What should my role be?

What should my role be? (Full Version)

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molly1976 -> What should my role be? (7/7/2008 10:37:28 AM)
Me and my fiance are currently working together to launch his career in music ministry? Going into it, I am figuring my primary role now and when we are married, will be to support him. Just as I was reading in an article about Ruth Graham. I read that she considered she was called to be a mother and wife first. I have a friend, of which i really value her opinion. But she is constantly telling me that it's not enough. And that I need to make my own mark. And yes I agree, that I can't live my faith through my husband. Am I wrong, am I missing something? Thanks

funny_girl -> RE: What should my role be? (7/7/2008 10:42:20 AM)
Molly, It's great that you've read up on noble people such as Ruth Graham, but you aren't Ruth Graham. You are you and God made you just as He wanted. Right now you're role is to pray for this man and be lead by the Holy Spirit. Your job to walk by faith, trust and obey Him will never change. Be lead by His spirit. It's OK that you don't have it all figured out. Enjoy today and this moment and take each day as a divine one from the Lord. Yes, be supportive and an encourager to your husband to be. He needs someone who will lift him up and encourage him.

Zhi -> RE: What should my role be? (7/7/2008 11:00:13 AM)
Mmm. I have an issue with people thinking they need to "make their own mark" when it comes to Christianity. We're called to make the mark that God wants us to, not to try to find some mark we can make. Don't be disappointed if God hasn't called you to a "highly visible" role... the role He has for you is just as important to His plan, and following His plan is what's going to result in Him calling you a "good and faithful servant" at the end... not whether or not you were flashy and "made a mark" that the world noticed. I used to be a little disappointed that God didn't call me to something more "holy", but I've found that as an engineer, I've been able to witness to people who would never have even considered listening to an evangelist... usually because they're my coworkers. If I had insisted on trying to do something more "holy" with my life to leave a "bigger mark", I would never have had those opportunities... and I would probably have made a huge mess of things because that simply is not my calling. So, pray for God's leading in this... if the role He has in mind for you is to be solely a godly wife and supporter of your husband, then that's where you need to be. If the role He has in mind for you is something further, then He will provide those opportunities and motivations. Either way, you're not living your faith through your husband, you're living your faith through the role God has designated for you... regardless of what that is.

molly1976 -> RE: What should my role be? (7/7/2008 11:12:49 AM)
Thank you so much, Everyone. You have confirmed what I was thinking myself. I never thought that there was anything wrong with working as I do in an office and serving as an example. And now that he's giving me this new role as a soon to be wife. Naturally, I couldn't be more thrilled. It's just I'm getting a little irritated by people trying to put doubts in my mind. I guess my lesson here is I need to learn how to decern what people say. Thanks

hjemerson -> RE: What should my role be? (7/7/2008 3:37:32 PM)
Molly up have some great advice here, my hb has been in the music area of the church for many year and people tryed /could not understaan i do not sing/i donot play/ i just prayed and supported thue the years and when the time came for him to return to college for the drgree we both worked and when thur it with God help. That is what the Lord has a wife and family for , You will know when and were are be as long as you listen to the Lord and then agree with you husband in his service it may become your also or it may not mine was children.nursery for many year now we work as a team in youth along with his in music, too! May you be blessed thur many great years of Sevice!!!

pbaribeault -> RE: What should my role be? (7/7/2008 4:57:24 PM)
Here's my take -- because I really wrestled hard with this concept for months after my first child. Point #1: Every Christian is in full time ministry, called towards advancing the kingdom of God every moment of their lives. Point #2: Ministry is a matter of influencing lives. Direct influence is powerful, and also the influence of those you have helped build is part of your ministry. Point #3: People and ministries are built in incredibly diverse ways, but one thing holds true: Where you are having the strongest influence, there you are the most effective, and there you should be focusing your time and effort. Point #4: Everyone is at their most effective when supported well by people who love them. Point #5: People (who used to be children) rarely escape the deep impact of their parents of the shape of their character while they were very young. What this means is this: (1) Support roles (as a wife) are important and valid element of your personal ministry. If your impact in this role is significant, you might consider putting a great deal of your time and effort towards this. On the other hand, you might also consider those others that you might influence towards Christ, with respect to your gifting, and see if other types of impact might be worth some of your time too. (2) Your role as a mother to small children is not 'important' it is critical. There is no one on earth that you will have that powerful of an impact on for Christ, no matter what out-of-the-home ministry you might choose. Therefore you should strongly consider choosing not to divert very much of your time and attention away from them during their early years.

BibleL7 -> RE: What should my role be? (7/10/2008 4:49:32 AM)
As to your friend that said you need to make your own mark consider that your own mark may just be being a supportive and loving wife. You mentioned you are working so how is that not making a mark? The Lord will lead you if He wants you in some other ministry but be thankful for what He has given you and keep relationship with Him first hubby second all others after that. Congrats on future marriage may the Lord richly bless you.

