RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or exposed to something of a sexual nature?
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[Poll]
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Have you ever been inappropriately touched or exposed to something of a sexual nature?
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Total Votes : 101
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(last vote on : 1/8/2009 7:28:29 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/24/2008 1:37:56 PM
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frazzledmom
Posts: 128
Joined: 7/4/2007
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My brother took it upon himself to teach me what boys wanted in preparation for my first co-ed party when I was about 8th grade-ish. Fortunately, it didn't go as far as it could have, but it was far enough that I felt violated. (I think it set me up for a series of broken relationships and a pattern of being used too. )
Sometime in there I also found a stash of pornography. I still remember some of the pictures and graphic letters.
Many years later my brother announced he was gay. A few years after that he announced he had AIDS and he died a few years after that.
I have had a terrible time forgiving myself. Maybe if I had said something to my parents he could have gotten the help he needed. He was obviously a sex addict as a young teen and acting out on me. But at the time he was giving me attention I craved and I did what we wanted me to do-I didn't say anything.
I know the Lord doesn't hold it against me, but sometimes the Enemy still throws it in my face.
Frazzledmom
_____________________________
I hear, I forget.
I see, I remember.
I do, I understand.
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/25/2008 10:56:54 AM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2296
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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quote:
Sometime in there I also found a stash of pornography. I still remember some of the pictures and graphic letters.
I was about 8 or so when I "found" some in Dads drawer.
I too can remember the pictures.
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<-- Squirt
A government big enough to give you everything you want,
is strong enough to take everything you have.
....Thomas Jefferson
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/25/2008 11:47:41 AM
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bootsNspurs_mod
Posts: 851
Joined: 1/24/2007
From: Wisconsin, but currently in the desert!
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quote:
I have had a terrible time forgiving myself. Maybe if I had said something to my parents he could have gotten the help he needed.
Frazzledmom, what happened to your brother was not your fault. You were very young and can't be held accountable for what he did. Look at another young child in 8th grade and see if you would expect out of them in the same situation what you are expecting yourself to have done.
All of us have things that we can look back and say 'maybe if'. It doesn't mean that even if we had done something different that the outcome for the other person would have been any dfferent. We will kill ourselves with 'maybe if's' if we let ourselves... Don't torture yourself like that. Even if you did do something wrong, the Lord has forgiven you.
I struggled for a long time with feeling guilty for not pursuing the issue with when I was abused further. The girl who did it to me was crying out for help... and I wonder if I had pursued it if she would have gotten the help she needed. But I can't expect that of myelf, and even if I had pursued it, I don't know that anything would have been any better for her. I do know that it would have ripped my best friend apart because she would have had to testify also... as she was also a victim.
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You do well to believe in God. Satan also believes... and trembles.
James 2:19 paraphrased
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/25/2008 12:47:22 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3417
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bootsNspurs_mod
quote:
I have had a terrible time forgiving myself. Maybe if I had said something to my parents he could have gotten the help he needed.
Frazzledmom, what happened to your brother was not your fault. You were very young and can't be held accountable for what he did. Look at another young child in 8th grade and see if you would expect out of them in the same situation what you are expecting yourself to have done.
All of us have things that we can look back and say 'maybe if'. It doesn't mean that even if we had done something different that the outcome for the other person would have been any dfferent. We will kill ourselves with 'maybe if's' if we let ourselves... Don't torture yourself like that.
So right that it had to be repeated, Frazzled.
_____________________________
Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/27/2008 2:41:26 AM
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cheeky_monkey
Posts: 159
Joined: 6/18/2008
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Yes. I was inappropriately touched by a family member, date raped by someone I dated when I was 19, and when I worked at Wendy's at the age of 18 a manager followed me into the bathroom and inappropriately touched me.
Regarding the date rape, I do want to add that a year later the guy apologized for what he did. He didn't physically hurt me (physical pain, I mean), so it was easier for me to forgive him and move on.
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/28/2008 11:38:18 PM
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prolifepj
Posts: 724
Joined: 9/12/2008
From: just over yonder
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Ironically - my attacker has been trying to contact me and I don't know - don't care to know why. He's now happily married with 3 children. Even if he wanted to apologize, I'd rather not ever have anything to do with him - period. He was probably trying to make sure I wouldn't say anything to his wife at our class reunion. Hmmm, perhaps I haven't completely forgiven. I was too afraid then - I'm not that weak anymore, if I saw him, I think I'd still have to refrain very hard from decking him.
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Sho nuff honey chile - Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to!
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/29/2008 9:42:04 AM
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prolifepj
Posts: 724
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Facebook and myspace - no, I don't think he wants to apologize. I think he wanted to see if I was attending our class reunion - because he and family were attending.
