RE: The easily offended

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Abbreviated -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:14:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: landabee quote: I feel the OP's pain. The first 2 pages of this thread had me cracking up. Me too. [:)] Crankius, phosodaud and bluestone have said all that I would possibly say... with a little Sharon_Marie thrown in for good measure. [;)] # 1 rule of foruming. Don't leave your sense of humor at the log in page. Oh, wait...does everyone have a sense of humor ? I TRY to go to people's profile & see how long they've forumed & read some of their posts when a conflict comes up. Sometimes that effort is fruitless when the person doesn't disclose that info. Sometimes people have a problem & you are NOT it.

phosadaud -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:18:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod quote: ORIGINAL: Apaise It's very interesting to me that in reading this thread, the two people I have seen brought up to support an erroneous view of what it means to offend are Paul and Jesus. The two who are, quite possibly, the most offensive men ever mentioned in the Bible. [&:] In fact, you can't possibly believe that they did not intend to offend, either. Jesus was God in the flesh, I think He knew that calling the Pharisees hypocrites, whited sepulchres, snakes, etc., wasn't exactly going to make them happy. [;)] And you want to talk about "fleeing in anger"? Paul caused riots everywhere he went. (Ephesus in particular springs to mind.) I don't think there's anything inherently sinful in causing offense to others, even intentionally. You cannot compare Jesus of Nazareth and Paul with the posters here. Sorry, I don't receive that. Jesus was perfect in love and He was grieved at the hardness of their heart. [:D]That's not what she said. She was showing how the idea that if you offend someone, you are always in sin because of it. The fact is: Jesus and Paul offended a lot of people. It wasn't because they weren't loving. It wasn't because they didn't care. It wasn't because they were bad. Being offended is a reaction and it is not always a correct reaction. Why should someone ELSE be responsible if I respond incorrectly to them because I have falsely chosen to believe the worst about them? Am I not responsible for my behavior? for my reactions? for my outbursts? Why should it be someone else's fault that I am angry and it's not a righteous anger? Why should someone else be responsible for "proving" to me that they meant no harm? Where is that in Scripture?

landabee -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:19:31 PM)
quote: Sometimes people have a problem & you are NOT it. That would make a good siggy line.

phosadaud -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:22:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Abbreviated quote: ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod quote: ORIGINAL: Abbreviated The first 2 pages of this thread had me cracking up.[8D] That is so sad[:(] Does anyone care to know why ? Apparently not since apparently the burden is on you to not offend anyone... Just teasing! [;)][:D]

Qtman -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:25:08 PM)
See post 109. I want to know the answer to both questions.

WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:26:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Abbreviated I TRY to go to people's profile & see how long they've forumed & read some of their posts when a conflict comes up. Sometimes that effort is fruitless when the person doesn't disclose that info. Jackie (and anyone else that is interested), didjya know that you can still search a person's posting history - EVEN if they hide / don't disclose their profile? [sm=dance.gif] In the tool bar on top on any page, click on "Search" (bottom row, 3rd from left). Once in the new window, and in the 2nd top left typing bar ("By Author"), type the person's handle. (i.e, abrreviated or whiteroseblessings, etc.) Below that, in the "Options" section (bottom of that particular window), I then always choose, "By post date" next to the "Sort result by" option. The default is set to display 300 posts. The reason why I choose "by post date" is because the system will then display the 300 most current posts (versus the "rank" option).

bluestone -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:28:17 PM)
Being a Christian does not mean we need to be wilting lettuce. Nor should we tip toe around lettuce while it wilts.

WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:29:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: landabee quote: I feel the OP's pain. The first 2 pages of this thread had me cracking up. Me too. [:)] Crankius, phosodaud and bluestone have said all that I would possibly say... with a little Sharon_Marie thrown in for good measure. [;)] Bee, I was nodding in agreement with ya . . . and then I got to the end of your post and giggled. I just couldn't help myself. [:D]

Abbreviated -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:29:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: phosadaud quote: ORIGINAL: Abbreviated quote: ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod quote: ORIGINAL: Abbreviated The first 2 pages of this thread had me cracking up.[8D] That is so sad[:(] Does anyone care to know why ? Apparently not since apparently the burden is on you to not offend anyone... Just teasing! [;)][:D] If people don't use Mt. 18 & go to the person privately & LET them know one's offended them how can the supposed offensive person know ? Is reading minds Biblical ?

