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Sleep Training - 7/10/2008 8:51:55 AM
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dance4joy
Posts: 2115
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From: Indiana
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I am in need of some advice from all you expert parents. . .
I really need to get my daughter to sleep in her crib at night instead of our bed. My husband and I will be starting school in a month and I don't know how I'm going to keep up with homework if I have to go to bed with her at 9:30 every night.
She will be 3 months old next week. . .is she mature enough for this? Will she be forever traumatized if I just let her cry for a few nights?
Any preferred methods or tips about what worked for you?
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/10/2008 9:42:31 AM
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manda59
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From: Hampshire, UK
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I'll likely be the lone voice here, but I will go for it.
This is what we did with both our two - my ds from 2 weeks old (that's when he came home from the hospital after having meningitis), and my dd from 3 days old.
Let me make it clear from the start that neither of them were ever just left to cry. What I used was a structure, and it happened to work for us. I am not saying it is right for everyone, it just was for us.
It can be activity-intensive at the start, as you're in and out of the room very frequently, but in my experience it paid off quickly and after a week or so I wasn't have to do it every night.
I used this for only night-time bedtime, not daytime naps.
1. Go through bedtime routine, switch light on but leave dim nightlight on
2. Put baby to bed awake, with soft music on
3. Leave the room
4. If the baby cries, wait a minute then go back in. Check that they are ok without picking them
up, turn them over (mine slept on their sides) and leave the room
5. If the baby cries, wait two minutes then go back in. Repeat as above and leave the room
6. If the baby cries, wait three minutes then go back in. Repeat as above and leave the room.
7. As above, wait four minutes etc
8. As above wait five minutes etc
Until they're asleep. I was never far away, just in the next room (by the clock!)
If the crying got to screaming or real distress, then I'd go in, have a quick cuddle, then put them back down in the cot and start from Step 2 all over again.
I'd do the same if either woke in the night and weren't due a feed (I had a flexible schedule for feeding, rather than feeding on demand). If they cried in the night, I'd go to them RIGHT AWAY to see if anything was wrong (been sick, were wet/dirty, or whatever) and then start from Step 2.
I'm happy to answer any questions (but have no intention of defending my choice, as it was right for us, and my babies grew into happy confident toddlers/children/teens).
_____________________________
"That's what I would say as well."
Mrs Wifey, August 2008.
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/10/2008 9:56:13 AM
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pbaribeault
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I don't know really how to do this at 3 months. My babies have generally done well in their crib from the early days. I general I'd say to do this in 'baby steps' -- trying to maintain their sense of security.
Maybe start by moving them sound asleep after settling her normally... Or maybe start by settling her with less contact, like moving her further away from you on your bed, then waiting a while, then getting up without her noticing. When she wakes or fusses, you should 'be there' as soon as possible, to give the impression of security that you were not far.
Then you can sort of intentionally make your departure noticed, but not wake her too much. After that the next stage might be leaving in a noticeable way.
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/10/2008 2:33:54 PM
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dance4joy
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From: Indiana
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Thanks both of you. Those are some good suggestions. I think this whole thing may end up being harder for me than it is for her. She has actually taken two (albeit rather short ) naps today just with me waiting until she looked sleepy and laying her down in her crib. She fell asleep on her own! For some reason I had myself convinced that she would scream and cry the second she left my arms. If she can do it during the day, maybe nighttime won't be as bad as I think.
Manda, I did have one question though. What do you mean by a flexible feeding schedule? Right now I'm feeding Evangeline approximately every two hours (sometimes longer if she's asleep or something), but at night it's been more like every 3-4 (sometimes 5) hours depending on how long she sleeps. Should I let her feed every two hours at night if she's awake?
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Isn't she a cutie?
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/10/2008 4:47:24 PM
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pbaribeault
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I'm not Manda, but I also have used a 'flexible feeding schedule'... although maybe not the same thing.
I began by jotting down the times she ate, and whether it seemed like she 'really needed it' or was satisfying needs other that her nutritional needs. After a couple of days, I could see, generally, how much she liked to eat and when. I then began to look at that in terms of my own convenience (it's nicer to nurse either before or after supper, but it's not nice to have to delay prep or get up from the table) and a beneficial rhythm for her sake too.
