Would you date someone who's dating others? (Full Version)

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[Poll]

Would you date someone who's dating others?


Yes--I see no problem dating someone who dates others
  39% (13)
No--I would never agree to that
  60% (20)


Total Votes : 33
(last vote on : 8/18/2008 2:07:19 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )


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Chrystal-J-007 -> Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/24/2008 11:31:33 PM)

Would you go out with someone who dates others while dating you?

And I *don't* mean serious dating. I mean "Fred" takes "Suzie" to the movies on Friday and "Paula" to an opera on Saturday. He doesn't sleep with anyone, no serious affection. Just out to a movie, theater, sporting event then a peck on the cheek and a goodbye at the door.

I have some friends who think that's just fine and others who would never consider it. So, I just thought I'd see what others thought.



PatricksPeaches -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/24/2008 11:49:03 PM)

I am married now but would see no problem with my daughter dating this way. As long as there is not sexual activity going on. It is a way to get to know people and what attracts you the most in a future mate. You could be building lasting friendships as well. [:)]



Chrystal-J-007 -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/24/2008 11:59:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PatricksPeaches

I am married now but would see no problem with my daughter dating this way. As long as there is not sexual activity going on. It is a way to get to know people and what attracts you the most in a future mate. You could be building lasting friendships as well. [:)]

That's what I was thinking. As long as it stays clean, I don't see why not. Some of my friends have a problem with it (maybe it's a jealousy issue with them--I'm not sure). But, I don't want to latch on the the first person I date now that I may entering back into the dating world. (I'm widowed.)
I've been out of the dating loop for years and I need advise. [8|]



deermousie -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 12:21:01 AM)

I dated more than one guy at a time, but that was because it was casual and not committed to anything except, "Hey, wanna go to the park tomorrow?"

When I started getting serious with one guy, I told the other guy about it and told him I wouldn't be dating him anymore.

He danced at our wedding. [:)]



ChoirDJ -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 1:19:30 AM)

I've learned the hard way that the term "date" could be misleading on this forum as many people view it differently. I see no issue with you or the other person going out with multiple people as you narrow down your interests. Once you found the person you want to marry and you've both decided you are interested in dating exclusively then dating others would be inappropriate.



Chrystal-J-007 -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 1:29:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: deermousie

I dated more than one guy at a time, but that was because it was casual and not committed to anything except, "Hey, wanna go to the park tomorrow?"

When I started getting serious with one guy, I told the other guy about it and told him I wouldn't be dating him anymore.

He danced at our wedding. [:)]

That's a nice story. What a sweet ending.



slushie -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 7:04:58 AM)

I guess I'm more of the person who's into serious courtship.



DaveW -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 7:52:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: deermousie

I dated more than one guy at a time, but that was because it was casual and not committed to anything except, "Hey, wanna go to the park tomorrow?"
I would not call that a "date."

I asked a girl (friend, NOT gf) to visit my church with me when she was in town where her older sister and I both attended university. She considered it a date. Shocked me when I found out.

A mutual friend back in our home town told me that she was bragging she got a date with me, who was known to never date anyone.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 9:24:24 AM)

As long as neither party's are exclusive with each other or someone else and were well aware it was merely a 'casual date' then no...I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Once we got exclusive then I would say he would need to cut everyone off and I would do the same.



Chrystal-J-007 -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 9:33:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ

I've learned the hard way that the term "date" could be misleading on this forum as many people view it differently.


For this thread (and in my eyes), dating is an action one takes when they want to get to know a person better by going somewhere in with them. And by doing so, they're trying to see if that person would be a good "fit" for them. The end result hoped for is a more serious relationship with that person--leading to marriage.

I don't want this thread to turn into a "what defines dating"? thread. So,
that's the parameters I'm working with-in.

Thanks for your post choirDJ!



Chrystal-J-007 -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 9:37:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

As long as neither party's are exclusive with each other or someone else and were well aware it was merely a 'casual date' then no...I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Once we got exclusive then I would say he would need to cut everyone off and I would do the same.

Yes, I feel like honesty is the best policy in this situation. If I felt that the relationship was getting serious, I would expect the person I'm dating (as well as myself) to tell anyone else we're dating that we've found "the one" and we will no longer be dating others after that point.



