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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 11:30:11 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23494
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
Also, I think the forum that you've met in plays a consideration in determining romantic interest or lack thereof. I'm on the fence with this, PrairieHiker. I partly agree with it and partly don't. The "don't" aspect being this very folder - The Singles folder of this forum. It is expressly stated that this folder is not to be used as a pick-up joint (paraphrased). However, there are many people who come to this folder hoping specifically to find someone.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
Since i only communicate with very few people from the opposite sex in these forums, I take their communication as friendly bantering and have never taken them to mean they are interested. I don't blur the lines either. If one goes out of line, he'll certainly hear about it! I can imagine visiting them if the opportunity arises, but again, there's no romantic interest there. What I've bolded is absolutely excellent!
:: Now, I have to go finish getting ready for homechurch, as my ride will be here in a few minutes.
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 2:37:07 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 2246
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
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You know the debate here reminds me of another ... the one found in 1 Corinthians 8 where some of the believers were bothered by the eating of meat that had been sacrificed to the temple gods, and others thought it was no big deal because the "gods" worshiped at the temple were not gods at all.
quote:
So then, about eating food sacrificed to idols: We know that an idol is nothing at all in the world and that there is no God but one. For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many "gods" and many "lords"), yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.
But not everyone knows this. Some people are still so accustomed to idols that when they eat such food they think of it as having been sacrificed to an idol, and since their conscience is weak, it is defiled. But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do.
Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.
In the last three and a half years since I have popped in and out of this forum, the atmosphere has changed. When I first came there was very little "flirty" types of interactions, but rather a lot of building up of one another. In the last few years there have been those who have met here and have sense married, and the forum has attracted a few who are indeed hoping to find someone, despite the fact as White Rose Blessing stated: " It is expressly stated that this folder is not to be used as a pick-up joint (paraphrased)." The focus in the last few years has shifted to include more to threads about "techniques" on how to meet others and how to be a good wife/husband for when that time comes. Those types of threads will attract people who are lonely and hoping, and therefore more vulnerable. Especially when they are aware that there have been couples that met their life partner here.
Because of this, I believe everyone here needs to be mindful of how there interactions with the opposite sex can be perceived by that individual. We are told in 1 Cor. 8 not to become a stumbling block to others. Our actions in this area can lead to the hurt and defilement of another, regardless of whether you are aware of any hope on their part. No one can say, "But I didn't know they didn't understand I only meant a platonic relationship," because we are to be mindful that we are not all in the same place ... which means some are quite vulnerable, and hoping for more ... in fact some are hoping for more and do not even recognize it in themselves.
It is vitally important to communicate clearly ... which may mean to loving SPELL IT OUT to be sure you are on the same page. I would also admonish everyone to be careful of your interactions on the flirt thread ... you do not know whether the person you are "practicing with" is vulnerable (and they may not even know it themselves) and therefore susceptible to hoping for more in those interactions. The line, "But this is just a game thread meant for practice and fun ... everyone knows that," does not excuse you from becoming a stumbling block for anther brother or sister in Christ. Seek God in all your interactions ... ask for His discernment and wisdom when you are not sure. I have seen some people get very, very hurt by some of the interactions that have occurred on this forum.
I have no doubt that it is possible to meet someone from the opposite sex as a friend only. But both need to be on the page with this, and it is important to seek God's guidance in those interactions AND to communicate very clearly about the boundaries of that relationship.
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I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
Linus, my dog, little Kaleigh and Sally!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 2:37:43 PM
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HoosierMusicLover
Posts: 129
Joined: 10/3/2008
From: Where I hang my bootstraps :)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
However, there are many people who come to this folder hoping specifically to find someone.
Really??? This is the first time I hear of this. I guess being the lone Canadian in this forum, the thought never occured to me. I know there's been a couple who have met here so I guess it's not impossible to meet someone from the singles forum.
I leave my love finding in trails and bookstores, lol,  where I can see and interact with them in person.
I'm with PH on this one, I'm of the opinion there is just too much you miss in not seeing body language and reactions. There can be some wonderful conversations with online forums, but some things just do not translate thru a keyboard. Besides, then I'd miss my weekly trip to Borders to browse the books, DVD's, and pretend to flirt when I'm really not flirting with anything but the idea of running away and hiding!
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Lord, come quickly.
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 3:27:58 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17768
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Just Outside of Boston
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Just a side note outside the current discussion, when I started this thread I had no idea that it would end up being 4 pages long in less than a day and a half.
