Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (Full Version)

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lightshineon -> Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 1:24:44 AM)

I work for a local newspaper, and I am a girl friday person. I was working late past 10 pm the other night. When one of the head printers came in the empty building, except for the sports writer upstairs. I was told to put something in the mens restroom for the next day, wierd but they like newspapers in the stalls. I was in the mens bathroom when (Fred) a fake name came in the restroom. I had the door proped open, with a wooden block. Fred said to me " I got to pee" sorry not meaning to be distateful but that is what he said. He then said "please stay you can shut your eyes if you want to." He the proceeded to use a urinal. I said " I am leaving, I do not want to stay." I ran up stairs to where the Sports reporter was staying late. I went to his desk and chatted for a moment removing myself from the situation.
It would seem a no-brainer, but he has worked there thirty years has a family. I also think he is wierd and was trying to be funny, but his emotional intelligence is so lacking. I have never gave him any indication of wanting to flirt with him. I am a prude, trust me, and he could see I was offended. To be moral and to have mercy on an unsaved man, would you ignore it, unless something else happended" Do you think I should tell someone in authority? He does not usually come in the Building at night, just me and a few reporters ( sometimes) upstairs in a creepy old building. I am usually alone, and turn off the lights upstairs, downstairs, and lockup when I leave. I go into work late because I homeschool my youngest daughter. Thank you for replies



solo_soprano22 -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 2:02:42 AM)

Eh, sounds like nothing to me. Perhaps he didn't want to interrupt what you were doing and just really had to go and decided to say something. Maybe he said it oddly (or not thinking what impression it'd give?).



SovereignIsHe -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 2:17:42 AM)

Sometimes when you have to go you have to go and when you enter the bathroom your body says ready or not...

That said, if that's his exact quote he needs to choose his words a lot better...

Something along the lines of,

You can stay and shut your eyes if you want to but I have to go....

is one thing, but what he said is questionable to some degree... Though the awkwardness of the situation could have had him stumble mentally to some degree since he was expecting a woman in the Men's Room...

Was the person who told you to put something in the Men's Room a man? Normally in companies I've work for without exception the only person of the other sex allowed in the bathroom is the janitor and there is a sign always posted at the door stating such...



car2ner -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 8:20:44 AM)

I wouldn't make anything of it. It just seemed like an awkward moment made more awkward by a poorly thought out statement. For all we know, he may be smacking himself in the head for saying something like that. I know I've occasionally said things that I wish I could suck back in right away. It is rare, but it happens.[;)]



rcjames -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 8:45:52 AM)

Sounds like the guy had to pee.

I had an incident a while back in a unisex bathroom at a conveinence store. I was washing my hands and a lady bust through the door and said you cna stay or you can go but I have to use the rest room right now; I left in a hurry. /Did not even take the time to dry my hands.

Thanks
RC



manda59 -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 9:32:46 AM)

I think you're overreacting. It was just an awkward situation for you both and he probably just said the first thing that came into his head.

I think if you tell anyone they will laugh (sorry, but I would!)

But then I'm one who has used the gents loo myself before when there was a big queue for the ladies.

Perhaps we're more "matter of fact" about bodily functions than you guys. We're not as free and easy as the French, who, if they're in a traffic jam, will stop and have a wee at the side of the road! But we're still pretty relaxed about it.

I'd say get over it. And if you have to do that task again, just be a bit quicker next time!

If a guy's gotta go, he's gotta go - he can't just tie a knot in it!



mvic -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 10:52:40 AM)

To pee or not to pee - that is the question.

Just ignore this incident. Unless something like it happens again, or has happened in the past.



SovereignIsHe -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 12:43:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjames

Sounds like the guy had to pee.

I had an incident a while back in a unisex bathroom at a conveinence store. I was washing my hands and a lady bust through the door and said you cna stay or you can go but I have to use the rest room right now; I left in a hurry. /Did not even take the time to dry my hands.

