Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (Full Version)

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ekserekseez -> Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/3/2008 5:00:33 PM)

Say you're an underage teenage girl and you are pregnant from fooling around with a high school boyfriend. Also say that your family is evangelical Christian.

Then say that events transpire that cause everyone to find out about your pregnancy, and your family announces that you are going to marry the guy who knocked you up. Is this really the best choice, or would adoption be better?

Say also that the father-to-be has publicly admitted to being an agnostic, so the child wouldn't have a Godly father. Say he has also a record of using obscenities in public and of publicly stating that he is not interested in having children.

What do you think the best thing would be if you were this girl? Marriage or adoption?

Any similarities to actual current events are probably deliberate. However, this is not about any specific person or event. I am genuinely curious as to whether people here think marriage or adoption would be preferable.



GregandJenny -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/3/2008 5:19:56 PM)

I am not jumping on the this bus. I will wait for one that has A/C.

G



TrustingGod -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/3/2008 5:55:47 PM)

If the parents of the baby are not committed to a life-long relationship, then don't compound the problem of marriage. The subsequent divorce would be more harmful to the child.



ta_mosquito -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/3/2008 6:14:52 PM)

It depends on the couple.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/3/2008 8:26:24 PM)

There is not a universally applicable answer to your question. Every situation is different, and most of the time, those of us on the outside are clueless anyway.



relady -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/3/2008 11:49:16 PM)

this is a very personal decision that should be up to the young woman in question and her significant other. How much input the parents should have on the matter is also a personal matter. The younger the daughter, probably the more input from parents would be in order.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 12:26:18 AM)

A non christian and a christian should never marry.

Two christians still shouldn't marry just because they are pregnant. Many divorces happen that way. If they really love each other, and really want to spend the rest of their lives together, than, yes marry, although it would probably be wise to get financial and pre-marital counseling.

If the two do not marry, and the girl keeps the baby, they need to work out custody/visiting arrangements.

If they want to do none of the above, they should go the adoption route through a reputable agency, although, if I was in that situation, I would want to make sure my baby got adopted into a christian family.

No matter what, a person can repent and be forgiven.



SuccessinTruth -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 12:37:27 AM)

There are two ways of looking at this. Many people could say that giving a child to loving home would be far better than forcing a marriage on two young people. It only makes sense. Others think that the natural mother can provide the most loving home, regardless of her circumstances. The marriage would definitely come with it's problems, as do they all. But that's just one way of looking at it.
The other way is this: what does God want her to do in this situation? She and her parents need to pray to find His will and do it, regardless of how it sounds to us. He won't let them down.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 12:42:30 AM)

I was told by my now-ex-husband that if I gave our baby up for adoption, he would sue for custody. So sometimes things like that have to be taken into account, as well.



SonInMe1 -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 8:44:29 AM)

I know this is radical, outlandish and against all social norms but how about....she never got pregnant in the first place.

Seems to me that would solve these problems...100%



ekserekseez -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 8:54:07 AM)

Yeah, the no-pregnancy thing would be the best option, huh? Sort of late for that once the bump appears though.



Sideways -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 12:50:52 PM)

Every situation is different, but in general, in most situations, I'd say adoption is the better answer for a girl who hasn't finished her education. The child will live and thrive with loving parents, and the girl can finish growing up before she starts raising children.

There are always exceptions of course, but I would prefer that most 17 year olds consider adoption without seeing it as "giving my baby away".



rcjames -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 1:09:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ta_mosquito

It depends on the couple.


Absolutely.

Some (many) of the times the mothere does not even know who the father is; or they do not care for each other, or might really hate each other. The reasons for fornicaton are many and most do not reflect a couple who desire to live and serve each other.

Marriage, adoption, and raising the child as a single parent are all viable option; but depend on the situation.

The only option that is not viable is killing the child.

Thanks
RC



miasma -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 4:11:45 PM)

No, it is not better, especially in this situation. Marrying the poor girl off to a self-proclaimed "expletive redneck" who doesn't want kids...Palin should be ashamed of herself.



ekserekseez -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 4:18:58 PM)

miasma: I tend to agree with you.



Liveloved -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 4:41:29 PM)

You've given a great illustration of why we can't follow our feelings and need to use our heads. . . and think before we act.

Who or what the young man is all about is a little late to take into consideration FOLLOWING having sex with him and becoming pregnant.

