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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 6:20:08 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4986
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Memaw.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
I think that's one of the side effects of splitting off into all these little exclusive club houses. There are a lot of us here that don't really fit in either place and feel left out. I honestly couldn't say if I was an attachment parent or a detachment one. I was just a parent. I loved my babies and parented them the best I knew how.
Exactly.
I don't know if I was AP DP or what...I did what I did because that's the only way I knew how.
If the trends keep up, someone's bound to start an "Parenting With Love Support thread" and then someone's going to react to that title and start a "Parenting Without Love support thread" as a statement against the other title.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 6:28:38 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3717
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
I personally DO believe in CC, but I obviously can't post that in there because someone else has already been told they don't belong there because they (like me) don't believe in it for just any age baby. So even though I do believe in it somewhat, if I go there I will be seen as being in opposition to it when I am not.
I think you kinda missed the point, Sarah. I would only recommend CC for babies past a certain age, and I've said so in the CC thread. What I would not say was that moms who go younger then me are abusing their children, which is what was said.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 6:32:24 PM
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nicole6598
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
I personally DO believe in CC, but I obviously can't post that in there because someone else has already been told they don't belong there because they (like me) don't believe in it for just any age baby. So even though I do believe in it somewhat, if I go there I will be seen as being in opposition to it when I am not.
I think you kinda missed the point, Sarah. I would only recommend CC for babies past a certain age, and I've said so in the CC thread. What I would not say was that moms who go younger then me are abusing their children, which is what was said.
I too have said it is only at a certain age, the reccommended age...
I wouldn't say other mums were being abusive either, who am I to pass judgment on that? Lots of mums have let their children cry and they turned out just fine!!
Aww Kimmie- I am sorry you have felt that way!
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 6:33:04 PM
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Flintejae
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Wow, I wish someone had told me about this thread; especially since my name has been used more than once. And, the thread I started is a source of discussion. I found it on accident.
That said, I want to explain why the CC thread was started. I had been talking to Nicole in messenger about the CC style parenting. For a while now, we have not been welcome in the baby thread. Our choice of parenting has been compared to abuse more than I can count. I actually believed it was after reading all of their opinions. I was so scared to try it thinking my son would be abused or scarred for life, but after much prayer - and trying it - I discovered their advice and opinions were not only wrong, but also bordering on harmful for my family.
In all honesty, I was too chicken to start a support thread for about two weeks. I was worried I'd be considered divisive so I left CW for a few days to take a break. However, once I returned and saw that Ryanne started a support thread for her beliefs I thought it was only fitting to find a safe place for myself and other women who think CC is not abusive and GOOD for their home. I can't tell you how much I have been hurt in the baby thread by women I thought were my friends. I honestly thought it was important to start one for CC so that we COULD have a safe place to talk about it without being called abusive.
My mother was abusive so being called abusive is VERY hurtful and extremely personal. Why would I want to keep talking about CC in the baby thread when all it did was CAUSE division? I honestly thought starting it's own thread would make the baby thread a fun place to be at. The arguments of sleep methods has all but destroyed that atmosphere.
I think if you read the CC thread you'll see encouragement, advice, and other women's stories. The only time it got divisive is when a person thought it was kosher to come in and call us abusive.
< Message edited by Flintejae -- 10/5/2008 8:24:17 PM >
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Jadon, 3/12/08. Thank You, Lord, for Your Amazing Miracles
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 6:33:41 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3717
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lexie
quote:
I honestly couldn't say if I was an attachment parent or a detachment one. I was just a parent. I loved my babies and parented them the best I knew how.
Which is why a few of us posted in both the attachment and detachment one. Many of us fall in the middle. But since we can't discuss how some methods work for us in one, we can go into the other and discuss that method without running into controversy. However, I don't think either thread really got far enough for that, they are really still only at the introduction phase.
I read the AP thread, because some aspects of my parenting style run that way, or I may want to use certain AP elements with my next baby. I would post if I had something to say.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 6:42:06 PM
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EmilyAnn
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All of this is really division is really upsetting me. There are a lot of women on here that I consider to be friends. We make different decisions on how we parent, and that is okay. I don't care how someone else parents their child as long as it works for them and their child. We are all grown women here and Christian women and we all need to act like it. I thought I left all of this mess behind me when I graduated high school. I hate seeing my friends turn against each other. This is all making me feel very stressed out and sad.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 7:37:02 PM
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nicole6598
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You are right Lily.. if you got down to the nitty gritty I would agree that most are not AP'ers as defined by the terms displayed there. I would call them a parent. Just like CC parents are. I would think most of us in the CC thread fit into the AP thread too...And people who haven't posted in either are the same also.
We all want the same thing for our children, we are all doing the same thing, what is best for us and our families... I don't see why people have to try and pass their way as better than the other and make out that others are abusing...I don't see why people can't have a thread to support their need?
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 7:56:47 PM
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lilyofthefield
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Exactly. In my mind you can be an "AP" parent and use CC... but I was glad a CC thread started so I could learn more about it.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 8:07:18 PM
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PrincessDonna
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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quote:
All of this is really division is really upsetting me. There are a lot of women on here that I consider to be friends. We make different decisions on how we parent, and that is okay. I don't care how someone else parents their child as long as it works for them and their child. We are all grown women here and Christian women and we all need to act like it. I thought I left all of this mess behind me when I graduated high school. I hate seeing my friends turn against each other. This is all making me feel very stressed out and sad.
I agree. Completely.