Now back to the topic.
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 3:36:52 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17768
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Just Outside of Boston
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit
Just a side note outside the current discussion, when I started this thread I had no idea that it would end up being 4 pages long in less than a day and a half.
Now back to the topic.
Because you asked a loaded question that requires much wisdom .
Dare me to make it 5 pages and I'll pour out all my wisdom in this thread, lol.
Hi PH, I did not realize that the question was so loaded. I could have just as easily started this thread in She Says but not gotten as many responses, at least not this soon anyway.
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 6:29:58 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3273
Status: offline
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quote:
In the last three and a half years since I have popped in and out of this forum, the atmosphere has changed. When I first came there was very little "flirty" types of interactions, but rather a lot of building up of one another. In the last few years there have been those who have met here and have sense married, and the forum has attracted a few who are indeed hoping to find someone, despite the fact as White Rose Blessing stated: " It is expressly stated that this folder is not to be used as a pick-up joint (paraphrased)." The focus in the last few years has shifted to include more to threads about "techniques" on how to meet others and how to be a good wife/husband for when that time comes. Those types of threads will attract people who are lonely and hoping, and therefore more vulnerable. Especially when they are aware that there have been couples that met their life partner here.
So, as far as the Singles forum goes, I've been blessed by what I read or my interactions with forum members many times in the year that I've been here. I've been hurt as well, but I've also offended people many times, and I've apologized many times. Just like in the real world, it’s a learning forum. This forum has served as a social hang out for some of us who can't always find the time to be out there due to personal responsibilities. I interact with the rest like the way I do in person--sometimes goofing around, sometimes serious, sometimes encouraging, sometimes weeping with them, sometimes rejoicing and at times, being just plain obnoxious (most of the time, I don't know when I'm being one, lol). And at times, a little harmless bantering can lighten up someone’s spirit more than a triple dose of bible verses can. Because, it’s about connecting, and knowing that somewhere, someone out there hears you.
One thing we do need to be mindful of, and I've said it in other posts before, is that most people that comes in here is looking for some form of human interaction that they are not getting in real life and not necessarily about finding a life partner. We're here to form some connection in some measure or another. Though a lot of us will most likely never meet face to face, always remember that a lot of people are baring their soul to us at times, and we should be mindful of what we say because we have the power to bless them or crush their spirits.
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 9:14:53 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
Because I can not for the life of me fathom why anyone would travel to see some one they were not interested in. Life is far far too short to waste the time traveling for some one who will not be a permanent part of my life. (Remember that I do not believe a married man should have single female friends or married female friends that are not primarily his wife's)
John, it's the boat It's a chick magnet! Cause i want to ride in your boat! Is that so hard to understand???
Now that I can understand (Who wouldn't travel miles to ride a cool boat like that?). It's looking like I'll be able to host another GT next summer if folks are interested. Come on down.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 9:21:16 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17768
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Just Outside of Boston
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Yeah, I would like to be there again, are you looking at early June?
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 9:21:59 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12079
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
Because I can not for the life of me fathom why anyone would travel to see some one they were not interested in. Life is far far too short to waste the time traveling for some one who will not be a permanent part of my life. (Remember that I do not believe a married man should have single female friends or married female friends that are not primarily his wife's)
John, it's the boat It's a chick magnet! Cause i want to ride in your boat! Is that so hard to understand???
Now that I can understand (Who wouldn't travel miles to ride a cool boat like that?). It's looking like I'll be able to host another GT next summer if folks are interested. Come on down.
Yes, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 9:25:18 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17768
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Just Outside of Boston
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And Lisa, will you be organizing it again? 
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 9:25:37 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
John and Samson:
If a person tells someone that a trip can be made without any underlying romantic interest (or even hope of possible romantic interest); and up to that point, you have always believed them to be honest, why would you choose to not believe them on that particular point? I am specifically speaking of two friends who have private conversations; and in the process, a trip is planned for the two of them to get together.
Because it makes no sense whatsoever. It would be like they had suddenly gone insane. Why travel to see someone who you are not interested in?
quote:
However, if a person IS honest and tells another person that an upcoming trip to meet them is platonic and the hearer chooses not to believe what is being told to them, then the responsibility is the hearer's for when things get messy - because they were told the truth but chose not to believe it.