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Sho nuff honey chile - Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to!
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/29/2008 6:54:17 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3417
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oh, nice. great.
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Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/29/2008 7:46:25 PM
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prolifepj
Posts: 724
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From: just over yonder
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga
oh, nice. great.
yeah - exactly
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Sho nuff honey chile - Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to!
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/29/2008 7:50:17 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3417
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
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I am So Angry about what happened to me. Someone lent me a book and asked me to read it and write notes in it, and I have been. It dredged up so much anger that I had been pushing down, hiding. I have decided that I need to work on this and what happened in the old church much better than I have since leaving it, rather than pretending it doesn't matter while still spewing stuff about that church.
_____________________________
Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/29/2008 10:53:17 PM
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BeeLuvsAva
Posts: 1237
Joined: 10/23/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga
I am So Angry about what happened to me. Someone lent me a book and asked me to read it and write notes in it, and I have been. It dredged up so much anger that I had been pushing down, hiding. I have decided that I need to work on this and what happened in the old church much better than I have since leaving it, rather than pretending it doesn't matter while still spewing stuff about that church.
(((((((Abiyah))))))
I just wanted to let you ladies know that I am keeping everyone in my prayers, you all are such amazing strong women to be able to open up about these things! ((((everyone))))
_____________________________
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
-David Weatherford
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/30/2008 7:17:49 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12079
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
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quote:
I don't think I'm angry anymore. I do, however, remain disappointed in people who've been dishonest with me in an effort to cover things up.
That's my entire family on mom's side. Because of an uncle who molested a cousin when she was very young, he was institutionalized and I never knew he existed! I have family I never knew about - everything was so "hushed", it's not even funny. Thankfully my experience isn't from the family, but, all the secrets in the family lead me to believe that much has gone on. It might be one reason why dad wanted to get us away - I don't know.
I hate secrets!
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When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 12/19/2008 11:46:11 PM
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rgod
Posts: 1775
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Unfortunately yes, numerous times. Several times as a child I was innapropriately touched - I remember flashes but not everything - starting at age 3 or 4 and continuing until I was about 9 (by a family member, a doctor, a neighbor girl). When I was a bit older, there were a couple of peeping toms - one a neighbor boy and another was a family member (creepy) and a couple of times I was touched innapropriately - once by a teacher. I was once half-chased around the room by a different teacher (I was pretty agile and was able to maneuver my way around the room and out of the door) who was notorious for kissing and fondling teenaged girls (this was before we actually knew to tell someone).
As a teen and as an adult, I have had people try to approach me improperly, or hug and kiss me in ways that didn't feel right more times than I can count. About a year or two ago, a really creepy guy seemed like he was trying to expose himself to me, but I didn't stick around to find out for sure. I've only had one brush with being raped as a teenager - but there were so many people in the house that the guy couldn't get away with it.
I'm just writing this on the fly - so there is probably more than I can remember right now. It wasn't until I wrote this though, that I put together several things; my fear of men when I was younger, why I sometimes "lock up" unless it is a man that I trust, why I can be hyper vigilant about touch, and why I have been so closed in the past. Now, I'm much more open, which is good and I thank God for it, but I still think that there are issues that I need to deal with surrounding this. I also realize as I write this, that I have repeatedly been touched innapropriately lots more times than I realized - and that makes me feel like crying  .
< Message edited by rgod -- 12/20/2008 12:22:45 AM >
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 12/20/2008 7:07:39 AM
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CoeurdeLeon
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Joined: 12/30/2007
From: Inside my head
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{{{{rgod}}}} Thanks for being so open.
That's what appalls me, too. That so many of us have had to deal with this stuff from the time we were little children and it's just continued throughout our lives.
I think one of the biggest epiphanies about all this is realizing that I always thought I had to take it. Especially when it's someone older, we don't realize that we are *allowed* to fight back - to say no - to not take it. It's made me have some conversations with my daughter that I wouldn't have otherwise thought to have.
We all need to tell all the girls in our lives...daughters, nieces, granddaughters, the girls in our Sunday School and Bible School classes, every girl we know...that they DO NOT have to take it and what to do if someone tries something with them.
We really need to give them the permission that we never had to do whatever it takes to resist and get away from those who would harm them in this way.
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And if that wasn't funny, there were lots of things that weren't even funnier.
Heller ~ Catch-22
Perspective
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 12/21/2008 9:09:09 AM
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rgod
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
{{{{rgod}}}} Thanks for being so open.
That's what appalls me, too. That so many of us have had to deal with this stuff from the time we were little children and it's just continued throughout our lives.
