Spouse Cheated...Now what? (Full Version)

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WomanLovingJesus -> Spouse Cheated...Now what? (8/25/2008 4:48:20 PM)

A few months ago I caught an email conversation that my husband had with a woman he use to work with. He has not seen this woman in over 2 years, however, one morning she sent him naked pictures to his cell phone. As the day went on, they flirted HEAVILY back and forth (although never mentioned getting together or actually wanting to have sex with each other) via text messages and email. Essentially he asked for more pictures and said how great she looked etc.

We have passwords to eachothers email accounts (simply because we use the same password for all of our online bill payments etc.)and for some reason I checked his email for the first time ever on the day he was having this email conversation. I confronted him and simply asked if he had anything to tell me. He confessed and we subsequently have spent the last few months praying, crying, going to counseling etc.

Now we are at the point that he just wants to foret about it and move on, while I am still hurt. I have all of these flooding questions such as...does he really want me, is he just staying in the marriage because he feels obligated, what else has he done?!? I have never felt so insecure in my marriage and I am struggling to let it go. I dont understand why he did it...I dont know how he could entertain and flirt with another woman sexually (even though it was over text messages and email)!

Any advice and all prayers would be greatly appreciated. I have lost so much confidence in myself as a woman and a wife.



truthrevealed -> RE: Spouse Cheated...Now what? (8/25/2008 5:58:17 PM)

Father, I pray for healing and restoration in this marriage. Grant each person insight and understanding to any underlying issues, reveal to them truth about themselves and the situation that will set them free and will move them on in faith. May her husband abide in your word, love your word and begin to see himself as the man and husband you have created him to be. May she be healed from her hurts. Maythey both be ROOTED and GROUNDED in your love, knowing the width, depth &length of your love for them. May her husband turn from his way and find comfort and confidence in seeking you for forgiveness and restoration, in Jesus' name Amen!

I understand that your husband wants to move on, but perhaps you need to have another discussion where you ask him the questions that you posed. But I believe your trust and confidence must be in God(once your questions have been answered)because it's only in Him that you'll be free to move on.



joysword -> RE: Spouse Cheated...Now what? (8/25/2008 8:53:04 PM)

Blessings to you in Jesus Name

Here is a site that I think you would find helpful for this current situation you are faced with. I pray that you will be filled and comforted with the Lord's love and may his peace be bound to your body and families.

The website is EDITED TOS 16
Go to her XP TV and Videos Enter in and watch the XP videos
look for the one that she is addressing the Todd Bentley situation.
This man is a mighty man of God who has been doing the work of his calling and the Lord had moved in mighty ways for the body of Christ.
However, as you will hear, we have an obligation to the Lord and it's time we deny ourselves completely and fullfill our mission in Christ Jesus.

Let me also say, I'm not married, have no children but I have been birth with a cry for families to be reconciled, for men and women to seek after the Lord in Spirit and in Truth, in righteousness not our own but of God's.
To pray and cry out for our teens, our children also who the enemy is out to distroy. However, I'm tired of watching christian god-fearing homes fall apart, which compels me to seek after the Lord further because I'm not married yet. However, I will not allow fear to keep me from believing I will have a successful marriage, yet I know that if the enemy is out there on assignments to destroy, kill and divide. I have my assignment to counterattack, pray for the body of christ as a whole. He's after us all and wants nothing more to get us side track, lose focus and fall into temptations whatever they may be from vulgarity, mind battles, sin done in action of any sort.

IF you would get upset at satan for coming into your camp, then attack back because greater is HE who is in YOU and YOUR HUSBAND, than he who is in the world. God already knew the end before the beginning and this was not what He was planning on but because you know who you are in HIM, will allow you to press through these situations. I can also suggest reading Beth Moore books because before I even knew of her the Lord led me to buy her books power of praying woman, wife, husband and others from then on, I have continued to intercede for myself, family, friends and the body of Christ.

I have my own questions to the Lord concerning marriage, divorcees yet I know that God who began a good work in us all will complete it. We have to desire to know HIM in all ways, every situation and die to ourselves so that HE may live freely in and through us.

I believe your husband loves you and God knew your love for him would pull him through his tough battles. NO, they would not be easy but I have heard it time and time again, marriage is not easy but it's a daily fight to have the marriage you know is possible. God knew he would need a powerful mighty woman of God who would love and intercede for him, and God also knew you would need that mighty man of God who will love you as you continued to love him inspite of all his failures.