Auben -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 10:29:53 AM)

I would hang out with/be friends with/get to know a guy who was dating others but I wouldn't date one.

To me dating means we are going somewhere (not just getting to know each other) and I'm allowing him to pay.

If we're just getting to know each other I call it 'being friends' and I pay for myself.



deermousie -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 11:32:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chrystal-J-007

quote:

ORIGINAL: deermousie
When I started getting serious with one guy, I told the other guy about it and told him I wouldn't be dating him anymore.

He danced at our wedding. [:)]


That's a nice story. What a sweet ending.


Thanks, Chrystal-J-007. All five of his ex-girlfriends came to the wedding, too, and we took a gag photo of him with them, and me giving a puzzled shrug. It was fine, because he had treated all of them like a real gentleman, and there was no animosity from anyone (we also took a picture of me hiking up my long dress a little so you could see the high top tennis shoes. It was a gag, too, but it sure wound up my mother for a few minutes! [:D] )

I didn't know about courting back then, Slushie, or I would have done that instead. It would have been better than getting my broken heart handed to me in a paper bag a few times. I know now I should have just waited for God's man and gotten on with my life until he showed up.

The young man (ha! He's not young now - he's my age) who danced at our wedding later married a fine Christian woman and I think they're in Eastern Europe as missionaries. May God continue to bless them.



shadowspring -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 4:06:57 PM)

No, I would not date someone who was dating others.

If I were still single and a guy who was dating someone else asked me to go bowling or to the movies and he was good company, I might meet him there and pay my own way so there would be no confusion about whether or not it was a "date". I would have no romantic intentions whatsoever in such a scenario.

I would not let him drive me anywhere nor let him pay for anything. He might get the wrong idea.

Dating for dating's sake seems so pointless to me. [sm=aside.gif]

If you are interested in getting to know someone because you think you might want to go out with them someday, with an eye on marriage, then get to know them in a group situation or meet them out on equal terms. Then if you are pretty confident they have a heart you admire and respect, you could start thinking about dating.

BUT if a guy is currently dating someone else, and he is not committed to that person, he is just leading that girl on by continuing to date her. I would not be interested in a guy with that character.



buckifn -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 5:02:40 PM)

Yes, the whole purpose of dating is to meet lots of different people, get to know them in various settings and find out who and who you do not want to spend more time with.

If I was interested in more it would be a committed relationship, and both of us would have to be clear on that.
Engagement and marriage = exclusive imo.



Chrystal-J-007 -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 5:16:25 PM)

Thanks for the input everyone. At this point this question is just rhetorical. But in discussions with friends, it’s apparent that opinions vary quite a bit. I don’t know what the future holds for me as far as dating, but getting back in the swing of being single is complicated. I feel like a rusty hinge..[:D]

Maybe I should re-name this thread "IF you date--would you date someone who dates others?" because I see that courting is what some prefer. I don't know that much about courting, but from what I've read I think I might be a little old to be going that route. And if someone asked my dad if he would give permission for me to marry them, my dad would say "Why are you asking me? It's her decision!" My parents have never been involved in my dating life (their choice).

Life sure can be complicated sometimes...[8|]



preserved -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 5:31:57 PM)

The way the question was asked was not what I was thinking...If I was seeing a person is seriously and exclusivly then I would not date anyone else..

Then it needs to be determine what you call dating....The example that you made.....is not dating...it's simply going out with different people with no committment and no affection...just hanging out...like a buddy or friend....

Just because a person ask you to go out somewhere does not mean that you are dating unless it has been determine by both party of the intention



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 5:38:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: buckifn

Yes, the whole purpose of dating is to meet lots of different people, get to know them in various settings and find out who and who you do not want to spend more time with.


I thought the purpose of dating was to become closer in aspects of the relationship with the one you could possibly marry.

I wouldn't tolerate a female dating others while supposedly dating me... and neither would my girlfriend.

If your intention is to date someone, you should see how compatible you are with that one person before moving to the next. It looks horrible in terms of commitment on someone who dates three to four people a week.



