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jacob011 -> Geeks Training Facility (7/18/2008 5:12:53 PM)

All geeks welcomed.

Hi there folks,

as you probably assumed already I'm a geek. Now, I will state what geek is just for everyone to think the same: "Geek is a person with unusual computer skills... and so on, you know that :D"

SO now the problem:
Geeks don't date! Even if they are handsome. (There are some, but I'll exclude them for now:)

NOW I'd like to know how to:
start a simple conversation with a woman?
avoid that stupid dependency on woman's beauty?
(the more gorgeous she is, the bigger scatterbrain I am, making me the most hopeless person on this rock)
I must admit It all sounds crazy for normal people(, but you gonna get over it don't worry [:D])

But you have no idea what a fool I am. I seem to attract girls too much. (And that's the BIG DEAL. can't talk => in deep trouble...) Even if I try to speak to her about something meaningful, she gets nervous (I guess because of me) and we're done [:@]

Can't use the stronger words here

SO final scream: HE ...2 minutes later... EEEELP ! ! !

[Edited by moderator - TOS 5]



slushie -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/18/2008 5:39:44 PM)

Geeks don't date?

by the way, do you mean that a lot of girls are attracted to you? Why do you think that is?

Maybe it's something that takes a lot of work and practice and failure. [8|] I mean, talking to a pretty girl. (or handsome boy)



ta_mosquito -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/18/2008 5:56:26 PM)

My husband is a certified geek. He had gone on one - count it, ONE - date before dating me. (And I'm not talking about having one girlfriend - I'm talking about having one DATE. It was a blind date kind of thing; they went to a movie.)

How'd he end up with gorgeous li'l me? [8D] Well, a lot of it had to do with GOD. LOL! That, and we first started talking online. It was more comfortable for both of us - no freaky face-to-face stuff, time to think through what you want to say, etc. We did exchange pictures early on. Eventually it moved into an in-person meeting, but by that time we were fairly comfortable with each other.

I'm kinda geeky myself, so that helped, too. [;)]

Do I recommend this method for everyone? Of course not. What works for one couple may not work for another. But I thought I'd share our success story.



pbaribeault -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/18/2008 7:06:13 PM)

Lots of geeks also do drama. It's within the same skill set, and it can be free-ing. You can use this to tone down your nerves at the spontaneous conversation.

Write a script and practice it; complete with facial expressions.

Start with your good friend the mirror. "Hi!" <shy smile with eye contact> "Nice day today, hmm?" <again with a slight touch of eye contact> "I've really been enjoying the weather this summer, and those thunderstorms are something else!" ... "Have you been on a vacation so far?" <interested eyebrows, nodding head> "That sounds really nice. I've been thinking about taking a little camping trip myself. I've wondered what it would be like to rent a motorcycle and one of those tiny tent trailers." <let her respond & pick up an idea if she wants to, or continue> "When I was a kid, my granddad had a motorcycle. He used to take me out... he lived in..." <let her respond> "By the way, my name is Joe. It's good to meet you."

This takes the guesswork out of what you are going to say, so that you can manage yourself better in the conversation, until it gets rolling. You can have quite a few memorized anicdotes to take the conversation in different directions.

Begin by trying it with 'captive audiences' like cashiers and waitresses -- keep it short and don't be creepy (meaning watch out for signs that she doesn't want to keep on talking). Then seek a real conversation by going to a class, or sport or some other thing where you see the same group of people of both genders on a regular basis. Once you've seen a girl a few times, and she has seen you, the conversations have more possibilities.

To move this towards date territory, you might offer to help her with something she is trying to do, trying to learn or trying to carry. You can offer to help her with a computer problem too. Practice your delivery line, "I have a couple tickets to this small jazz show next weekend (basketball game, thinking of seeing a particular movie etc.) and I was hoping to find someone nice to go along with me. Are you interested at all?" <if not> "Oh, no problem. Jazz isn't for everyone." <if yes> "Shall I pick you up at 7:00 then, or should we maybe catch dinner first?"



NotDoneYet -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/18/2008 7:10:07 PM)

Find a geek girl! I am a geek girl...dating was no picnic for me either.
Join your local Toastmasters, great for public speaking...and confidence in front of an audience. Go to the local "geek" open houses (I live near a NASA center and a nationally known physics lab), join an online forum.

Being a geek is not a really handicapping condition, if you can find someone who is willing to put up with it. My specialty is anything aerospace...or technological or engineering orientated. My husband is NOT a geek...but it works!

