RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/27/2008 9:57:03 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1760
Joined: 5/23/2006
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If your dr. told you tomorrow you had cancer would you say oh it's ok let's just leave it there and let it grow and then meet 3 yrs. from now to talk about what has happened?
Same difference- sin is a cancer that has to be cut out of our lives. It always seems ok in the beginning, but the Bible is clear on the end. The wages of sin is DEATH.
If you think you can have an affair with a married man, stop the sexual part (although sex is more than the act itself) and continue on as if nothing has ever happened or as if no harm is being doing then satan has you right where he wants you. Blinded to the truth
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/27/2008 10:53:48 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1026
Joined: 4/29/2005
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You seem to be stuck on the idea that your sexual affair was a sin, but (you think) your continued conversations & friendship is not a sin.
Most people know the top few sins, like the 10 commandments etc. But isn't it sin to disobey any command? (Well, there's some context issues in the Old Testament, but that's not where I'm going with this) If a command is given by an Apostle, written in the Bible and binding for all Christians for all time... My friend your obedience is mandatory, and the same Holy Spirit that revealed the command in the first place lives in your heart to call you to purity and give you strength to accomplish it.
Don't worry. It's not some confusing passage. It's straightforward, a real command, and you are disobeying it, even when you are not sleeping with this man, even if you never sleep with him again.
The command I'm talking about is Hebrews 13:4
"Marriage should be honored by all"
You can't honour his marriage while continuing to have any kind of contact with him. His contact with you clearly weakens his marriage -- it doesn't honour it for sure!
Enough said.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 2:12:08 AM
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KnowJesus
Posts: 263
Joined: 7/21/2006
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Please, put your focus on Jesus...Get to know him intimately. Take your eyes off yourself, and the man who is married...and look to Jesus inviting him to be the love of your life. His love never fails.
The devil doesn't want you to stop seeing this married man. He wants his wife to find out about you, too. And she will, if she doesn't already suspect him. Be sure your sins will find you out.
Now maybe that sounded preachy to you, I'm sorry if it did. But, I care about what you are going through. I pray the Lord will convict your heart and lead you out of this emotional, sexual affair. Actually, I know Christ can lead you out...but you have to trust him..and put away your desire, and that mans desire to be with you.
Praying for you...in Jesus name.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 3:28:17 AM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 625
Joined: 7/13/2007
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You've gotten some good advice here. As long as you keep this relationship going then your relationship with God will suffer. Disobedience separates us from God.
Personally, I think it would be a good idea to confess your sin to this man's wife. More than likely she already knows that something is going on. She may not know exactly what or with who but I'll bet she senses something is off. When sin is brought into the light it tends to stop whereas it thrives in darkness. If everyone knew about your affair then it's very likely that one or both of you would end the "friendship" out of shame, embarrassment, desire to save the family (on his part) etc.
This relationship is not healthy for either of you nor is it morally right. It may be hard to stop seeing him but it's not impossible. God will give you the strength to let go and He will bless you for it.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 9:06:57 AM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
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Thank you for all your advice and I read them intently. I'm so in pain right now. I'm starting today with no contact and I'm crying. Just the thought of being alone and not communicating with him is heart wrenching. God knows my heart and clearly this will be difficult, but I must tackle this. I'm planning on going out of town this weekend and finding it so difficult not to tell him my plans. Please pray for me as I do know this is wrong.
I'm not going to further justify this. I just hope I get stronger with each passing day. I love him.....I need to turn that into love for God first and for me.
Thanks!
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 10:58:53 AM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3116
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nuinchrist
Thank you for all your advice and I read them intently. I'm so in pain right now. I'm starting today with no contact and I'm crying. Just the thought of being alone and not communicating with him is heart wrenching. God knows my heart and clearly this will be difficult, but I must tackle this. I'm planning on going out of town this weekend and finding it so difficult not to tell him my plans. Please pray for me as I do know this is wrong.
