If God were to confirm with you that you would be single

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Prairiehiker -> If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/22/2008 10:03:08 PM)
On the flip side of the other post (about God telling you that you would meet Mr or Ms Right), how would you feel if you got the confirmation from God that you would be single until you die? What changes would you make in your life, your thinking, your lifestyle, etc? How would you deal with the truth? Serious and goofy answers are welcome.

makarizo -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/22/2008 10:30:18 PM)
Like soooooooooooooooooooooooo many other fellow believers, I would somehow try to prove God wrong.

losgan -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/22/2008 11:30:30 PM)
I'd cry and feel hurt. Then I'd start trying to figure out what it was He DOES want me to do. Edited to add - And I'd go adopt a dog pretty much right then and there :)

rgod -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/22/2008 11:39:52 PM)
If God were to tell me that I was going to be single forever ... Actually, first I'd start praying that he'd change it - after all King Hezekiah was able to have his life extended, Abraham did some negotiation for Sodom. Failing that, I'd mourn for a very long time - maybe for all of my life on some level [:(]. I'd eventually accept it, but I don't think that I could escape being depressed - and I would allow myself to be depressed for a while. After that, I'd start praying and planning for single life. I'd also start praying for the gift of singleness, pronto (and for the Lord to kill all ... ahem ... drives). I'd start looking at adoption pretty seriously and planning for it. I'd go ahead and get a house (which I'm going to do anyway regardless, so I'd continue on that path). I'd also step up my game in terms of financial planning for old age (which I'm already doing - but since I'd know that I'd be alone at that time, I'd start even now doing a more in-depth plan). I'd continue trying to work on relationships, but would probably start really actively looking for mentors among other women and men who are also called to be single for life. In fact, one of the things that I think is missing from the protestant arm of the christianity is a place for people who are called to be single. (There is no nunnery - no monestary.) I'm not saying that we need to go live together somewhere, but that there should be some kind of a place for people who are called to be single - and not only called to be single - but also called to serve God in ministry - in the protestant church. If God called me to do it, I'd start a singles ministry that really deals with all aspects of being single - not just about getting married or being content, but everything. In fact, it would be awesome to have almost like a clearinghouse - a central place that would cater to singles - just like Focus on the Family caters to marrieds. But that would have to be a calling from God. Of course eharmony would go by the wayside and practically I'd probably spend less time worrying about my appearance. I mean, I'd look good to please myself and represent God well, but I'd focus a lot more on comfort and a lot less on the cuteness quotient of clothes. (Don't get me wrong - I'd still try to look good though :) I'd also stop all marriage preparation and focus my time on working on other things as well.

WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 12:43:17 AM)
I'm not sure that I'd want to definitely know either way (whether I was definitely going to get married or whether I was definitely going to remain single). I think that it would take my mind off of "today". To answer the specific question of this OP, I don't think I would feel anything in the extreme, one way or another. And I truly don't think that I would do anything different that I do now. I'm not "looking", so I wouldn't have to stop that; I'm not a member of any type of dating organization (whether online or offline), so I wouldn't have to stop that neither. Out of the 537 months (plus 9 days) that I've been alive, I have been single for approximately 517 of those months. Being single is not something I would need to adjust to. Nor do I currently live my life based on the possibility that I might remarry one day (neither do I live my life based on the possibility that I might not remarry one day).. For me, both sides of that particular coin goes back to my living in today; not what is going to happen in the future. Blessings, [sm=redhairsmile.gif]

rgod -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 12:51:47 AM)
WhiteRoseBlessings - I like this statement: quote: Nor do I currently live my life based on the possibility that I might remarry one day (neither do I live my life based on the possibility that I might not remarry one day).. For me, both sides of that particular coin goes back to my living in today; not what is going to happen in the future. This has given me something to think about.

WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 1:05:48 AM)
Thank you, rgod. [:)] It's been one of my credos for many years now.

