Yoked with unbelievers? (Full Version)

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Luvinme -> Yoked with unbelievers? (7/22/2008 7:45:15 PM)

I was wondering what this could mean for this day... what is an unbeliever? If even Satan believed so then what justifies to be yoked with an unbeliever? My husband said he was a believer, but it seemed his heart was not there as he showed very little commitment... but then I question myself that perhaps he was just learning and making mistakes like everyone else... who knows, is it even right that I judge, but then how do I know if my separation was due to being "unyoked?" I could even judge myself that so often my own commitment to God seems to lack at times as I grow it seems my commitment and responsibility to what I know and have learned is even more demanding as my eyes are opened to seeing more truth, yet finding it hard to live it in such a failed society. I am confused and sometimes I don't know what is right and who to trust.

Any thoughts...



mvic -> RE: Yoked with unbelievers? (7/22/2008 7:59:08 PM)

Hi M. Magdalene,

I suppose you're right. Un-believer is a bit of a misnomer.

It is usually used to describe someone who doesn't believe in God, or someone who doesn't believe that Jesus is the Son of God. But life isn't that clear cut. There are many who perhaps believe there is a God somewhere out there but don't really care much about Him. So, what do we call such people?

Even "practicing" (whatever that word means) Christians have periods when their commitment to God is challenged by doubts and confusion. That's the devil playing havoc with their Faith.

Prayers and trust in God are the answer!



TrustingGod -> RE: Yoked with unbelievers? (7/22/2008 9:10:26 PM)

I understand unbeliever to be one who has not entrusted his/her life to Jesus as their Savior. Being unequally yoked would be a person who is living for Jesus Christ (understanding we all sin) and one who has not subjected him/herself to HIM.

I don't believe it means if you are in a marriage, you should leave your spouse. However, we should be careful not to enter into close relationships with people who are not commited to the same things.

I believe this goes for marriage, best-friend relationships, business partnerships, etc.



Luvinme -> RE: Yoked with unbelievers? (7/23/2008 7:37:16 AM)

Thanks very much for you encouragement. It turns out that my husband just seemed to do because I did. In the end he fell hard and had little regard for God's ways yet proclaimed diligently that he was in fact a firm believer.

I do see it that if you are fruit would be apparent. With myself, I have my struggles and confusion about a lot of things plus my situation away from my husband makes it difficult. I am just trying to find a secure place and where that would be within the relm of society that I am in.



kmangel -> RE: Yoked with unbelievers? (7/23/2008 9:21:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: M.Magdalene

My husband said he was a believer, but it seemed his heart was not there as he showed very little commitment

I am confused and sometimes I don't know what is right and who to trust.

Any thoughts...


When I became a Christian, I was the first one of my immediate family to embrace Jesus. From that perspective the two of us, my husband and I were both unbelievers when we married and then I became a believer. Where we were married equally yoked as unbelievers we became unequally yoked when I became a Christian. The thing is is that both of us would have said we were believers, though, all along. Perhaps we were but our commitment was lacking. Irregardless, we were both married and God wants us to remain committed to each other. When the day came when the commitment and love for God hit home in my heart, new challenges arose in my relationship with my husband. Where before we were on the same page as unbelievers, now I wanted our family to seek after God and no one else was very keen to do so!

In the beginning my husband quickly saw my commitment and would make comments like "Nobody likes a fanatic. I'm not as spiritual as you are." Those comments hurt my feelings, but I didn't argue or fight with him about them. I took a lot of walks to talk to God about them.

I had a very good friend in those early days of my new love for Jesus and she helped me not get discouraged. She would say over and over that my husband and children were not where I was yet, but to be patient. God was in the process of bringing home His children and He started with me, but the others will be brought home time in His timing. That's the hard part. Being patient. It's been 11 plus years since I began following Jesus and I'm still waiting on our boys. My husband told me about two years ago or so that one day he realized that he stopped doubting the Christian message. He never had a dramatic conversion experience--he just stopped doubting. Each one of us has our own journey to take with Jesus. You and your husband have your own personal journeys.

My husband and I are pretty much both on the same pages with regards to Jesus now. Not so in the beginning. There have been times in the early days when I would share something with him and he would argue with me. He would not take what I had to say with any confidence that I knew what I was talking about. Then we would go to church and low and behold the pastor would preach on the very same thing we had been arguing over. That really was cool! Now, though, he and I have mostly the same views about God and Jesus, so we don't come up across opposing views very often anymore.

Having a Bible believing church is important. Do you have a good church you and your husband attend? I've found the people in the church, especially other men, to be very helpful. My husband has respect for Godly men and I've found that if there is an area where we can't seem to agree on having Godly counsel by one of the men at church really helps.