Have fun and enjoy your geekdom!

NDY



jacob011 -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/19/2008 7:17:50 AM)

quote:

I live near a NASA center and a nationally known physics lab)

Must say this is cool[:D][:D]

Could you give me some link to that (geek:-) forum?



car2ner -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/19/2008 9:03:08 AM)

Talking to the opposite sex takes practice no matter the level of geekiness or lack-there-of.

BTW, M'love and I have side by side computers and we wrap our ankles together while we play on them. In fact, I need to make some omletes for us and then get onto our MMORPG together.



shadowspring -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/19/2008 1:20:48 PM)

[:D]Love this thread!

My dh is a geek. I am so grateful that he was still single when I met him at age 26. Lucky for me! [;)]

He was into running, soccer, chess and the singles group at church.

He never met any girls running or at chess club. And I don't think he ever dated anyone from work. He did hang out at all the singles group activities (he was a major organizer of most of their parties) but he only dated one other girl at church before me.

I met him at church, and eventually he talked me into playing on his co-ed soccer team after we got married. Then I started running to be a better soccer player.

But I still never got into chess! [8D]



42servehymn -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/19/2008 6:30:27 PM)

My son is a certified geek with a beautiful fiancee. He is going to college and is majoring in math and minoring in computer science. He will continue on to get his doctorate so he can become a college math professor. His girlfriend looks like Katy Holmes. She is sweet and smart also but not on the same geek level as he is. Her dad is also a geek so that may have something to do with it. Her dad has an engineering degree and law degree. Her mom is one beautiful lady also so there is another geek that found a beauty. Find an older geek and ask if he has a daughter.



Munchiekin -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/19/2008 10:16:43 PM)

My last bf was kinda a geek. But he sure was cute and funny. I'm gonna miss that one.

Just get down with your geeky self and program those computers! Somewhere over the rainbow is a geeky lady just waiting for the computerly competent!



deermousie -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/20/2008 1:28:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jacob011

NOW I'd like to know how to:
start a simple conversation with a woman?


- It's easier talking to someone who is interested in the same things you are. Join clubs for activities you enjoy. Go to ballroom dance classes - they never have enough guys, and they'll teach you where to put your feet and your hands. The girls will look pretty and you get to boss them around the floor. It's great fun, trust me, once you start getting it. Most gals start off knowing nothing, too. Oh, and check out places that have folk dancing (call the local synagog - ours used to have dances every Saturday night, and gave free lessons before hand. Great fun, and you don't have to partner up but can stand around afterwards with a soda and talk).
-It's true, we gals are the opposite species, but we like to talk, too, and maybe we're shy about talking to you.
- KEY People quickly warm up when asked about their favorite interests. Be listening... when a gal mentions dogs, ask her leading questions like, Do you like dogs? What kind of dogs? or Do you have a dog? She'll start talking and all you have to do is occasionally say "Uh huh" "That's right" and so on. She'll think you're a great conversationalist with little to no effort on your part!
- If you live in an apartment full of Christian guys, find an apartment full of Christian gals and invite them over for dinner. That was there's no pairing off and thus no pressure, but you get to hang around girls and interact. Can't cook? Get a book or ask your mother or some gal at church. Ha! Or ask some gals to teach you guys how to cook, and you supply the food and you all eat the results together![:D]
- Join the singles group at your church, or start attending another church's singles group. Ask how you can help (bring snacks, ask for a ride or offer rides if you have a car). Learn to play a guitar so you can help with the singing. Ask a girl to show you some chords to play.


quote:

avoid that stupid dependency on woman's beauty?
(the more gorgeous she is, the bigger scatterbrain I am, making me the most hopeless person on this rock)


Sorry, Jacob; you're a guy and I think it comes with the territory. My husband of 20 years hates talking to pretty girls because he becomes tongue-tied. He's a moral, friendly kind of guy and everyone loves him, but he becomes a gibbering idiot around a gorgeous gal. He hates it but has been helpless to conquer it. Our daughter is beautiful, and he has no trouble talking to her. <shrug> So I have no help to give (it might help to know that every guy with a pulse has trouble talking to pretty gals, and the gals might get pretty lonely and would enjoy someone to talk to them like a human being. See what you can do, but don't sweat it if you can't do it . Maybe next year?)


quote:

But you have no idea what a fool I am. I seem to attract girls too much. (And that's the BIG DEAL. can't talk => in deep trouble...) Even if I try to speak to her about something meaningful, she gets nervous (I guess because of me) and we're done [:@]


I like the Toastmaster's suggestion. Some ettiquette books deal with this, too, so slip down to the library and see what you can find: what are good conversation starters and safe and kind things to start talking about (weather is good always, school is safe, whether her jeans make her backside look big is an atom bomb. But you knew that).


quote:

SO final scream: HE ...2 minutes later... EEEELP ! ! !