Prairiehiker -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 1:09:42 AM)
quote: Nor do I currently live my life based on the possibility that I might remarry one day (neither do I live my life based on the possibility that I might not remarry one day).. For me, both sides of that particular coin goes back to my living in today; not what is going to happen in the future. WhiteRose, do you think this might have somethign to do with the fact that you've been married twice? Do you think maybe your outlook in life might be different if you had never been married? For me, I think my reaction would be start bargaining with God and start protesting His will. I know I do that often. My response would go something like "but, but but, but, why, God, why? Are you sure you got the right person? Maybe you meant White Rose is not meant to be married, since she's good at being alone? But me? Haven't you sen me through out they years...this singleness thing...this isn't really for me. Can we maybe work something out?". Then I'd probably cry for a long time, and when I'm done, I'd throw out all teh wedding nvitations tahat I've had since 5th grade, lol. Delete my online profile, and never look or droll at another man ever again. I'll start looking at them as though they're all gay (that's a joke, so don't go flippin out on me here). Then, I'll probably hikethe Appalachian trail, trek the HImalayas, climb Kilimanjaro, visit all my sponsored children, etc. But seriously, I think I'd step up my game when it comes to being relational. This is something I'm doing now because I realized that relationships are the most important things in life.

WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 2:57:41 AM)
PrairieHiker, this is long . . . but remember, you did ask. [sm=icon_smile_tongue.gif] quote: ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker quote: Nor do I currently live my life based on the possibility that I might remarry one day (neither do I live my life based on the possibility that I might not remarry one day).. For me, both sides of that particular coin goes back to my living in today; not what is going to happen in the future. WhiteRose, do you think this might have somethign to do with the fact that you've been married twice? Do you think maybe your outlook in life might be different if you had never been married That's an interesting question. I would answer it as "No." . . . I am not anti-marriage for me nor for anyone else. [:)] I never planned my future wedding when I was a little girl (nor have I ever done that as an adult without actually being engaged). I didn't dream of what kind of dress I would wear at the wedding, nor any of the other things that many young girls and even women do in those regards. When I attend weddings, I am not thinking of how I wish it were me; my very favorite thing to do is to watch the couple look at each other. True, real, deep love is a honor and a joy for me to witness. Additionally, I'm not saying I never will get married again; I'm just saying that whether I do or whether I don't isn't really that big of a deal to me and I don't really contemplate it either way. I'm simply not one to do a lot of looking past today (and not just in matters regarding whether I'll remarry or not; this is an across-the board philosophy that I pretty-much live by). Today is all any of us really have. Actually, all we truly have is this very moment; our next breath is not guaranteed. This is not always the most popular of facts, but it is definitely the truth. I've mentioned this a few times before; but it's somewhat applicable to your question, so I'll repeat it here: When CS and I met, neither one of us were "looking" for a spouse. Neither one of us ever "got" that concept of "looking"; we were both very similar in thinking in that regard. Either a person is right for someone or not; either they will cross a person's path or not. The closest I ever came to praying for a spouse was back in the mid '90s. I prayed to Our Lord that if I were to ever get married again, that I would really like to find him in my everyday life doing everyday things, and I didn't want to him to want to date me to get to know me; I wanted him to want to date me because he had gotten to know me. And you know what? About 8 years later, that's exactly what happened with CS and me; we met doing an everyday thing and we only started dating each other after we had gotten to know each other. And it wasn't a forumula we were following as in a set amount of time, etc.; it simply happened . . . and, for me, I find that the absolute best way to meet a future spouse. If I ever get married again, I hope it happens just like that; meeting each other in our everyday life doing everyday kinda things and not dating until after we have gotten to know each other. quote: ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker For me, I think my reaction would be start bargaining with God and start protesting His will. I know I do that often. My response would go something like "but, but but, but, why, God, why? Are you sure you got the right person? Maybe you meant