Abbreviated -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:34:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Apaise 3) Examine the other person's reaction - did they misunderstand what I said/did. If they misunderstood, try to clarify. What was it about what I said that triggered the response? 4) If they can't understand the clarification - try one more time saying it in a different way. Could it be some baggage present that I didn't know about? Account for the possible baggage in your explanation. It's not uncommon to step into a pile of doo that someone else deposited. 5) While clarifying, remember the old adage to say only as much as the other person is capable of hearing without shutting down. Better to get across 50% of the message than say 100% of it but have 0% of it actually get through. 5) Back away. 6) If they continue to pursue, RUN away. 7) If that doesn't work, run away faster. Repeat item #7 as often as necessary until successful ;) Depending on the relationship, I might continue the conversation for longer. Obviously, with my wife, I hash it out until we've figured out all the issues and have come to peace. With a close friend, I'd do the same. If I get the sense though that I'm dealing with someone that for whatever reason is just going to insist on being offended, I cut it after about twice. In the end it comes down to how much of an investment in someone else you're going to choose to make. You can't be fully invested in every person you meet - you have to budget your emotional energy and do some relationship triage. In a church situation....what do you do in the case of it's their way or the highway? Dust off your sandals ? Leave ? Cause I don't see a dialogue or communication. In my case of 3 or 4 "church experts" running people off. I'm like..."I won't be run off" "You'll learn to live with me attending here until God tells us to leave." I've tried to build a relationship, but it comes down to me continuously hearing all about them. There is no reciprocation or wanting to hear about your week.

phosadaud -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:37:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Abbreviated If people don't use Mt. 18 & go to the person privately & LET them know one's offended them how can the supposed offensive person know ? Is reading minds Biblical ? I find in practice though we usually assume first and make those assumptions facts which is why we get offended in the first place. I believe that assumptions are the playground of the devil. There is a place for assumptions (for instance - safety), but far too often what we make assumptions about is not in anyway connected to our walk with the Lord. I guess to me, I believe being offended is a choice. Before I even choose to be offended, I should find out if there is any reason to be offended in the first place. I shouldn't assume I know what is in someone else's heart or what someone else's motives are. Most of the time, there isn't a cause for offense. I'm not perfect at this by any means, but I have found myself being far less offended by trying to cut out the assumptions. And it sure makes life much more pleasant! [:)]

Abbreviated -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:40:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings quote: ORIGINAL: Abbreviated I TRY to go to people's profile & see how long they've forumed & read some of their posts when a conflict comes up. Sometimes that effort is fruitless when the person doesn't disclose that info. Jackie (and anyone else that is interested), didjya know that you can still search a person's posting history - EVEN if they hide / don't disclose their profile? [sm=dance.gif] In the tool bar on top on any page, click on "Search" (bottom row, 3rd from left). Once in the new window, and in the 2nd top left typing bar ("By Author"), type the person's handle. (i.e, abrreviated or whiteroseblessings, etc.) Below that, in the "Options" section (bottom of that particular window), I then always choose, "By post date" next to the "Sort result by" option. The default is set to display 300 posts. The reason why I choose "by post date" is because the system will then display the 300 most current posts (versus the "rank" option). Thanks ! Should I put a disclaimer on why I use bold in responding to quotes ? Just think ... she's half a century old give her a break. Why do I sometimes type decade instead of century ?

Qtman -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:41:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod The great majority of this thread breaks my heart and I left last night not because I was offended...I left because I was very angry - a righteous anger. But now I am greatly saddened...but I guess I should not be surprised. I see it all over the forums..... btw...Maybe, it was just the Lord that wanted to turn the thread topic around[;)] I am trying real hard to understand where you are coming from. Forgive me I just can't. There is nothing sad, offensive or angry causative being discussed here. Please explain.

Abbreviated -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:42:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Qtman quote: ORIGINAL: Abbreviated quote: ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod quote: ORIGINAL: Abbreviated The first 2 pages of this thread had me cracking up.[8D] That is so sad[:(] Does anyone care to know why ? Why you cracked up. - Yes Why it is sad you cracked up. - Yes I can try & answer the first, but can't answer the second cause ... well... I honestly don't know why it would be sad. Can ya'll tell I'm into this topic ? Sometimes being Abbreviated leads to some misunderstandings.

WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:43:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Qtman quote: ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod The great majority of this thread breaks my heart and I left last night not because I was offended...I left because I was very angry - a righteous anger. But now I am greatly saddened...but I guess I should not be surprised. I see it all over the forums..... btw...Maybe, it was just the Lord that wanted to turn the thread topic around[;)] I am trying real hard to understand where you are coming from. Forgive me I just can't. There is nothing sad, offensive or angry causative being discussed here. Please explain. Very nicely worded, Sam. And ditto.

landabee -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:43:48 PM)
quote: I guess to me, I believe being offended is a choice. Before I even choose to be offended, I should find out if there is any reason to be offended in the first place. I shouldn't assume I know what is in someone else's heart or what someone else's motives are. Most of the time, there isn't a cause for offense. I'm not perfect at this by any means, but I have found myself being far less offended by trying to cut out the assumptions. And it sure makes life much more pleasant! Amen. Goodness knows that there are many opportunities in which to be truly and legitimately provoked or offended. No need to look for more.....No need to borrow trouble. I have found that if I place the person that is inexplicably offended in my prayer life, by asking the Lord to show them the errors of their ways as well as asking (honestly) for Him to show me mine..... it all works out. As long as I keep picking at the "scab" of their misplaced/misguided offense.... it doesn't heal. I continue to treat the person as if they are not offended and go on living as usual. Because there ARE no correct words that will heal a problem that belongs solely to them, within their minds and spirit. As the source of irritation... nothing I would say would be heard or "received". [;)]