Jacob, you sound like a delightful guy. You're in touch with your feelings, not afraid to laugh at yourself, and are smart. Once you conquer the first steps of a conversation, I think you'll find girls do like you and you'll be off and running with a conversation. You aren't some stupid guy flexing his muscles that we're supposed to ooh and ah over (we're not impressed over a guy who is impressed with himself. That guy just needs a mirror to be happy). Be kind, listen, talk about other people's interests, and don't worry if you step in the trash can. Just laugh about it and go on.

Understand that there are a lot of girls who don't know how to talk to guys, either. Part of loving the brethren is putting their interests first. You need a ride? I'll take you. You need a guitar player for worship? I'll play. You need someone to help carry stuff to the car? I'll help (or open the door).

I hope this helps a little. God bless!



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/20/2008 2:38:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jacob011

NOW I'd like to know how to:
start a simple conversation with a woman?


"Hey baby, I noticed you only have 248 MB of RAM. Would you like an upgrade? [sm=cool.gif]"



FreeEagle -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/20/2008 6:20:17 AM)

Having been very shy myself, I'd recommend reading "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. It is highly recommended by many business organizations, but few people realize it's original title was "How to pick up girls"



makarizo -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/20/2008 7:33:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jacob011

All geeks welcomed.

Hi there folks,

as you probably assumed already I'm a geek.

SO now the problem:
Geeks don't date! Even if they are handsome. (There are some, but I'll exclude them for now:)

NOW I'd like to know how to:
start a simple conversation with a woman?
avoid that stupid dependency on woman's beauty? .......



I was a geek long before there was a commadore 64 [;)]

uncanny ability to read "the assigned novel" in 2 hours. remembering what was on page 134.
picked up the Rubik's cube and solved it using simple math.

figured out the circle of 5ths all on my own.
and scored a 1600 on my s.a.t. and the lists go on.

as for social skills. I had a similar problem, and in 8th grade developed my own philosophy.... I called 'the art of dehumanization'

the title sounds bad, but it taught me how to not categorize people, how to not label people, and how to not turn someone into more or less of what they were.
I was a geek who enjoyed being popular, but that never defined me.



jacob011 -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/20/2008 4:27:07 PM)

quote:

Just get down with your geeky self and program those computers! Somewhere over the rainbow is a geeky lady just waiting for the computerly competent!


[:D] SO it's like I should program my way to her. [sm=error.gif] I wanna be more like human than a machine. (not that I am) I also spend a lot of time with books or just study. I'm guessing this is sorta preparational part of my life and it's gonna come to successful end one day. Do you guys have some experiences concerning this issue? I think that after this part of my life, I'll be more mature even about talking to pretty ladies. (and THAT'S something [8D])
I seem to lack confidence. I often notice that I'm more communicative when I do something creative. And work works fine and I'm happy about it. I also heard other guys from our university that if you wanna raise your confidence you should go to some foreign university for an educational stay. They sad that they were completely awkward when talking in front of many people and when they returned from the stay they felt fine about it.
So folks, what do you think of that?

quote:

Hey baby, I noticed you only have 248 MB of RAM. Would you like an upgrade?

Cool one[:D] I'm not sure she would buy it, though.

BTW: Thanks everybody for your effort you've put in.



blackhat -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/20/2008 11:34:22 PM)

I dated a geek for 3 years, and he was majorly geeky. In fact, he was so geeky that it rubbed off on me. It didn't last, but the point is that geeks have a lot more dating potential than they realize. There are a lot of girls out there who want a smart guy for a bf! Also, I find that there is more security with geeks... As in, they're not likely to cheat on you because they're (I know, major generalization over here) already so unsure of their social skills.

There's one important thing I realized when I started dating. It's so obvious, but it's something you need to believe and understand: Nobody is better than you. No matter how beautiful that person is, you are just as good as they are. Nobody's worth more or less than anyone else in this world.



Auben -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/21/2008 7:14:01 PM)

Part of the difficulty with talking with beautiful members of the opposite sex has to do with worrying about fulfilling expectations, trying to impress, or being filled with self-doubt.

