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FED UP - 9/25/2008 2:00:50 PM
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BeautifulFemale
Posts: 89
Joined: 6/21/2008
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I'm fed up because I haven't met a Christian guy YET who rattles my spirit to my head and down to my feet! I keep noticing hot non-Christian guys and not having much to say to them - which I guess is good in a way - so that no dating relationship develops, but where are the Christian Paul Rudd look a likes...I keep meeting non-C who look so good and are sweet, and then being hit on by guys I'm really not interested in.( As friends, they're great, but future prospecto types - not yet:(
Other than that, the cuties don't seem to be many in the church -in this part of the world anyway...most really need the LORD..so, it kinda bugs right now...my age if you're wondering is 26!
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RE: FED UP - 9/25/2008 2:04:15 PM
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catlady11
Posts: 56
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All in God's timing - I just got married (for the first time) at 47! This is not to discourage you but to encourage you not to give up hope and the best thing you can do now is let God show you how to be a Godly wife and then (this is what happened with me) you may meet your Godly husband.
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RE: FED UP - 9/25/2008 2:50:33 PM
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Kellgaste
Posts: 410
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Wyoming
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What Catlady11 Said! <warm smile>
Don't rush it, you and he will find eachother.
Focus on the Lord and knowing how to be a Helper/Wife/Bride, maybe read "Love & Respect" by Dr. Eggerichs.
Understand/Research what it means to give an Oath for Life, To Make a Covenant.
Ready your fields for the Rain.
Finish school, career goals and such and before you know it, BAM! <smile>
God Bless my Lady!!!!!!
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RE: FED UP - 9/25/2008 3:11:20 PM
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ta_mosquito
Posts: 11460
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
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While there are good looking Christian men out there, please keep in mind that physical beauty fades and shouldn't be one of the top two criteria for a mate.
Your future husband may come in a package you don't expect.
_____________________________
Tricia
"There's a fine line between being open-minded and empty-headed." ~Michael Coren
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RE: FED UP - 9/25/2008 3:45:22 PM
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catlady11
Posts: 56
Joined: 4/18/2005
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Hey - I got married at 47 - I didn't lower my expectations that much.
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RE: FED UP - 9/25/2008 3:48:50 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1760
Joined: 5/23/2006
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Have you ever thought of getting your focus off of yourself?
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RE: FED UP - 9/25/2008 3:49:43 PM
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BeautifulFemale
Posts: 89
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Girls. I'm a working career girl...finished school a year ago. Already on the road to establishment. As for looks...you say it as if it's impossible to marry someone you're attracted to as a whole. Looks are part of the package...and I believe it is possible! People say I'm cute, but also sweet, caring, couldn't hurt a fly, etc. So, I'm someone's right package! Don't see how minus-ing looks has to be part of it...
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RE: FED UP - 9/25/2008 5:47:18 PM
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BeautifulFemale
Posts: 89
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I don't mind the 6's and 7s...I see attractiveness in them too and Paul Rudd is just someone who people could easily compare the guys I like with...for instance, one guy I used to like would actually, at times, not look all that great depending on the angle(haah), but he was considerate, caring...a sweetheart! Also, if you really think about, no one is really a 10! I've thought about it ...and there's always something which can make someone look bad in another light...so, I'm not looking for perfection...
Also, when I say Christian...there's alot more to that...his values, his personality has to be changed, molded, softened...gorgeous-ified! Integrity, honesty, etc! There's a whole package...so Christian is pretty steaming hot! It's not just 'love for Jesus' -it's everything really! Maybe not all tapped into, but potentially accessible! How hot is that!!!
Another thing...just to get the receord REALLY straight...Paul Rudd isn't ALL that HOT! He's goodlooking, but I don't know how many times, Ive looked at pictures of him and thought...that's not cute, nor is that...what I love is the cute guy-ey edge he has mixed up with confidence. Ever see him in ' I could never be your woman'...if you watch it, you'll see what I mean...it's not just the looks...it's the package! Looks alone, don't do it for me! REALLY DON'T...gone past that stage! I've met some really hot guys, but they were sooo rotten and perverted -mentally - I've actually been grossed out by their actions. HOT is not what I'm looking for -it's total package!
