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rgod -> Single Parenthood (9/7/2008 9:53:48 PM)

I've been thinking about starting this thread for a while. I'm not a single parent, but noticed that although single parenthood is talked about in relation to other topics, I didn't see a thread devoted to this topic. (If I've missed it please let me know and I'll close this thread). I was wondering about the joys, challenges, and some of the day to day life issues of single parents. How do you carve out time for yourself? How have your children been able to adjust to having one parent? In what ways have you had to adjust? Are there some ways in which it is easier to be a single parent? Are there assumptions that people make about you? How does this impact dating? And, what is the thing that you enjoy MOST about your kids? You don't have to answer any or all of those questions - I just wanted to provide a place where parents could talk and those of us who aren't parents could learn, rejoice with you, and support/pray if necessary (I realize we also have the prayer thread too).



ShallbeRebuilt -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/7/2008 9:58:32 PM)

rgod;

I love this idea...I hope it doesn't get closed, but I don't think there's another thread exactly like it, so maybe it won't.

I want to answer, but I need to think about it...maybe sometime in the next couple days I can come in and make a post.

shallbe



slimon11 -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/7/2008 10:06:58 PM)

Rgod, Thank you so much for caring and for thinking of us!! I don't have a lot of time at the moment but, I would love to hear christian perspectives on some of my struggles; issues I often don't feel comfortable bringing up to christians I know in real life. I'll be back.



Prairiehiker -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/7/2008 10:26:44 PM)

Lots of challenges, lots of joys, lots of lonely times when you spend time crying because there's no one to share any of the joys or the responsibilities, and a lot of silly moments. I don't even know if I'll ever feel comfortable sharing my parenting duties with anyone again. Maybe when she's a teen ager and acting up, I might want someone to help me, but at this point, it would be a challenge for me to share my daughter with anyone. Not even her dad since he's been somewhat out of the picture for a few years now (his choice).

Time? I don't have much time away from her other than the day off i get from work every other Friday. I don't date often because of not having any time away from my daughter. Even having a social life is difficult. My church doesn't have any activities that allows kids and parents to be in the same room. I am not comfortable with babysitters, and my family does not offer any help whatsoever. So, this one's tough for me, but at the same time, being with each other have created a good bond between us. She does everything that I do, from hiking, to skiing, to climbing and biking, and most of the time, she's better than me (well, she's 30 years younger, what do I expect?). Having her has definitely taught me a lot about what's important in my life.

All in all, it's tough but we make the best of it. I pray a lot.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/8/2008 12:55:52 AM)

quote:

I am not comfortable with babysitters


If I lived near you, I'd watch her every once in while. I have yet to meet a parent that isn't comfortable with me as a babysitter, lol.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/8/2008 9:12:10 AM)

Well, first off, thank you soooo much for thinking of the struggle's being a single parent can be, rogod!

I have two boys who are growing up and I sometimes wish I had a little extra assistance in dealing with them; I make mistakes and even though I know I'm not perfect having someone to help me make decisions would be great. Not to mention having someone share the victories and losses. When Thing 2 lost a big wrestling match a year ago it broke my heart to see him cry but it was even harder realising that he only his mum to cry on, and no one to give him, 'tough man advice'. I know his dad is back in the picture but he is sooo not what I would seek in a role model for him. *sigh*

My parents keep the boys frequently so time is not an issue for me, in fact this summer they were at my parents more than my house so I think next summer I'll get a part time job or something to keep me busy. [8D]

If I were to start dating, then I know my parents would help out, Kyoudai would, and probably a handful other of my friends.

Other than that...let me wake up a bit and I'll think of something else to add.



John_O -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/8/2008 9:26:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rgod

How do you carve out time for yourself?


I don't. From time to time the Girl will want to stay at her mamaw's or one of her friends will kidnap her for a few hours. I make the most of those opportunities. Happened this weekend and I went on a bike ride. My legs still hurt! It was a good ride.


quote:

How have your children been able to adjust to having one parent?


When M got sick the Girl was 2 1/2 so she's never really had two parents. M died when she was 4 so for most of her life it's been me and her. Fortunately M's mom stepped in as a female role model so that helps. I think she's adjusted pretty well but she still wants me to get married quick.


quote:

In what ways have you had to adjust?


I have all the burdens and duties of being a married parent but none of the benefits. I've had to learn how to do all the household chores (To be truthful though I've spent the last 20 years learning how to do this stuff. M and I shared housework, She wanted to share yardwork but I wouldn't let her do some of it). I've had to make friends on-line as I don't really have opportunity for much real life interaction. I've had to learn how to schedule and plan my day better. I was never time organized well as I never had to be. Now with school and dance and swim etc, I've got to be on time.

quote:

Are there some ways in which it is easier to be a single parent?


None that I've found. God designed kids to need two parents. I'm a great daddy but I make a rotten mommy. KWIM?


quote:

Are there assumptions that people make about you?


People assume that I'm a great daddy as the Girl is very well taken care of. It helps that (in public at least) she's a very well behaved child. I think they also assume that I'm married.


quote:

How does this impact dating?


What's dating?

When I meet someone who looks right for me (this has happened once) I can normally schedule the Girl to stay at mamaw's and papaw's for the night. This lets me get some free time to date. But meeting people in the first place is almost impossible. It's kind of hard to introduce yourself and get a phone number or something with a child in tow.


quote:

And, what is the thing that you enjoy MOST about your kids?


