RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/3/2008 1:31:10 PM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
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Some how I need to close the voting process. The answer is a resounding NO! Thanks Kat for your single vote. (smile) I agree with you, even though I'm going to be stinging! It's probably the biggest message I could send.
Thanks for your prayer's KatD and we'll see how well Jesus keeps you quiet tomorrow. (smile)
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/3/2008 3:12:29 PM
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Wild-Rose
Posts: 403
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: Upstate NY
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quote:
Would that give off the wrong signal.
Happy Birthday, Darling,
I love you and miss you so much. I cannot imagine myself without you. By golly, I was not even able to go a week without you! Consider this birthday note an invitation to e-mail me or call or stop in, whichever you choose. For me to say that you should not e-mail me, and here I am e-mailing you! How silly of me! So surly you can see that I was not the least bit serious! Well, you didn't take your marriage vows too seriously, so don't take me too seriously either! Just ignore that last e-male where I said I wanted no contact. Love you! Bye!
the wrong message...............well, yeah.
_____________________________
Wild-Rose
Rejoice that your name is written in heaven. Luke 10:20
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/3/2008 3:30:03 PM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
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Wild Rose -
A little bit over the top, but I get your point. It was going to be a simple "happy b-day", but I understand the underlining message. You guys are so tough! Dag, I can just feel or hear what he's going to think! "How could she not at least say h-bday, we do have history, we were friends first". I just want tomorrow to come and go! For real!
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/3/2008 4:01:54 PM
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Wild-Rose
Posts: 403
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: Upstate NY
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yes, the message that was below the surface, that is what I was spelling out for you. If you e-mail him for any reason it is an open invitation for him to contact you again.
God bless you, Dear. I know this is rough for you, but we want you to go forward, not backwards. Let him think exactly what you said , shock and surprise that you did not contact him. Then he will begin to get the message that you are serious.
_____________________________
Wild-Rose
Rejoice that your name is written in heaven. Luke 10:20
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/3/2008 6:55:32 PM
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manda59
Posts: 5999
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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I've been unwell these last couple of days and not posting much, and did not see this.
Oh my goodness, I am glad you decided not to email him for his b'day.
Instead of being apprehensive about it, embrace this as a convincing way of communicating to him (by your non-communication) that this time you mean it, that's it's over, completely, and there's no going back.
And that by doing (or not doing) this, you are not only doing yourself a favour, and your relationship with Christ, but you're doing him a favour, his wife a favour, his children a favour. This may be something that forces him to face issues in himself and in his marriage that he has been avoiding. This could be the chance of him coming to repentance, getting right with God and making a go of his marriage.
Let your non-action over this be a sacrifice unto the Lord. Lay it before His feet and leave it there.
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/4/2008 1:02:15 PM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
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Hey, it's mid day and I'm doing........ Just wanted to check in and say hi! I'm moving forward still and I think today will be one of the hardest! I do want to acknowledge his b-day here. Happy B-day to you and I hope God Blesses you in ways unimaginable. Bless your marriage and I hope you seek guidance and love of God and self to heal. Love you!!
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/5/2008 12:55:53 PM
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SuccessinTruth
Posts: 76
Joined: 9/3/2008
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Dear NuninChrist,
I hear your pain. But it is nothing compared to the pain that his wife will feel when, not if, his wife finds out. Think on that while you are trying to break away. You obviously still love him or you would not have such a difficult time with this. You're holding on to something, not knowing how much more God will bless you when you let it go and how much richer your richer your relationship with Him will be. Trust God! It's scary sometimes to let go of that bird you think you have in the hand, but what God has in the bush waiting for you in righteousness is so much better. You'll kick yourself for waiting so long to trust Him. God bless you.
_____________________________
May we Glorify the Lord in all that we say and do
SuccessinTruth
www.mybenefitsplus.com/40623337
affordable dental and health care plans
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/5/2008 4:56:54 PM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
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Thank you SuccessinTruth,
I appreciate your message and almost 9 full days of NC and I'm feeling better. I use to dread weekends, now I'm feeling good about today. I know it's not going to be easy, we use to talk about everything. Whenever something happened I would call him or email him. So now, I just thank God and give him the glory for all good and bad things, instead of picking up the phone. Thanks all!