The guy I currently think is interesting  ...isn't really all that cute, but when he has smiled at me, he really seems like an adorable person. Sweet. I like sweetness in people. It's huggable:)
He does have the dark hair, height and good body, but I know nothing about him. DO I think and dream of him all night...NOPE! He's a pleasant distraction at work, but don't see him very often.
I just like guys with the dark wavy neat cut hair, height, cute smile/face and relaxed personality! It's very attractive to me!
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RE: FED UP - 9/25/2008 8:49:14 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 785
Joined: 11/28/2005
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I asked a similar question months ago...
Where are the single christian men?
When I was in your age range during the mid 80's...
I was wondering the same thing... I'd went through many years of being the good friend of Christian men who only wanted friendship with me...they were seeking to date and marry girls who were hotties that didn't think anything about engaging in sex outside of marriage.
I finally found one in 2002; he was as interested in me(just as much as I
was interested in him and we love the Lord!!!)
Our 6th anniversary is in 3 days!
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RE: FED UP - 9/25/2008 9:38:06 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1859
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross
I finally found one in 2002; he was as interested in me(just as much as I
was interested in him and we love the Lord!!!)
Our 6th anniversary is in 3 days!
Happy anniversary to both of you, Jaimestarcross!
When I got saved at 24 I decided I wasn't going to marry a guy who'd mistreat me or wasn't a Christian. Later I decided to marry only a guy who was the best match for me. I dated lots of guys (I wouldn't now, as I think courtship is better, but this was then) and rejected them all (gently, of course, or just never went out with them or they never asked me). When I was 37 (!) I met this wonderful guy and we became friends and dated casually. And clicked. I looked at my list, and he had it all except athleticism, and I figured that wasn't necessary after all.  We just celebrated 20 years of marriage (yes, I am old as dirt).
Here's my list now for what I think a man should have to be good husband material:
- strong Christian who knows how to quickly deal with his own sin, has good knowledge of the Bible, loves others and has a good reputation as a godly man by mature Christians who've known him for years (including his pastor);
- mentally, emotionally and socially healthy or fairly healthy and willing to learn better;
- has a career that will support a wife and 14 kids (OK, I made that number up. Whatever God gives );
- and has a teachable spirit.
And to be fair, here's my list for women:
- strong Christian who knows how to quickly deal with her own sin, has good knowledge of the Bible, loves others and has a good reputation as a godly woman by mature Christians who've known her for years (including her pastor);
- mentally, emotionally and socially healthy or fairly healthy and willing to learn better;
- finished with her education and knows how to be a helpmate and mom to 14 kids or willing to learn better. This includes knowing how to run a house, how to cook, take care of kids and husband, and be a godly influence on her family and the world around her;
- and has a teachable spirit.
You'll notice, that after 20 years of dating Christians and 20 years of being married to a godly man, that I made no mention of physical attributes.
I do think looks played a part in keeping my husband single so long: he's overweight. Probably gals looked at him once and moved on. I looked at him and thought, "Wow - a man with character!" All the guys I dated years ago are all old like me now, but my husband still has character. A lot more, actually.
It's been a good life, and I know I got one of the good ones. I am blessed. May you be blessed, too!
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: FED UP - 9/26/2008 2:39:19 AM
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BeautifulFemale
Posts: 89
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Deer, That's a great testimony, but in my mind, I find it quite off putting to be with really overweight men. I have overweight male friends and to be straight about it, what kind of character is not taking care of your body (I even get at myself for being 15 pounds more weighty, but in my healthy weight zone)! If you see a person who puts in the effort to take care of his body, is speaks volumes. I know men do the same when looking at women so, I really don't think it's something to ignore when meeting a mate. I know people in my church where most are overweight men married to healthy women. The men are currently all trying to lose weight as they know it's not healthy and they're likely to die early with that extra fat. My parents are lean and healthy and eat well so, it's something which is in my family mentality. Once a person is healthy and has a decent character - looks clean and takes care of himself, that's a SURE deal!! (p.s. people can fluctuate in weight easily, but once they work on losing it for theor own sake/not moaning about it for years with no change except for more weight gain, then, they self-respect their body/temple!