I think one of the biggest epiphanies about all this is realizing that I always thought I had to take it. Especially when it's someone older, we don't realize that we are *allowed* to fight back - to say no - to not take it. It's made me have some conversations with my daughter that I wouldn't have otherwise thought to have.
We all need to tell all the girls in our lives...daughters, nieces, granddaughters, the girls in our Sunday School and Bible School classes, every girl we know...that they DO NOT have to take it and what to do if someone tries something with them.
We really need to give them the permission that we never had to do whatever it takes to resist and get away from those who would harm them in this way.
Thanks CoeurdeLeon. I wrestled with whether I should write it out or even leave it on here and I've wanted to press the delete button about 20 times already. But it is the truth. I agree with you about the epiphany of not having to take it. It is something every child, especially our girls (but also our little boys too) should learn.
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 1/7/2009 12:07:22 PM
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lynnmoon
Posts: 282
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I’m joining this discussion way late and way backwards too, apparently!!!!
I saw the other thread first and responded to that several days ago and then I happened upon this one yesterday and decided that I wanted to read it too. I’m going to respond first because 240 posts is a lot of posts and I don’t want to forget my initial thoughts. But I do plan to read the whole thread because I suspect it’s quite interesting. So, if I say something that someone else already said please forgive as I am posting blind.
The thread caused me to connect several things that I’d never considered before; which is ironic given what I posted in the other thread about healing from abuse. I think I’ve always assumed that most people to have had similar sexual exposure (sans the outright abuse part) but as I take inventory for this response I do hope that this is not the experience of the general population.
Anyways, inappropriate exposure is rampant from what I can remember. I probably have had so much of it that I’ve long since forgotten some situations.
Aside from the big situation of abuse from my dad, which is the only real instance that I considered abusive, there has been countless other inappropriate exposures.
Porn- I’ve never NOT been exposed to porn, if that makes sense. In my father’s house, there is porn, period. You will see it. I don’t know how deliberate it was, but it certainly wasn’t a hidden thing. Mags were around. They would fall asleep on movies, so they just kept playing and if I went into the living room I’d see it on anytime. Again, looking back now, I’ve been a bit naive in a lot of things and maybe it WAS more deliberate than I imagined. I didn’t always live with my parents, so I wasn’t exposed consistently, but I’ve been with them off and on forever so it’s been there forever.
Older Kids/ Young Adults taking inappropriate liberties- The school bus was a place of much experience when I was younger, so much so that I’ll probably NEVER be comfortable with my child riding a school bus even if he does switch to public schools. There are just too many kids and too few adult eyes available to supervise. In K, 6th and 7th grades, I lived in a small town and all the kids K-12 rode the same bus. Another situation asking for disaster. Cute and early developing girls were regularly molested by boys. And age didn’t matter so much. If you looked womanly enough and some jerk had failed 12th grade 3 times you could potentially have a 20 year old messing with an 11 year old. Many time me or my cousin or friend have ridden to school in an awkward or inappropriate position/ situation for the entire ride. I knew it wasn’t right but didn’t know exactly how to avoid it or who to tell. One of my lifelong solutions has been to be as plain and drab as possible and to draw as little attention to myself as possible. Of course, that leads to people making fun of you in other ways, but if I had my preference I’d rather be made fun of for looking like an old lady once I got to school than to be “selected” as a target while on the way.
Other Relatives- I had a creepy adult cousin who would call my grandma’s house from time to time asking if I would do strange stuff. It did amount to a warped adult carryover of the little boys wanting to see your underpants or private parts. I never dreamed of doing it, but I didn’t tell either and I do wonder if he ever convinced anybody to do it....and what the consequences were if so.
Those were the more memorable situations. I’m sure there were plenty of other one time things that just were too minor to stick in my mind. Grabby guys are nothing new to me!! And I do think it’s common. I wasn't the only one on that school bus or the most targeted.
_____________________________
Lynn
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 1/7/2009 7:10:18 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3417
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
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Mentioning school buses, I shall never forget the day I had to teach my little girl how to fight. A boy on her bus needed her to learn that, because the bus driver didn't give a hoot. The next day, she beat him to a pulp on the bus because he touched her again -- and got in trouble for it!
Through time, it seems that women have been chattel and pawns, and when they stand up for themselves, it works certain people into a tizzy that is completely unfathomable to me.
_____________________________
Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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) - for whatever reason this kid always treated me well even though I couldn't stand him because of how he treated my friends. Other girls weren't as lucky. The good news? The girls in my class wouldn't stand for it and reported him. The school administrations response? Move the offender to a different class. 