You love because God, Jesus and Holy Spirit love through you both and when you look at one another it's not the other you see but Christ within eachother and that love will get you through any battle you will face. We are created in HIS image, both male and female alike, we are the workmanship, we are the wisdom of God breathing and living in this world to show the spiritual beings of the high places, principalaties just who God really is through us in Christ Jesus. Read God's Word, you'll see that this to shall pass.

I'll be praying for restoration, healing and remember where love abounds grace abounds also.
JOYsWord
Prov3:5-6[;)]



deermousie -> RE: Spouse Cheated...Now what? (8/25/2008 10:55:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WomanLovingJesus

Now we are at the point that he just wants to foret about it and move on, while I am still hurt.


This is a common problem in marriages that have suffered adultery (yes, it's adultery when a partner gets a sexual thrill outside the relationship that he promised to keep and forsake all others. He broke his wedding vows).

You are hurt because you suffered real loss. It is his fault that you suffered loss, and I'd think (I'm no trained counselor) it would be his job to fix that gaping hole with whatever it took to make his wife feel secure again.

Guy doesn't like dealing with it? Tough. He caused it. Remember what your mother said - if you break it, you clean it up and fix it.

Is he a Christian? Did he confess he did this, repent in remorse and and vow to not repeat it? Then his "job" is done as far as that goes, but he needs to heal the huge hole he blew in his marriage and wife's heart. If his marriage is important to him then he needs to do whatever it takes to fix it. He needs to be accountable to you so you aren't worried he's doing it again. If he wants his marriage, he'll do this (even if he doesn't like it).

At least, that's my take. You guys *really* need to be in marriage counseling and get some real help. This is an emergency situation. If he won't go, then go alone.

He's the one who blew it, not you, so when you feel worthless or guilty fight back with Scripture and the truth - you are of great worth because Jesus died for you and you didn't cheat, your husband did. The guilt is his.

I'm praying for you, dear one. God bless you both, and heal your marriage. (((Hugs)))



stamper_ben -> RE: Spouse Cheated...Now what? (8/26/2008 12:18:14 PM)

My wife left me to cheat with another man not too long ago. She has repented and made the decision to throw her lot in with me since then. Yes, it is also her desire to "forget about it and move on".

What to do? Do I remain in the past and continue to dwell on the indiscretion, basically being an unforgiving spouse, or do I too "move on" and live our lives to the fullest we can? I chose the latter.

Do I keep my eyes open? yes, I do. Do I have the trust with her that I had before? No, not yet, that will take time to be rebuilt. But until and unless there is any reason to confront the issue again it is and will remain in the past.

I just want to add that we both can even laugh at it now, making jokes about it. Let me tell you, that is healing and God's grace that lets us do that.

I also want to add that at the time I never doubted my ability to be a man and husband, for I DID NOTHING WRONG! Do not doubt your self worth sister. That is an attack of satan who wants to destroy each and every Christian marriage he can.



restinginHim -> RE: Spouse Cheated...Now what? (8/27/2008 9:14:47 AM)

I see our brothers and sisters have offered you wonderful counsel and i hope my words may also be added and be a blessing to you.

I feel i understand what you are going through because my marriage has suffered from the hurt of my husband's adultery. Through years of this struggle i have grown so much closer to God and by His grace and blood of Jesus i was born again.

Well, the way i have come through with peace again is by His grace and counsel of the Holy Spirit And THANKSGIVING. I try to remember when all seems lost to PRAISE GOD for all He is and He eternal love for me.

Also through FAITH that I know GOD is with me and loves me for i am His daughter.

When moments get really tough and agitated i try not to fret and yell and cry or scream [sm=widecry.gif] like the apostles did when in the boat during the storm (Matthew 8:24-27) but to have FAITH that GOD will calm the storm and bring me through. Like Paul and Silas had FAITH when they were imprisoned (Acts 16:25). At times like that i too try to remember to sing hymns or recite scripture (even in my head) while giving PRAISE.

Lastly, peace which passeth understanding truly does come to my spirit - at the oddest times too[sm=icon_smile.gif]. And healing is happening in our marriage as i pray that you too will receive the peace and healing for yourself and your marriage in the name of Jesus our Messiah.

Phil. 4:4-7 Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say , Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Psalm 46: 10. Be still, and know that I am God;

Psalm 31:3 For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name's sake lead me, and guide me.


May we all continually grow in Christ,
resting [sm=wave.gif] HalleluYAH!! (blessed be His Holy Name)



Hislittleone -> RE: Spouse Cheated...Now what? (8/27/2008 1:16:29 PM)

quote:

Now we are at the point that he just wants to foret about it and move on, while I am still hurt. I have all of these flooding questions such as...does he really want me, is he just staying in the marriage because he feels obligated, what else has he done?!? I have never felt so insecure in my marriage and I am struggling to let it go. I dont understand why he did it...I dont know how he could entertain and flirt with another woman sexually (even though it was over text messages and email)!

