RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or exposed to something of a sexual nature?
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[Poll]
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Have you ever been inappropriately touched or exposed to something of a sexual nature?
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| No |
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Total Votes : 101
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(last vote on : 1/8/2009 7:28:29 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 12:53:24 PM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2886
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((Ellie)) Just let God heal you from the inside out! I love it when we sing the Hillsong "Inside Out" at youth group, it reminds me that God really does heal those who draw close to Him!
I will be praying for you! and Erin!
I don't know if I should say this here but, sometimes I feel like the girl that everyone wants to like and flirt with, but never commit to. It seems as long as they can just use me, they are fine. When it comes to actually being my boyfriend, that's a different story, they always pick someone else. I know someday, God will bring me the perfect guy, I believe that with all my heart, but it's sometimes hard to see that when all I can see is the dark clouds in front of me. Slowly though, I am beginning to see myself as God sees me...Beautiful, Precious, and worthy of someone who truely LOVES me!
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"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 12:58:21 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6187
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: momma_bee
I'm not even going to vote because I don't want to see the numbers.
You know, though it is sad to see the percentage (which, incidentally, just about matches the figure I was already aware of, through my counselling training), there is some comfort in knowing we are not alone.
quote:
I must have been 13, he must have been 15-16. I was staying at my mom's friends house for a week as she has a daughter my age. The fellow was a neighbor/friend to the older brother. He flattered me, sweet-talked me and was inappropriate with me. And, I enjoyed it. I liked the attention. I physically reacted and I didn't think there was anything wrong until I told my friend that night. She told her mom and I really thought it was bragging or something until I TALKED to her mom. Then I talked to my mom (at home) and my mom blamed her friend because she was a 'swinger' and this kid was probably the child of someone that she had been with.
I didn't know what a swinger was, but I found out. It wasn't my fault but shouldn't my mom have been suspect if she blamed her friend afterward? And, what about the young man? He must have had experience because, um, it was all about me. Who taught him that? What did it say about me that I reacted the way an adult woman would?
It always bothered me that it was almost consentual. Granted, because I didn't know better and I was too young to consent. I'm guessing that he was abused in some way as well so while he should have known better, he might have seen it as normal.
And, learning that it was OK to react that way really took some changing on my part.
What you said here, about on some level enjoying what happened, is one of the main areas (if not the main area) that MOST frequently seriously traumatises a molested child/young person, often for years to come. It is also the main area (if not the main area) which most don't talk about (because of being ashamed that, in part, they physically liked the attention and what it physically felt like).
mommabee, our bodies (and minds) are wired to respond to stimulation. It doesn't make us "wrong" to find ourselves responding to attention and touch. God made us capable of sexual response so that we could one day enjoy a physical relationship with our spouses. What happens when a child/young person is molested is that their sexuality is awakened too early, and inappropriately. Just because it shouldn't be happening, doesn't stop the feelings and impulses happening. There was nothing "wrong" with you that your body reacted the way an adult woman would have.
You know, I don't mean to sit here and blame your mum, because she did the best she could with what she had. But, it is the mother's responsibility to educate, prepare and protect her daughters so that they can keep themselves safe. My mother did not do that, even though she herself was molested as a child. I am not saying my mother was a bad person, maybe she just did not know; and as I already said, she did the best she could with what she had. But it was not enough. It was not good enough.
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"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 1:04:55 PM
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BeeLuvsAva
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(((((Erin))))) I can't believe he would say that to you! I know you already said you know it's not your fault, but IT really is not your fault! It is good that you didn't stay with him.
My heart goes out to everyone who has dealt with anything of the sort ( I know I have said it already, but I just can't explain how much I feel for all of you) I really appericaite everyone sharing their storys, it's takes true guts to do that!
((((everyone))))
_____________________________
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
-David Weatherford
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 1:12:25 PM
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Consecrated2God
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From: Formerly Jesus Land
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The scariest part of the stats to me is the fact that I have daughters, and beautiful daughters, at that. I hope and pray they can be in the minority of girls that will never have to face this. I always feel like I can deal with things better when they happen to me than when they happen to my children.
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Bonky
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 1:12:59 PM
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BeeLuvsAva
Posts: 1237
Joined: 10/23/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
What you said here, about on some level enjoying what happened, is one of the main areas (if not the main area) that MOST frequently seriously traumatises a molested child/young person, often for years to come. It is also the main area (if not the main area) which most don't talk about (because of being ashamed that, in part, they physically liked the attention and what it physically felt like).
mommabee, our bodies (and minds) are wired to respond to stimulation. It doesn't make us "wrong" to find ourselves responding to attention and touch. God made us capable of sexual response so that we could one day enjoy a physical relationship with our spouses. What happens when a child/young person is molested is that their sexuality is awakened too early, and inappropriately. Just because it shouldn't be happening, doesn't stop the feelings and impulses happening. There was nothing "wrong" with you that your body reacted the way an adult woman would have.
