Does a man's job make a difference? (Full Version)

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APZR -> Does a man's job make a difference? (8/23/2008 6:09:49 PM)

If a man makes a good living and is stable, does his job determine your level in interest? Just curious because...

I have two divorced men living near me in their 40's. One is my main painting sub-contractor, and the other is a neighbor. Both are nice men who have been divorced for several years, and in both cases... she walked out on the family. Both have teenage daughters and are always there for them. My painter guy owns his house. He's a hard worker and probably makes $50K/year. My neighbor owns his house and is a foreman for a major commercial contractor. Rugged, dirty blue jeans and steel toe boots kind of work, but he brings home $80k a year. Not a bad living in either case, but would their job or career choice alone be a major turn off for potential dates and women? With some of the post lately about where are the good men... I'm wondering why are these guys are still single? Unless by choice, once bitten twice shy.



BugLady -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/23/2008 7:01:45 PM)

quote:

Unless by choice, once bitten twice shy.


This is my guess. But I'm also sure it depends upon the man. The men you've described are like someone I'm close to. Although his daughter is grown now. His bond with her seems almost stronger than her's with her mother. It's more socially/culturally acceptable, so to speak, for men to abandon their families, but when a mother does, wow. The man still gets blamed. He didn't make her happy. He didn't provide the life she wanted. And so on. I don't know why, but I think it can be more painful for a good man betrayed by his wife than a woman with a philandering husband. I say that only because women tend to have greater access to support systems through friends than men do. Women are "allowed' to break-down. A man not so much.

Those are my thoughts anyway. If either of these men are like the one I know, I'd be honored to be in a relationship with them.



Prairiehiker -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/23/2008 7:26:23 PM)

There's a lot of factors that affects a man's attractiveness level, with job/income being in the list. How high they are in the list will be determined by the person they're trying to attract. Some women would be attracted to them, and some just won't.

My personal opinion. Anything above $50K a year will not affect my attraction for any man. It would have to be his behaviour that would affect his attractiveness in my eyes. Below that, and I would have to see more in terms of character for me to be attracted to a man. Why I say this is just because I'm naturally driven, and to a degree, I'd like a man who's more driven than I am. However, if he's not driven in his career, the one thing that would make a man attractive in my eyes would be how he treats people around him. If he's the kindest, most generous, most compassionate man I know, I wouldn't care how much money he makes as long as he can take care of himself and he's utilizing his talents and abilities.

Also, some women have a preference to blue collar or white collar men. I'm attracted to men who are into physical labour. You know...the carpenter, construction worker type. However, if their mannerism is somewhat boorish, like the stereotypical construction workers who whistles and makes obscene gestures to women when they pass by, I doubt I'd be attracted to them. I am never attracted to men in suit or men that are prettier than me, lol.

Does that make sense? Money only goes so far. It's true that a person's happiness doesn't increase with the increase of his money above a certain amount (at one time, it was $50000; it's probably more now). It's the same for attractiveness.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/23/2008 10:43:05 PM)

If he's hard-working and responsible, then the actual job he does, barring moral constraints, would not make a difference to me...except there are some jobs that make family life very difficult (doctor, etc.) and that would have to be factored in.



losgan -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/23/2008 11:12:28 PM)

If he is hard working, stable, makes a good living, and enjoys what he does - how could I have a problem with that? (Unless it was in some way unethical ... like dealing tables at a casino or something).



rgod -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/23/2008 11:33:06 PM)

I used to think that way until fairly recently. I didn't take blue collar guys seriously because I didn't think they were intellectual enough for me. But, then I met a man who was a house painter and who was one of the smartest guys I'd ever met. He challenged me and I loved it! I also met a white collar man who was - on paper - intellectual (he was a counselor). However, as we spoke, it became increasingly clear to me that he didn't like talking about ideas and there was no intellectual challenge.

But the story doesn't end there. The Lord started dealing with me concerning my pride over being intellectual. Then he showed me that I wasn't nearly as intellectual as I thought I was (ouch!!!) Then I realized that I was being a snob and a hypocrite because I come from a blue collar background (ouch ouch!!!!) Then I realized that being an intellectual is not everything - we can easily lose it (illness, physical impairment) or might not be considered intellectual if we change fields (ouch ouch ouch!!!!) And intellectualism doesn't replace character. I'd rather be with a kind man any day than an arrogant man who rivals einstein in terms of brilliance.

So in a relatively short time, my entire outlook on this changed. So while I still find smart men to be tremendously attractive, intellect is definitely not everything. So the guy's job is just a side issue. Unless he is doing something where I think there will be a serious clash to fundamental views (I once had interest from a man who was a very conservative lobbyist who seemed to be very passionate about his job. I felt that our views would clash because I am a moderate - but lean to the left on some issues and to the right on others.) I think things have changed for me too because since I'm making less now, I'm not nearly as worried about whether my career/job is going to cause a problem for the guy.



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/24/2008 7:53:53 AM)

quote:

If a man makes a good living and is stable, does his job determine your level in interest? Just curious because...

No.