White Rose is not meant to be married, since she's good at being alone? But me? Haven't you sen me through out they years...this singleness thing...this isn't really for me. Can we maybe work something out?". This is something else I don't get. Why would anyone spend their time with God comparing the life He's given them and the blessings He's bestowed on them to what He's done in someone's else's life? Additionally, and truly as respectfully as possible, how do you know that I'm good at being alone? Just because I don't contemplate whether I'll ever be married again or not . . . that does not equate with being good at being alone. Sometimes I am. And frankly, sometimes I'm not. Outside of when CS died (2005), the first 3.5 months of this year was one of the most absolutely painful, lonely and emotionally-frightening time period I have ever experienced in my entire life. That's not an exaggeration. Additionally, I don't have any family. As in absolutely none. The last 2 months of each year are horrendously lonely for me. Everyone is talking about going here and there to visit this family member or that one. And if they're not visiting, they're phoning them, having webcam conversations with them, etc., etc. My birthday, Easter and some other "family" holidays can also be hard for me. Regarding family holidays, being in any of the threads in any of the folders here at FCN can often be excruciating for me during these time periods. But instead of dwelling in it, I try to look for ways that I can help people who may also be going through a tough time; either online or offline. Also, throughout the year, I read about so and so calling their mom / dad / brother / sister, child, etc. on a very regular basis. I read about parents and what they're doing with their kids I read about how "if you don't have family, you have nothing." Most of the time, these things are pretty neat to hear and read about. However, if I'm in a particularly vulnerable place, these innocent remarks can all be very painful for me to experience, read, hear, etc. It's not that I'm necessarily so good at being alone, it's simply that I don't see any purpose in wishing for something different, when, at the moment, it's not different. To me, I feel as if that is emotionally and spiritually dangerous. I'd rather concentrate on what I do have in my life; and what's going on in my life at any specific moment. But even given all that, I don't look to marriage to be the solution for combatting loneliness. I look to Our Lord to be The Solution. HE is my Comforter. It was Him who I poured my heart out to earlier this year. It is Him who I will continue to pour my heart out to when necessary, It's also Him who I trust with my entire life; regardless of whether the rest of my life is spent with a spouse or not. quote: ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker Then I'd probably cry for a long time, and when I'm done, I'd throw out all teh wedding nvitations tahat I've had since 5th grade, lol. Delete my online profile, and never look or droll at another man ever again. I'll start looking at them as though they're all gay (that's a joke, so don't go flippin out on me here). I do not understand this; but I do have compassion for you. Truly. It saddens me that not being married is so deeply and continuously painful for some people. Incidentally and for whatever it's worth [:D] . . . there ARE men that I find physically-attractive; but just because I think someone is good-looking does not mean that I want to explore a relationship with him. One of my friends in another folder here on the forums recently posted a photo of a singer that my friend was promoting. I REALLY found this guy to be very attractive and quite enjoyed seeing his photo everytime my friend posted something. I even told my friend, in a thread, how very much I was enjoying his most current avatar. That didn't mean I wanted to exchange numbers or anything with the guy in the photo or that I wanted our mutual friend to fix us up. LOL. It just simply meant that I really, really liked looking at that guy's photos. quote: ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker Then, I'll probably hikethe Appalachian trail, trek the HImalayas, climb Kilimanjaro, visit all my sponsored children, etc. You're single now. What's to stop you from doing those things now? What's to stop you from doing those things if you get married? How would knowing you'd never marry propel you to do those things? Are they only worthy to do as a "runner up" to marriage? quote: ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker But seriously, I think I'd step up my game when it comes to being relational. This is something I'm doing now because I realized that relationships are the most important things in life. I absolutely 100% agree with you on this (except to add, "After my relationship with Jesus," at the beginning of the sentence). And it's very good that you are doing this now. In my opinion, this definitely should not be something that one only does if they know they are never going to marry. Thanks for reading! Blessings, Sharon-Marie