In many ways that is a relief for me to read, because it has always made me feel guilty,I hated the fact that it was done, and never encouraged it on in anyway, but I couldn't help the feelings. I know that when I did kiss my husband for the first time, it was not his face I saw, but my fathers, and it took me quite awhile after that first kiss, to kiss him again. To this day I still shutter at the memory.
_____________________________
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
-David Weatherford
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 1:19:58 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 3582
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
The scariest part of the stats to me is the fact that I have daughters, and beautiful daughters, at that. I hope and pray they can be in the minority of girls that will never have to face this. I always feel like I can deal with things better when they happen to me than when they happen to my children.
But don't forget your sons. I know a lot of boys that have been sexually abused as well. Too many.
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Please do not PM me about this message, discuss it at the water cooler, or include it in your church bulletins. If you have questions, please keep them to yourself. ~Kerrlaw
W2D1
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 1:25:05 PM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2947
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
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Wow, those numbers are really sad. It's terrible that so many of us have been exposed to this kind of thing.
I voted yes. There was this older guy who used to hang out with us highschoolers. We all went to a party of his at his house (he provided the alcohol and stuff). We were all drinking...I think there were 10 of us kids or so. I think the older guy slipped a couple of us girls some LSD...I'm pretty sure that's what it was. I remember it pretty vaguely, but I remember most of our guy friends were in the living room and most of the girls were in the bedroom with the older guy. He was molesting all three of us. I remember saying no, but I was drunk and high, and I had never been so high on LSD before, I'm thinking he must have given me at least 4 hits. I couldn't really get up. I began having a bad trip and started screaming because I felt like there were bugs crawling all over me, and a couple of our friends in the living room came running in and saw what was going on. Our guy friends ganged up on the older guy I was told later. And, one of our friends drove us girls to his house and his mom helped us get through the high. I never told me parents until I became and adult and moved out.
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-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 1:25:30 PM
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BeeLuvsAva
Posts: 1237
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae
quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
The scariest part of the stats to me is the fact that I have daughters, and beautiful daughters, at that. I hope and pray they can be in the minority of girls that will never have to face this. I always feel like I can deal with things better when they happen to me than when they happen to my children.
But don't forget your sons. I know a lot of boys that have been sexually abused as well. Too many.
I agree, I have see and heard of many boys who have been abused, it is sad and disgusting but very true.
_____________________________
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
-David Weatherford
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 2:25:25 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6187
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae
There were other poor decisions that I reluctantly made to "get along" with family. It makes it hard to separate what is my fault and what isn't.
Ellie-Mae, what makes you think that *any* of it was your fault? You were just a child.
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"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 2:46:38 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 3582
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae
There were other poor decisions that I reluctantly made to "get along" with family. It makes it hard to separate what is my fault and what isn't.
Ellie-Mae, what makes you think that *any* of it was your fault? You were just a child.
I am talking about stuff that happened when I was a teen. On the one hand, I was very pressured and alone, but on the other, it made me very uncomfortable because I knew that much of it was wrong and I wish that I had just refused. I am not sure that it would have done any good, as things always go bad when I don't go along or make waves. It was all very confusing.
I am so glad that I am in my own house with a Godly man who loves me very much. I often feel like Cinderella. The change was so dramatic.
When I was growing up, they said that 2/3 of all girls have been molested. It was heartbreaking because I didn't know any girls that said that they hadn't been at least molested. I don't know why people tell me this stuff. A couple of years ago I had a woman come up to me (that I only have met a couple of times) suddenly blurt out to me that she had been raped as a child. The poor woman was in such pain.
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Please do not PM me about this message, discuss it at the water cooler, or include it in your church bulletins. If you have questions, please keep them to yourself. ~Kerrlaw
W2D1
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 3:04:39 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 5151
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From: Formerly Jesus Land
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quote:
Things have happened multiple times by multiple people.
That's true. Even though I've only mentioned one instance, (the worst) there were other times when something minor in comparison to the worst thing has happened. For example, I was working at a store stocking shelves when I happened to realize a man was kneeling by the stool on which I was standing, looking up my dress. I was absolutely shocked. He went away and I never saw him again, and other than being shaken up I was not harmed, so it doesn't seem worth mentioning most of the time. In comparison to what my step-grandfather tried to do, it doesn't seem like anything.