I'm not going to further justify this. I just hope I get stronger with each passing day. I love him.....I need to turn that into love for God first and for me.
Thanks!
I know you are in pain, but if you make this break and are obedient to God, He will truly become all that you have mistakenly believed you had found in this unfaithful man.
The Lord will become your faithful companion, friend, and encourager. He will dry your tears, heal your broken heart, and give you His strength to endure this.
Then you will be free from this ungodly relationship and nothing is better than being free from sin and living withour shame before the Lord!
I encourage you to be strong and do not call him to tell him your plans for this weekend. You owe him nothing. Make a clean break now...you will never be sorry.
Go with God!
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 11:05:24 AM
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deermousie
Posts: 1859
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
nuinchrist
If you truly want to be free of the hold this man has over you, this is what you will need to do.
Identify what need the friendship meets in you, and then pray to God about it: tell Him that you are sorry for looking to this man, instead of to Him, and then ask HIM to come into that empty part of you and meet that need instead. And then, in obedience, be willing to take whatever steps are necessary to put distance between you two.
You can't stop on your own - but with Christ, you can.
Please, for your own sake and for the sake of Christ, don't be part of this web of deceit any more. Too many lives (your own included) depend on it.
I echo this and all the good advice given here.
Run, Nuinchrist. This is not good and can't end well. Run!
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 11:41:49 AM
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sudden
Posts: 164
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Toronto
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nuinchrist
Guys,
Do you really believe that a friendship with this person is not possible. I know his wife and she is unaware of what has happened. Is there any way that I can remain friends with him?
As I said before...Yes, there is! Include the wife in every get together you have - make friends with her as well.
Suddenh
_____________________________
I will lie down in rest and sleep and peace, for thou, O Lord, only makest me to dwell in safety.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 12:02:36 PM
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Striving2BVirtuous
Posts: 50
Joined: 3/15/2008
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Hello to you...
I am rather suprised (maybe I missed it somewhere), but I am suprised that no one has mentioned that this man is STILL cheating on his wife with you. Cheating, of course, is not limited to sexual contact. I whole heartedly believe that emotional cheating is just as wrong. I understand that he is coming to you with his problems and such, but as another poster mentioned, he should be discussing these things with HIS WIFE. And if you HONESTLY believe that your friendship with him is OK, then you would have no need to exclude his wife. If you were not doing anything wrong, then you would have befriended his wife by now as well. But you KNOW that would be wrong.
And if nothing else, it always helps to put yourself in someone elses shoes. That's a good rule of thumb in life period. You already know that if YOU were his wife, you would be devasted.
And I truly think that telling her will help you as well. And to be honest with you, that just might be the thing you need to light a fire under you (per say), to get you to level that you are curretly attempting to reach. Seeing her reaction is going to leave an image in your mind that you will never be able to get rid of. And the ONLY way to overcome sin in our life is to confess the sin and to be held ACCOUNTABLE. Accountability is KEY. When we are held accountable for things, it brings about the necessary shift in our conscious that is needed to do our best to sin no more. You are not feeling the level of guilt that you need to feel to completly cut it off. You probably feel guilt to a certain extent, but not at the level that you need to feel it.
If the thought of even telling her is too much for you, then the thought of "friendship" with this man will start to become less and less appealing.
Anything that we have to hide or do in the dark, is God's way of telling us that it's wrong. PERIOD. Anytime you even have to stop and ask the question "Is this or that wrong?" ....then YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT'S IT'S WRONG. Otherwise, you wouldnt even have to question it.
Praying for you and yes you are correct, a sin is a sin. But it's habitual sin that God hates even more. Doing something and not knowing any better is one thing, but to continue doing it knowing that it's wrong...takes it to a while new level.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 12:04:51 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3116
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sudden
quote:
ORIGINAL: nuinchrist
Guys,
Do you really believe that a friendship with this person is not possible. I know his wife and she is unaware of what has happened. Is there any way that I can remain friends with him?