Chrystal-J-007 -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 5:46:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: preserved
Then it needs to be determine what you call dating....The example that you made.....is not dating...it's simply going out with different people with no committment and no affection...just hanging out...like a buddy or friend....

Just because a person ask you to go out somewhere does not mean that you are dating unless it has been determine by both party of the intention


I defined dating (as I see it) in post #10. I just think it's hard to know if someone's going to be "serious" if you don't go out with them on a date.
I wouldn't want to be buddy-buddy with someone I saw a potential romantic partner. I've had male friends in the past and that wasn't for me cuz they wanted more than I was willing to give. That's just me, though. To each his own.



LivingParadox -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 7:05:32 PM)

If you are dating with intention of moving to a more serious status....it should be exclusive.

Since we can't seem to agree on what "dating" is... I think it's ok for someone to spend time on a casual basis with the other gender while spending time with others as long as it just that "casual" and nothing has been discussed to make it more exclusive.

If you are casually seeing someone and want it to be more serious it time to have the DTR talk (Define the Relationship)



Child4Jesus -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 9:17:48 PM)

It isn't fare to be playing with people's emotions like that. One person is always going to like the other more. I can't see myself going out with Betty on Friday, Susie on Saturday, Megan on the next Friday, Gayle on the next Saturday. It just doesn't make any sense. You need more than one date to figure out if you want to be with one person. Am I to go on several dates with all four of these girls having possibly all of them getting emotionally attached?

Then what? It's not fare to play with people like that. The idea of dating several people to see who I want seems odd. I can't be so detached from people emotionally. It also leads people on into thinking that this thing is going somewhere.



Child4Jesus -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 9:29:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: preserved
Then it needs to be determine what you call dating....The example that you made.....is not dating...it's simply going out with different people with no commitment and no affection...just hanging out...like a buddy or friend....Just because a person ask you to go out somewhere does not mean that you are dating unless it has been determine by both party of the intention


quote:

ORIGINAL: Chrystal-J-007
I defined dating (as I see it) in post #10. I just think it's hard to know if someone's going to be "serious" if you don't go out with them on a date. I wouldn't want to be buddy-buddy with someone I saw a potential romantic partner. I've had male friends in the past and that wasn't for me cuz they wanted more than I was willing to give. That's just me, though. To each his own.


I agree with what preserved said above. I wouldn't call a girl and guy going out a date unless both people have vocalized interest in each other or one at least one person. You go on the date to see if you want to move forward. The bottom line is you don't ask someone out on a date unless you have an interest in the person. The person being asked shouldn't accept such an invitation unless there is some level of interest. I mean who accepts a date invite from a person they know is interested in them when they have no romantic interest in that person? I mean who likes Betty, June, Jennifer, Alison, so he asked them all out on dates to see who to pursue?

All you are doing is making you emotions callous. You lead people on and it isn't fare.

Also what if you kiss Betty on date one but you had a date with June or Jen or Alison the next day? Do you then cancel the date? I mean won't the girl want to know why you are canceling? You would need to tell the truth(not necessarily that you kissed). She will no doubt ask you why you asked her out if you also liked someone else.

One at a time is best.

However there are then blind dates. You know people setting you up with someone you have never met before.



jaimestarcross -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 11:15:35 PM)

I've been there and done all that... I think the most I've been taken out in a single week by different guys was 4 times! The funny part is they all took me to the same movie --- then I got asked by my girl friends to go see this new movie --- and it was the same movie the guys had taken me to see! I couldn't win lol!!!!



JustineMartin -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/25/2008 11:52:07 PM)

I have been through this before a lot of times. I have seen someone dating other people it didn't bother me but I got over it. But right now I am dating someone else so it really does helps me not to think about what people are doing.



MC4JC -> RE: Would you date someone who's dating others? (7/26/2008 9:01:32 AM)

As long as there is no sexual activity going on (either side) I don't see a problem with it. Its a way to get to meet others and go on casual dates. Why should a person (male or female) be restricted to one person? Once you've dated a person and you think this is the one, then you have a serious talk.

But until that time, its healthier (no sex involved) to date more then one. Otherwise you won't know what you are looking for. The hard part for most people is the 'no sexual activity" during these casual dates!



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