This general sense of timing was not (for my child) 'every so-many hours' but frequent in the morning, and then longer non-eating periods, and cluster feeding in the evening. If she seemed distressed at other times, I made an effort to meet her needs through cuddle and play... watching out for growth spurts or other genuine changes in appetite, though.
So then I could anticipate her needs, instead of feeling like I was meeting demands, and she could feel secure that she didn't have to be distressed before she got something to eat. I could make plans with a reasonable expectation of when I was going to have to take the time to nurse, rather than just 'hoping' she would not fuss.
I did not bother with this at night though. If she was up, I just fed her without worry and she went right back to sleep. It would have been more work for me to try other soothing methods in the middle of the night. My first girl did not give any trouble about sleeping longer as she got older, and gave up night feeding herself before it began to bother me at all.
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/10/2008 5:49:07 PM
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kohls356
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You already have sleep trained her, she was trained to sleep in your bed. Now you just have to make the switch. You can get her to sleep in her crib it will just take some time. Start out slow and work your way up. She might surprise you and do just fine. One thing I notice, and you said in your post, was you thought she would scream the second she left your arms but she didn't. I think the thought of what we think might happen sometimes keeps us from trying but those kids will surprise you all the time. Relax and you will get there. I think with consistency and patience you will have her being able to sleep in her crib in a month. But be prepared to still be woke up some.
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/10/2008 8:30:47 PM
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MamaMilty
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Just wondering, why must she leave your bed? Can you just get back up after she is asleep?
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Jen
For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:6
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/10/2008 10:48:46 PM
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Leslie_JnJs_mom
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I have heard many moms say that they get much more sleep with the baby in their bed then trying to sleep train.
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<------- Jessica and I had so much fun with grandma!
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/11/2008 4:32:11 AM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Leslie_JnJs_mom
I have heard many moms say that they get much more sleep with the baby in their bed then trying to sleep train.
Not me. I can't sleep with anyone touching me at all, and especially not a baby.
I was far happier to get up to the baby in another room - gave me/us more privacy and also more sleep.
_____________________________
"That's what I would say as well."
Mrs Wifey, August 2008.
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/11/2008 6:59:31 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
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quote:
Just wondering, why must she leave your bed? Can you just get back up after she is asleep?
I would say the same thing, but....I remember back in the first half of that first year, if I was tired and lay down in bed to nurse the baby, that would knock me out quicker than a high dose of benadryl. 
If she is still waking to eat at night (and at 4 months I wouldn't let a baby scream it out if they woke up needing to nurse) maybe you could start with bed-time training instead of "sleep training". If you are able to put her down to bed a few hours before you do (and then maybe nursing her just before you go to bed, to ensure a couple hours uninterrupted sleep), without needing your right there, you could let her work out sleeping through the night more gradually. At that age, I wouldn't do CIO, especially not for several days in a row, but you've gotten lots of ideas for other ways to train her, and it sounds like maybe she's willing to go down without a fuss anyway. 
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/11/2008 7:20:38 AM
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MamaMilty
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quote:
If she is still waking to eat at night (and at 4 months I wouldn't let a baby scream it out if they woke up needing to nurse) maybe you could start with bed-time training instead of "sleep training". If you are able to put her down to bed a few hours before you do (and then maybe nursing her just before you go to bed, to ensure a couple hours uninterrupted sleep), without needing your right there, you could let her work out sleeping through the night more gradually. At that age, I wouldn't do CIO, especially not for several days in a row, but you've gotten lots of ideas for other ways to train her, and it sounds like maybe she's willing to go down without a fuss anyway.
This is great advise.
_____________________________
Jen
For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:6
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/11/2008 9:17:23 AM
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dance4joy
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From: Indiana
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Oooh, that is really good advice! What I'm most concerned with is having uninterrupted time in the evening to get my homework done. I don't really mind her sleeping with me. If I can get her to consistently go to bed at 9:30 in her crib and sleep for at least 3-4 hours like she did last night (BIG HOORAY!) then I don't mind her sleeping with me for the rest of the night. She doesn't sleep as soundly after about 2:00 am anyway.
_____________________________
Isn't she a cutie?
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/11/2008 9:24:50 AM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
What I'm most concerned with is having uninterrupted time in the evening to get my homework done.