Any advice and all prayers would be greatly appreciated. I have lost so much confidence in myself as a woman and a wife.


I'm so sorry this is happening to you. My husband used to have a problem with porn so I can understand how much this hurts. As Deermousie said, this is adultery and should not be treated as anything less. IME it's common for a man with an unrepentant heart to expect his wife to forget and heal quickly (within his desired timeframe). A husband who is truly repentant will do whatever it takes to win back your trust and your heart. He will give you all the time you need to heal. I suggest you begin praying for the Holy Spirit to work in his heart and bring him to true repentance that he may have a restored relationship with God and with you.

I often recommend this website to women who's husband's have been involved in affairs (both physical and non-physical). It's a great place to receive encouragment and support from other women who understand exactly what you are going through. You can also get other's input on other ministries that deal with these issues. http://www.fredstoeker.com/community/ The Every Heart Restored thread is the one especially for wives.



restinginHim -> RE: Spouse Cheated...Now what? (8/27/2008 3:25:16 PM)

His little one,
That site you just suggested was helpful to me as well. The thread "We will all die unless we take our thoughts captive" really hit home for me. Thanks for the blessing.

Woman Loving Jesus,
As you can see you are not alone -- many are praying.



bfavray -> RE: Spouse Cheated...Now what? (9/16/2008 11:04:10 AM)

I want to say thanks to all that have posted to this post. I have found some sense of comfort in all your words. The last 2 years of my marriage have been far from great. Both parties have wanted the same thing but because of both my wife and myself not being the one to make the 1st step things have just gotten worse.

4 weeks ago the day before our 1st Counslor session i found out she had been calling and texting a Dr she used to work with as she nows stays home with our Daughter and does daycare from our home. When confronted she told me that yes she was talking to him and that he has been filling a void that I stopped filling. This destroyed me in my mind the emotional bond they had been making over the last 2 weeks was to me just as bad as if she has slept with him. Well the next day we had our 1st session and she made it clear that she was not sure if she could make this work. She said she needed a weekend to get away to think straight and our counslor agreed. Against my own better judgement I let her go.

Well Last Monday I discovered she has been to his house from a e-mail I found. I sat down with her and she finally admitted she had gone to his house the Friday we had our 1st session. She also admitted that they did sleep together. My worst nightmare came true. Well we talked and a lot of things come out. To me when I met her I was 4 years out of a marriage that I ruined due to my unfaithulness. In fact when I met my wife I was living with another woman. So I am no one to cast any stones. But when I married her I made a promise that the way I used to be was in the past. In fact as we sat and talked I could relate to her because I had been in her shoes. I told her that she married me knowing my past and still took a chance on me and I wanted her to see the man she had helped me become. In fact because of that I felt there is no way I could not do the same for her. I listened to her and felt that she was being honest about her mistake. In fact I could hear the pain in her voice.

The one thing in her life she never wanted to be was like her father that did the same thing and hurt her and her mother. Now the good news is in the 8 years we have been togther we have only talked about God on a few instances Due to different upbringings. Well this past Sunday we went to church for the 1st time together and we are making God the number one thing in our lives and Marriage.

Ok thats the long story of it. I just need help dealing with my mind. it is the demon I face at any second of any day. One thing I have never had to worry about with my wife before this was trust. Now I am pained because this is the 1st time ever since we have been together that i face this feeling or emotion. I am leaning on the Great Physician to help me thru this but I find encourgement from posts like these. I aks that you pray for myself and my family as well as for God to give me the strength to get thru this storm. Any other suggestions and books or anything that ANYONE of you has for more would be a great gift to me in one of the darkest days of my life. Funny it is also one of the brightest with us surrendering to the Lord... Anything once again you can think of to help me deal with this issue and I would be greatly thankful...



restinginHim -> RE: Spouse Cheated...Now what? (9/16/2008 11:49:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bfavray... I aks that you pray for myself and my family as well as for God to give me the strength to get thru this storm.

I am praying for you and your marriage.
quote:

... would be a great gift to me in one of the darkest days of my life. Funny it is also one of the brightest with us surrendering to the Lord...
How very truthful.



leesw -> RE: Spouse Cheated...Now what? (9/30/2008 2:08:09 PM)

I think you'll find help at http://www.marriagesaver.com



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