GroupW -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:43:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Abbreviated In a church situation....what do you do in the case of it's their way or the highway? Dust off your sandals ? Leave ? Cause I don't see a dialogue or communication. In my case of 3 or 4 "church experts" running people off. I'm like..."I won't be run off" "You'll learn to live with me attending here until God tells us to leave." I've tried to build a relationship, but it comes down to me continuously hearing all about them. There is no reciprocation or wanting to hear about your week. Different situation and much tougher. I love the church like it was family. To me, it is family. I'm willing to do battle on behalf of my family. There's a time to make a stand, and there is time for "tough love" which says, "I love you but I can't do this anymore." I don't think I know the answer to the question of when I should stand and when I should stand down.

phosadaud -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:46:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod The great majority of this thread breaks my heart and I left last night not because I was offended...I left because I was very angry - a righteous anger. But now I am greatly saddened...but I guess I should not be surprised. I see it all over the forums..... btw...Maybe, it was just the Lord that wanted to turn the thread topic around[;)] Righteous anger over what? You don't even know me and yet you have made all kinds of assumptions and judgements about me and other posters and you still don't get what this thread is about. If anyone should be angry and offended, it should be me. Fortunately, I am not a victim. I am a child of God and will act as such. Once again: Not one person here has said it's ok to be a jerk or to try and cause offense. Not one. That is not what this thread is about and it is completely off topic.

Abbreviated -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:49:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: phosadaud quote: ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod Jesus has very, very harsh words for those that offend others.... Woe, woe, woe, He says....It would be better for them to have a millstone around their neck and drown than to offend another. The burden of love is on you to not offend...not on how others react to you. You can actually send another person to their grave by offending them.... Where did Jesus say that? The only verse I can think of is not about offense but in causing little ones to sin? Has this been answered yet ?

crankius -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:51:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Abbreviated Has this been answered yet ? No. Cherished said she wouldn't discuss it. Cherished, If we (me, or the others) have sinned against you, please explain how so that we can address it. You can pm those you need to address, or if it's all of us, you can do so here in the thread. We just aren't getting it.

landabee -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:52:56 PM)
quote: btw...Maybe, it was just the Lord that wanted to turn the thread topic around Or perhaps a person with a misunderstanding of the OP and baggage that is heavy did. The thread is about offense being taken by someone when none is intended... when reconciliation is attempted and when emotion trumps logic, love and biblical soundness. What to do then: is the topic. From the OP: quote: At what point does being "overly-sensitive" cross the lines of being manipulative for attention or simply "self-absorbed"? Or does it? How do you know when someone is just genuinely extra-sensitive to something because they are wounded or they are just looking for reasons to be offended or taking aggression out on you? How do you deal with folks/posters like this? Do you try to appease them? Just keep apologizing? Or push them away? Clearer?

solo_soprano22 -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:53:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod The great majority of this thread breaks my heart and I left last night not because I was offended...I left because I was very angry - a righteous anger. But now I am greatly saddened...but I guess I should not be surprised. I see it all over the forums..... btw...Maybe, it was just the Lord that wanted to turn the thread topic around[;)] You aren't understanding the topic of this thread. Maybe this thread isn't for you, but it might be better to start a new one about the kind of offending you're talking about. Kristin is NOT talking about what you are.

.Pammy -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:53:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings quote: ORIGINAL: Qtman quote: ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod The great majority of this thread breaks my heart and I left last night not because I was offended...I left because I was very angry - a righteous anger. But now I am greatly saddened...but I guess I should not be surprised. I see it all over the forums..... btw...Maybe, it was just the Lord that wanted to turn the thread topic around[;)] I am trying real hard to understand where you are coming from. Forgive me I just can't. There is nothing sad, offensive or angry causative being discussed here. Please explain. Very nicely worded, Sam. And ditto. Tritto.

crankius -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:57:49 PM)
Hi Landabee! quote: I continue to treat the person as if they are not offended and go on living as usual. I've done this too. I've prayed over certain people and asked that the Holy Spirit help me gain understanding, and I've sometimes purposefully been more kind to those who seem offended. I guess I figure they must have a lot going on inside of them that we don't see. I knew a man in a previous church who was quite cold. He seemed quite offended. I made a point of shaking his hand each Sunday and being pleasant. I still don't quite get him, but the good is that the last time I saw him he smiled and was full of joy and shook my hand happily. I agree with GroupW that it can be hard to know how long to keep trying with certain people, and when to just back off and let them be. I certainly don't want to be the further cause of offense in a person's life, and backing off is sometimes the best thing.

landabee -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 5:02:26 PM)
[sm=wave.gif] Crankius! BTW..... your example of the man in your church is EXACTLY what I'm talking about. You just said it clearer and gave a great example! [sm=icon_smile_super.gif]

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