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deermousie -> RE: I need some good advice. (8/8/2008 12:10:04 AM)
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Pbaribeault is right on.
My family is almost identical to yours: Dad was abusive and hated all of us, mom never "noticed," brother got Dad's ire and all mom's attention and lots of gifts (I finally figured it out she was trying to buy his love. Didn't work, and it ruined him), and I was the kicked "good girl" waiting in vain for someone to notice.
I have the first good marriage in generations, am the first professional in generations, have the only kid who wasn't abused but was loved and nurtured. But in my family's eyes, I am the family failure. Go figure. Sin blinds people. They were never going to say, "You've done well." I doubt yours will, either.
I finally had to realize, I was the only white sheep in a family of black sheep. You probably are, too. Deaf, blind people bumping into walls and never seeing you for the quality person you are. Pray for them, but it will take a miracle from God to change them, and sometimes He says no. We'll find out some day why (and clap our hands in joy and shout, "God, that was genius! Thank You!"). But He might say yes.
Being the "good girl" protected me and kept me from doing stupid, harmful things before I knew the Lord as an adult. Dad died in his sin, Mom died in hers, brother is a violent sociopath, but I have a good life. So do you. Rejoice that God saved you from sin and from being like the rest of your family. Your kids will know love and nurture, and all (except your family probably) will rejoice and praise God for it. That's a pretty big deal!
(My mother could never bring herself to say I was a good mom. It would have meant she was wrong about who I was, and she couldn't face that. So sad. But it was her choice. At least my kid doesn't have to face that. Thanks be to God for His love and grace!).
The "why" of your being in this particular family doesn't have a direct answer. You'll find out later, or more likely, in heaven. But look at the man born blind: he didn't sin or his parents sin to cause this to happen. Jesus said it was so the glory of God might be manifested (shown to the world). Somehow the faith you have and the grace you give others in the face of the persecution you get from your family will glorify God. Rest in that until God gives you a more detailed answer, and rejoice. He loves you, has saved you, and will make your family background turn in to something wonderful for you. Because He is making you like Jesus!
You feel lost because spiritually in this house, you don't fit in. Romans 1 talks about how wicked people encourage each other... and you're not wicked. You are lost to them, but they are lost to God. You aren't. You will find family in the fellowship of believers, and in the home you and your husband have made.
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