Wow, that's going to be tough. With a 3-month old, it's best to get your sleep when the baby is sleeping, so if you are up while she's asleep you risk her waking up just about the time you are ready to go to bed. Could you put her in a swing and do your homework while she's awake, and then go to bed together?
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/11/2008 9:29:44 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5439
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
(and at 4 months I wouldn't let a baby scream it out if they woke up needing to nurse)
No-one in this thread (especially not me) has advocated letting a baby *scream*.
_____________________________
"That's what I would say as well."
Mrs Wifey, August 2008.
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/11/2008 10:28:41 AM
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Leslie_JnJs_mom
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The only thing I can think of is starting her on a betime routine. Try playing in the early evening so she gets tired then a nice yummy dinner of whatever you are feeding your baby at this time. Hopefully by 7 or 8 your baby is sleepy enough to give you a couple of good hours. Jessica was high needs so this never worked for her. Jack was easy though. He slept through the night in his own bed by the time he was 6 weeks old.
quote:
ORIGINAL: dance4joy
Oooh, that is really good advice! What I'm most concerned with is having uninterrupted time in the evening to get my homework done. I don't really mind her sleeping with me. If I can get her to consistently go to bed at 9:30 in her crib and sleep for at least 3-4 hours like she did last night (BIG HOORAY!) then I don't mind her sleeping with me for the rest of the night. She doesn't sleep as soundly after about 2:00 am anyway.
_____________________________
<------- Jessica and I had so much fun with grandma!
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/11/2008 10:32:03 AM
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PrincessDonna
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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I'd work on getting her bedtime an hour or two earlier. Many of my friends' babies are in bed by 7, sleep until 10 or 11, when they eat again and go right back down. That could buy you quite a few homework hours and then if you don't mind her sleeping with you after that...you'll both get decent sleep hopefully.
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/11/2008 12:09:58 PM
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kohls356
Posts: 261
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dance4joy
Oooh, that is really good advice! What I'm most concerned with is having uninterrupted time in the evening to get my homework done. I don't really mind her sleeping with me. If I can get her to consistently go to bed at 9:30 in her crib and sleep for at least 3-4 hours like she did last night (BIG HOORAY!) then I don't mind her sleeping with me for the rest of the night. She doesn't sleep as soundly after about 2:00 am anyway.
That is good that she slept that long the first time. Maybe it won't be so difficult after all. Do what you feel is best for you and your baby on her sleep schedule.
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/11/2008 1:00:08 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
I'd work on getting her bedtime an hour or two earlier. Many of my friends' babies are in bed by 7, sleep until 10 or 11, when they eat again and go right back down. That could buy you quite a few homework hours and then if you don't mind her sleeping with you after that...you'll both get decent sleep hopefully.
That is what I was going to say. I started classes when Gabby was 4-5 months old and just learned to work homework in wherever it would fit. Now I do it during the day, when she is up and playing nicely with her toys. When she was younger I would put her in the bouncy chair or even just pop her in the carrier and get done what I could.
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/11/2008 1:28:42 PM
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manda59
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From: Hampshire, UK
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Letting a baby cry, is not the same as letting a baby scream. And many parents who use this method don't leave their babies crying for long periods of time.
From BabyCenter:
quote:
People often think this method of sleep training involves leaving babies alone to cry for as long it takes before they fall asleep. But "cry it out" (CIO) simply refers to any sleep training approach — and there are many — that says it's okay to let a baby cry for a specified period of time (often a very short period of time) before offering comfort.
_____________________________
"That's what I would say as well."
Mrs Wifey, August 2008.
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/11/2008 1:29:42 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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However, the majority of "experts" don't recommend sleep training until 9-12 months, so either way it's a bit early.
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Ryanne
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/11/2008 1:33:44 PM
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manda59
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
However, the majority of "experts" don't recommend sleep training until 9-12 months, so either way it's a bit early.
Which experts are you including in your list, and which ones do and don't recommend it?
All the baby books I read when I was pregnant with Jonathan and Sarah advocated putting babies down to sleep on their own, awake, from birth onwards.
_____________________________
"That's what I would say as well."
Mrs Wifey, August 2008.
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RE: Sleep Training - 7/11/2008 1:44:56 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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I'd say parenting books have probably changed, but I'm talking about some of the major experts- Dr.Sears, Dr. Jay Gorden, etc... Even Ferber doesn't recommend it until 6 months.
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Ryanne
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