Not sure what signals I'm getting.... (Full Version)

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tygran -> Not sure what signals I'm getting.... (7/16/2008 1:32:57 AM)

Hey Guys,

Sure hope you can tell me what this all means...

I have a male friend through church. I've known him for over a year. He has helped me out a few times when I've needed extra muscle, and with my car. We are both single and not dating anyone. Here is my dilema...

He often sits with me at church.
We have attended group bible studies together.
We have great conversation.
He accepted an invite from me to attend a function where it would have been inappropriate to attend alone.
He invited me to spend the day on an excursion.
When I sent a simple text to thank him for the invite to the excursion he responded with a return phone call when I never expected or cared if I received a response.
Recently, our study was cancelled and we spent the evening talking til late.

OK. We are NOT dating, nor has there been any discussion of it. Although I know he wants to get married and have a family.

This is my question....

I'm reading an attraction in this and feel liked I'm being "checked out". I am very attracted to this man, but am questioning whether it's being reciprocated. My main concern at this moment is our age difference...I am older with adult children who know and like this man. They surprisingly have encouraged me to pursue this though I'm very hesitant to admit to them I feel attracted. I am in my 40's and he is in his 30's give or take a 10 yr age difference.

Am I reading this correctly? He is attracted in more than a sisterly way? There has been NO inappropriate behavior and we are very respectful to each other. I've turned this over to the Lord and am waiting for His guidance. I'd just like a male opinion on this.

Thank you[:o]



MWD -> RE: Not sure what signals I'm getting.... (7/16/2008 10:38:53 AM)

First of all, pretend this guy doesn't even exist. Then, list precisely what you want in a man, and what you want out of any new relationship with a man -- both short term and long term.



rayofson -> RE: Not sure what signals I'm getting.... (7/16/2008 12:16:51 PM)

It's so hard to tell for sure if he has romantic feelings toward you but seems encouraging. Obviously, he likes your company. Also you know that he's marriage-minded. Most guys with that perspective wouldn't waste their time getting to know someone in whom they aren't interested as a mate. Even if he isn't thinking relationship right now, it seems very possible at some point.

Don't worry about the age difference. It's only an issue if you make it one.



APZR -> RE: Not sure what signals I'm getting.... (7/16/2008 12:57:33 PM)

Ditto to the Ray man. And the 10 year age difference isn't as big of a deal when you are an older mature adult.. it would be a big difference if you were 19. However, one thing that does need to be worked out, since he's in his early 30's, is does he expect to have kids? Myself quickly approaching 40, that would be a problem. I have kids and do not want to start over again, so for me that could be a deal killer if a condition for any relationship.



SavedByGraceMD -> RE: Not sure what signals I'm getting.... (7/16/2008 1:15:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rayofson

It's so hard to tell for sure if he has romantic feelings toward you but seems encouraging. Obviously, he likes your company. Also you know that he's marriage-minded. Most guys with that perspective wouldn't waste their time getting to know someone in whom they aren't interested as a mate. Even if he isn't thinking relationship right now, it seems very possible at some point.

Don't worry about the age difference. It's only an issue if you make it one.

I also agree with ray here. I think he wouldn't be spending so much time with you, if he wasn't interested.



OneJohn410 -> RE: Not sure what signals I'm getting.... (7/17/2008 12:27:16 AM)

Tygran,

Someone said it would be important to do this, and I don't think it was realized that you already did...

quote:

OK. We are NOT dating, nor has there been any discussion of it. Although I know he wants to get married and have a family.


I like MWD's response.
Dave Ramsey would suggest considering individual incomes, and what a marriage might demand of the wage earners in the family.

I personally think he's waiting for you to ask him out on a date. I think it would be a fair statement that he could be intimidated by becoming a father figure to children half your age, but maybe that's just me. Since they are just 10 years or so younger than he is... . Have you, your friend, and your kids done some things together? Maybe that could be a next step for everyone? No dating yet, just a way for everyone to have some fun together? Especially something like rock wall climbing or something where your friend can be a little bit of a big brother yet also have a feeling of a father? Since he is halfway between you and your kids agewise, he could be having a real big brother complex that would need to be hurdled(?) would you two date?

I'm babbling on. Forgive the babble and just focus on whatever good stuff is buried in there.

Best wishes, btw.
OneJohn410



tygran -> RE: Not sure what signals I'm getting.... (7/17/2008 7:58:30 PM)

Thanks for the responses, fellas!

I've really decided to leave this all to the Lord. I do think my "fear" is the age differance, mostly in regards to what our church members would have to say about the whole thing. UGH! My friend has spent some time with both of my older children and both of them seemed rather WOW'ed by him. Very unusual. The oldest suggested I date him, and the younger (who is incredibly over-protective) seems to be encouraging our friendship also. So I guess we will see....either way i hope to have gained a great friend!! BTW I have a teen also and she thinks he's pretty cool for and old guy! Had to laugh at that cause he's not THAT much older that her oldest sibling [:D]

So thank you for all the encouraging answers and more would be welcome, too!



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