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RE: FED UP - 9/26/2008 7:57:21 AM
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rural_gal
Posts: 17
Joined: 9/24/2008
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Are you praying to God for to send a mate your way, if it's His will?
I did that seven years ago. I was finally at a place in my life where I liked "me", and was perfectly content to be alone, if that was the way it worked out. I was 35, a divorced mom of a 13 year old, and living in a small town. I said, "Well, God, if you want me to share my life with someone, you're going to have to bring him to me, because I'm not going to go out looking for him." To make a long story short, my husband did indeed find me, and we we've been married for 6 years.
I hope your story has an equally happy ending,whatever that may be :)
RG
P.S. I'm editing this because I only read part of the original post, (I think) judging from your other posts I see) and I feel compelled to add (after reading them) that maybe God hasn't brought someone into your life yet, because he's still shaping your character, and it's not the right time yet. I'm not saying God is trying to make you perfect before he brings someone into your life (we'd all be alone, then, wouldn't we??), but maybe He wants to mold you a bit more into the person He wants you to be, first, so when He does bring that person into your life, you'll be ready! :)
< Message edited by rural_gal -- 9/26/2008 8:24:13 AM >
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RE: FED UP - 9/26/2008 9:03:25 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1760
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deer
that was a beautiful post. IMO a persons attitude has a LOT more to do with their beauty than their weight does. In fact it can also be the biggest turn-off for a man who loves God and wants to exhibit the traits of God.
Humbleness, meekness, kindness...serving others instead of looking to be served. Those were the things I saw in my wife and made me say WOW.
We met a lady at the drs. office last week who was waiting for her radiation treatment...and in that hour we spent talking about Jesus and how wonderful He is I could not help but be amazed at how beautiful this woman really was. She was having her 5th round of treatment and still had nothing but praises for God and the joy in her heart bubbled over to all of us around her in that waiting room.
It didn't matter to me if she weighed 100 or 200 pounds. I would hate to shut someone out of my life for that reason alone.
For the op- it sounds like you are looking at things which are very superficial. When God knows you are ready for a mate He will allow it to happen.
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RE: FED UP - 9/26/2008 11:12:00 AM
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margieb711
Posts: 112
Joined: 7/11/2008
From: Eagan MN
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I love the posts in this thread! They are very eye-opening.
Rural_Gal: I feel the same way you did. I'm 34, still single, no children. No prospects for long term relationships, at least none that will be equally yoked.
I'm content to be on my own and continue to shape myself into what God needs me to be. I feel right now that I couldn't be a godly wife to a godly husband. I'm okay with that. When God decides the time is right, then he will bring a mate for me. But, some-days I feel I'm meant for something bigger than marrying and creating children. I'm trying to say that we shouldn't focus too much on finding another person if that's not God's intention for us. There's so much pressure to settle down put on us by our families, friends, society, media, etc. that how do we know what God wants for us? He's the one we should listen to...
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RE: FED UP - 9/26/2008 11:16:04 AM
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deermousie
Posts: 1859
Joined: 9/26/2007
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Please let me tell you all about a couple who literally changed my life: Wade and Polly. They were in their 60s, and Polly had a disease that was crippling her and going to take her life. Wade was at her side the whole way, with smiles and jokes for all and tender caring for Polly. She glowed in knowing she was loved. Now, Wade was short and overweight. Polly was overweight, had protruding eyes that didn't look the same direction, and had coarse, gray hair on her chin.
