, and suggest he play "She likes me, she likes me not..." with it.
Sporting: Slap down a dollar and say, "I bet this dollar you'll have a good time if you go out with me."
Naughty: Swipe his watch/hat/pen/notebook from under his nose and tell him he can have it back after he takes you to lunch/dinner.
Argumentative: Disagree with him on something, and tell him he can try to convince you of his position over dinner. Whether you agree with him after the meal is up to you and his argument (though if you really don't, don't say you do).
Basically, any show of clear interest should be enough to get a guy who's interested in you to ask you out. Guys don't handle clues and hints well, especially in this day of mixed signals, catty women who toy with men for entertainment, and movies that teach people all the wrong avenues for communication. So you may have to be more forward than prudence would have dictated in years past. Once you have his interest, and he understands your character, you can be more demure and prudent about how you display your feelings.
If you don't like any of these suggestions, be creative. Run your ideas past a guy to check for unintended messages, and then go for it.
I agree that it is best if the guy asks the important questions, ladies, but I think it's monumentally stupid to expect guys to approach you if you give absolutely no indication of any interest in them. Communicate your interest, and the ball's in their court. Refuse to say anything, and they may just be waiting for you to let go of the ball. Don't delay the serve; relationships are about give and take, so this is a good place to start.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/23/2008 2:12:53 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3751
Joined: 3/30/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
I leave it up to you to decide what is too forward, domineering, or bossy. Here are some ideas:
[truncated message]
Thank you, skreyola! I especially appreciate the scripted examples--good modeling of ideas. :)
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/23/2008 2:52:03 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3273
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shemaromans
quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
I leave it up to you to decide what is too forward, domineering, or bossy. Here are some ideas:
[truncated message]
Thank you, skreyola! I especially appreciate the scripted examples--good modeling of ideas. :)
Sherm, I know you didn't ask, but I"ll give you an idea anyway:
You can go up to the guy and say this line, while batting your eyelashes:
Ehem...practice in the mirror first...then go up to the guy and say:
"my hear goes booom...booooom...whenever I see a fiiiiiine looookin' gentleman like you.....why don't you come out for dinner with me sometime."....and say it with a southern drawl, lol. See what happens. LOL.
(by the way, I'm just kidding, hee hee...don't ever try my flirty lines....I only try them on my cat".
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Who's Gotta Ask First? - 11/23/2008 3:10:24 PM
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9drtr
Posts: 1685
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Toronto the Good
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
I leave it up to you to decide what is too forward, domineering, or bossy. Here are some ideas:
Straightforward: "Would you like to get some coffee or something?" (Many people consider coffee to not be 'a date')
Playful Sassy: (After some event, positive or negative) "Now you owe me lunch."/"I should buy you lunch to make up for it."
Hinting: "You know, if you were to ask me out on a date, I wouldn't say no."
Vague hinting: (May not work as well) "Hmm... I don't have any plans on Saturday. (What are you doing that night?)" OR "Are you doing anything Saturday?" "Hmm, neither am I." (nudging optional)
Pushy: "I know a girl you should ask out on a date." He asks who? "Me!"
Poetic: "If this girl you tried to charm, your ego would not come to harm."
Symbolic: Hand him a paper plate. He asks why? "It's a coupon good for my company at dinner." (Shouldn't happen, but possible he might think this means Dutch/your treat.)
Sappy: Find a flower with an odd number of petals, give it to him, and suggest he play "She likes me, she likes me not..." with it.
Sporting: Slap down a dollar and say, "I bet this dollar you'll have a good time if you go out with me."
Naughty: Swipe his watch/hat/pen/notebook from under his nose and tell him he can have it back after he takes you to lunch/dinner.
Argumentative: Disagree with him on something, and tell him he can try to convince you of his position over dinner. Whether you agree with him after the meal is up to you and his argument (though if you really don't, don't say you do).
If none of these work, just sit on his lap. Even the thickest man can figure that one out.
_____________________________
Edwin
When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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