LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (Full Version)

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cpineda -> LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (7/21/2008 4:15:49 PM)

My husband and I have held a leadership positon at our church for @ 5 yrs now and it has had its ups and downs in our marriage, family, finances, etc. (which I know is normal) The support I am looking for is that I need to talk / write to someone or group of people who know what I am going thru (as a woman), and who will give me biblical based counsel.
The current situation at our church is that my Pastors wife, who I deeply respect and admire, has a problem with "communication". She likes to communicate anything one tells her with others. In other words she gossips and the only time I discussed something I was going thru, it got so twisted around and came to my husbands ears a different way. The rest of the people we relate to are our disciples and I, for obvious reasons, can't go to them with my problems.
My family is not at a spiritual level to give me any advise, even though I grew up as a PK. My dad has since passed away and mom is here but she was always just the pastors wife and never really counseled.
I could go to my Pastor, I have the confidence to do so but to talk to him about my marital problems is not correct if my husband is not there with me and sometimes I just need some good Godly Womanly Counsel.
Please, is there anyone out there who understands where I am coming from? I believe that God is taking me to a new level of trusting in him, but we all need some guidance here on earth at times.
Thank you in advance

CJ



slushie -> RE: LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (7/21/2008 4:36:31 PM)

Isn't there a woman in your church who you can talk to and will not gossip? You need a woman friend you can relate to on a level like that.

Is your position a pretty high one?



Liveloved -> RE: LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (7/22/2008 3:32:43 AM)

quote:

Please, is there anyone out there who understands where I am coming from? I believe that God is taking me to a new level of trusting in him, but we all need some guidance here on earth at times.


I do understand where you are coming from. You need a friend---someone who is both spiritually wise and trustworthy. And those friends are few and far between. Jesus is our best friend and we can take all of our problems and concerns to Him but sometimes we need to talk things over with someone with skin on.

I wish you could find that here. But the internet really limits our 'knowing' one another. We can respond to questions but without knowing you in a personal way, it is difficult to adequately supply the need.

I'm willing to try to help you if I can. Bless you, LL



buckifn -> RE: LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (7/22/2008 2:40:34 PM)

What about the other leaders in the same position as you? Do any of them have a spouse available that you could talk with about the situation?

I fully understand what you are saying, and it's one of the tough things about my leadership position as well. Everyone comes to me for answers, but there is scarcely anyone I can go to for answers myself.

My solution was confiding in someone thousands of miles away at a church we used to attend...which has both it's own positives and negatives...

I might also add pray about finding a way to mention to the pastor's wife about how hurt you and others are when she shares things that were meant to be private. She needs to be aware of the damage her actions are bringing.



cpineda -> RE: LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (7/22/2008 4:07:12 PM)

After Pastor we are in a group of @ 10 couples in leadership. Of those 10 couples pastor trusts and confides a little more intimitaly with 3 couples and we are one of those 3 couples. there is really noone of the spouses that I feel I can go and talk to without things getting back to my Pastor's wife and I already told you all the story from there. I thought of finding a phone # to a church that my parents used to attend and the Pastor knows me. And I also think he and his wife would give me counsel. Like one of you said, it has it's pros and cons to receiving counsel from far away but a really don't know what els to do.
Please keep me in your prayers, I am going to try and find the phone # for this Pastor. I will keep you updated.
Thank you all and God Bless



jn1010lf -> RE: LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (7/22/2008 4:45:12 PM)

Hello cpineda

Well, if your Pastor's wife is a gossip, then you're not the only one that has a problem. Have you taken this up with your husband?

From what you say, am I to read between the lines that your particular church is a denomination; little power, therefore few really allow the Lord to search them and see if there are any wicked ways in them.

If this gossip lady continues to cause upheaval, I might even think about going to another church, one that teaches deliverance. Gossip is a spiritual problem, you know.



Liveloved -> RE: LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (7/22/2008 6:56:59 PM)

quote:

Please keep me in your prayers, I am going to try and find the phone # for this Pastor. I will keep you updated.
Thank you all and God Bless


Lord, We lift up cpineda to Your throne of grace. Oh, Lord, may she find mercy and grace to help in this time of need. Jesus, it was for freedom that You set us free! Help cpineda and her husband come into the freedom You have for them. I pray that You will lead them to wise and godly counsel and bring restoration to their relationship. And restore the joy to cpineda, Lord! Renew a steadfast spirit within her, Lord, and sustain her with a willing spirit. Create in both of them a clean heart, Lord, after Your own. Cause them to increase and abound in love for one another. O Lord, do this for this couple and use them to strengthen and encourage Your church on earth. Lord, all of us in Your church need our hearts established unblamable in holiness! This is our desire and Your will. We thank You that You will accomplish this for cpineda and all of Your own. Thank You, Lord! Amen.