Purposeful_Life -> RE: What should my role be? (7/10/2008 5:46:33 PM)
An additional thing to consider is the position your friend is in. Everyone gives their opinion from their perspective [which is not at all wrong] - so your friends perspective will shape her position.

iheartgmc -> RE: What should my role be? (7/12/2008 1:37:37 PM)
pray that God will provide you with answers. business wise though.. use your career background to serve your husband if at all possible. Godspeed

rcjames -> RE: What should my role be? (7/12/2008 2:19:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: molly1976 Me and my fiance are currently working together to launch his career in music ministry? Going into it, I am figuring my primary role now and when we are married, will be to support him. Just as I was reading in an article about Ruth Graham. I read that she considered she was called to be a mother and wife first. I have a friend, of which i really value her opinion. But she is constantly telling me that it's not enough. And that I need to make my own mark. And yes I agree, that I can't live my faith through my husband. Am I wrong, am I missing something? A woman can make no greater mark than to be a Godly faithful wife and mother. Just as no man can make a greater mark than to be a Godly husband and father. If someone misses this they miss it all. Thanks RC

pbaribeault -> RE: What should my role be? (7/13/2008 6:34:47 PM)
rc, I think that goes just a touch far. Plenty of godly men and women have 'made a mark' (fulfilled their calling to advance the Kingdom) without being married or parents at all. And plenty of folks have made 'greater' marks in addition to being excellent spouses & parents -- but I believe the core of what you are saying is true: There is no 'greater mark' that can possibly be made at the expense of neglecting family covenants, if you do choose to be married or have kids. Wait. There is military service. That might qualify as an important ('mark making') life choice that nonetheless does compromise the hands-on elements of family building. Not sure about that... but it's off topic anyways.

hellochurch -> RE: What should my role be? (7/18/2008 11:23:25 PM)
Molly I loved that 2nd Cor. quote, I never saw that one the way I saw it tonight on your post.

hellochurch -> RE: What should my role be? (7/18/2008 11:50:32 PM)
Molly, - 1976 ? your birth year? - making your mark? launching a career in music ministry? Making your own mark = living your faith, ? ..im just reviewing what you said,.. Supportive spouses is always a good thing, and much better than competing spouses, or unsupportive spouses. I guess what you mean by career is that this is his job, and it happens to be in the ministry, a diff. kind than lets say a pastoral type of ministry. I think it is important that you seek the Lord for what he has for you, which, in itself; a wife, a mother probably, and then a partner in a type of ministry business, will be difficult to fit in judging by how busy you will probably be. That is if the Lord has something else as well for you, individually, on top of all of that. Sounds like maybe you are also musically gifted? It would be good for you both to talk about your expectations of each other, before going into marriage, so that this important issue is explored as to his and your expectations of what the future should look like in your partnership. Often when a woman is young she gives up too much of her own identity even, when going into marriage, which is not God's plan i dont think, this is referring to the inner her, ie. her identity becomes attached to who her husband is, rather than to who she individually is,--- which isnt healthy. Supportive roles should go two ways, ie your husband should equally support you in your life and endeavours, you should not become his "right leg" so to speak, and if he is going to have a more public role, it might be difficult for you, especially if he is more assured or out there and even selfish and limelight loving to a wrong degree, we are talking the old nature here) and you are more quiet etc. and depending on whether he is a kind of man who can be very giving as well as be in the limelight, etc. I tend to agree with your friend in this way, that although I dont agree you need to make any mark, as such and making a mark is not living your faith, serving the Lord and following the plan He has for you is living your faith, whatever that entails, - anyway, I think you need to have an indetail talk with your intended, and decide now how your future life together will look, and make sure that he does not expect you to disappear into his right leg or anything. Serving the Lord I don't think is making a mark, no matter what your calling is, - and ministering I can't call a career either, launching a business, i guess in the christian music industry etc. today that is what it is, but I dont think this is a Lord approved type of thing. If you sing too, then maybe you should decide before marriage if you two should minister together, to the Lord, in public, and for the Lord, - All the best

c_h_b -> RE: What should my role be? (7/20/2008 4:39:56 PM)
Ummmm What greater "mark" can a mother make than raising children to be as Christlike and unique as they can be? For that matter, there's no greater mark a father can make. It's a sad stain on Western Civilization and the Church that making money or becoming famous is viewed as being more "successful" than raising children who properly represent Christ on earth. Given the mournful condition of US society in so many areas (compared to the Bible) IMO a lot of people should spend less time trying to "make a mark" and more time being proper parents.

rcjames -> RE: What should my role be? (7/20/2008 4:55:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pbaribeault rc, I think that goes just a touch far. Plenty of godly men and women have 'made a mark' (fulfilled their calling to advance the Kingdom) without being married or parents at all. And plenty of folks have made 'greater' marks in addition to being excellent spouses & parents -- but I believe the core of what you are saying is true: There is no 'greater mark' that can possibly be made at the expense of neglecting family covenants, if you do choose to be married or have kids. Wait. There is military service. That might qualify as an important ('mark making') life choice that nonetheless does compromise the hands-on elements of family building. Not sure about that... but it's off topic anyways. I did not say a woman could not make a mark other than being a Godly wife and mother, I said a woman can make not greater mark than being a Godly wife and mother. Thanks RC

