Love Languages and Long Distance (Full Version)

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nyhunter77 -> Love Languages and Long Distance (9/8/2008 12:28:44 PM)

Hi peeps,

Don't know if this is the best place for this post but I guess it will be moved if not.

My dilemma is this.

My LL is quality time, I know that is weird for a guy but it is big time.
My girlfriend's is Physical Touch.

She resides in Canada though and we met where I live in Chicago.

My question is how could I best fulfill her Love Language while being so far away?

Anyone with tips out there? I can't just touch her right now but it seems like gifts and words are not as fulfilling for her. She hasn't complained about anything yet but I'd hate for her to feel unfulfilled.

I get mine fulfilled just fine with IM, phone calls, and emails but there must be some advice for Physical touch when it comes to Long Distance relationships.

Acts of Service is her secondary it seems so I am just feeding that and others right now to try to keep her as comfortable as possible in case there is no solution to her primary language right now, maybe I have to continue to look for substitutions that might be good.

Thanks everyone



John_O -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/8/2008 12:52:20 PM)

Get in the car and take a weekend drive. Or hop a plane, or get her to come to you. If you budget correctly you may be able to see her about every 2nd or 3rd weekend.



nyhunter77 -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/8/2008 2:10:24 PM)

Good suggestion, realistically we have planned every 2 months or so.

It's about 1600 miles so gotta fly but that is expensive too these days.

So that's covered but what to do in between ... hmmmm

Thanks though.



FunBetty -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/8/2008 3:06:56 PM)

nyhunter - have you talked to her about this? perhaps her knowing that you desire to fulfill those needs would be enough for her to know that even though there is not much you can do about that on a long distance basis, that you are mindful of that and desire to fulfill that need when you are able to?
(apologies for the run on sentence).

and flying can be cheap if you shop around...some airline websites will allow you to sign up, and they will send you emails notifying you of upcoming sale prices on tickets. Sometimes I'll use yahoo to search for fares then go directly to that airlines website--- sometimes the fares are cheaper there and you save on booking fees if you book directly through airline.

but anywho....back to the op! [:D]



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/8/2008 3:25:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nyhunter77
My dilemma is this.

My LL is quality time, I know that is weird for a guy but it is big time.
My girlfriend's is Physical Touch.


it's not weird, i like harley's 10 emotional needs a bit better as it's more specific (10 vs 5) but i'd count chapman's quality time as harley's recreational companionship and that ranks #2 for guys.

anyways it seems you are picking up on a feeling about her being unfulfilled. i think talking to her about this issue and maybe the unfulfilled will be healthy for you two.



nyhunter77 -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/8/2008 10:51:08 PM)

Thanks, yes, that seems like the best solution.

I just wanted to be a good guy and find a way to solve the issue in the earliest stages.

There are no easy answers for some things though. Not that this is gonna be hard to talk about though. Should be fine.

Thanks



mutinywxgirl -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/8/2008 10:52:27 PM)

We could move this over to Relationships - it'll get a lot more activity - and you'll have the benefit of those who may have actually lived through said situation before........



Prairiehiker -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/8/2008 11:02:18 PM)

quote:

My LL is quality time, I know that is weird for a guy but it is big time.
My girlfriend's is Physical Touch.

She resides in Canada though and we met where I live in Chicago.

My question is how could I best fulfill her Love Language while being so far away?


MY LL is quality time and when I had a long distance relationship, it's the weekly phone calls that lasted for hours on end that made me feel so much loved. It didnt' matter that I only saw him a few times a year, as long as he took the time to call me, email me, I felt loved. He would drive 6 hours through blizzard just to see me. Sigh... I miss that man. And it went on for maybe 7 years on and off and I never once felt unloved even though he was not physically around me all the time.

For your girlfriend....that's a tough one. How about sending her clothes that she can wrap around herself. Like a jacket that she can wear when she it's cold outside, or a robe that she can wear first thing in the morning. Something she can put on and imagine that it's you wrapping your arms around her. I know it's not the same, but with a little creativity, and a lot of communication, you can make this work.



raivyne -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/12/2008 1:03:57 PM)

I have what may be a less than intelligent question... how do I find my love language?



blueeyedgirl2 -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/12/2008 3:39:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: raivyne

I have what may be a less than intelligent question... how do I find my love language?