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Bonky
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 3:14:55 PM
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myka
Posts: 818
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You ladies are wonderful, thank you for being so open about your experiences. I knew that the percentage was high; just from talking to my friends and relatives. They would tell me about their experiences, and even then, I could tell that there were inappropriate aspects to it. It just makes me so sad that so many of us have been hurt like this (yes, I am included in the numbers). It really makes me cautious about who my own kids hang out with. I have even heard from my dh that there are a lot of inappropriate things that boys are exposed to also.
{{{everyone}}}
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 3:25:46 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2296
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This thread is bringing up a lot of old memories that I thought were "dead and buried" but evidently aren't.
These things need to be brought to light, because only in the light can they be healed.
_____________________________
<-- Squirt
A government big enough to give you everything you want,
is strong enough to take everything you have.
....Thomas Jefferson
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 4:14:03 PM
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phosadaud
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From: Washington State
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I must say that you ladies are amazing! You're strength to overcome and "survive" is making me speechless.
I shared in the thread that inspired this, but one of the things about being a woman is that from the moment we are young girls, we spend our lives trying to not be a victim. Everything we do is to avoid this very crime - from where we live to what jobs we take to locking our doors to what time of day we do different activities to who we give our info out to. Sexual assault, whether we have been assaulted or not, controls almost our entire lives. And it's never enough as evidenced by this thread. We still get assaulted, we still get touched, we still get raped. The fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter if you were the most naive person on the planet and did something stupid or even something sinful. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO HURT YOU IN THIS WAY. Ever. Period. End of story. The End.
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~Kristin~
Classified Ads: "Government employer looking for candidates. Criminal background required."
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 4:49:28 PM
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p31woman
Posts: 560
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Texas, and now South Dakota
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Yes. When I was 3 or 4, a 12-year-old cousin attempted intercourse once and exposed himself to me on another occasion. In my early 20's, I was telling my mom about it, and it turns out I'd actually told her back then, I just didn't remember. I don't think she did much about it, even though she'd also been molested by neighbor boys as a young girl, because she didn't want my dad to get too upset. I think I'll call her tonight and ask her about that again, because I don't remember exactly what she said. Anyway, just a few years ago, I told her that it bothered me that my dad had my picture in his wallet *right next* to a picture of that cousin. My dad did take his picture out of his wallet after that.
Those early incidents, unfortunately, led to my going way beyond "playing doctor" or curiosity with different childhood friends.
The 70-something pastor at a church where I worked (I wasn't a member there) would put his arm around my waist and squeeze, until I told him to stop because it made me uncomfortable. Beyond that, I think I've been lucky-- there haven't been any other unwanted advances. Friends have told me that I give off a pretty strong "stand off" vibe, so maybe that helps. It's sad that it's a necessary defense mechanism, and it's easy to be bitter and distrusting and disgusted with men in general.
Needless to say, if we have children, I will be VERY vigilant about where my daughters (and sons) are and whom they're around.
_____________________________
So don't let anyone pass judgment on you in connection with eating and drinking, or in regard to a Jewish festival or Rosh-Hodesh or Shabbat. These are a shadow of things that are coming, but the body is of the Messiah. Colossians 2:16-17
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/17/2008 5:05:43 PM
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elastic
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Joined: 4/15/2005
From: NYC
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
quote:
ORIGINAL: p31woman
Friends have told me that I give off a pretty strong "stand off" vibe, so maybe that helps. It's sad that it's a necessary defense mechanism, and it's easy to be bitter and distrusting and disgusted with men in general.
Needless to say, if we have children, I will be VERY vigilant about where my daughters (and sons) are and whom they're around.
I've been told this too and I chalk it up to the issues I've dealt with in the past. Things in my childhood, teen years, early adulthood, and my marriage.  I actually had such a strong wall up that I couldn't even make friends, let alone date. Now that wall is slowly but surely crumbling, but I'm always on my guard.
this is all too familiar. i have been told by different guys that have asked me out that they almost didn't ask me out because they were intimidated by me, or thought that i just wasn't that interested in them. i think i not only built a wall, but also a moat around it, and filled it with alligators and snakes
there was a time when i dressed all in black and wasn't interested in anything or anyone. i'm kinda glad the internet wasn't around at that time in my life, i would have probably gotten into all sorts of trouble.
my dh is the one i really credit with bringing that wall down. he's been faithfully chipping at it for over 6 years.
_____________________________
"Let's get something straight, kid. The only reason you're still conscious is because I don't want to carry you. " Jack Bauer
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