Doing things right (Full Version)

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Pauley464 -> Doing things right (7/15/2008 7:58:18 PM)

This question is inspired by humbleinspirit's query about why some things bother women, this one is just a specific example.

One thing I've noticed is that when a woman asks a guy to do something for her and he does it, she gets angry with him because he didn't do it the way she would have/wanted him to do it, even though the end result is the same. The inevitable question she asks is, "Why didn't you do it right?" She then spends time, needlessly, redoing the entire job getting the same result the guy did.

I have had this happen to me on many occasions and on some of these occasions I have even been assused of doing it deliberately in order to upset the woman in question or as evidence that I don't care for her.

Why is the method of getting something done so important to women and why do they expect a guy to know, without her telling him, how she wants it done? Also, Why doesn't the end result matter?



BugLady -> RE: Doing things right (7/15/2008 10:34:19 PM)

My guess. It's a control issue.

If I were fortunate enough to have a guy willing to do things for me, the last thing I'd do is complain about how he got it done. And I wouldn't waste my time re-doing something that didn't need re-doing.



Prairiehiker -> RE: Doing things right (7/15/2008 11:07:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pauley464

This question is inspired by humbleinspirit's query about why some things bother women, this one is just a specific example.

One thing I've noticed is that when a woman asks a guy to do something for her and he does it, she gets angry with him because he didn't do it the way she would have/wanted him to do it, even though the end result is the same. The inevitable question she asks is, "Why didn't you do it right?" She then spends time, needlessly, redoing the entire job getting the same result the guy did.

I have had this happen to me on many occasions and on some of these occasions I have even been assused of doing it deliberately in order to upset the woman in question or as evidence that I don't care for her.

Why is the method of getting something done so important to women and why do they expect a guy to know, without her telling him, how she wants it done? Also, Why doesn't the end result matter?



Who really knows. It depends on the woman. If I asked a man to do something, I let him have at it without me saying a word. I mean, if I asked him to do it, that means i can't do it myself, so, why would I tell him how to do it.

Unless, you're talking about laundry. Now, that's a different story. Women are very particular about laundry, and I can see why I'd do it again if a man didn't do it according to my instruction....like separating teh whites from the reds, or not putting the underwear with the jeans.



42servehymn -> RE: Doing things right (7/16/2008 8:43:01 PM)

That strikes me as a huge generalization. I do know one woman who does this but I would not say all women do this. As far as the one woman that I know who does this, I think it is up to her husband to correct the situation but he doesn't seem to need to fix it although I am pretty sure it bothers him. The weird thing to me is that this guy does more to help out his wife than most men. I don't get that. I imagine he will just snap one day. My own husband does MUCH more to help out than the average guy. I make sure to thank him regularly publicly as well as privately. How he does things doesn't matter nearly as much as the fact that he does things. Anyone, male or female, who criticizes how something gets done deserves to do it themselves.



Pauley464 -> RE: Doing things right (7/16/2008 8:50:35 PM)

I apologize. I didn't intend to imply that all women do this, but it has happened often enough that I believed that other women would have more insight than the men I know.
When it has happened, it always has to do with house work.



song -> RE: Doing things right (7/16/2008 10:31:17 PM)

She most likely is pmsing. [;)]

Also.. I think some stronger personality women who always do something their way (such as housework) it's just really hard for them to let someone else do it different because even though it seems like the same result to you it doesn't seem like the same result to her.

But that doesn't mean she should be mean! But some people just are... mean that is.



Mrs.Above_All -> RE: Doing things right (7/17/2008 1:36:22 AM)

A lot of it has to do with how she is raised. If she had a mom like that, it's easy to pick that up.

To me, the end result is the most important rather than how they did it. Let's face it, if the job is done with satisfying results then why does it matter how it's done?



car2ner -> RE: Doing things right (7/17/2008 8:13:12 AM)

I have heard that this happens often. You may find the advice in women's magazines like this: if the man is doing a chore for you, let him do it his way. So I guess it happens more than we women like to admit.

I have had to bite my tongue over the dishwasher. I don't like the way the guys load it. I remember a gal pal and my mom, both would rearrange the dishwasher after I had filled it. They both had their notions, as well as I, as to how it was most efficently loaded [:D] Funny when you think about it.

So I guess when a woman feels like the authority in the house, it feels like a waste of effort to her not to do it the way she feels is most effective. It is frustrating for both genders until she learns that it doesn't have to be done her way after all.



ebony101 -> RE: Doing things right (7/19/2008 1:52:32 PM)

quote:

BugLady
If I were fortunate enough to have a guy willing to do things for me, the last thing I'd do is complain about how he got it done. And I wouldn't waste my time re-doing something that didn't need re-doing.




I agree wholeheartedly with BugLady here. I would love to have a guy take care of those odd details where the car is concerned. It's such a task to have to do it myself. I mean I manage...but it would be nice... (sigh)[&o]



Pauley464 -> RE: Doing things right (7/19/2008 7:22:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: car2ner

I have heard that this happens often. You may find the advice in women's magazines like this: if the man is doing a chore for you, let him do it his way. So I guess it happens more than we women like to admit.

I have had to bite my tongue over the dishwasher. I don't like the way the guys load it. I remember a gal pal and my mom, both would rearrange the dishwasher after I had filled it. They both had their notions, as well as I, as to how it was most efficently loaded [:D] Funny when you think about it.

So I guess when a woman feels like the authority in the house, it feels like a waste of effort to her not to do it the way she feels is most effective. It is frustrating for both genders until she learns that it doesn't have to be done her way after all.



The dishwasher was the big one with my mother when I was young. I would load it in such a way as to get as much in as possible without reducing the machines efficiency, but the placement of the dishes depended on what needed washing. If my mother caught it before the cycle started, she would rearrange everything because she wanted each dish in a certain place and she would do this even if she had to run two loads since everything wouldn't fit if you used her loading pattern. It's at that point I would get a lecture on doing it right or accused of being deliberately disobedient. However, if it went through the wash cycle that way without her knowing it, she was never able to tell the difference



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