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 3:54:10 AM)
quote: quote: ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker Then, I'll probably hikethe Appalachian trail, trek the HImalayas, climb Kilimanjaro, visit all my sponsored children, etc. You're single now. What's to stop you from doing those things now? What's to stop you from doing those things if you get married? How would knowing you'd never marry propel you to do those things? Are they only worthy to do as a "runner up" to marriage? Actually, she does hike and do other outdoorsy things a lot. I think she just meant she'd really do it even more intensely as an emotional outlet.

WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 4:04:15 AM)
Yeah, I know. [:)] But she specifically mentioned very specific places, and she did so in the context of a thread that questions what someone would do differently if they knew they would stay single. That's the context to which I am also asking the questions. (There's actually a point to my question).

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 4:14:55 AM)
Oh, gotcha!

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 4:16:36 AM)
quote: On the flip side of the other post (about God telling you that you would meet Mr or Ms Right), how would you feel if you got the confirmation from God that you would be single until you die? What changes would you make in your life, your thinking, your lifestyle, etc? How would you deal with the truth? Serious and goofy answers are welcome. Just in case they get too far apart, HERE is a link to the other thread, in case a newbie or someone who happened to miss the thread isn't sure what we are speaking of.

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 4:27:20 AM)
To answer the original post, honestly, I DUNNO what I would do, I just have no idea. I guess because some days I long to get married and have children (at least through adoption), and some days I could care less, and think it would be a big pain to share my bed and my space and my stuff and everything else, and too challenging to raise children, especially with health issues. So it would depend on the kind of day I was having, LOL.

mutinywxgirl -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 7:38:39 AM)
I think I would breathe a huge sigh of relief and then begin planning to do all the things I've always wanted to do but have been unable to do. And before I get jumped on for not doing them now, I'm a WEE bit hindered with current family obligations (of the elderly type) that have me feeling guilty for leaving for even 2 days to shoot Sharon's wedding! But while I'm in the process of burying my family in the coming months and few years, I'm also preparing myself FOR that time when I will have the freedom to go off for weeks at a time - into areas of the world for which I have such a huge passion (see the ministries thread) and do short/long term missions work, etc, utilizing my disaster work in said areas and spreading the love of Jesus.

losgan -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 8:38:25 AM)
Why wait to do things until you are sure you aren't getting married though?

mutinywxgirl -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 9:02:48 AM)
If that's directed to me - I cannot do anything right now regardless of my marital status - my brother is terminal (about 6 months to live) and my parents are 87 with mom having dementia along with brain tumors, and dad has his own issues. Once my brother dies, I do not expect my parents to last too much longer. I cannot leave to do anything until my family is buried. After that point, regardless if I'm married, I intend to pursue those dreams I mentioned above. It is just highly impractical for me to even consider taking 6 weeks to go to another country at the moment when being gone for 2 days is presently causing great strife. I'm not waiting until I know I'm not getting married - I'm planning on doing these things - regardless if there is a man in my life. If there is, then he'll understand my need for doing said things. If there isn't, then it just makes my life that much less complicated - which, after everything going on right now, is a very welcomed change!

Prairiehiker -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 9:18:12 AM)
quote: You're single now. What's to stop you from doing those things now? What's to stop you from doing those things if you get married? How would knowing you'd never marry propel you to do those things? Are they only worthy to do as a "runner up" to marriage? WhiteRose, I answered my thread in a humorous way, which apparently, didn't come out like that. Oh Well. I guess after reading RGod's comment on my online profile, I was inspired to let my goofy side come out, since that's part of who God made me to be. Often times, we're sooo serious around here. Let's laugh a little. Hey, I never dreamed of weddings either. I always kid about th invitations that I have with the name to be filled in the blanks. I don't know why no one gets that. When someone asked here about my dream wedding, I honestly can't think of one because, as I've mentioned time and time again, it's not only two yars ago that i felt a longing to settle down, and I"m almost 40. now I dream of a mountain wedding, but that's as far as it goes. Whiterose, I think you just don't get me, because this is the second time you've said you feel sad for me. Sorry to make you feel sad. And yes, I do have a REAL relationship with Jesus, that's why I can voice out my innermost thoughts to him. If I protests His will at times, or question it, or ask Him to "let this cup pass from me", I don't see anything wrong with that. That's what's real is being about, and I think a lot of people here have granted me the privileged of being real and honest. God knows what's in my heart anyway; why hide it or pretend?

Prairiehiker -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 9:25:31 AM)
quote: Why wait to do things until you are sure you aren't getting married though? Actually, I'm not waiting until I get married to do anything. Some things are just too big to do right now...like the treks that I plan to do. Yeah, they are part of my five year plan. It would be nice to do them with someone and I dream of doign them with someone, but if no one comes along, I will get them done. It's kind of sad that we suppress our desire to be with somene and have lost that ability to dream as if it's wrong.