Bless you, cpineda![sm=heart.gif][sm=hug.gif] LL



hjemerson -> RE: LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (7/23/2008 4:25:21 PM)

I really understand what you are saying I came from a church ,in my young couple days where the pastor wife was that type and it HURT me for many year to know she would and could do this to so many of us, I took a few year I now forgave and pray for her, Now I understand you, I am a Youth pastor/Music leader wife and find it hard to trust on close relation ship . If you like to pm me I be happy to share and maybe help out, I feel some one out side the circle /yes even area can be a closer friend than the one you see all the time,



lhull -> RE: LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (7/23/2008 10:42:48 PM)

Hello!

It is difficult to find someone to talk things over with isn't it? I am very blessed to have a couple of very close friends who don't mind listening to me and offering empathy and sound wisdom.

I began a teaching/discipleship ministry online called Words of Encouragement a few years ago. If you would like to check it out, maybe you can find some help there. There is contact info if you want to "talk" via email.

Willing to listen...
Linda
Words of Encouragement



revbob4God -> RE: LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (7/28/2008 5:26:16 PM)

Mrs. reverend Bob never developed the gossip streak, Thanks be to God, however some women do not handle their responsibility well when it comes to gossip. Although it is a sad situation, the only person she may feel she has to answer to is her husband, and also God. Unfortunately, approaching a Pastor with the misbehavior of his wife may not always bring the kind of outcome you may feel is necessary. however, I suggest you find others you can trust and talk to THEM. Sooner or later, when people stop talking to the Preacher's wife, maybe she will be inclined to catch on and make moral inventory and change her unbiblical behavior, perhaps not.



revbob4God -> RE: LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (8/4/2008 4:26:50 PM)

We have to face this issue from time to time and it is coming up a lot lately. I am glad we now have other people in yough ministry who could take the place of someone we are having a similar problem with. The main problem is that if the person in question is in a position of any kind of authoritiy, real, or imagined, as is in the case of the person we are dealing with, great respect and caution has to be the key. But it always saddens me to hear of problems such as this.
I will pray for you, and I hope you will turn to our Heavenly Father for help, assurance, and peace.



revbob4God -> RE: LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (8/5/2008 4:14:59 PM)

By the way, what about the Preacher preaching a sermon about that instance in the Bible where Moses's sister, Miriam, and the brother, were making comments about the cultural upbringing of Moses's wife? This would be a great illustration of what God says about gossip and talking behind someone's back, and also aboout forgiveness, mercy...Moses insisting that after Miriam was banished at God's direction that everyone remain until she could return, and about how Miriam must have grown spiritually and turned from her mistakes to mature and continue as the child of God that she was?



lightshineon -> RE: LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (8/7/2008 10:33:57 PM)

Well we all have the temptation to gossip, some use the excuse saying " I am telling you this so you can pray for so and so." I think, it is great to have a friend, one, who is trust worthy, honest with you, without comdenation, and someone you can pour your heart out too.



mrsrevbob -> RE: LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (8/13/2008 10:51:05 AM)

I have to agree with the above post. I am just so sorry to hear about that. I had an Aunt like that. We all thought she developed the mean streak because God never blessed her with children.

By the way, that is the truth, not gossip.

As a matter of fact, I did tell her this at one point, and she started gossiping about ME.



funny_girl -> RE: LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (8/16/2008 12:56:24 AM)

Yes, you can talk to me. I completely understand how you feel and the longing for privacy having been there myself. I'm sorry I wasn't able to read this sooner. Often times I come here to this forum, honestly, it's the best one that I know of. The people aren't too harsh and even though often they don't understand, at least I can write out my words and figure out what's going on in my situation. It's always an added blessing when someone insightful has the words of comfort or encouragement that I was longing for.



MrsDC -> RE: LEADERS WIFE NEEDING SUPPORT (8/16/2008 1:21:13 AM)

I'm available, too! Lori's right, this is a great place to come and share questions and concerns and even praise and encouragement...but remember that these folks do exist IRL (in real life) also. In fact, I was talking to someone some months ago and she said, "Aren't you Mrs DC at crosswalk?" That was a shocker!!! Small world, this.

RevBob mentioned talking to your pastor about his wife. Biblically speaking, you shouldn't do that. If anything is done, it should be through your husband, but I doubt that that is a good idea. More than likely, the pastor already knows. If you do believe (after praying about it) that the pastor should know what's up with his wife, let your husband handle it. He is, afterall, the head. It would be inappropriate for you to confront your pastor.

Praying for you, Cpineda!
-- Rebecca

PS Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk! (or you can visit my blog and leave a message -- I look forward to hearing from you!)



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