|
deermousie -> RE: in need of marriage advice (8/9/2008 12:00:49 PM)
|
I agree with the responses here that say this is an abusive marriage - because it has some of the hallmarks of typical abuse: - a guy who is nice until the girl is "stuck" with him and then turns abusive - a wife who is unable to fight off an abusive husband because she is very young and naive, or small, or easily intimidated, or easily made to feel guilty for his selfishness - violence escalates from verbal to physical over a period of time. If the wife allows it to continue (doesn't leave or call the police and report it, and doesn't verbally say "this isn't right and I won't take it") it might escalate to death - the abuse may follow a pattern of building tension in the husband who explodes, beats the wife, and then life returns to "normal" and he might be extra solicitous. For a while. Then the tensions starts building and again he looks for an excuse to explode. Repeat over and over - the husband isolates his wife either physically (she must stay in the house or he moves her to a place where there are no other people or people she doesn't know) or emotionally and cuts off her friends and family. He might not have a phone so she can't call for help or go to the police. - the husband further controls his wife by making her feel guilty ("I wouldn't hit you if you didn't _____ "- fill in the blank) or worthless ("You are ugly. You are no good. No one loves or cares about you."). Are you in America? If so, call the police and ask them how to get to a battered woman's shelter (they are hidden so husbands can't find them). I think they are free, and there are people who will help you. You can call a taxi or the police will give you a ride if it's dangerous leaving your house. Get some clothes, a few important possessions (because your angry husband may destroy your stuff to "punish" you for being "bad" - his way of saying you aren't controlled by his abuse anymore) and get out of there. You can always go back later if you choose to. Are you a Christian? The Bible says a husband is to live with his wife in an understanding way, Christians aren't to be "hitters," and God says a man who doesn't provide for his family (that would be in love as well as food and shelter) is worse than an unbeliever and has denied the faith (is faithless to God like an infidel). He's in big trouble with God, and he has broken his marriage vows to love you. I'd give him several years of living like a godly man before consenting to move back in with him. He's already shown himself to be a liar, because as soon as he married you he started abusing you. He was only nice when you could leave. He's a liar about his intentions. If he ever hits you again, CALL THE POLICE AND MAKE A COMPLAINT. Ask to have him arrested (and move out while he's in jail. They might only hold him a few hours). You want this guy's bad deeds on record so you can get a restraining order (you have to have proof he's hurt you) or if it goes to court. They want documents. Take pictures of bruises. Can you safely move back in with your parents? Do they know what is going on? How do they look at this marriage that has been fraudulent to their daughter? Will they help you? Can your church offer counseling and a place to go? Do you need to hide from him when you leave as he is violent? Stay safe, Buttercup. This guy is in trouble with God, and with people, and you are in danger. God bless you, dear heart. Let me say again - this guy is lying and it's his choice to be bad, not your fault. All of us make our own choices, and no one is holding a gun to this guy's head to make him be bad to you. He chooses to be bad because that's the kind of person he is - bad. Sinner. Get out of there - flee like a bird. Let the police and battered women's shelter help you. They've seen this before, they'll care about you, and they know who you should go to for more help. God bless you, dear one. I am praying for you today.
|
|
|
|