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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 2:16:38 PM
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lilyofthefield
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
quote:
then someone comes into that thread and calls them a child abuser, is that okay?
Calling someone a child abuser is a violation of our TOS. You do not need to create a safe place to keep that from happening, because it's not allowed anywhere on our boards.
Sometimes people can say things that skirt an outright violation of TOS by not calling a person abusive, but saying they believe the technique they use is abusive if not applied by their own standard. A "support" thread could help avoid those kind of statements.
ETA: obviously a cross-post, but many of us agree you can skirt TOS
< Message edited by lilyofthefield -- 10/5/2008 2:25:51 PM >
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 2:27:16 PM
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Consecrated2God
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If a person believes a technique is abusive, it is not a TOS violation to post that.
"I believe that X is abusive"-- is not a TOS violation.
"I believe that poster Y is a child abuser"--is a TOS violation.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 2:30:50 PM
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Sideways
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
If a person believes a technique is abusive, it is not a TOS violation to post that.
And if someone has started a CC support thread, then I think it's fair that a poster not come in and say that CC is abusive.
That kind of attitude is exactly what support threads try to avoid. We don't want to debate with someone if CC is abusive, and I think it's fair to talk about the frustration and hurt we feel when we're told by other people that our methods are abusive.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 2:37:26 PM
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Consecrated2God
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I believe the primary purpose of a support thread is to offer encouragment and practical support for something. How to's, advice, tips, links, personal stories, etc. At times they might also discuss the angle of "how do you deal with the nay-sayers?" but more often than not, those naysayers are not posters on this forum.
I have a problem with threads being started as a response to another thread if no one is allowed to respond to the response.
The idea of support threads have never been so much as a support of the idea itself, but as a practical support. They aren't supposed to be safe-havens for complaining about the way other forums members have treated them.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 2:41:22 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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quote:
I have a problem with threads being started as a response to another thread if no one is allowed to respond to the response.
Me too.
The AP thread was not started to be divisive, it was started so that we could discuss things going on with our kids and find ways to better solve their problems within the realm of our parenting beliefs. It also had to do with what Micah and I have been discussing lately about the way we were raised, and also about some stuff I'm learning in my Growth and Development psych class.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 2:49:26 PM
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Sideways
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
I believe the primary purpose of a support thread is to offer encouragment and practical support for something. How to's, advice, tips, links, personal stories, etc. At times they might also discuss the angle of "how do you deal with the nay-sayers?" but more often than not, those naysayers are not posters on this forum.
I have a problem with threads being started as a response to another thread if no one is allowed to respond to the response.
Often our biggest naysayers are on this forum. And if the naysayers are allowed to come into any support thread and talk about how we are wrong to do what we do ... then there's no point in a support thread at all. They will all be debate threads, unless you're one of the popular kids.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 3:41:35 PM
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nicole6598
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How do you even know the other threads were to refute the AP one?
You don't.
It's all assumptions. I know for a fact that Jae started hers because she wanted the support of others that were like her, that wanted to do CC...
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 3:53:15 PM
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LaurainAL
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My opinion is that certain points of view are seen in a different light.
For example: The vice presidential debate was held this past week. Ask anyone who they think won the debate. The Republicans will always say Palin won and the Democrats will always say Biden won. No one really cares for the truth, only that their agenda is furthered. We see things the way we want them to be.
Deep rooted and old hurt feelings are at the root of these discussions lately. On the outside it may appear to be petty, but there is much more going on.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 4:48:45 PM
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zoebob
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That thread does not put down small families. It is a thread to point out positive things about large families...not put down small families.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 5:04:49 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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Some threads, like the fun things large families can do thread, are FOR FUN, and some people apparently can't accept FOR FUN threads, and leave them as they are. A lot of threads do seem to be reactionary--two threads were started the same day as Ryanne's AP thread, and that is pretty obviously in direct retaliation. Two threads were started in response to the large families thread. It's ridiculous. One person in this thread has even started her own FORUM as a reaction to this one...but still posts here. It's stupid, frankly. I think you all need to take a break if you can't just shrug off a post or a thread, or keep your nose out of a for fun thread if you can't just have fun.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 5:12:11 PM
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nicole6598
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
That thread does not put down small families. It is a thread to point out positive things about large families...not put down small families.
The title implies otherwise.
LOL
exactly!
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 5:13:17 PM
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Sideways
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People are allowed to start new forums. People are allowed to post in more then one forum. Threads are frequently started because they were inspired by a different thread.
(edited by moderator for unwelcome counsel)
Laura's right. There are a lot of hurt feelings going around, and it's not that surprising or stupid that if one person started a thread about the benefits of large families, a second person might be inspired to start a thread about small families. Same goes for AP vs. CC parenting styles. Seems perfectly logical to me.
< Message edited by Consecrated2God -- 10/5/2008 5:39:57 PM >
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 5:16:34 PM
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nicole6598
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I am going to defend Jae, because her thread was not started because of Ryanne's. She had spoke to me before Ryanne's was even there about the need for support for other CC parents. I told her if she needed that then start a thread. So please stop assuming it was because of Ryanne's it wasn't.
