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rgod -> Desire for and of the Lord (8/23/2008 2:20:31 AM)
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I'm not quite sure why I'm writing this except to say - it is a wonderful thing to have a hunger for the Lord and a desire to serve Him with all that He has given. I was looking through the posts in this forum and at some of the different conferences that are geared towards artists. And in this simple act, suddenly I felt a strong desire to serve the Lord and submit to Him. Perhaps this is the way we feel when we look at our spouses, children, or parents - those we sometimes take for granted. Love and desire to love bubbled up in me so quickly and suddenly and with such force that it surprised me.
I feel like I'm not doing this justice because walking with the Lord is something so different and is in many ways beyond words. It is difficult to really adequately capture the essence of it.
Often I've longed for those early days of being a baby Christian. I remember the newness of everything - my hands, the trees especially, the sun. All of creation was new and for a long time when I would look at any natural thing, it was as if I could see life in it - almost as if this world was drawn on top of a heavenly one, like a pencil tracing on lightweight paper of a picture whose bold and bright colors are clear underneath. The christian walk itself is so hard in many ways, yet easy in others. I've cried many nights and days and wanted to turn back many times. And yet, the Lord continues to hold my hand and draw me and even when I think I'm walking away from him, I find myself walking on a circular path back to him. Paradoxically, even in the midst of trouble and pain and distress, there is such joy - and a sweetness that is beyond words. And sometimes, right when I forget about it and settle into mundane everyday life, the desire for the Lord comes upon me so strongly that I can barely catch my breath. It is not quite like the sweetness and the dizzying joy that was present when I was first born again, but instead, it is a heavier and more substantial joy - one that has been made solid through sorrow, trial, and pain. Perhaps this is what the bible means when it says that sorrow expands our capacity to experience joy? The pain somehow stabilizes us and and we are strengthened as he infuses us in our weakness.
The depth of it overwhelms me even as I do not comprehend it with my mind. And I wonder at this desire - is it really mine? Is it the Lord's? Is it somehow a mingling of both? It is then that there is no doubt that I love Him with all of my heart, soul, and mind.
My prayer is that we all come to know the Lord this way and beyond and that we come to know the height, width, depth, breadth of his love.
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