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Attending weddings - 11/14/2008 7:23:35 PM
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stimulus
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I've got to go to a wedding tomorrow. And another next month. And another early next year. I also attended two weddings, plus a reception for another couple, in the last few months.
When you go alone, how do you handle questions about your lack of a relationship? Awkward moments like the bouquet toss? Any advice on attending weddings as a single?
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/14/2008 7:41:27 PM
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shemaromans
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Answering questions? I just answer them honestly--haven't met anyone that I want to spend the rest of my life with--then I navigate the conversation elsewhere.
Bouquet toss? Always conveniently in the restroom. 
Advice for attending weddings as a single? Just enjoy yourself and celebrate the happiness of the couple. You're there for them, not yourself.
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/14/2008 8:06:50 PM
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Pauley464
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From: Washington, Indiana
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I agree shemaromans, be honest with the inquiries about your relationship status and enjoy yourself. If you've been invited to the event and are expected to be there then you will be among friends. Have fun.
I was at a wedding once and when it came time to toss the brides garter to the single guys in attendance, I stepped out into the middle of the room ready to enjoy this custom with all the other single guys. Except I found myself standing there alone. I discovered, to my extreme discomfort, that I was the only single guy there. I decided to handle it with humor and announced to all that I would be "...really embarassed if I don't catch the garter." Everyone laughed and the party went on to the enjoyment of all, including myself.
Go to the weddings, have fun, eat alot of cake, drink alot of punch, dance with the single guys, oooh and aaah over the wedding gifts and when it comes time for the bouquet toss, step out there and tell the other single ladies that you've been practicing your 'jump shot'. But if the bouquet toss makes you uncomfortable, do what shemaromans suggested and hide in the ladies room.
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/14/2008 8:44:36 PM
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broyce1981
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The best way to answer stupid questions is with a stupid answer. For example.....
Q:Why are you still single?
A:All the women I meet have really bad taste in men.
Q:When are you getting married?
A:The 32'nd of next month
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/14/2008 8:47:32 PM
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Ninjaearth
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From: Hyattsville, Maryland
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Hmmm....
I"m attending one tomorrow for two friends of mine that are tying the not after a year of meeting each other (pretty quick too; he proposed to her earlier this year). I wasn't going to go, although I reserved my spot, because my gf just broke up with my last week and I didn't want to be in a place that made me think of love. A wedding is the last place I want to be right now, but I am still going to go because my friends would welcome my support. Besides, I will be among others as well, as it has been said. So, that will be comforting, but I don't know how I will handle it. I'm still dealing with some other stuff, just over the past few months, and right now I just feel like nothing matters anymore, although I am still moving forward with my life. Nevertheless, a wedding is a wedding and support should be solid. I just hope not to really talk about what's been going on for the past week tomorrow; I would rather just focus on the reunion of friends as well as a new union between two friends.
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/14/2008 10:04:42 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pauley464
I decided to handle it with humor and announced to all that I would be "...really embarassed if I don't catch the garter." Everyone laughed and the party went on to the enjoyment of all, including myself.
wow you think fast! that is really funny line :)
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/14/2008 10:39:02 PM
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FunBetty
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I don't like the bouquet toss. The last wedding I went to I left before they did a bouquet toss. 
Otherwise, I don't mind going to weddings. It's a great celebration of love and commitment.
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/14/2008 11:11:23 PM
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John_O
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Most folks who would invite me know my situation, but should someone ask my ready reponse is "I'd love to be married, who do you have in mind?"
Garter toss. I just don't do that. I'd hate to embarass all the young bucks by beating them at the game.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/15/2008 12:01:33 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shemaromans
Advice for attending weddings as a single? Just enjoy yourself and celebrate the happiness of the couple. You're there for them, not yourself. THIS is excellent!
quote:
ORIGINAL: Pauley464
I was at a wedding once and when it came time to toss the brides garter to the single guys in attendance, I stepped out into the middle of the room ready to enjoy this custom with all the other single guys. Except I found myself standing there alone. I discovered, to my extreme discomfort, that I was the only single guy there. I decided to handle it with humor and announced to all that I would be "...really embarassed if I don't catch the garter." Everyone laughed and the party went on to the enjoyment of all, including myself. THIS is wonderful!
It's only been recently that people have started asking me when I'm going to get married again (or if I'm dating anyone, etc.) . . . and only from a couple of people with whom I am very good friends, and not often; just maybe once or twice . . . and no one at a wedding has ever asked me that ("ever" as in I'm guessing at least the past 20 years).
People ask me how I'm doing, what I'm doing . . . things like that, but they don't make hints at when I'm going to hook up with someone. The exception: if I'm talking to someone I've never met, they might innocently ask me if my husband's here, or something similar. To which, I just smile and simply say, "I'm not married". I then will ask them something about themselves.