ChristianCommando -> RE: What should my role be? (7/20/2008 11:39:00 PM)
molly1976- Well, I would suggest you drop your friend's idea of making your own "mark." Try reading Prov. 31:10-31 and tell me you need to seek to "make your own mark". In marriage, God edifys both partners for the roles He takes them thru in the marriage. God uplifts and edifys both together as a couple and yet, as the spouce of the other individually too. People who think we need to "make our mark" in this world are selfish. Thinking only of themselves and opposite God, who teaches us to always think more of others than ourselves. If we do all things to Glorify God, He will edify us. There is never, any need for us to try and make our selves look better than we really are. We should only seek to be the person God wants us to be, not what we want to be. If you and your fiance seek God's guidance for how He wants you both to go, He will lead you both to be the best each of you can be singly, as well as prepare you both if its His plan for you to be married, to become the best partner for each other you can be, which will edify both of you as a couple and each of you as a person. God declares that Christ is the Head of the man, the man the head of the woman and that the man is the spiritual leader of the family. God teaches both husbands and wives to consider thier spouce more than themselves. One of the biggest reasons for divorce these days, is the division of who has the authority in the family. Well, this stems from wives fighting with husbands over equal authority and wanting to be known as seperate persons, even tho married. Ok, want that, don't get married. Seek God fervently, put Him first in your own life and when married, as a couple, and neither hubby or wife will ever have to worry about being known as themselves and not just a spouce of the other. What has happened to the sanctity of marriage, when spouces no longer think of the marriage and each other, but only of themselves? Its each ones choice how they want to view marriage. But know, that if its not followed and considered in how God teaches us, that person has no excuses, when the marriage fails. God Bless!!

molly1976 -> RE: What should my role be? (7/22/2008 10:33:05 AM)
Thank you everyone for so much great advise. You have confirmed everything I was thinking myself. I am feeling very confident with my approach to this. My only doubts are the ones my friend tries to put in my head. And I think I'm doing ok to not let that bother me. Me and my fiance had another conversation about it again last night, because yet again my friend felt the need to send me a letter. Basically filled with stuff now to make me doubt my fiance. She insists that the stuff she tells me is from God. And while I believe she is a woman who truly loves the Lord. Yet I can't figure out why she insists on trying to knock us down. Well perhaps she is for a whole different subject. But the one thing that me and my fiance confirmed together, is that we are such a right path together. We are able to talk about everything, and I mean Everything. But we basically came to the conclusion together, that has we are seemingly becoming more of a threat to Satan. That we have to be tough and be able to rebuke these attempts to knock us out. (Unfortunately my mother isn't on board with us either. ) But anyway...thanks

pbaribeault -> RE: What should my role be? (7/22/2008 11:44:13 AM)
quote: I said a woman can make not greater mark than being a Godly wife and mother. Well, rc, your opinion is your own... But I think a lot of women (such as single missionary women, single women who work with other ministries, single women with powerful personal ministries, married women who are barren, women who were married but became widows without bearing children) would be sad to hear you talking in terms of 'greater'. Because 'no greater' is an English idiom that generally means 'the greatest, all others are less'. If you really just mean that no ministry that one might be called to and pursues faithfully makes a 'greater mark' than any other... I suppose that's one way to say it, but it does tend to make the groups not referenced feel marginalized.

DaveW -> RE: What should my role be? (7/22/2008 12:05:32 PM)
Can someone please explain to me the need to make a "great mark?" Is that not pride? "look at what I did..." Better just to seek God, and do what He tells you, and forget whether there is a mark or not. I only want to hear "well done" at the end of my days. Not much else matters.

JAMWAO -> RE: What should my role be? (7/22/2008 2:07:28 PM)
Hi Molly1976 The God of the universe is bigger than you or me or anyone else. If He wants you to make a mark He will, and without any need for us to help. Just be who you are in Him and He will do the rest. Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and He will exalt you in due time. A man's gifts will bring him before kings. Godly friends are good to have and advice can be good or bad but you must always rely on God not man for your ultimate direction. (Pro. 3:5-6) Have a blessed day. Jamwao

rcjames -> RE: What should my role be? (7/22/2008 2:31:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaveW Can someone please explain to me the need to make a "great mark?" Is that not pride? "look at what I did..." Better just to seek God, and do what He tells you, and forget whether there is a mark or not. I only want to hear "well done" at the end of my days. Not much else matters. Absolutely DaveW, the only encouragement I want to hear for little I have done is "Well done My true and faithful servant" uttered by our Lord. Thsnks RC

jn1010lf -> RE: What should my role be? (7/22/2008 4:38:04 PM)
Hello molly1976 You might go back and look at why God created Eve. A help mate, right? that means that you live and breath side by side with your husband. Now if he's your fiance, I really don't see you problem. I also think you should be married first before getting involved as you are. What if this state of one day we'll be married changes? So, get married first, then work side by side with him in the Lord.

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