I know people from all walks of life who are just incredible. What they do doesn't make a bit of difference. As a matter of fact, as a woman who's had to do her own home-repairs, I'd appreciate someone who was handy.

On further thought, I need some painting and contracting done. Would you consider introducing us?[;)][8D]



lexie -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/24/2008 10:00:25 AM)

Like most have said, unless there are moral and ethical factors it doesn't matter to me what their job is.

As well, we have to be careful not to judge people immediately on their jobs and educational backgrounds. We don't know why people are where they are. Two of my BIL's had high school educations and worked in warehouses packing boxes. I'm sure a lot of people would look down on that, but they are both very smart and able people. It's just that when the family came to Canada (10 people in total), they were the two oldest and they both went to work right away to help support the family.

If a man is stable and works to support his family the best he can, it doesn't matter the type of job he has.



car2ner -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/24/2008 12:57:08 PM)

Perhaps it's not the work they do but what they do in their spare time. With manual labor, perhaps they like to come home and relax. You don't meet many women that way.

Other than that, the career choice shouldn't be an issue if they earn enough and are responsible with the money. By middle age a woman wants a man who can handle a dollar wisely and I am sure men want the same thing in their women.



sudden -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/24/2008 1:30:41 PM)

What a man makes can make a difference to the overall household income. One must decide on how one wishes to live. If it were myself I wouldn't care because I make a good living...some women, in not so fortunate circumstances it would make a great deal of difference to.

For me an honest job is all that matters. It does not matter how dirty one gets while performing it.

The main turn-off for these two gentlemen for me would be those teenage kids...or any kids at all. It is difficult for two people to get along rather than adding more people to the mix. Having been in the dating scene in my early 40s I avoided anyone with children at home. Who needs that complication? A resentful child can make the home an ugly battle ground.

As for why they're not dating...most likely as you described once bitten-twice shy.

Yours for making wise choices,

Sudden



APZR -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/24/2008 1:46:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
On further thought, I need some painting and contracting done. Would you consider introducing us?[;)][8D]


Only after MY own house is done. [;)] But I'd need him back next month, starting 2 more for selling/renting. [:D]



captainfraulein -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/24/2008 10:54:51 PM)

I think there is that je ne sais quoi factor...I have it in my head I should find a man who is a solid provider however blue collars men lately I've run into who have turned my head. One was a man selling fire extinguishers (baby put out my fire)...however he did not seem to be a believer. I am attracted to smart, passionate men. Doesn't seem to be at the end of the day how much money they make...or what they do.

But if he is not a believer, it is no matter. I don't want. Sitting by myself in the pew at church while beloved stays at home is not what I am looking for.

I like intelligence and wit.



allisonbrett -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/26/2008 5:20:02 PM)

My husband is a mechanic, a very gifted one but still a grease monkey. He gets very greasy, dirty and grimey and often smells like oil and gas. UGH! He was NOT was I was looking for.

I've got college degrees and have always been very white collar. When we met i was looking for a white collar guy but.... God knew what he was doing. My husband is a gifted problem solver and has more common sense than anyone else I know. He may not be academically inclined but what he does, he does very well. If I had overlooked him due to his profession then I would have missed out on a amazing man. Thankfully he can shower and clean grease out from under his fingernails. [:D]

Ok, I must admit that I once dated and later disregarded a guy that owned a junk yard (salvage yard, sorry!) I just couldn't get over that one. But then he also commented that he and his teenage son share underwear and have a communal drawer. [:'(][8D]



Sideways -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/26/2008 9:12:34 PM)

Well, I met my husband at a university known for churning out top engineers, and there were 3 males to every female, so... it was difficult to avoid a future white collar worker. [8D]

Job wise, what attracts me about my husband is his intellect, both academic and common sense ('cause lots of people assume that a man with a Master's Degree must have zero common sense). He is passionate about his work, but balances that with a love for his family.

I appreciate that his intellect allows him to have a job where he has flexible work hours, lots of paid vacation time and good benefits. His salary does give me the option to stay at home, and we don't have to pinch every penny. We still watch our budget, but we are comfortable, and that's nice, even if it's not essential.

Would I turn down a man just because he was a plumber or something? No, I don't think so. I just happen to be surrounded by future engineers during my college years and snagged the best guy in the lot! [:)]



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/27/2008 1:18:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: APZR

If a man makes a good living and is stable, does his job determine your level in interest? Just curious because...
For the very most part, no.

Possible exceptions to that would be if his job took him away for long periods of time, or if his job was in a field of which I have absolutely no interest (football comes to mind; I am so utterly not interested in football that I don't think I could see myself the wife of a football coach, player, etc.).

But, even with the exceptions, those are not written in stone. The actual person would be the major ultimate determining factor of my interest in him.

The two examples you've given, neither of those would be an automatic "no."



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/27/2008 1:53:35 AM)

My parents drilled it into us from day #1 to equally respect all jobs, and for that I am thankful.

My future dh (if there ever is one) doesn't have to have a prestigious job, however, I do require that job is somewhat comfortable financially, for the simple fact that due to many health issues I have, I believe I really will need household help. However, I know that many mechanics, contractors, etc., make great money..things aren't always want they seem.

