I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (Full Version)

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humbleinspirit -> I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/5/2008 1:36:47 PM)

Hi Everyone, I want to first say that I enjoy chatting with women and am interested in what you all have to say! With that said, why is that certain things that other women do bother you? I will try to come up with some examples.

I have one friend who has a coworker that has cancer. She calls in sick a lot and gets out of work early, etc. My friend thinks that she is not being honest and not telling the truth about being out, and just using the cancer as an excuse. My question to her is why would this bother you in particular?

Other circumstances in general where another woman will say/do something and it will get other women upset. From a man's point of view it seems trivial, but it really bothers other women though. My question is why?

I think that women are great, and when you all get along, you get along very well, but then there are these small things that tend to bother you for some reason though.

Is it just the way women's personalities are? It just seems to me that certain things that bother women shouldn't but of well.

Please feel free to comment on this.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/5/2008 3:10:00 PM)

Well, I don't want to sound crude, but sometimes how sensitive we are or are not can be related to our cycle.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/5/2008 3:12:29 PM)

quote:


I have one friend who has a coworker that has cancer. She calls in sick a lot and gets out of work early, etc. My friend thinks that she is not being honest and not telling the truth about being out, and just using the cancer as an excuse. My question to her is why would this bother you in particular?


In that case you have a friend who is simply being very judgemental. That is something men and women are equally capable of.



rgod -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/5/2008 10:53:07 PM)

quote:

I have one friend who has a coworker that has cancer. She calls in sick a lot and gets out of work early, etc. My friend thinks that she is not being honest and not telling the truth about being out, and just using the cancer as an excuse. My question to her is why would this bother you in particular?


I think that the relational nature of many women causes some to be overly concerned about other people's affairs. I personally wouldn't be bothered by that scenario. I would probably just feel bad that she has cancer - I'd believe her (I wouldn't think that someone would lie about something like that) - but if she were lying - I would think it would be the supervisor's call - not mine.

But, I've also never really been the type of woman who hangs around with a lot of other women and talk about others. I have a lot of female friends, but the ones I have tend to be like me - we talk about relationships - but mostly our own - we analyze our own struggles - we don't spend a whole lot of time talking about other people - except in generalities. I think that when people get together and start talking - you kind of get a "group-think" kind of situation - then everybody "hates" a certain person or is suspicious of that person ("What? You saw her at the mall? I thought she was going to the oncologist for her checkup. The nerve!"). If I see this happening - I pretty much remove myself from the situation right away (if you don't say anything - make yourself scarce - intentionally let little snarky comments about others "go over your head" - while still being nice - you can avoid a lot a problems).



sudden -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/12/2008 4:16:08 PM)

Humble, I agree with your assessment. I think women are wonderful people! In fact, I'd go so far as to say that generally, I think they are nicer people than men.

As for the co-worker not being able to abide the woman who leaves early due to her condition...there are all kinds of people in this world with an over-developed sense of "justice". All they seem to be able to think of is "what's in it for me?" and if there is nothing "in it" for them, they somehow perceive unfairness. But do they think of what it might take to find equity under the circumstances?

One of my favourite co-workers was diagnosed with breast cancer the 3rd year we worked together. Sometimes she had to leave work early. Sometimes she had to go for treatments. SOmetimes she had to miss work due to recovering from the treatments. I admired her not-giving-up and stick-to-it-ivness attitude. I also admired our employers' willing to accomodate her situation. Rather than envying her situation at being able to leave early and come in late I was grateful that I did not suffer from her ailment. I was also pleased to see our employer step up to the plate and do a very good thing.

My co-worker lived 7 years past her diagnosis and she continued to work (albeit on a limited basis for 6 of those years). I wish she were still here. She was a wonderful woman with an indomnitable spirit, a cooperative and helpful co-worker, and a good friend who made us all laugh.

Apart from this instance, if I ever should think a co-worker is taking advantage of a situation I try not to think about it - things are often not what they seem.