Thanks
RC


[:D] Rolling...



zamdad -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 1:09:03 PM)

While most of the advice you've been given thus far tells you to leave it alone, I think there are some other questions to consider. What does your gut tell you? Don't ignore your gut, it's usually right on. Who told you to put the papers in the men's room? If it was "Fred," and he came in and did what he did, there's a reason he put you in that situation. If it was another male, had Fred and the other male spoken giving Fred knlowledge there was a female in the bathroom?

You said Fred is a little wierd. In what way? If there is another incident of "poor judgment" I think you should report this one and the following one to your superiors.

My take on this is different than most after having worked with sex offenders for five years. I know that everyone is different. But, for most men, when you gotta go and there's obviously someone in the restroom that shouldn't be there, we can hold it long enough to ask the perosn to leave. Or, go to a stall with a door and do your business. All too frequently these "accidents" are not incidental at all, there is a lot of thinking and planning that occurs to create and exploit a situation. Trust your gut.



solo_soprano22 -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 1:18:27 PM)

Eh, our guts are wrong sometimes. I notice on several occassions (Zam) that you tend to find something sexually deviant in something that really wasn't, but I guess it may be because of your background/work. This sounds like it was innocent for the most part, although he could have picked better words to say. Not every instance in which we have a feeling is what we thought it was. Sometimes we overanalyze. Heck, maybe he HAD to go fast; maybe he's older and he has a prostate problem. Maybe he has some kind of IC. Who knows?



car2ner -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 2:08:28 PM)

I would agree with Zam on one point, just be watchful. If something odd like that happened again, then it may be time to tell someone.



lightshineon -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 3:00:42 PM)

LOL
quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjames

Sounds like the guy had to pee.

I had an incident a while back in a unisex bathroom at a conveinence store. I was washing my hands and a lady bust through the door and said you cna stay or you can go but I have to use the rest room right now; I left in a hurry. /Did not even take the time to dry my hands.

Thanks
RC



lightshineon -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 3:10:45 PM)

Everytime I have seen Fred, he goes into a complaint about everyone that works with him. He is angry someone is over him blah, blah. Even the first time I met him, he is so full of anger. I think what bothered me was 1. there were stalls, he used the urinal 2. It was not what he said, but the way he said it. 3.I was running out, when he said it. 4.he is not that old maybe mid-forties. I felt unsafe, and so I removed myself from the situation. I am somewhat a prude, but this usually would not have bothered me, if I felt like he was being " smart aleck" condesending in his tone. I almost felt afraid that being alone he might rape me. I know that sounds radical, and I have worked before, where men have said and done worse things to me than Fred. I was truly uneasy, I have never felt that way before. If it happens again I will tell him that it makes me feel uneasy to be talked to like that, and he does it again, I will report him.



manda59 -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 3:33:11 PM)

If it bothers you that much, ask if that particular task can be done by someone else.



Miss Giggles -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 4:33:51 PM)

I don't think he did anything wrong (I work with all men and know the "rules") for the urinals, LOL

but I think its odd that you are being told to stock the men's room with magazines or newspapers..they are perfectly capable of taking their own in there [&:]



LastofAll -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 4:55:32 PM)

The heart of the Lord is mercy, and He will be merciful to those who are merciful, which is why the merciful are blessed. Besides this, we are to be a lamb in this wolf world, and a lamb does not confront or withstand(ie: resist) mistreatment, but takes the wrong and forgives; and a lamb denies their own will, and give up their rights. Contrariwise, a wolf will confront and withstand mistreatment, and will not take the wrong and be unforgiving; and a wolf will demand their own will, and fight for their rights. In plain talk, I would suggest not to bring any thing to the menīs room any more; I say this only because I think of it, if it were reversed to me, that if a woman told me to put some thing in the ladies room, I would have to decline on the basis that, it has the appearance of evil(ie: simply an inappropriate task).
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.



SovereignIsHe -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 7:46:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Miss Giggles

I don't think he did anything wrong (I work with all men and know the "rules") for the urinals, LOL

but I think its odd that you are being told to stock the men's room with magazines or newspapers..they are perfectly capable of taking their own in there [&:]



I agree...



lightshineon -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 8:21:49 PM)

I do what I am told to keep my job. I work in the evening so I do not encounter men, meaning so I do not disturb anyone. I have not said anything though, and probaly will not. I am never fearful of sexual attack, seriously this just seemed strange, in his actions and tone. hard to explain.



manda59 -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 8:39:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lightshineon
I do what I am told to keep my job.