Luvinme -> RE: Yoked with unbelievers? (7/23/2008 3:08:39 PM)

I do go to a good church that is Bible believing and I feel I can and have learned a lot there. My husband is not interested in church though as we are separated and he only went to church on occasion because I did. I have not totally lost hope on him of course since with God all things are possible, but my husband and I are just at odds and are toxic together as he did not respect me at all, was abusive, and he does not desire to seek council or spiritual guidance unfortunately.



kmangel -> RE: Yoked with unbelievers? (7/24/2008 8:59:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: M.Magdalene

I do go to a good church that is Bible believing and I feel I can and have learned a lot there. My husband is not interested in church though as we are separated and he only went to church on occasion because I did. I have not totally lost hope on him of course since with God all things are possible, but my husband and I are just at odds and are toxic together as he did not respect me at all, was abusive, and he does not desire to seek council or spiritual guidance unfortunately.


There is a good marriage website that might be of help to you called Marriage Builders. Since you are both separated, it might give you some ideas what to do in this period of your life. Someday you might reconcile and if you do I'm sure you don't want the past to repeat itself.

www.marriagebuilders.com

Right now I would work on myself. What is it you are leaning towards as far as your own needs?



Luvinme -> RE: Yoked with unbelievers? (7/24/2008 11:13:38 AM)

I agree Kmangle that I have to work on myself - I am always working on myself. I just question so much around me as I have always done, but trying to make sense of life and where I am suppose to be and understand who are the "believers" that are there to keep me on that straight and narrow.

I was at a cottage recently with some friends (I had rented the cottage). Originally, I had invited church folk but they were not interested in coming as they wanted to go somewhere else for their summer holiday that was probably free. I had suggested a small contribution to the cottage that I was willing to pay bulk for. So since they were not available I invited a number of other friends who claim to be "believers" but are not a committed as me. Some carrying bad habits still and even slip vulgar talk a lot of the times making it uncomfortable for me. This seems to be the story of my Christian life since I find it terribly difficult to connect with those "believers" who are just as serious as me or even more then me where I would be most encouraged in my Christian walk.

Then I also question myself if it is even right that I associate with the other type of "believers" who are not as committed as me or is it that I am a good influence on them, and so when will I have someone I can look up to?

Should I even judge!

I am trying to be secure in myself to stand tall with God despite my lack of God around me.

Let me tell you... I am having a hard time. I need encouragement.

And it is not my specific church since I have struggled with this side of Christianity since I became one 15 years ago. I have been to all the churches and they are all the same. Support is difficult to find.

I have decided to look into missions as I am drying up here.



kmangel -> RE: Yoked with unbelievers? (7/25/2008 11:11:43 AM)

It's good you have a desire--missions. There is much work God wants to do through missions. God's blessings to you as you seek the next step on your quest.



terryjohn -> RE: Yoked with unbelievers? (7/25/2008 3:39:13 PM)

What can missions help you with? The last thing people on the mission field want is for missionaries to bring their own demons with them. The one thing I have learnt is that it is impossible to be abused for nothing in this world. However, if it be for doing good, then we should but welcome it.

We all have our measure of faith and this causes all manner of problems with unbelievers and even other believers. That is even those who have more of less faith than we do will feel unequally yoked with us and we with them. Nevertheless, I am convinced that the comparison is irrelevant, for I do not need to be compared, I need to be Christ.

Be all things to all people for the sake of the gospel but in reality be as Christ would have you be. Those of the spirit are said to be like the wind blowing were it will and no one quite knowing were it comes from. We then find Christ with the sick and dying and weeping with those who wept. He ate and talked with the poor and the rich. He was all things to all men and women of all measures of faith as we too should be if in fact we know Christ. We see others with less faith and we can help them and then we see others with more faith and they can help us but secretly we despise them all and would have them be as we are.

Our faith does impact on the faith of others and limits what we all can do in Chirst. I guess it is in a sense what Christ had to do as well, for while being God, He had to humble Himself to be found in the flesh for the sake of those He loved. Will we also humble ourselves for the sake of the love of Christ?



OneJohn410 -> RE: Yoked with unbelievers? (7/25/2008 5:42:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Luvinme

I was wondering what this could mean for this day... what is an unbeliever? If even Satan believed so then what justifies to be yoked with an unbeliever? My husband said he was a believer, but it seemed his heart was not there as he showed very little commitment... but then I question myself that perhaps he was just learning and making mistakes like everyone else... who knows, is it even right that I judge, but then how do I know if my separation was due to being "unyoked?" I could even judge myself that so often my own commitment to God seems to lack at times as I grow it seems my commitment and responsibility to what I know and have learned is even more demanding as my eyes are opened to seeing more truth, yet finding it hard to live it in such a failed society. I am confused and sometimes I don't know what is right and who to trust.

Any thoughts...

I looked for it, and I don't see any Bible verses talking about 'and the two shall be yoked as one'- nothing about a yoke and marriage. I have heard talk about a yoke- that it unites the pulling power of two oxen or pulling animals to aid in plowing a field for planting. How when this is done, Farmer Bob needs to get two animals of comparative pulling power, or he'll be forever trying to keep the rows straight and risk the weaker animal being injured.