And even if it was does it really matter? People out there need support, as you will see from the CC thread, there are parents out there that want to talk about it together. What's wrong with that?
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 5:17:45 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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quote:
Get off your high horse, Jen.
You prove my point. I am not ON a high horse. Actually, I am pretty removed from all this stuff. I have not been involved in most of the baby/parenting/whatever threads for months, for the most part. I'm pretty much an outsider looking in at all this stuff, and I think it's petty, bitter, and not at all edifying to anyone. No one can say anything anymore without someone reacting badly to it. Even in fun, people can't be reasonable. There is a group of moms in here who have had rivalries going in various folders and I seriously think you all need to take a break, because you have blown it way out of proportion, taken things way too bitterly, and allowed bitterness to build up--and I am talking to ALL of you, not just the ones I disagree with!
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 5:22:52 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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The title of that thread is only offensive if you want it to be so. It wasn't meant that way, it doesn't have to be taken that way, and there is no reason you can't just ignore it.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 5:24:31 PM
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clag4christ
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
Ok. Let's make sure I understand this right. The large family thread is just for fun even though it takes a defensive posture in it's title, but the others are reactionary and silly.
Anyone can take something on any one of these forums as offensive, even if the intent isn't to be offensive at all. If one were to go into the thread entitled Those poor small families he/she would see that it's not about bashing at all but rather about the blessings and good things that can come from having a large family.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 5:28:19 PM
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nicole6598
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Clag you have a good point there. I think everyone implying and jumping to conclusions is what is wrong. Everyone is assuming that Manda and Jae created their forums in retaliation when they didn't ( I don't know about Manda's but I don't think that is the intention of that thread either).
I don't see why people cant create their own threads for support for what they want it to be... It's not against TOS so why discuss it?
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 5:31:36 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4986
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quote:
How do you even know the other threads were to refute the AP one?
I know Manda's was, because she said it was.
quote:
I know it isn't a "support" thread, but how can you justify your "Those poor small families" thread then? Was it not a reaction to threads you perceived to be critical of large families? Sideways is right. There does seem to be a double standard.
You're right--it wasn't a support thread. I didn't start a "large family support thread" and say only large families could post there. Reactionary threads have been around for eons here--it's these exclusive threads started with the purpose of bashing another point of view that I have a problem with. I never bashed small families. The title was accompanied by a winky smiley, and it was a very positive, fun, thread. We didn't gripe about how mistreated we were.
quote:
Deep rooted and old hurt feelings are at the root of these discussions lately.
I agree.
One thing I'd like to suggest to help is that people not make fun of the opposing viewpoint. I see a lot where people will be very sarcastic and say, "Oh, I am one of those evil people that does (x). (gasp!) Yeah, I'm hellbound for sure, at least I know there's people here who certainly think so!"
I don't think that kind of sarcasm helps heal anything. It has always bothered me the other viewpoint is misrepresented and cast in that sort of light.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 5:33:34 PM
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clag4christ
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quote:
One thing I'd like to suggest to help is that people not make fun of the opposing viewpoint. I see a lot where people will be very sarcastic and say, "Oh, I am one of those evil people that does (x). (gasp!) Yeah, I'm hellbound for sure, at least I know there's people here who certainly think so!"
I don't think that kind of sarcasm helps heal anything. It has always bothered me the other viewpoint is misrepresented and cast in that sort of light.
I usually find that people set up 'straw men' when their arguments in and of themselves can't stand on their own...
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 5:36:11 PM
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LaurainAL
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quote:
ORIGINAL: clag4christ
quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
Ok. Let's make sure I understand this right. The large family thread is just for fun even though it takes a defensive posture in it's title, but the others are reactionary and silly.
Anyone can take something on any one of these forums as offensive, even if the intent isn't to be offensive at all. If one were to go into the thread entitled Those poor small families he/she would see that it's not about bashing at all but rather about the blessings and good things that can come from having a large family.
Oh I agree that the meat of the thread is not bashing small families. I read it and it was fine, imo. But, if it only has to do with large families why even mention small families in the title? Especially since it seems to be a hot button issue. You all know that I am a WOHM. What if I were to start a thread titled, "those poor children of SAHMs. Y'all would be on me like white on rice. It would not be a nice thing for me to say (and not true to boot) and I wouldn't do it.
Let's look at it objectively here. Why are some of you defending Consecrated2God's thread but bashing Jae's? Because you agree with Lisa's parenting choices and point of view and you disagree with Jae's? I don't know, but it appears that way to me.
Personally
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 5:40:03 PM
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LaurainAL
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We were cross-posting Consecrated2god. I see the explanation now.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 5:41:10 PM
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clag4christ
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quote:
Let's look at it objectively here. Why are some of you defending Consecrated2God's thread but bashing Jae's? Because you agree with Lisa's parenting choices and point of view and you disagree with Jae's? I don't know, but it appears that way to me.
I've not bashed Janine's thread. I have problems with CIO and some forms of controlled crying...but that's why I've not gone in there. Of what support or encouragement could I offer?
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