ShallbeRebuilt -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 9:36:20 AM)
Though I cannot say I feel exactly the same way as WRB, I strive for the attitude that she has. I ache painfully everyday to remarry. I have lots of close family, WRB, and yet I know the painfulness of having to listen to those who speak about their marriages the way you experience pain in listening to people speak of their families and children. On the other side, I wish I could just not care. I wish I could not care about getting married. I wish I could not care about it so much that when others spoke about their dates and engagements and marriages that I could just be happy for them. I experience a little of that same pain on the other side: when people like you, WRB, talk about your contentment with singleness, I envy that, too. But I care. Intensely. Nevertheless, I strive to hold to today, and here's why: God promises to give us the grace and strength to deal with today, and there is none left over for dealing with tomorrow or yesterday. When I find myself feeling frightened, lonely and overwhelmed, it's because I've been trying to deal with tomorrow or yesterday without God's grace and strength. And that answers the OP question. If I am not doing today what I should be doing to follow God as hard as I can, then I need to get busy doing that. If I am doing that, then I will have all the grace and strength I need, and I can leave singleness/marriage in His hands--just for today. I can deal with the pain of singleness today, because God gives me grace to do so. I'm not "single forever". Heck, for that matter, I wasn't (nor will I ever be) "married forever". All we have is today. Today I am single, and I can deal with that. Today I will do my best to follow God as hard as I can in my singleness, and He will get me through it. I could say the same thing if I were married. Further, if I am following Him as hard as I can, acknowledging him and seeking His kingdom in everything I do today, then I can rest assured that He is preparing me for my future, whatever that is...I don't have to give a thought to it. For example, I might worry more about my money situation if I knew I were going to be single the rest of my life. But I already worry too much about that and God has commanded us not to worry. So my goal is to cease to worry about that and trust Him more and more and seek Him for financial decisions. Making these decisions shouldn't be based on singleness/married. They should be based on what God wants me to do today about that. Another example is that if I knew I would be single, I might not take care of my body the way I should. Yet my goal should be to care for my body because God gave it to me, and to care for it in a balanced manner (in other words, not spending inordinate amounts of time, money, and mental/emotional energy on it). So I need to make better decisions today about body care: but NOT because I'm single or married. I need to make these choices based on my desire to follow Christ. Period. So to a certain extent I think that the question in the OP and the opposite question of what a Christian would do if they knew one way or the other are valid only in that asking them of ourselves might highlight some area that we are not following Christ but rather acting or thinking in a manner that attempts to deal with the future without God's grace and strength. I hope this makes sense. shallbe

John_O -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 9:50:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker On the flip side of the other post (about God telling you that you would meet Mr or Ms Right), how would you feel if you got the confirmation from God that you would be single until you die? What changes would you make in your life, your thinking, your lifestyle, etc? How would you deal with the truth? Serious and goofy answers are welcome. Endless depression. Followed by getting really sad. Living the rest of my life alone just doesn't appeal to me at all. There are very few things that I would enjoy doing alone. For example. I love to hike, but doing it alone is useless. I love to boat, but doing it alone is useless. Even fishing alone is useless regardless of how many fish I catch. It is not good for man to be alone. (And I'm probably on the extreme "not good" end of the scale.) I was designed to be married. If God told me I would never be married my prayer would be that as soon as the Girl got married He'd kill me and take me home.

Prairiehiker -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 9:55:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: John_O quote: ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker On the flip side of the other post (about God telling you that you would meet Mr or Ms Right), how would you feel if you got the confirmation from God that you would be single until you die? What changes would you make in your life, your thinking, your lifestyle, etc? How would you deal with the truth? Serious and goofy answers are welcome. Endless depression. Followed by getting really sad. Living the rest of my life alone just doesn't appeal to me at all. There are very few things that I would enjoy doing alone. For example. I love to hike, but doing it alone is useless. I love to boat, but doing it alone is useless. Even fishing alone is useless regardless of how many fish I catch. It is not good for man to be alone. (And I'm probably on the extreme "not good" end of the scale.) I'm with you on this....even the most fun activity, the most beautiful view in the mountain, the best food, the nicest things in life are just not as nice as when you don't have anyone to share them with. But even mediocre things become so grand, so wonderful when you are sharing them with someone. So, I still pray, "let this cup of singleness and being alone forever pass from me" every day.

John_O -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 9:59:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker I'm with you on this....even the most fun activity, the most beautiful view in the mountain, the best food, the nicest things in life are just not as nice as when you don't have anyone to share them with. But even mediocre things become so grand, so wonderful when you are sharing them with someone. So, I still pray, "let this cup of singleness and being alone forever pass from me" every day. Exactly. This is the point I've been trying to get across in the great moments thread. Thank you!!

Prairiehiker -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 10:04:20 AM)
quote: Exactly. This is the point I've been trying to get across in the great moments thread. Thank you!! Lol, JohnO, I think anytime now, we're about to get the "you don't have the right Christian attitude" sermon because we feel this way. Oh well.

broyce1981 -> RE: If God were to confirm with you that you would be single (8/23/2008 11:08:28 AM)
I would probably refuse the confirmation and pretend I didn't hear it. And then I would pray for some kind of sign, maybe something like "Lord, if you want me to stay single the rest of my life make the US Soccer team win the World Cup." That way, I'll be happy either way! [:)]

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