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TorchHeart -> A prayer that I might learn to forgive (8/15/2008 11:43:16 AM)
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Lord, I am a sinner. I have fallen from your face and from your graces, and I believe that I am not worthy to be seen with you. You know my anger with you, Lord. You know my strife and what is continually pecking at both my heart and my soul. You know my dreams and my prayers, my thoughts and my desires.
You are the one who made me the rock that I am. I believe that you made me the anvil: heavy, set, strong, and unbreakable no matter what might be dashed against it. Yet, today, I come before you as soft as new found clay. Mold me, God.
You are the one who gave me the power over words. I speak with speed and volume. Thunder clapping and lightning flashing, they roll from my tongue. They move mountains and soften hearts to all who's ears and eyes they fall upon. I have used them to make laughter ring and stories evolve, through your graceful gifts. Today, however, I have no words. I am out of them. My love for you has been revealed, and I lay my sins at your feet. The only words that come from my mouth are those I am about to confess, and those which are to beg for your mercy and forgiveness.
Lord, you gave me the torched heart. A burning desire to do for my friends all that is necessary, but also the burning for one person that I carry in the darkness. Now I feel that torch is being extinguished by the hate that I carry inside of me. Lord, I ask that you please keep that fire burning as hot as it possibly can, and let its light shine for the ones whom it burns. Take away my hatered towards those who have hurt me, my worst gift, and show me how to use a new tactic of love to guide my actions and make me burn with the fire of your spirit to serve all those whom I love.
Lord, I forgive those who have hurt me:
- The instructors in the nursing program who I feel treated me unfairly and bounced me.
- The administration at said college that wouldn't listen to my complaints.
- The women who have broken my heart in the past.
- The ones who have hurt those closest to me.
- The baptists who broke apart the most special relationship I ever had, simply due to my religious differences, and then led a beautiful person into years of hurt and turmoil.
- The baptists who made their disregard and disrespect for me known to my face.
- Jack Chick... for his lies which he spread, despite the good he did for others.
- The woman who ran me into credit card debt so far, during what should have been the happiest time in my life, that I had to go on medication and degrade myself to borrowing money from relatives to get us back on tract.
- The people in school who made me an outcast and shaped my mind into the monstrostity (but wonderful monstrosity) that it is.
- The one who broke my heart, and breaks it still.
- The two men who took her from me; once in the past, and once more recently. Forgive them their sins towards her, especially those which I fear will come in the future.
- Those who I feel have passed judgement upon me and others, including on here.
- You, Lord, for allowing the hurt to continue seemingly unabated.
- Me, for the pain I have caused, the many mistakes I have made, the hurt which I have brought upon myself and especially others, for my lack of faith in you to where I would neglect all that you have done for me and turn my back on you. For the evil person I am, and for the things that I must do in the future. And for the hate that I have carried inside of me for too long.
Lord, help me to forgive all of these people whom I have wrongly carried grudges against, especially you. Help me to learn from their mistakes so that I might be a beakon of light and justice and love and respect for you in this fallen world that we live in. Lord, I don't promise that I will be able to do everything right and not sin again. No one is as perfect as you. But I do promise to be the rock of safety that you've called me to be, and the healer of hearts that I believe you want me to continue to become.
Lord, please heal the hearts that I care most about and have damaged. Especially those whom I have damaged most personally. One in particular I ask that you mend, and touch in a way that she will see what has happened to me and what is inside of me, and that she can forgive me for what I have done, and remend that which I desire most of all.
God, I am a sinner, and my sins are laid out before you. I beg for your mercy and pray for forgiveness and the continued blessings which you have given me, especially those which I laid before you in this prayer which I have forsaken to thank you for.
I ask all of this in the name of the one whom I claim as my Savior, your Son, the One True Lord, Jesus Christ, who died for the sins of all mankind on the cross at Cavalry, only to be resurrected three days later in fulfillment of the prophecies of old, and in the glory of your name. May the Holy Spirit guide my prayers to you, and continue to guide my words and deeds as I try to make my ammends.
Amen.
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