If I'm not interested in them I would never let them come visit. Why invest the time in a temporary at best situation?
quote:
See . . . not every single person is on a "relentless search" to find someone. However, I sometimes get the impression that some of the single people who are on such searches do not believe what I have just said.
They are non-related issues. Some people are not looking for a mate. I can understand that. What I don't understand is why anyone would travel to meet someone they are not interested in.
quote:
quote:
ORIGINAL: SamsonUSA
If these people will stop putting all of their trust in Him and stop seeking the Holy Spirits guidance to lead them to a life partner what makes you think they are going to listen to you when told your interested in a friendship only relationship with them? Samson, "these people" of which you speak are you and John . . . based on your previous posts in this thread. You have both indicated that you would not believe a woman if she told you she had no romantic interest, but wanted to make a trip to meet you.
I'm sorry Shar-Mar but you cannot count me in that. I put all my trust in God and follow the Holy Spirit. I figure He'll have to bring her to me cause I haven't a clue how to find her.
quote:
What makes me think that someone is going to believe me when I tell them I have no romantic interest in them but yet want to take a trip to meet them?
If it were not in a group setting (GT for example) I'd meet that statement with either disbelief or deep suspicion. As I said, the very concept of going to meet someoen I wasn't interested in is beyond me.
quote:
I'll be very happy to tell you . . . what makes me think it, is I expect grown adults to take me at my word when I say something. I expect that if I and another person have made plans to meet that we have talked extensively, openly and honestly and that both of us are mature people. If they choose not to believe me when I tell them I am not romantically interested in them, that is not of my doing; that is their's.
And you have to take into account their ideas too. For example, if you said you were coming to meet me in a only platonic way I would not believe you because your actions (coming to meet me) scream interest. No matter how hard I try I just can't see it any other way.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 9:27:16 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
You don't have to understand something to believe it when someone tells you something about themself. You can still choose to believe that someone is telling you the truth.
But their actions speak otherwise. This would be exactly like someone telling me they liked me an awful lot but every time I saw them they spit on me.
Sure they say they like me but their actions speak louder than their words.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 9:27:47 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12079
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit
And Lisa, will you be organizing it again?
unknown - and not the topic of this thread.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 9:32:45 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
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Good post 80 Psalms.
MODs, need some stars here.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 9:34:14 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12079
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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sorry, can't help any more......
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 9:34:32 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
Also, I think the forum that you've met in plays a consideration in determining romantic interest or lack thereof. I'm on the fence with this, PrairieHiker. I partly agree with it and partly don't. The "don't" aspect being this very folder - The Singles folder of this forum. It is expressly stated that this folder is not to be used as a pick-up joint (paraphrased). However, there are many people who come to this folder hoping specifically to find someone.
While it is true that this forum is specifically described as not being a meet market, it is also true that anytime you put a bunch of single people together (where some of them are looking for mates) you will have a meet market. It's totally unavoidable.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 9:45:06 PM
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SamsonUSA
Posts: 1055
Joined: 10/5/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
Also, I think the forum that you've met in plays a consideration in determining romantic interest or lack thereof. I'm on the fence with this, PrairieHiker. I partly agree with it and partly don't. The "don't" aspect being this very folder - The Singles folder of this forum. It is expressly stated that this folder is not to be used as a pick-up joint (paraphrased). However, there are many people who come to this folder hoping specifically to find someone.
While it is true that this forum is specifically described as not being a meet market, it is also true that anytime you put a bunch of single people together (where some of them are looking for mates) you will have a meet market. It's totally unavoidable.
Well my friend it appears our particular viewpoint is in the minority here. I have shared my opinion and will now move on and share my views in other threads. I pray that none of our brethren get hurt traveling to see " just friends " they met online.
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Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 9:48:12 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 4238
Joined: 2/11/2008
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While I would never make a trip specifically to see a man I was not interested in, if I was already going to be in their area, for an entirely different reason, I see no problem in meeting up for coffee.
If a man said they wanted to come for a visit, I would automatically think he was interested. But again, If he was going to be here on business anyway, I think it would be fun to meet up for coffee.
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 9:53:14 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17768
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Just Outside of Boston
Status: offline
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Now what if they were coming to your area just for vacation instead?
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RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 9:57:13 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17768
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Just Outside of Boston
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
quote:
ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit
Now what if they were coming to your area just for vacation instead?
I would still meet for coffee. After all, it is just coffee.
Very true!
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