Come on, it would not take much to just speak up for yourself and say that you'd rather not put papers in the men's room. You don't even have to say why, just that you'd rather not go in there.
Presumably they have a cleaner come in to do the loos at some stage - you could suggest that the papers are left out for him/her to put into the stalls after they've cleaned.



Zhi -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/7/2008 9:18:11 PM)

I guess I have a couple questions...

One, did Fred know you were in the bathroom before he got there and saw you in the bathroom?

Two, was there another bathroom nearby or would that have required a good deal of walking and/or stairs?

If Fred knew you were going to be there and went anyway, or if there were another bathroom very close, I would find it a little odd...

Otherwise I would think it's a guy who is older (considering he's worked there 30 years), may have a "personal issue" that makes it difficult for him to make it to another distant restroom if he really really has to go, and was completely flustered to find you there and said the first thing that came into his head in a desperate attempt to alleviate his physical discomfort.

As a pregnant woman, I can imagine getting into that sort of desperate physical situation and not really being mentally in a position to run a full word filter on what I would say if I unexpectedly found a man in the bathroom I was desperate to get to.



1love1God1way -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/8/2008 1:01:10 PM)

Under most guidelines of what qualifies as 'sexual harassment,' I don't think this would be in there. . . unless you had a really good lawyer.

For now, I think it's best to not worry about it too much, but just be extra cautious in these kinds of situations, and around ol' Freddy.



cow451 -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/8/2008 1:11:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: car2ner

I would agree with Zam on one point, just be watchful. If something odd like that happened again, then it may be time to tell someone.


Agreed. He could have used a stall. I'd write this down and keep it in case anything else happened.



solarflare -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/8/2008 7:22:31 PM)

I find your post kind of confusing. Not too sure who said what. Or when. Who told you to put papers in the men's bathroom? I just don't really follow you.....several scenarios here....you are alone there regularly past hours?..........

whatever 'it' was, 'it' was not sexual harrassment.......he could just as easily say....well, SHE was in MY bathroom....I just don't really follow you or what your point is. I think you just were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe you need to redefine your responsibilities; especially if they lead to scenerios like the one you tried to describe.

Just my impressions..............



SuccessinTruth -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/8/2008 7:41:47 PM)

I managed a convenience store for seven years. I often worked the night shift by myself, and when people asked me why wasn't I afraid, I told them there wasn't any reason to be. There were several occasions when people came in and stole beer, cartons of cigarettes, etc. and I was only frightened once. I believe that that particular man would have hurt me if I had got in his way. On one other occasion, I wanted to walk by a creek that I had passed many times, so I parked in an area where many other people had parked and went down the embankment to take a walk by the creek. A man came down behind me. Again, I was frightened. A man who worked for me told me that I wasn't afraid unless there was a reason to be.
I never locked the door to my car or my house, this is in a suburb of Denver. I'm not a person who even gets nervous.
On the surface, this whole incident that happened to you seems very innocent and harmless, but if it made you feel that uncomfortable, perhaps there was a reason. Don't let him put you in a situation that you're alone with him again.
You may want to let someone know that this happened, not that you're making a complaint, just for the record.
May the Lord be with you, and keep you



Ps103 -> RE: Is this sexual harassment, or something to leave alone. (9/8/2008 10:45:25 PM)

quote:

I was working late past 10 pm the other night. When one of the head printers came in the empty building, except for the sports writer upstairs.


It's pretty clear that this happened after hours, and that Light's being told to put the papers in the restroom is done when no one else is supposed to be there.

I am sorry, but this sounds very wrong to me, and I am having a hard time believing so many of you think it was innocent.

I would keep an eye on him, Light, and if he so much as crossed his eyes I would report him.

Something is wrong with a man who would do that when a woman was clearly trying to leave.



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