As I said before...Yes, there is! Include the wife in every get together you have - make friends with her as well.
Suddenh
There is no hope for a friendship here regardless of whether or not you include the wife.
Put yourself in the wife's position...how would you feel if your husband and his former mistress came to you and told you they'd ended their affair and were now requesting that you all become one happy family?
Too much damage, pain and hurt have taken place through you and this man...and to ask his wife to now be your friend would be extraordinarily cruel.
The foundation for friendship between any of you has been destroyed.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 12:20:12 PM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
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I'm ready......I'm eager to right the wrong I've done. But, I don't want to tell the wife. I don't want to cause more pain to a painful situation. I must and now end this. I'm determined to get over this hump. I don't know how long the pain will last and I'm crying now, because I've made the decision and I'm moving forward.
Telling the wife is not an option. This is my pain and my hurt. She should be protected from this foolishness. Some how, he needs to work through his failed marriage or whatever it is. It's their marriage and I'm responsible for what I've done. I don't want and don't need to crush her further.
God help me and please speak to him.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 12:47:35 PM
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Striving2BVirtuous
Posts: 50
Joined: 3/15/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nuinchrist
Telling the wife is not an option. This is my pain and my hurt. She should be protected from this foolishness. Some how, he needs to work through his failed marriage or whatever it is. It's their marriage and I'm responsible for what I've done. I don't want and don't need to crush her further.
God help me and please speak to him.
I know that telling his wife would be even more painful. But the thing about it is this: When (and I reiterate WHEN not IF), you cut him off, if it's not you he's cheating with, it will be someone else. So my point is that this man STILL HAS A PROBLEM. And to be honest with you, if you are really his FRIEND, a true friend would want to get him the help that he needs to be a better person, a better man, a better husband, a better father ect.... A true friend does not always say and do what WE WANT, but a true friend will say and do the things that we NEED.
Telling his wife will be hard, but oftern times, it takes a dramatic event in life to make the changes that we need to make. This man is not going to change because he hasn't had any consequences for his behavior. You should tell her so that the two of them can begin to work on his issues and mend their broken marriage. And maybe even her issues as well.
Think about it....she will be hurt if she were to find out about the two of you and it wouldnt be her fault because she simply does not know that she has a cheating husband. But if you tell her, you can help save her from a lifetime of his cheating, because he's going to do it again. And that way, she at least knows what she is up against and has the chance to make informed decisions about her life and her marriage. Don't take that oppurtunity away from her. At least give her that much.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 1:13:31 PM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
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Striving,
No way.....I'm a coward. I've been in the women's house. I've ate Thanksgiving dinner with them. She's been to my establishment (I use to own a restuarant). I'm a coward and can't do it. Please, I don't need another burden and I certainly don't want to end their marriage. Let God work through them. I just can't. Ending it now is enough to deal with.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 1:34:18 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3116
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Striving2BVirtuous
quote:
ORIGINAL: nuinchrist
Telling the wife is not an option. This is my pain and my hurt. She should be protected from this foolishness. Some how, he needs to work through his failed marriage or whatever it is. It's their marriage and I'm responsible for what I've done. I don't want and don't need to crush her further.
God help me and please speak to him.
I know that telling his wife would be even more painful. But the thing about it is this: When (and I reiterate WHEN not IF), you cut him off, if it's not you he's cheating with, it will be someone else. So my point is that this man STILL HAS A PROBLEM. And to be honest with you, if you are really his FRIEND, a true friend would want to get him the help that he needs to be a better person, a better man, a better husband, a better father ect.... A true friend does not always say and do what WE WANT, but a true friend will say and do the things that we NEED.
Telling his wife will be hard, but oftern times, it takes a dramatic event in life to make the changes that we need to make. This man is not going to change because he hasn't had any consequences for his behavior. You should tell her so that the two of them can begin to work on his issues and mend their broken marriage. And maybe even her issues as well.