Yours for loving my sisters,

Sudden



Focusing -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/12/2008 4:51:25 PM)

quote:

Other circumstances in general where another woman will say/do something and it will get other women upset. From a man's point of view it seems trivial, but it really bothers other women though. My question is why?


Ha ... why indeed ...

Because they do it on purpose to tick the other one off. What really gets the one (Miss A) trying to tick the other (Miss B) off is when Miss B doesn't react to what Miss A does, because Miss B is cognizant of what Miss A is trying to do.

It's all part of an annoying little game called manipulation.

I absolutely cannot stand it. Manipulation is selfish and inconsiderate.


Ha ... did you expect that from me?


LOLOL



humbleinspirit -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/12/2008 10:16:19 PM)

Thanks Sudden for your posting, something to definitely think about!

Hi Sam!

As far as what I am talking about, there was an episode on Seinfeld about shoes. A woman was commenting to Elaine about how nice her shoes were. Seinfeld didn't think anything of it, but then after the other woman left, Elaine went into this whole speal about why is she commenting about my shoes, etc?

Then later in the episode, to make ammends (because there was tension) the other woman demanded that Elaine bring her shoes with her.

That is just another example of what I am talking about here.



trinigirl722 -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/12/2008 10:53:37 PM)

This is a very interesting question, Humble, and I think I know what you're getting at. It does seem like we women tend to pay more attention to details about other people and read meaning into them, although I'd say your friend's suspicion about the other woman's absences sounds a little immature. I think most women would tend to sympathize with a cancer victim and not question if the woman was out a lot. I suspect your friend's behavior has more to do with her "stuff," background, maturity level, etc., than with her gender.

But I do know what you're getting at, because I can think of a lot of times that I or other women have noticed relational nuances while the men around are oblivious to the whole thing. I know I've heard women tend to focus more on relationships whereas men focus on work/goals, so perhaps that's why.

But I guess one thing I wonder is, what bothers men? Are there things that bother you guys that we don't seem to pay much attention to?



humbleinspirit -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/12/2008 10:59:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: trinigirl722

This is a very interesting question, Humble, and I think I know what you're getting at. It does seem like we women tend to pay more attention to details about other people and read meaning into them, although I'd say your friend's suspicion about the other woman's absences sounds a little immature. I think most women would tend to sympathize with a cancer victim and not question if the woman was out a lot. I suspect your friend's behavior has more to do with her "stuff," background, maturity level, etc., than with her gender.


Yeah, I think you are right about that. Its a good thing that she doesn't read these forums at all! I think that she would be rather upset if she knew that I posted this. It doesn't matter though, because I never revealed or hinted who she is anyway.



quote:

But I guess one thing I wonder is, what bothers men? Are there things that bother you guys that we don't seem to pay much attention to?


Hmmm, now that is something that I would have to think about. While I am sure there are things that bother us men too that do not bother women at all, I cannot think of anything at the moment.

Maybe this would be a good question for you to post in He Says and see what type of responses that you get.[sm=icon_smile.gif]



trinigirl722 -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/13/2008 1:19:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit

quote:

ORIGINAL: trinigirl722

This is a very interesting question, Humble, and I think I know what you're getting at. It does seem like we women tend to pay more attention to details about other people and read meaning into them, although I'd say your friend's suspicion about the other woman's absences sounds a little immature. I think most women would tend to sympathize with a cancer victim and not question if the woman was out a lot. I suspect your friend's behavior has more to do with her "stuff," background, maturity level, etc., than with her gender.


Yeah, I think you are right about that. Its a good thing that she doesn't read these forums at all! I think that she would be rather upset if she knew that I posted this. It doesn't matter though, because I never revealed or hinted who she is anyway.

quote:

But I guess one thing I wonder is, what bothers men? Are there things that bother you guys that we don't seem to pay much attention to?


Hmmm, now that is something that I would have to think about. While I am sure there are things that bother us men too that do not bother women at all, I cannot think of anything at the moment.