They had a wedding anniversary and rented a little restaurant for their friends and neighbors to eat some chicken in a basket and dance to a local live band. Polly was in a wheel chair by then, and Wade held her hands and danced with her anyway. He carefully raised her to her feet and they did a slow dance, with her hardly moving and being held up by her beloved husband. People were cheering, and Polly was glowing.
I think that may have been the last time Polly was ever on her feet. They were good to each other, they took care of each other, they knew true love with each other. They were happy, and everyone around them was blessed. I looked at the pictures of their party and knew that this was the kind of marriage I would wait for. And did, for another 15 years. It was worth it.
When my husband and I celebrate wedding anniversaries, we raise a toast to Wade and Polly. May we be as fortunate in love as they were.
for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things 1 Tim. 4:8
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: FED UP - 9/26/2008 11:37:37 AM
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catlady11
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"I just like guys with the dark wavy neat cut hair, height, cute smile/face and relaxed personality! It's very attractive to me! "
I also like the same type of guys but married a balding, skinny, droopy draw man whom I love with all my heart and I am very attracted to. I found that when I was dating that the cuter they were the longer it took for me to realize they were a jerk.
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RE: FED UP - 9/26/2008 2:23:26 PM
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rural_gal
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quote:
what kind of character is not taking care of your body (I even get at myself for being 15 pounds more weighty, but in my healthy weight zone)! If you see a person who puts in the effort to take care of his body, is speaks volumes.
Me.
If I had my 20-something metabolism together with my 40-something wisdom......sigh......
I'm chasing a 3 year old and 18 month old (mine) around the house while I try to maintian a relationship with my 20 year old son in college, wash everyone's clothes, cook the food, wash the floors, clean the bathrooms, etc. I'd love to exercise -- I have the equipment, but can't leave the kids alone for 30-40 minutes while they wreak havoc on the house and possibly hurt themselves. My husband works full time, has an hour commute, and is a student. By the time he gets home, we have dinner and the kitchen is cleaned up and the kids are bathed, frankly, I'm too tired to exercise. I want to sleep!
I don't think I "don't" take care of myself, I try, really. I think I'm just too busy taking care of everyone else. That's what a mom does. :) Some people (obviously not parents of small children) say, "well, take the kids out for a walk in their stroller." It sounds so simple......until you consider an independent 3 year old, with an equally independant 18 month old who wants to do everything her sister does. If I manage to get the younger one to sit in the stroller without screaming too much, then the older one walks at a pace of -.5 mph, stoppng to examine every bug, leaf, and car that goes by. Not exactly a cardio-workout. :)
But, this is only a season in my life. When the kids are a little older, I'll be albe to exercise.
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RE: FED UP - 9/27/2008 6:44:27 AM
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BeautifulFemale
Posts: 89
Joined: 6/21/2008
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Rural gal, you're investing in your children which is good, but you don't seem to realize that all that physical effort you put into your kids is EXERCISE! ONce you're moving, you're burning calories! I'd say it's what you put into your mouth which is in the problem. I'm a junior doctor - I live, breath and eat most of my life in hospital and in fact I have just come back from being on call. (Since yesterday at 8am until today at 9am) -this was my second call this week! ON top of that, we have very sick patients on my team and have been on call as a team (gathering 32 patients on top of the patients we originally were managing!) I don't live at home, I have to pay my bills, laundry, cook, etc. I have my own 'children' per se too. Although, I have made an effort to keep healthy. I am fierce tired most nights, but just like making a point to have devotions before the house wakes, a 15 min workout can be implemented! (You may be interested in a site I will PM to you - it's healthy and may do your family/yourself much blessings!) It's also only $16 for life with no other extra charges! So, please avail!
From what I've read, most people may think I'm being superficial re whom I'm attracted to/not ready. It is true that cute guys can be jerky, but that's because women let them get away with it so that they keep him. Kinda ridiculous. I believe that a new woman in his life has as much part in the heart change of a man as his family or himself. He may act in a certain way, but prayer, patience &time are so vital. I'm not saying I'd be changing the guy, but being Christlike is likely to influence anyone you spend a great deal with.