This reminds me of the book The Millionaire Next Door. The author explains that many people who seem rich (have a big house, a BMW, etc.), are so up to their eyeballs in debt, they'll never catch up, and some who seem very middle class have a lot of money in the bank.[:D]



ebony101 -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/27/2008 2:55:18 AM)

quote:

If a man makes a good living and is stable, does his job determine your level in interest?


No, the job doesn't determine my level of interest, (that's the answer of most crosswalkers). Other qualities would affect my level of interest, though - level of spirituality, honesty, ability to carry on a basic conversation, honesty, some similar hobbies/interests, age, height, honesty.

(I wonder if you posted this same question on a non-Christian site if the answers would be the same?)



APZR -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/28/2008 2:19:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: allisonbrett
But then he also commented that he and his teenage son share underwear and have a communal drawer. [:'(][8D]



[sm=icon_smile_yikes.gif] [sm=crazy.gif] Yeah... too much information. I'd have passed too. [sm=icon_smile_dead.gif]



APZR -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/28/2008 2:24:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
This reminds me of the book The Millionaire Next Door. The author explains that many people who seem rich (have a big house, a BMW, etc.), are so up to their eyeballs in debt, they'll never catch up, and some who seem very middle class have a lot of money in the bank.[:D]


That is very much true. As a real estate broker, some of my best clients drive F150's and have zero interest in "looking" like a millionaire. When I find a good foreclosure, they pay cash. When the guy in the BMW calls, I have to hunt high and low for a loan for which he'll qualify... then they scream about having to put down 5%. [sm=shakinghead.gif]



twinkly -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (8/30/2008 5:28:12 PM)

I would have to say for me, that job does not necessarily matter either. However, there are a few exceptions. Like, someone who had to travel a lot for business or would not be home much. Or the military as I have children from a previous marriage and cannot move around. I do work and have a good job, however, I would like more children and would like to be able to stay home with them and live comfortably, so his income would need to come into play there. He would need to make enough for us to live on for me to do that.

On that note.... you say your friends are single??? [;)]



creationtalk -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (9/1/2008 11:21:55 PM)

quote:

If a man makes a good living and is stable, does his job determine your level in interest?


Not really. I'm most interested in is he financially responsible and stable, is he hardworking,

...and is he confident in himself so that he won't be threatened by a highly educated, capable woman...who can build houses and furniture, program a computer to calculate the spin-orbit coupling of a polyatomic molecule, predict the performance of a sonar, train a horse, drive a tractor, and design needlecrafts for fun.



fluffmonkey -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (9/2/2008 12:01:42 PM)

I agree with all the others as long as his job isnt un-moral... then I do not have a problem with it. Although if they have a good job but blow all their money away and have huge debt thats another story...

My fiance is an electrian and works hard at his job and currently he is working in the warehouse while he goes to school.

I dont look down on anyone who works hard and makes money and is stable... Although I dont like men who are dishonest and do dishonest jobs or do illegal things to get money.

Never judge a book by its cover ^_-



Focusing -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (9/5/2008 5:01:09 PM)

A man's job does not make a difference. Well, at least not to me. I am more focused on his character and integrity.

I know a number of single parent men who have decided not to date until their children are raised.



tinydancer2 -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (9/14/2008 8:30:21 PM)

quote:

Not a bad living in either case, but would their job or career choice alone be a major turn off for potential dates and women?


Well, the major turn off to myself personaly is to work in cubicles, tight 4 walls invironments etc I feel claustrophic just imagining myself for long there and what I do not want for myself would not want for the man of my choice. I like the outdoor men, but please, not the caricature of the hermites and mountain etc etc steryotyping.

I guess I like those who enjoy nature, work with their hands, creative beings, busy bodies who are well read, enjoys travel to explore and meet people also. They come very interesting and lively to my personal taste. Amount of $ paycheck does not matter if he is wise in his investiments, priorities down to earth, "oldfashion" style to care for his word and name.



salvaged -> RE: Does a man's job make a difference? (9/18/2008 9:10:37 AM)

I was married for a long time to a man who had a job in upper management, and he was miserable. Consequently, so was I. I encouraged him as much as possible (staying away from "nagging") to find something he would like... ANYTHING he would like.

That marriage eventually failed for many reasons, one of them being that I felt inadequate to make any good difference in his life. But that's another subject.

I married again about 5 yrs ago to a man in middle management who enjoyed his job. The company started having problems and there was a "hostile takeover". He accepted a transfer, and after a week, it was obvious that although he had the same "title", this was NOT the same job. He was determined to stay "for the money". We had been married less than a year, and he felt "responsible" to be the person that I married. OMIGOODNESS! The guy I married enjoyed his job and was happy to see me when he came home. He is now doing "manual labor" and the income is less than half. Do I care? Nope. We made some major adjustments, of course.

Believe me, I understand that not everyone can live with half the expected income. My point is that the job matters. It matters that it doesn't "own" you.



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