Maybe this would be a good question for you to post in He Says and see what type of responses that you get.[sm=icon_smile.gif]


Not to worry -- no one's the wiser about the identity of your friend. Only you have that inside information![8D]

And yes, I think there must be a flipside of the coin, where women are left scratching their heads and saying, "Why is that such a big deal to him?" I'll have to ponder that one. (Not brave enough to put it in "He Says" yet, since I'm not sure if it's even really true![&:])



humbleinspirit -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/13/2008 10:00:47 AM)

I think with men it has much more to do with competition type things like "he is doing this, so I will outdo him" instead! Just thinking in theory here and something that women tend to think men are wasting their time with as well. I will also admit that a lot of men in the realm of competition will have something to do with regarding a woman instead.



Mrs.Above_All -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/14/2008 10:52:26 PM)

Perhaps it has to do with the woman's ability to personalize and emotionalize (is that a word? lol) things. Her co-worker is sick. Logically it makes all sense for her to get some extra time off. But if she doesn't look sick or act sick then she is questioned perhaps on whether or not she really is sick or not. It's being judgmental in a very worldly way.

Envy, selfishness...just plain hormonal...are all reasons for why women act the way they do. It is the opposite of what the Proverbs woman should be like. It's the exact opposite of the Spirit. It's our fleshly nature.

The next time this friend of yours Mike mentions about your co-workers extra time off, ask her if that extra time off is worth it if she dies tomorrow.



BugLady -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/14/2008 11:58:26 PM)

quote:

The next time this friend of yours Mike mentions about your co-workers extra time off, ask her if that extra time off is worth it if she dies tomorrow.


...or ask if she'd rather take her co-worker's place. Would she rather be ill herself simply so that she can have more time off?



Karaboo2 -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/17/2008 6:00:13 PM)

As for the woman with cancer and the whole time-off thing ... I'd ask the coworker if she's rather the gal go off on sick leave and dump the whole work load on her, rather than doing what she can when she feels well enough. (I say this as a person who underwent chemo treatment)

As for the other things that bother some women ... I have two answers ... one has already been mentioned (time of month / bad day, etc) ... the other is much simpler "They don't have enough to do and love having something to gripe about!" (And I truly feel sorry for those individuals ... it mustn't be easy living life with such a negative outlook!)



humbleinspirit -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/17/2008 11:25:24 PM)

Thanks for the replies, the situation is a little more complicated than what I have posted here, but not wanting to get off-topic, I just wonder why women get bothered by what men would consider to be petty things instead.



Katie-Scarlet -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/18/2008 3:10:20 AM)

quote:

I have one friend who has a coworker that has cancer. She calls in sick a lot and gets out of work early, etc. My friend thinks that she is not being honest and not telling the truth about being out, and just using the cancer as an excuse. My question to her is why would this bother you in particular?

Other circumstances in general where another woman will say/do something and it will get other women upset. From a man's point of view it seems trivial, but it really bothers other women though. My question is why?


Well without specific types of things I don't think I can really answer your question. As to the cancer situation I don't think thats strictly a female thing. I know lots of men on my job that are complaining about similar situations.

You would have to be more specific about the types of things that you feel bother women more than men.



Catalpa -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/18/2008 3:04:20 PM)

"As far as what I am talking about, there was an episode on Seinfeld about shoes. A woman was commenting to Elaine about how nice her shoes were. Seinfeld didn't think anything of it, but then after the other woman left, Elaine went into this whole speal about why is she commenting about my shoes, etc?

Then later in the episode, to make ammends (because there was tension) the other woman demanded that Elaine bring her shoes with her. "

I'd have to say that anything from a sitcom would not translate into real life. I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks of my shoes. Of course, I wear workboots every day for my job, so I'm not exactly a fashion plate.

I guess some of it (what is trivial vs. not so trivial) would be the inherent differences between men and women; women tend to notice more detail and also to be more perceptive of the emotions of others. The snarky or catty stuff, though, I think that can show up in men and women, maybe women are just more shrill about it?