Just read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He actually has a version specifically for singles. There are questionnaires that you answer that help you determine your love language (words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gifts, or acts of service.). Enjoy! It's a great book. . . [:)]



raivyne -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/12/2008 3:42:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: blueeyedgirl2

quote:

ORIGINAL: raivyne

I have what may be a less than intelligent question... how do I find my love language?


Just read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He actually has a version specifically for singles. There are questionnaires that you answer that help you determine your love language (words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gifts, or acts of service.). Enjoy! It's a great book. . . [:)]


Oh great! thanks! I'm headed out of town and need some reading materials so I'll stop off at the book store tonight to get it! I'm also going to get that book I saw someone recommend "i kissed dating goodbye" or something like that I put it in my cell phone so I could remember it.



FunBetty -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/12/2008 4:02:20 PM)

You can also google quizzes online to help you determine your love language. Facebook even has an application for it.



raivyne -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/12/2008 4:07:10 PM)

Oh cool! thanks for the info... i'm a sucker for quizzes LOL



LabGuy -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/12/2008 4:07:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: blueeyedgirl2

quote:

ORIGINAL: raivyne

I have what may be a less than intelligent question... how do I find my love language?


Just read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He actually has a version specifically for singles. There are questionnaires that you answer that help you determine your love language (words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gifts, or acts of service.). Enjoy! It's a great book. . . [:)]


Not a dumb question at all! But definitely get the book for singles. A friend loaned me a copy of one version, but it was the original one, targeting the already-married. Still a very good read, but the "diagnostic" questionnaire was kinda useless for me as a result. (I have an idea what mine may be though.)

-Robb



raivyne -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/12/2008 4:14:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LabGuy

Not a dumb question at all! But definitely get the book for singles. A friend loaned me a copy of one version, but it was the original one, targeting the already-married. Still a very good read, but the "diagnostic" questionnaire was kinda useless for me as a result. (I have an idea what mine may be though.)

-Robb


I already called Parable (semi-local Christian bookstore) and reserved a copy for me to pick up on the way home from work. I also reserved the Joshua Harris book! I LOVE TO READ! :)



blueeyedgirl2 -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/12/2008 4:28:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FunBetty

You can also google quizzes online to help you determine your love language. Facebook even has an application for it.

quote:

You can also google quizzes online to help you determine your love language. Facebook even has an application for it.


I didn't know that! I'll have to give it a try. We'll see if it matches my results from the book. [:)]



raivyne -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/12/2008 4:29:28 PM)

is there a thread to post your love language results?



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/12/2008 4:46:42 PM)

it's also very general book ... a common complaint i hear from my friends is that it's a bit obvious ... his needs, her needs by dr harley for TEN emotional needs and specifics ...

emotional needs questionnere here: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4501_enq.html



raivyne -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/12/2008 5:00:18 PM)

I found His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, i'll give it a look when i get there too! thanks :)



mutinywxgirl -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/12/2008 7:18:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: raivyne

is there a thread to post your love language results?


Sure, why not? It's talking about love languages........



skreyola -> RE: Love Languages and Long Distance (9/13/2008 12:49:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: raivyne

quote:

ORIGINAL: blueeyedgirl2

quote:

ORIGINAL: raivyne

I have what may be a less than intelligent question... how do I find my love language?


Just read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He actually has a version specifically for singles. There are questionnaires that you answer that help you determine your love language (words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gifts, or acts of service.). Enjoy! It's a great book. . . [:)]


Oh great! thanks! I'm headed out of town and need some reading materials so I'll stop off at the book store tonight to get it! I'm also going to get that book I saw someone recommend "i kissed dating goodbye" or something like that I put it in my cell phone so I could remember it.

I'd recommend the Love Languages book over I Kissed Dating. From my interactions with people who've read the latter, the author misuses some terms, giving readers a faulty idea about what constitutes dating, and I don't think that is at all helpful.



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