I tend to ask people a lot of questions about themselves; i.e., their current project that recently made the news, what their kids are doing, etc., etc.
I don't go to that many weddings, but I really love them. I love seeing people gathered to celebrate a new union of a man and a woman. I cry every time I see the groom look at the bride for the first time as she's coming down the aisle . . . I practically bawl if I see the groom's eyes tear up. I'm never watching the bride's entrance; I'm always watching the groom. It's such a blessing to me to witness such pure love.
The tossing of the bridal bouquet . . . I don't participate in this. If someone tries to get me to join the other ladies during this event, I will simply smile and say, "No thank you." If they are insistent, I smile again, excuse myself and walk away go find someone else to stand near.
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/15/2008 1:33:51 PM
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makarizo
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that vid was hilarious!!!!!!!!
it didn't' show all the single men chasing after her when she walked out, but I am sure it happened.
I hate going to weddings, but if I mentally prepare myself for the dorky comments and questions, it goes well.
the last wedding I went to, at the reception, an ex girlfriend from a long long time ago, came up to me, held my hand, pressed her body against me and told me she couldn't believe I have never married, that I was a good man, and that she wished she would have ended up with me. (guessing she is not happily married)
nothing could have prepared me for that!!
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/15/2008 3:20:01 PM
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Focusing
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quote:
an ex girlfriend from a long long time ago, came up to me, held my hand, pressed her body against me and told me she couldn't believe I have never married, that I was a good man, and that she wished she would have ended up with me. (guessing she is not happily married)
 Where was her husband??
Apparently you were not with the girl from the video! She would have taken her out. LOL
I enjoy weddings. I like to see how a couple in love gazes at each other. It makes me smile.
Receptions, well, that's a whole other story. Weddings tend to bring out the goofiness in others and thinking everyone should get married and live happily ever after. Most people aren't going to ask me such a nosey question, but occasionally somone does (even without there being a wedding), and I usually answer that it's up to God. I'm not in any kind of a hurry, so it doesn't bother me.
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Instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend. That would be giving as the angels give.
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/15/2008 3:37:31 PM
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makarizo
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quote:
Where was her husband??
being alone carries a much higher level of meaning in that situation.
her husband was at home having alcohol issues.
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/15/2008 5:44:48 PM
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stimulus
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Good news - the wedding went well. It was pretty, and I am really happy for my friends. I knew tons of people there, which I knew I would. The couple met at our church and have both attended there for years.
I worried about this wedding more than any other (I've hardly thought about it before), which says more about my sudden insecurity as a single than anything else. I know the bride some, but the groom, best man, and a groomsman and I have spent many nights eating dinner after service together. I was around as they casually planned the bachelor party, yet I didn't go to the bride's shower.
Moreover, the groom and his gal, the best man and his fiance, and the groomsman and I often go to dinner together after Sunday services. Yet, the groomsman and I aren't dating. I was afraid that would get really awkward today, as there have been a few weird moments lately with the wedding planning. But thankfully, there were plenty of other people to hang out with, and I didn't even talk to the groomsman.
It all worked out, and of course, it wasn't about me. I am excited for my friends. :)
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/15/2008 6:02:59 PM
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HoosierMusicLover
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Sounds like a great time stimulus!
Can't say I wouldn't feel the same way, had a simliar feeling lately about my singlehood, but most of my friends are married so I don't see myself going to any more weddings. The only REAL single friend I have lives on the other side of the country, and I flew out to see him earlier this summer. Not sure I could afford another trip at this point as much as I'd love to see his wedding (if he ever met someone as well). But I guess I just don't think about it anymore since it doesn't seem to be a possibilty. The last time I had ample invites to weddings was also right after I'd been dumped, 3 weddings in 4 months... what a quarter!
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/15/2008 7:44:38 PM
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Prairiehiker
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Whether it's a wedding or anywhere else, when someone asks me the question why I'm not married, or when I'm getting married, I always answer with a little humour. My response is always, I have every thing ready for a wedding, the flowers, the dress, and the invitation with the name of the groom to be filled in once I meet him. So, introduce me to someone. It actually seems to work, that even men that I've dated had commented if I've deleted their names on the wedding invitations, lol. I always answer that it's written in pencil.
I have no problem lining up to catch the bouquet. I just don't hold my hand out to catch it.
I'm going to be the lone voice her that will openly admit to not liking going to weddings. I've seen too many weddings where the bride and the groom promised to love, honor and cherish each other until death only to see them divorced within a few years. I know, I know, no one gets married with the thought of of getting divorce. I guess I'm cynical that way. God still has a lot of healing to do in me.