As to people being offended...my pastor said something once that still stick with me...you can only be offended if you CHOOSE to be. What he meant by that is that even if someone is purposely trying to offend you (which I don't think is the case most times around here), they can only succeed if you decide to pick up the offense. If you don't pick it up, purposefully and deliberately sometimes, there can be no offense! There are lots of people here with lots of different experiences. When I come across someone I don't agree with and it is not a moral or Biblical issue, I try to just say to myself, "Ah well...what works for them doesn't work for me" and just let it go. Notice I said try...some things are harder than others.
If we want unity in the body of Christ (which includes our internet family!), we need to stop picking up offenses and learn to let things that are not of eternal importance go.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 8:20:18 PM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
We all want the same thing for our children, we are all doing the same thing, what is best for us and our families... I don't see why people have to try and pass their way as better than the other and make out that others are abusing...I don't see why people can't have a thread to support their need?
I don't have a problem with people having support threads, but some of the support threads (not all, just some, and I don't think Janine's is one of them) are just a way to pass their way as better than the other and make out that others are abusing. I'd rather they stay positive and supportive, not negative and bashing the opposite position. I've even seen where people will copy and paste quotes from another thread they aren't allowed to participate in, and respond to them in their own thread where the person quoted can't respond. That's just not right.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 8:23:55 PM
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nicole6598
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Consecrated that isn't right what you just mentioned at all!!
Donna you always have wise words, thanks for sharing with us!
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 8:31:56 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3717
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nicole6598
Consecrated that isn't right what you just mentioned at all!!
Donna you always have wise words, thanks for sharing with us!
Agreed.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 8:36:13 PM
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PrincessDonna
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quote:
I think you have a point. Yet, I don't think it's that cut and dry. To have someone - anyone - continually make digs at your parenting, life - whatever - hurts.
Oh, I know it does. Believe me, I know. What I'm saying is that just because someone is being offensive does not mean we have to become offended. That is our choice. We always have a choice.
There are certain people you (in the general sense...not Jae specific) are just not going to agree with, no matter what they say or how they say it. If those people bother you that much that you can't not get offended, there is always the block button...and then you won't even have to read that person's posts.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 8:41:10 PM
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nicole6598
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Block button is good
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 9:38:23 PM
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Memaw.
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My firstborn was my "trial and error" child.
Well, it's the truth!
After his sisters were born, I was wayy more comfortable being a mother, and knowing (trusting) my instincts.
I just wonder how those poor women of olden days managed without all our books and classes and lest we forget, online support groups.
My MIL used to try to make me feel bad about the way I parented, then one day I overheard her talking to one of her friends and telling her that I was a great mom!
Some people just feel so badly about themselves that they want to make others feel as bad or worse.
Don't let those people get to you, take what advice is good, and throw away the advice that is bad.
If someone says you are a terrible or abusive parent, it's because they have nothing better to do with their time than to make you feel bad.
Pity them, pray for them but DON'T let them get to you.
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Every generation has to learn how to protect and defend it, or it's gone
and gone for a long, long time."
Ronald Reagan
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 10:55:57 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4074
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quote:
ORIGINAL: phosadaud
I totally agree that we have a choice to be offended or not. That being said (and maybe this is why I'm going into the career I'm going into), when I see folks being jerks to one another, I'm not one to just sit back and ignore them. I'm going to call them on it and address it. If it doesn't get addressed, the wounds just fester, the bullies keep being bullies and we can all pretend that everything is all hunky-dory but pretending doesn't make it a reality. It really saddens me to see so much hurt and instead of addressing the hurt, we just tell people to get over it. It doesn't hurt us, so why should we care if it hurts someone else? Right? Hmmmm...
I would think that Flintejae's beautiful post above would be a reminder that we all come with hurts and while we have a choice as to how we "take things", we also have a choice in how we speak to one another and what we accuse one another of.
I like that bit, totally agree :)
Oh and by the way, a disclaimer for those who think they know more about my motives and intent than I do: I am not calling anyone on here a bully. 
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 11:24:37 PM
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Focusing
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Flintejae
My mother was abusive so being called abusive is VERY hurtful and extremely personal. Why would I want to keep talking about CC in the baby thread when all it did was CAUSE division?
(((((flintejae)))))
I have been lurking through some of the parenting threads and such, and my heart just went out to you when I read this little portion that I left from your post above ... oftentimes people say things, quite often unintentionally because they are not aware of what we have been through in our lives, but the result is this: DEEPLY PERSONAL HURT. So often people are not aware of abuse and trauma from our pasts. We don't even want to post about it because some people come in and say it's our own fault that it happened to us.  We have not all had the fortunate experience of having lived a charmed life, or growing up in a loving home, and sensitivity needs to be displayed because you (the general "you") don't know the horrors another may have lived through.
My son isn't a baby any longer (he's bordering on his teen years  ), but I am hesitant to post in most of the parenting threads. In fact, there are many threads I purposely avoid for that very reason: people are just plain thoughtless and mean. They jump to a conclusion, without ever bothering to ask if you have considered something, and attack. I don't know whether to do this or this  and most often I will just do this  . I've been through enough abuse, I don't come here for more.
I agree with phosadaud in that we have a choice in how we speak to one another and what we accuse one another of.
We are sisters in Christ. Life is hard enough with attacks from the world and we need to be there for one another to support and encourage ... and that means even if we don't agree with someone else's choices.
(love the disclaimer phosadaud ... I have had to resort to doing that myself ... and yes, the block button is indeed wonderful)
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 11:33:47 PM
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nicole6598
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The people that have hurt Jae I think would know about her past.... That's what is sad
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