I understand that many of you posting have married men opposite to what you've desired physically, but I don't think dreams can't come true. My mom was attracted to 'exotic men' and used to always give some cents to aid the african babies charities as a child. She eventually married into African culture. She too is not attracted to overweight men and is pretty harsh about it. She doesn't bash people, but she also knows that character is reflected in your weight too - no matter what your excuse. We all have choices. If eating one less potato drops two pounds for you in 3 weeks, then, she'd do it. Everyone is unique and can achieve much, but it is our minds which limit/beliefs which limit us.
I believe that there are people who have beautiful hearts and beautiful appearances too. (How about Ruth in the Bible as a start! It may be rare, but God can create anyone! Many times when I talk with guys who are very attractive to me, I really don't like what they have to offer personality wise so I just befriend or get on with my life. I'm holding on until I meet my match and I definitely know it won't be based on just superficial means. I know I'm better than that...
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RE: FED UP - 9/27/2008 8:10:45 AM
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BeautifulFemale
Posts: 89
Joined: 6/21/2008
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p.s. I am also aware that prior to comig to this stage in my life...I was a mess. I have so much improved and can't believe how much Christ has done for me. I hardly had control of my own mind, but in the end, finished Med school and working now! What kind of Christ do we serve -one of miracles and one who loves us sooooo sooo much!
I know that I'm near the end of my healing process...and I know for sure that even one year ago, I was not ready to be with any man. I still can't believe that I'm a qualified doctor and thats not to brag! It's to glorify Christ! Some people I know say that Christ wants to do the same with my relationships with men...to glorify Him once again!
I think I can be patient alittle while longer:)
I know that I could be with several men at this time. I am not going to lie about that..because I have been asked out many times, but I know there's a difference between men who don't know what they want, men who just want intercourse, men who have potential,men who need help before even thinking of engaging in a relationship with anyone! I know because I've been there..:D That's why I'm single right now...I'm picky. There's a 20 year old in my church who is actually a very decent guy and genuinely cares for me, but I just couldn't...it's not just the age gap..I'm just not totally attracted to him physically mixed in with his youth and the fact that I'm 8 years ahead of him and working and he's only a junior in college...that's just all wrong! lol
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RE: FED UP - 9/27/2008 8:21:57 AM
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Wild-Rose
Posts: 402
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: Upstate NY
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Have you prayed about this? Tell God that you feel you are ready to meet the man you are to marry and see what happens. When I prayed for a husband, I met him 3 days later. Now we've been married 32 years, so I know that was the real deal. It won't happen like that for everyone, but prayer is still the right solution. God will lead you one way or the other.
_____________________________
Wild-Rose
Rejoice that your name is written in heaven. Luke 10:20
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RE: FED UP - 9/27/2008 9:20:41 AM
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LivingParadox
Posts: 803
Joined: 2/28/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BeautifulFemale
I'm fed up because I haven't met a Christian guy YET who rattles my spirit to my head and down to my feet! I keep noticing hot non-Christian guys and not having much to say to them - which I guess is good in a way - so that no dating relationship develops, but where are the Christian Paul Rudd look a likes...I keep meeting non-C who look so good and are sweet, and then being hit on by guys I'm really not interested in.( As friends, they're great, but future prospecto types - not yet:(
Other than that, the cuties don't seem to be many in the church -in this part of the world anyway...most really need the LORD..so, it kinda bugs right now...my age if you're wondering is 26!
Be Careful not being "fed up" to try to make this happen on your own. Gods timing, trust me on this one.
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RE: FED UP - 9/27/2008 10:40:33 AM
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GregandJenny
Posts: 616
Joined: 2/16/2006
From: Near Seattle Washington
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If you focus on God and become content and grateful with where you are at in life and really seek God on this issue, in HIS timing it will come. As much as we go on looks we have to remember that all of us (as ugly as some of us are) were crafted by the Master and made in HIS image.
God bless you in your search.
G
_____________________________
It does not have to be well with my circumstance to be well with my soul!
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