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/8/2008 10:34:35 AM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
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Manda,
Thanks for checking on me. I was so tempted and a little depressed on Saturday. Even though I initiated No Contact, I'm almost feeling like he didn't care at all. I know this is not a good way to think, but the thought did cross my mind.
I did a counteroffer and I got to see some really nice property for me to move in. I'm downsizing a lot. But, God has so many good things in store for me, that I'm looking forward to having something of just my own, albiet small but cozy.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/9/2008 12:43:51 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3116
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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Been thinking about you, NuinChrist. So glad you are still maintaining your commitment to stay away from him. It will likely be difficult for you for a while (it's like withdrawing from a drug) but if you remain firm and rely on God's strength it will grow easier day by day.
May He supernaturally bless you in ways you never dreamed of.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/9/2008 3:41:59 PM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
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Yes,
I'm feeling good! Ups and Downs, still think of him everyday. He is making it a little easy, by not trying to contact me. I think that email hit the nail on the head. Thanks for keeping me strong in prayer and support. I'll certainly stay in touch! I need the strength.
Oh, by the way, I did meet a single guy, nothing to write home about, but God is keeping this mind very busy with other things. God's plan I know!!!
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/11/2008 3:55:46 PM
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manda59
Posts: 5999
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nuinchrist
Oh, by the way, I did meet a single guy, nothing to write home about, but God is keeping this mind very busy with other things. God's plan I know!!!
Is he a Christian?
How are you doing today?
Btw, sorry if I missed it, but have you ever had any counselling from a trained and qualified person for your issues (the ones you mentioned in the other thread)?
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/11/2008 4:27:48 PM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
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Hey Manda,
Thanks for keeping up with me.
He is a Christian. I'm trying to take it real real slow....I have a tendency to pick the wrong guys almost always. He's really not my type, so that in itself is unique for me.
On counseling, I tried once. When the therapist suggested I write a letter to my "dead" mother, that didn't appeal to me. I'm a realist and I think I should have sought out another therapist. It's not to late, I can always go. Surely, I probably need someone. I should have done it a long time ago or I wouldn't be in such a mess right now.
14 days NC, I think of him everyday, but I didn't break. Thank God for giving me the strengh minute to minute. I thought about it a couple of times, just to see how he's doing. Hear his voice, I even hoped he'd come by the house. Bad I know, but God is working with me everyday. I really miss the lying - cheat!!
Manda, he didn't care about me, he was using me for his own needs. Sucking me dry and I was catering to him. The more time I have away from him, the more I can see what it really was. I helped him tolerate his marriage, I gave him an outlet, I treated him like a King. He would make comments like "I've been eating out of a can for a week, thanks baby!", "what would I do without you in my life", just self serving comments. I didn't get much out of this relationship-friendship, whatever. Sorry to vent!!! My brain is just getting clearer and clearer!!
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/11/2008 6:35:06 PM
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manda59
Posts: 5999
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nuinchrist
He is a Christian. I'm trying to take it real real slow....I have a tendency to pick the wrong guys almost always. He's really not my type, so that in itself is unique for me.
I would certainly recommend taking your time, especially with this part of your life only just closed, and other issues from the past possibly not yet resolved.
quote:
On counseling, I tried once. When the therapist suggested I write a letter to my "dead" mother, that didn't appeal to me.
I'm guessing that the purpose would be to help you get in touch with some anger or other feelings that you might have deep down. I don't know who it was that abused you (and am not asking), but sometimes abused children carry deep-down anger at a mother who didn't nurture and protect them from the abuse, or know that it was going on, or didn't believe them when they tried to tell, etc.
But the letter-writing isn't for everyone. My own mother physically and emotionally abused me, and I probably still wouldn't want to write it all down, even though I think I have worked through it and resolved things, at least for the most part.
quote:
I'm a realist and I think I should have sought out another therapist. It's not to late, I can always go. Surely, I probably need someone. I should have done it a long time ago or I wouldn't be in such a mess right now.