Hugs and kisses and little "I love you, Daddy"'s. Story time at night. Cuddle time generally.



betterisoneday -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/8/2008 10:26:15 AM)

The joys: having two little boys who like hugs and tickling matches, teaching them to read and discussing the Bible (they come up with some interesting and thoughtful ways of seeing it).
The challenges: trying to train two headstrong boys to become godly men ("stubborn" can translate into "perseverance" if trained correctly, right?), teaching them that houses and laundry don't clean themselves. The hardest thing would be trying to answer their questions of why their dad doesn't call them and whether or not he loves them.
Time for myself: after they go to sleep, if I have chores caught up. [:)]
The only way I've found it impacts dating is some men think "has children" means you'll jump in bed with them and some other men think it means you're too far "below" them to even consider.
I get a lot of assumptions that it's a foregone conclusion that my sons will turn out "bad", [&:] or that I must "always" want a break from them (sometimes for a few minutes, but no where near always).



rcamejo01 -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/8/2008 2:38:18 PM)

Wow Awesome Thread! I am a single dad to a 7 year old boy and let me tell you it can be a challenge at times, but it is VERY rewarding! My son is my life and we do all kinds of things together like read books to eachother, play board games, video games, and when he plays on the baseball teams I work along side the head coaches and he really loves that.

I'm planning on going back to school in January so I can get a better paying job so I can provide for him a lil' better without so much struggle. Even though making ends meet as a single parent is tough sometimes, I wouldn't change it for the world![:)]



Prairiehiker -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/8/2008 8:50:53 PM)

Here's an example of what makes single parenting tough. Last weekend, I was studying, and my daughter wanted to play a game of scrabble. This is a really tough exam, and I am budgetting my time, so I told her I'd play a quick game with her later. She got upset and said "mom, you'll regret not spendign time with me while I"m young". Talk about laying on the guilt. We spend so much time together, but lately, it doesn't seem like it because I'm always studying. It sent me crying, and I'm still struggling with it the whole day today.



WesP -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/15/2008 3:06:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

Here's an example of what makes single parenting tough. Last weekend, I was studying, and my daughter wanted to play a game of scrabble. This is a really tough exam, and I am budgetting my time, so I told her I'd play a quick game with her later. She got upset and said "mom, you'll regret not spendign time with me while I"m young". Talk about laying on the guilt. We spend so much time together, but lately, it doesn't seem like it because I'm always studying. It sent me crying, and I'm still struggling with it the whole day today.


I definitely can relate to your situation. My heart breaks for you. Just keep your focus and know that it will be better in the future. If you are spending quality time now, you are not neglecting. Pray and persevere! I have 4 children, and I know what lack of time feels like. It would be nice to have help sometimes just so that I could spend more time playing and less time cleaning, working, etc.



WesP -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/15/2008 3:08:21 PM)

quote:

I'm planning on going back to school in January so I can get a better paying job so I can provide for him a lil' better without so much struggle. Even though making ends meet as a single parent is tough sometimes, I wouldn't change it for the world!


rcamejo01,

I just started back to school myself for the same reason. Keep it up, brother!



Focusing -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/15/2008 7:43:45 PM)

quote:

Are there some ways in which it is easier to be a single parent?

Yes!! For me, being a single parent is significantly easier and far less stressful than having been a married parent. But, that probably had more to do with the ex and his personality than anything ...

Now that he is on the verge of being a teenager, my time is a little bit freer. I don't worry (as much) because he's a big kid - okay, he's as tall as I am [&:] - and he is a little more independent. We can go places with friends and he can run off with his buddy and I can hang out with my friend and we will all agree to meet up at this place at this time (and yes he has a cell phone, and he knows karate).

All in all, it's not so bad and I really don't mind being a single parent.



Prairiehiker -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/15/2008 8:06:09 PM)

I, too, don't mind parenting alone, however, I recognize my daughter's need to have two parents. I really don't believe that God created families to be whatever we want families to be. I fully believe that without the other parent in the house, the child misses out on something significant. But we make the best of it. And we're good at it (me and my kid). I'd choose to parent her alone through out her life, but I'm not going to lie that at times, I wish that for her benefit, God would send us a really godly man.



John_O -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/17/2008 12:44:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

I, too, don't mind parenting alone, however, I recognize my daughter's need to have two parents. I really don't believe that God created families to be whatever we want families to be. I fully believe that without the other parent in the house, the child misses out on something significant. But we make the best of it. And we're good at it (me and my kid). I'd choose to parent her alone through out her life, but I'm not going to lie that at times, I wish that for her benefit, God would send us a really godly man.



It really is important for a kid to have both parents. We learn different things from each of them, Things that the other just can't teach or demonstrate.



benelchi -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/17/2008 2:17:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

I, too, don't mind parenting alone, however, I recognize my daughter's need to have two parents. I really don't believe that God created families to be whatever we want families to be. I fully believe that without the other parent in the house, the child misses out on something significant. But we make the best of it. And we're good at it (me and my kid). I'd choose to parent her alone through out her life, but I'm not going to lie that at times, I wish that for her benefit, God would send us a really godly man.



It really is important for a kid to have both parents. We learn different things from each of them, Things that the other just can't teach or demonstrate.



I agree strongly with you both. Being a single parent is something I do out of necessity, and yes it is also something I really enjoy, but I realize that God's design is for two parents and there are things that my children are going to miss out on because I am a single parent. For me, I often look to the married women in my church to help me fill in the Gap, and provide the feminine input that I cannot give.



joy2give2u -> RE: Single Parenthood (9/17/2008 5:09:50 PM)

quote:

For me, I often look to the married women in my church to help me fill in the Gap, and provide the feminine input that I cannot give.
Since I do not have children of my own God has really blessed me by allowing me to be filling for a few gaps.....He has indeed blessed me.



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