Maybe a more specific example would help with the answers.



humbleinspirit -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/19/2008 11:05:26 AM)

Well, I only mention Seinfeld because it had another example and the show does mimic real life far more than any other sitcom has, but anyway.

It just seems like women will have fake smiles, flattering each other, all the while really silently mocking them instead.

OK, another example, there is a commercial that airs here where a woman is working full time out of school. The other women are like "what is she doing here?" Then they talk to her all friendly and they say "you're already working?" And she says "Yes, I graduated from such and such a school."

Does that help clarify what I am trying to say?



ebony101 -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/19/2008 12:19:55 PM)

quote:

I have one friend who has a coworker that has cancer. She calls in sick a lot and gets out of work early, etc. My friend thinks that she is not being honest and not telling the truth about being out, and just using the cancer as an excuse. My question to her is why would this bother you in particular?



Well, I'll be the only one who is different in that I do have a co-worker who is using illness as an excuse of not taking on her full share of the workload. I am upset about it because by not taking on her full share of work, other people who can't help it are suffering. She makes sure that they suffer (I am in a helping profession, which is why when she shirks her responsibilities other people suffer - this is not a paper and pencil job. If it were I wouldn't mind so much). She does not bring any proof of her illnes to the 'boss' but uses minor stuff as her reason that she does have a more serious illness. I am also not at the best of health, but I bought in my medical records and I still shoulder my share of the work as best as I can.

I think that anyone who cares would be as upset as I am about this situation. It's just wrong that other people should suffer because of your actions. I believe that her illness is not real because the boss keeps asking her to bring in the records and she doesn't.

Anyway, be that as it may I pray that God will help those poor individuals under her care that they will not suffer unnecessarily because of her & that something will work out that they will receive the help that they deserve to make the best of themselves.

What I would like to say in general though is that circumstances dictate our actions and yes women do tend to get overemotional about certain things that men wouldn't give a hoot about. But I think that's just the way God made us. As one crosswalker says: there are some things that bother men that have women really puzzled [:D].



trinigirl722 -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/19/2008 10:32:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit

Well, I only mention Seinfeld because it had another example and the show does mimic real life far more than any other sitcom has, but anyway.

It just seems like women will have fake smiles, flattering each other, all the while really silently mocking them instead.

OK, another example, there is a commercial that airs here where a woman is working full time out of school. The other women are like "what is she doing here?" Then they talk to her all friendly and they say "you're already working?" And she says "Yes, I graduated from such and such a school."

Does that help clarify what I am trying to say?


Humble, my take on this type of situation is that girls are brought up to be "nice." I guess it's more culturally acceptable for men to be blunt and straightforward, but if a woman expresses hostility she gets disapproval from those around. So that results is a lot of hypocrisy -- venting our true feelings to a third party because we're supposed to be "nice" to the person we're angry at. That's partly human nature, but my guess is it's partly because girls are chided for anger more than boys as they are growing up. Men probably feel freer to be honest, so there's no need for triangulation.

Does that make any sense?



humbleinspirit -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/19/2008 10:34:06 PM)

Yes it does make sense Trinigirl722, but its really heartbreaking thouggh because I want women (and men) to be honest at all times if at all possible.



trinigirl722 -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/19/2008 10:37:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit

Yes it does make sense Trinigirl722, but its really heartbreaking thouggh because I want women (and men) to be honest at all times if at all possible.


Well yes, that's the way it should be. But with our fallen nature and fallen world it's often not that way. [8|]



humbleinspirit -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/19/2008 10:38:04 PM)

Yes I know, unfortunately. [&:]



trinigirl722 -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/19/2008 10:39:56 PM)

But it sure is a good goal, and leading by example may influence others towards more honesty.[:)]



humbleinspirit -> RE: I Just Need To Ask Why Some Women Get Bothered By Some Things? (7/19/2008 10:43:19 PM)

Yes, I do agree with you Trinigirl! [:)]



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