But the thoughtlessness of the girl in your illustration isn't really any different than people in general (Christian people included).

Most people don't live thoughtfully.

So what to do. I would encourage the girl to give the baby up for adoption. I believe this is the highest act of love. It would probably take godly intervention to help her make such a decision. But that would be my hope.



ekserekseez -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 4:54:25 PM)

Liveloved:

In the particular case I'm thinking of (and miasma as well, it seems), you are absolutely correct.



laura... -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 5:01:53 PM)

Every family that I have personally known who faced this situation (and there have been a few), it didn't matter what the parents thought, the teen girl was going to do what she was going to do. In each case, the girl was insistent about marrying the boyfriend even though the parents would much rather she not do so.



ekserekseez -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 5:10:34 PM)

Hi Laura:

I know what you mean. My sister did this too (this post is not, however, about my sister). About 10 years ago Sis started hanging out with this guy who was actually a buddy of mine, sort of a casual acquaintance, not a really close friend. They slept together one time on a dare. To this day he insists it's the only time he's been with a woman, and I believe him, since he's pretty "out" (if you know what I mean-I know this is a religious forum and I don't want to break some rule). That one time was enough for poor Sis to get in the "family way" as mom still puts it. So Sis and the party circuit twink have a baby on the way, and she talks him into marrying her. He told her that being married to her wasn't going to magically "change" him, but she didn't care, she wanted a big wedding with a zillion dollar dress and huge cake, and boy did she get it. Mom and dad dropped a load of change on that shindig, and her hubby got to pick all the bridal gowns and shoes, which put him in heaven. Well, of course the marriage lasted about six months, then Sis and party boy shake hands and part ways. Now that I think of it, I have no idea if they ever got a divorce. Knowing them, probably not. He sends lots of cash for their kid, whom he sees a few times a year, and with whom he gets on pretty well.



stampinlady -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 5:17:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ta_mosquito

It depends on the couple.



I think christians tend to think too worldy when it comes to marrying. How many woman are now having trouble conceiving because they've waited too long? I wouldn't encourage our dd or son to give away their child. How many woman regret giving their babies away years later? I'd love to see a survey on this.



JesKlu -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 8:58:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sideways

Every situation is different, but in general, in most situations, I'd say adoption is the better answer for a girl who hasn't finished her education. The child will live and thrive with loving parents, and the girl can finish growing up before she starts raising children.

There are always exceptions of course, but I would prefer that most 17 year olds consider adoption without seeing it as "giving my baby away".


Why not have the girl marry, still live with the parents while married and finish her education at the same time, while married? I think we tend to put college ahead of marriage. Maybe that's why there is so much fornication.

Your sister in Christ Jesus,
Jessica



Sideways -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 9:11:02 PM)

If the parents want and are able to be full time babysitters, then that's certainly an option. Some parents still work, and some don't want to be raising babies all over again. There's always daycare, I suppose.

I have no problem with a young couple getting married while still in college, but I'm not sure I understand the opposition to adoption here, especially in the case of a teen girl.

College is not more important then marriage, but the stark cold reality is that a person will be much more financially comfortable if they have something beyond a high school diploma. It's not about making millions while shacking up with a dozen different people, it's about being able to make a decent living, thanks to some sort of post high school training.



Sideways -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 9:15:33 PM)

Do a lot of conservatives see adoption as "the easy way out"? As a way of avoiding the responsibility that comes with having sex? So often I see pressure on a young couple to marry, and a lot of negative responses to the idea of adoption.

Do you guys see it as some sort of cop out?



ta_mosquito -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 9:45:53 PM)

quote:

I have no problem with a young couple getting married while still in college, but I'm not sure I understand the opposition to adoption here, especially in the case of a teen girl.


In this specific case, I hesitate to say "adoption!" simply because the OP is a real life example in which the couple has decided on marriage. To unilaterally state that the baby should be adopted out is, IMO, judging this specific case from the outside without all the information.

That's why I haven't jumped on the adoption bandwagon in this thread.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Is marriage better than adoption for teen mother? (9/4/2008 9:52:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: miasma

No, it is not better, especially in this situation. Marrying the poor girl off to a self-proclaimed "expletive redneck" who doesn't want kids...Palin should be ashamed of herself.


So, the OP had Palin and her daughter in mind? I didn't realize that.



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