Minimizing first conversations (don't try to do it all).
Visualizing them as a friend, not a potential date (at least at first).
Coming up with a set of questions ahead of time for just such a situation.
Finding things in common.
Practicing with people who are friendly enough to take up the slack.



sunshinesoprano -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/21/2008 7:33:26 PM)

Well, if there's a music geek, I guess I'm a girl one.

I'm a musician/wanna be computer nerd. At some point technology overtook me when I graduated from college and didn't really keep up with it anymore, so I'm not as much of a puter nerd as I used to be,

I can't talk to guys. I turn into a big bowl of jello. I have no idea what to say, mostly because I"m thinking he's thinking, "What's this totally uncool nerdy chunky butt doing talking to me?

I feel ya...



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/21/2008 9:37:17 PM)

Oooh! I love geeks!

Just talk to the girls! We don't bite and to be honest we're probably as intimidated by you as you are of us. [:)]



LaVidaBonita -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/21/2008 11:32:40 PM)

When I first met my future hubby he said that he was attracted to me because I was a "cool nerd". A nerd is kind of like a geek I guess?

Honestly I think that we are both nerds/geeks which is why we make such a good couple. I'm an environmental scientist and he is an engineer. You can't get much more geeky than that.

My advice...find a woman who is just as much of a geek as you are, and one who thinks that your interests/skills are some of the most attracctive things about you.



car2ner -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/22/2008 2:52:43 PM)

quote:

Hey baby, I noticed you only have 248 MB of RAM. Would you like an upgrade? "


This is funny but I don't think it would get many dates. Comment on the beautiful wallpaper on her desktop. Make sure when she sees yours it doesn't have the half nekkid warrior chick in the background [;)]



captain -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/24/2008 2:09:49 AM)

Hi all.

I am a total geek. I am even going to Comic-Con this Sunday.

I haven't had any dates with the exception of the blind dates that my parents & relatives have set up for me. What a loser I am. Plus I wear braces. I should have my own t.v. series to complement "Ugly Betty". But that's okay.

Talking to an attractive woman makes me nervous and makes my voice quiver.
But I am making progress. I feel comfortable emailing them. :-) It doesn't bother me as much when I try get into a conversation and they walk away after a few brief words from them. Oh well, time to move on to the next person in the bible study.



DaveW -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/24/2008 7:54:27 AM)

quote:

NOW I'd like to know how to:
start a simple conversation with a woman?
Comedian Jim Gaffigan has a routine where he talks about the phrases "Its not brain surgery" and "Its not rocket science." He then asks what do rocket scientists or brain surgeons say:

"Its not like talking to women....?"



jacob011 -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/24/2008 4:48:41 PM)

OK. [8D]
I have another question. I'm attending our local church .... and ... there's particular girl that I find kinda sweet. I admire her. As a person she's got many great qualities ... and ... she's so mature there, where I am not, although she's a year younger. She cooks, she does tidying up, she's very ... ready (at least in this way(from what I can tell :-)) She seems to like me (and I like her as well), but she doesn't feel comfortable talking to me. (Ya know, we tried to talk, but it was rather embarrassing to both of us). Looks like she's got the same problem as I do.[&o] (Talking to everybody - fine, talking to someone gorgeous - horrible)

How unpleasant!!!! [:'(] So we're stuck there for now.

Could you advise? Some cool tricks?! Huh?



GrowinBaptist -> RE: Geeks Training Facility (7/25/2008 2:54:59 PM)

Oh, dear. :-) Didn't you know that it's practically a standard for two peole who are interested in each other to be extremely nervous talking to each other? [:D] I have been that way around some men...for some reason I just could not find anything to say! I would draw a complete blank.

Okay, being serious now. I am glad you are going to church and it's a plus that you met this girl there. HOWEVER, have you prayed about this? Now, I am only mentioning this because I don't have any information to the contrary, but how serious are you in your relationship to Christ? Are you more concerned about learning how to communicate with someone you are attracted to than you are about communicating with the Lord? I'm not saying that I think that's what you're doing. Like I said, just don't have the info! Is this girl true in her walk in Christ herself?

If you are both strong in your faith, then pray about it! Put the whole thing on the Lord, and He'll tell you what to say. If you have the assurance of that you may even help this girl overcome some of her own nervousness. The key is always Christ...if this is something you are not sure about I'd get sure about it! (You didn't say anything about faith matters other than you go to church...simply going to church doesn't make you a believer any more than going into a barn makes you a horse! So if you want the right kind of advice it may help others on here to know where your heart is with the Lord.)



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