Again, with this, go carefully. Find out which counsellors are around - ask which "model" they use (a counselling model is a basic framework/structure/method, and it helps to know, because then you can know more or less what to expect).
quote:
Manda, he didn't care about me, he was using me for his own needs. Sucking me dry and I was catering to him. The more time I have away from him, the more I can see what it really was. I helped him tolerate his marriage, I gave him an outlet, I treated him like a King. He would make comments like "I've been eating out of a can for a week, thanks baby!", "what would I do without you in my life", just self serving comments. I didn't get much out of this relationship-friendship, whatever. Sorry to vent!!! My brain is just getting clearer and clearer!!
Don't apologise for venting! Especially if it is cathartic for you. Happy to listen. 
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/11/2008 9:08:04 PM
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manda59
Posts: 5999
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Liveloved
Do what you know to be right. Leave the relationship.
Liveloved
If you'd read the whole thread you'd know the OP already *has*. 2 weeks ago.
When joining a thread late, it's always a good idea to check the whole thing out first!
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/11/2008 9:15:54 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1840
Status: offline
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quote:
Liveloved
If you'd read the whole thread you'd know the OP already *has*. 2 weeks ago.
When joining a thread late, it's always a good idea to check the whole thing out first!
Thanks, manda. I'd already edited but not soon enough. Anyway, it is good to be 'caught up'. Thanks for your help. LL
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/12/2008 7:55:38 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1760
Joined: 5/23/2006
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quote:
still think of him everyday. He is making it a little easy, by not trying to contact me.
I want to caution you that you are allowing yourself to remain on very dangerous ground by keeping thoughts of him everyday. It almost sounds like if he makes any effort at all to renew contact either by dropping by or calling etc that you will give in to it and restart the cycle again.
Please pray that God will give you strength that even if he does all those things and more that you will NOT GIVE IN to even allowing yourself to dwell on thinking about this person.
Our mind is one of our biggest battle grounds when it comes to temptations. We HAVE to take EVERY THOUGHT captive....the way we do that is rebuke the wrong thought instantly (in this case ANY thoughts of him) with a thought of what God's will is for you life. God has called us to holiness. He instructs us to think upon those things which are lovely, good, peaceful, pure.....
Build your thought life on those things NOT on someone else's husband. You said you still miss him everyday and hope he comes by...so I think it is URGENT you force yourself to think on other things.
Is there a special interest you could involve yourself with? Maybe a volunteer project with your church? a community mission project? Something that limits your free time and forces your mind to be busy elsewhere?
You really do have to take authority over your thought life. It is not going to happen on it's own. One way to leave bad habits behind is become so involved in new projects that are good that you have little energy left over at the end of the day for dwelling on sin.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/12/2008 3:59:16 PM
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manda59
Posts: 5999
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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nuinchrist
Could I just ask you - have you deleted his number from your phone? deleted his email address from your address book? blocked his number from your work phone? (or at least asked work if this can be done?)
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/13/2008 4:39:08 PM
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MC4JC
Posts: 201
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Minnesota
Status: offline
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Buckfin is right. You mention him ALL the time (thinking about him every day). This is dangerous. You need to focus on something else (or other things) and NOT on this man. Every time you mentioned him and think about him you are not moving on. You are standing still and still inside "wish" he was around.
Please get into a singles group or church group where you are busy and having other contacts and not even giving this man a 2nd thought. Pray to God to take away the desires/thoughts. Otherwise you will wind up back in touch.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/16/2008 11:21:00 AM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
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Hello Ladies,
Above_all, congrad! I hope you had a lovely time.
Yes, I'm doing just fine. I've been so busy at work and haven't had the time to post. Things are moving along nicely. NC still and thinking of him a little less everyday!
Now Manda, I did delete the numbers. Gone all gone! I'm so happy today. I had a wonderful weekend, GOD is blessing me everyday!
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