The few weddings that I've gone recently, I was sincerely happy for the bride and groom. IT still didn't take away my cynicism thinking, ok, I'll give you 5 years, lol. I do dream of getting married someday...but it'll be on a mountain top, with no bouquet throwing and probably no guest who would laugh if I ever make that vow, lol. So, my friends are safe, lol.
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 11/15/2008 8:02:58 PM >
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/16/2008 12:04:17 AM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3751
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: shemaromans
Advice for attending weddings as a single? Just enjoy yourself and celebrate the happiness of the couple. You're there for them, not yourself. THIS is excellent!
Thank you.
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/16/2008 12:38:26 AM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I do dream of getting married someday...but it'll be on a mountain top, with no bouquet throwing and probably no guest who would laugh if I ever make that vow, lol. So, my friends are safe, lol.
do the bouquet throw off the mountain, gets rid of any lingering competition or future threats.
"Hey Joyce caught the bouquet!! well done Joyce! (Splat, bounce, tumble slide, splat) Sadly I guess we won't be hearing from Joyce any time soon"
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/16/2008 12:45:27 AM
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stimulus
Posts: 186
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I'm going to be the lone voice her that will openly admit to not liking going to weddings. I've seen too many weddings where the bride and the groom promised to love, honor and cherish each other until death only to see them divorced within a few years. I know, I know, no one gets married with the thought of of getting divorce. I guess I'm cynical that way. God still has a lot of healing to do in me.
The few weddings that I've gone recently, I was sincerely happy for the bride and groom. IT still didn't take away my cynicism thinking, ok, I'll give you 5 years, lol.
Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with this much. By and large, the weddings I have attended have been for friends from church. Those that got married following college are still married, more than 5 years later. The only wedding I attended recently that I had real questions about was for a coworker. She had been living with the guy for some time, and under pressure, legally married the guy months before the "big wedding." It was quite strange to attend a wedding where the two people were already married to each other, and I couldn't help but wonder how long the relationship would last.
But today's couple... they saved themselves for each other, they deeply love Christ and are committed to obeying Him, they've had solid premarital counseling, they've prayed extensively about their decision to marry. If I doubted they would make it five years... I don't think I could have gone.
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/16/2008 12:47:25 AM
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Focusing
Posts: 6007
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It sounds like it was a wonderful wedding!
_____________________________
Instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend. That would be giving as the angels give.
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/16/2008 12:49:26 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3273
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I have two friends where the woman is in her 3rd marriage, and she married a guy who's in his second. I have another friend who is in his 4th marriage (he's under 50). Within months of marrying his 3rd wife, they were already in counselling. Most of my friends are in their 2nd marriage. So, you can understand my cynicism.
quote:
do the bouquet throw off the mountain, gets rid of any lingering competition or future threats.
That's why there' d be no bouquet throwing. Some women would go to any length to catch the flowers....even plunge to their death, lol.
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/16/2008 1:10:24 AM
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shemaromans
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quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
quote:
ORIGINAL: shemaromans
Bouquet toss? Always conveniently in the restroom.
I'd think that would make a great icebreaker. Or do you want to avoid attention from guys who might approach the woman who caught it?
Not sure how to write this kindly about both others and myself...
Conveniently removing myself from the bouquet toss allows me to avoid the busybody, married women (and some men) who love to push and prod single women to participate in the tradition. I prefer to not hear their comments, especially after I state my intention to not participate and they persist (It's my problem, not necessarily theirs).
Do men actually approach the receiver of the bouquet? Does that ever happen? I've always observed men turning and rushing the opposite direction. :)
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/16/2008 1:34:45 AM
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skreyola
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shemaromans
Do men actually approach the receiver of the bouquet? Does that ever happen? I've always observed men turning and rushing the opposite direction. :)
Depends on whether she came with someone. If she's attached, no. If not, I don't know; maybe.
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RE: Attending weddings - 11/16/2008 8:47:14 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stimulus
She had been living with the guy for some time, and under pressure, legally married the guy months before the "big wedding." It was quite strange to attend a wedding where the two people were already married to each other, and I couldn't help but wonder how long the relationship would last. It is strange, I agree.
Oddly enough, it's also becoming a bit common . . . especially for "destination weddings" (which is also becoming somewhat of a common thing to do).
I live in Jackson, WY (near the Grand Tetons), and one of my former-clients is a wedding planner. A lot of people want to come out here to get married, with the Tetons as a background. For myriad reasons (their family can't come, but want to see them get married; etc., etc.), they actually are already married by the time they have their wedding here in the Tetons.
It seems a bit anti-climatic to me.
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