Think about it....she will be hurt if she were to find out about the two of you and it wouldnt be her fault because she simply does not know that she has a cheating husband. But if you tell her, you can help save her from a lifetime of his cheating, because he's going to do it again. And that way, she at least knows what she is up against and has the chance to make informed decisions about her life and her marriage. Don't take that oppurtunity away from her. At least give her that much.
The only reason nuinChrist should go to the wife is for the purpose of asking for her forgiveness. It is not her responsibility to alert the wife to what a cad she's married to, nor should that be her motivation.
NuinChrist, perhaps some day the Lord will bring you to a place that you might desire to ask for her forgiveness for sinning against her. It may take time, but that may be a part of God's plan for your restoration, and if it is, He will equip you to do it. I suggest you commit it to some serious prayer for now.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 2:24:03 PM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
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I did it!!! I know some of you will disagree but here is what I told him and I will not answer any more emails, txt, or phone calls.
_____________________________ MY MESSAG TO HIM_____________
In the last few weeks I’ve been really trying to find my place in life and grow spiritually. I’ve made some mistakes and I really want to take positive strides to making things right and do the right thing.
I want to open myself up to what’s good and happiness that’s sure to come, as long as I have my house in order. (name), I love you and wish you the best. It’s been so difficult not maintaining a relationship with you. You are almost all I have, but we need to stop. It’s not good for you, your family, my self-worth, nothing. I’ve spent the majority of my life self-gratifying, I’m ready to stop. I want a permanent relationship that’s reciprocal in every way, happiness, fun, mutual respect, sadness and unlike you, I don’t want to find bits of happiness. That’s not good enough.
The most ironic message is that you’ve help me through this journey. I was allowed to love you and realized I can care enough about someone to change and give back without expecting anything in return. I was very happy doing it !!!
I’m going to (CITY) this weekend to enjoy the family and focus my energy helping them and adding value. Have a good weekend and I hope you decided what your future is going to be. Don’t let life dictate that. God has other plans.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 2:41:40 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3116
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
I did it!!! I know some of you will disagree but here is what I told him and I will not answer any more emails, txt, or phone calls.
You should change your e-mail address and cell number to ensure that you don't answer and that he really get's the message. ETA: Or at least block his phone number and email address,
I doubt if he will give up without a fight and if you have a moment of weakness, you may be tempted.
Close and lock all the doors he can use to get to you.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 2:44:53 PM
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bluestone
Posts: 2934
Joined: 2/25/2008
From: United States of America
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don't smell the cookies baking when you know you are on a diet.
_____________________________
I need Christ. Not something that resembles Christ.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 2:52:54 PM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
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Blue,
What does that mean? Seriously! "Don't smell the cookies baking when you know you are on a diet". Somehow, I don't need to be baking cookies....(LOL)
I guess I get the point. Changing email - definetly doable, changing phone # not doable (company phone), but I can block the number. How hard will it be to see the number pop up and not answer. I will certainly block it!
Guys, please don't stop helping me. I want to grow in God's grace and want to stronger and prosper.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 2:55:28 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3116
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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God is not only going to see you through this, He is going to bless you so abundantly that you will be in awe.
Hang tight, Sugar..He will never let you go!
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 2:55:29 PM
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bluestone
Posts: 2934
Joined: 2/25/2008
From: United States of America
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It means avoid temptation.
_____________________________
I need Christ. Not something that resembles Christ.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 8/28/2008 3:02:59 PM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
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What are some verses about avoiding temptation? I can look it up, but if you guys know some real strong versus that I can recite that would be great. That's my biggest problem. My son just went back to school, I'm in a new town with limited friends and I'm an extravert. Which means, I like people around me. Temptation - key word! That's what I need to work on. Loving me and being alone and God says "be patient". The hardest thing to do is be patient and stand still and be discerning!
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