I'm sorry your marriage ended in divorce. I think if you consider that you were able to discern your ex's heart and actions, and also are finding discernment in being a godly wife, that you'll lose that sense of being wrong to think- that not all thinking is judgement. Also, that following such large events of the heart, that it's not unusual to be a little shook up and unsure of yourself- so not to worry about it. Probably also a good time to take some time for yourself and get things sorted out. Don't get wishy-washy and self-doubtful. Don't put a lot of emphasis on amateur advice if you hear otherwise through the Holy Spirit. You aren't asking for any, so I'll just pray a little prayer for you during this time, that you keep you eyes on the Lord and in His word, and maybe even find a support group through church to help you work through things.

OneJohn410



Luvinme -> RE: Yoked with unbelievers? (7/26/2008 12:14:49 PM)

No offense but I don't think you guys are really getting me.

I am not divorced. I am separated. How do you make someone love you? If someone is not supporting your belief, but saying they believe the same thing - at what point is it that you decide they are liers that they really do not believe and are not just a believer making mistakes.

I have no plans to seek a divorce. I want to be married!

I believe it is the fruit that reveals the Christian, but I find it very difficult to find a Christian who is real and not full of hypocrisy.

In the meantime, my true strength does come within, which is God and should be enough; however, lets get real, I am human and insecure. And can you blame me - look at our unstable environment - come on - how far away from God are people??? This world has completely gone in the opposite direction of God's ways. People are all about themselves and whatever claims to be "Christianity" is questionable!

Let's be real people and talk about how it is!

Where is the encouragement???? I am not the bad guy!



kmangel -> RE: Yoked with unbelievers? (7/26/2008 1:44:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Luvinme

I am not divorced. I am separated. How do you make someone love you? If someone is not supporting your belief, but saying they believe the same thing - at what point is it that you decide they are liers that they really do not believe and are not just a believer making mistakes.



Did you look at the Marriage Builders website? There is information about believers married to unbelievers.

I have been where you are. I have learned that I must trust God with my loved ones. I can't make them do what I want them to do no matter how much I want to. We can't make others believe what we believe. Do you long for your husband to be a spiritual leader but he isn't there yet? I have longed the same in my marriage, too. My friend would say over and over to me that my husband is on his own personal journey with God and is not where I am yet spiritually, but to be patient. Perhaps you understand the ways of God more than he does at this moment, but be patient. I was the first Christian in my family so I was faced with some issues of trusting God with my husband and the many decisions my husband would make. I've had to come to trust God with my husband and two now adult sons. It can seem an endless wait on our part to see God move in the lives of lour oved ones. I saw quite a few evidences of God at work in my younger son's life, but not so much my older son until this year. I've begun to see some change in my older son's life. Boy, have I prayed and fought over some of the things going on in both my sons' lives. Step by step, day by day, God is working and changing people. We may not see the changes, but He is at work none the less.



Luvinme -> RE: Yoked with unbelievers? (7/26/2008 3:34:18 PM)

Hi Kmangel, I appreciate your advice, but my intention was not to seek advice about my husband. I have been down the road you speak of already and I cannot FORCE my husband to do anything. Guess this is why the Lord says do not be yoked with unbelievers. If one's intention is to go one way and the other's intention is to steer the other way then what do you accomplish?

I am not divorced. I am here and my husband knows it, but he does not want me. Like God never goes away, we understand that we need to commit ourselves to Him, otherwise, He cannot be with us. How can I be with my husband - he does not love me! Perhaps one day he will understand love and come back to me. That would definitely be amazing, but I cannot find home for him. He needs to find it himself! Surely, our year together would have shown that I definitely love God! But perhaps that is the problem!

We live in dysfunction. We cannot help it even as Christians and I am not up to paint any pretty pictures. I just say it like it is.

I believe God would want us to just be real. What do I gain to live with a man who does nothing but hinder my growth in God? If I was insecure and selfish I would desire to stay with him and jeopardize my relationship with God. Sorry, I don't put even my husband before God.



OneJohn410 -> RE: Yoked with unbelievers? (7/26/2008 5:12:03 PM)

Apologies for my earlier reply... I was not aware you were moving in to different questions and adding more information as often as you did.

How can you make you husband love you? You want to stay married.

You answered that question, that you can't make him do anything. After a year of this, I can sure understand wanting to find comfort in this world while hoping things will change.

Do not let your earnings fund his separation. Get a separate bank account, start establishing some things that are yours. Don't be in a position to be taking on any of his debt to anything. I'd be looking to have my name removed from anything he can mess up and pass on to you- any joint credit cards. Get a post office box address for mail he does not need to see. I think a state of separation would be much harder to live in than one of divorce, so you are right, you don't need a divorce support group, you may want assistance from professional help instead. If he doesn't want to share life with you, I don't know what requires you to be vulnerable to his every whim, and suddenly decide to buy another house somewhere and clean out your joint savings. Letting him share anything of what you put in to the marriage while not being a part of it himself...

I hate what's happened, and positions flipped, I'd really find this some odd and strongly worded encouragement, probably not what I was looking for, and hard to think about begining to do. But since I'd also have a sense of a yoke in a marriage, and when I look over the spot next to me is mostly empty, then I'm game to try anything and no free field trips for leaving me to drag this yoke along the ground. I'm going to start really piling on the self-love and self-preservation so I'm ready to fight in love.

OneJohn410



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