RE: The easily offended (Full Version)

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Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 12:30:18 PM)

Yeah. Even with the picture of the little girl right there. But then I am horridly easily influenced by avatars.



Liveloved -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 12:50:09 PM)

quote:

The thread title is a factual title.


While true, it is also a title that might send running the very people who need to be engaged in this kind of dialogue. Although a woman, I err on the side of bluntness and 'cutting to the chase' when speaking and know that sometimes it is MY choice of words (or the attitude that is conveyed) that ends what could have been an opportunity for dialogue.

So again, I want to look at myself and evaluate what I am doing and how I can be more thoughtful, careful and always more loving. No, I am not into enablement. No, I don't want to condone walking on eggshells. But I do want to be found walking in love. . . always. Jesus did and that is Who I am following.

And BTW, I thought Crankius was a guy too. . .[sm=shakinghead.gif] So don't feel bad, Covaan. If I went by the avatar, I'd have thought her a mountain.



zamdad -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 12:58:58 PM)

Steven Covey's 7 habits of Highly Effective People deals with this topic. As I said in my previous post, when we get offended and lose control of our emotions, we give control of our emotions to others. One of the habits is seek first to understand, then be understood. Seems to me that those who are easily offended are all too often the least willing to understand with a great desire to be understood. Is there a reason God made us with two eyes, two ears and one mouth? The current cultural climate smacks of too many who want to be heard and too few who want to listen. It also seems that the book of James as well as Proverbs deals extensively with this.

Years ago I developed this philosophy. People aren't happy unless they have something to gripe about. Those who are easily offended should be some of the happiest people in the world as they have the most to complain about.



Ps103 -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 1:07:40 PM)

quote:

Years ago I developed this philosophy. People aren't happy unless they have something to gripe about. Those who are easily offended should be some of the happiest people in the world as they have the most to complain about.


ROFL! Too true!



CherishedbyGod -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 2:40:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Liveloved

quote:

The thread title is a factual title.


While true, it is also a title that might send running the very people who need to be engaged in this kind of dialogue. Although a woman, I err on the side of bluntness and 'cutting to the chase' when speaking and know that sometimes it is MY choice of words (or the attitude that is conveyed) that ends what could have been an opportunity for dialogue.

So again, I want to look at myself and evaluate what I am doing and how I can be more thoughtful, careful and always more loving. No, I am not into enablement. No, I don't want to condone walking on eggshells. But I do want to be found walking in love. . . always. Jesus did and that is Who I am following.


Well, you are a jewel, and I just love you and you have a tender, loving heart just like my Jesus[:)] Love should always prevail...always and we are responsible to become all things to all people as Paul did so that he might win some. Not send people fleeing in anger like this thread did to me. If we send people fleeing in anger we are not walking in love.

We are responsible to adjust ourselves to others not to expect them to adjust to us...Love protects, covers, hovers over and always maintains a soft, tender heart towards others...not a harsh and unkind one.....

And yes, Liveloved, you are very correct about the thread title......



Apaise -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 3:11:30 PM)

It's very interesting to me that in reading this thread, the two people I have seen brought up to support an erroneous view of what it means to offend are Paul and Jesus. The two who are, quite possibly, the most offensive men ever mentioned in the Bible. [&:] In fact, you can't possibly believe that they did not intend to offend, either. Jesus was God in the flesh, I think He knew that calling the Pharisees hypocrites, whited sepulchres, snakes, etc., wasn't exactly going to make them happy. [;)] And you want to talk about "fleeing in anger"? Paul caused riots everywhere he went. (Ephesus in particular springs to mind.) I don't think there's anything inherently sinful in causing offense to others, even intentionally.


In any case, THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS THREAD IS ABOUT. This thread is about how you deal with people who take offense when none was intended, especially over trivial matters.


To the OP (my answers in bold):

quote:

Is there a moral issue here? At what point does being "overly-sensitive" cross the lines of being manipulative for attention or simply "self-absorbed"? Or does it? How do you know when someone is just genuinely extra-sensitive to something because they are wounded or they are just looking for reasons to be offended or taking aggression out on you? I'm sure at some point it does cross the line, but I generally can't recognize it unless I have a relationship with the person in question.

How do you deal with folks/posters like this? Do you try to appease them? Just keep apologizing? Or push them away? Depends on who the person is, what my relationship with them is, and whether or not I believe they are truly wounded and not just seeking attention. In general, I try very hard to apologize once and move on. I am not a people person, and I don't have the emotional energy to deal with easily offended people for long periods of time. I burn out.



Abbreviated -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 3:41:07 PM)

I feel the OP's pain.

The first 2 pages of this thread had me cracking up.[8D]

I've learned the hard way NOT to be the first to post/respond in a thread.

The last business meeting I attended there was a deacon's wife who would turn her back on me every time I spoke. She physically swiveled herself until her back was facing me. Her pet "ministry" was being held accountable & she did not like it. It is funny now. It is sad that we can't be .... slow to anger/be offended. Agree to disagree agreeably. Our church has lost alot of members hence our tithing has dropped hence our budget has to be lowered. There has been talk of letting go of staff. Well, we only have 3 staff members plus a janitor who is barely paid anything. How can we even talk about letting staff go when it is obvious to me we should first suspend paying association & state budget items. Just because something is listed under ministry doesn't mean it is exempt.

This type of "chip on my shoulder" mentality is one of the reasons people have left.

Remember one time on here when someone assumed my responses in bold within a quote were because I felt they were superior. The real reasons I bold when quoting...it differentiates from the quote & I don't wear my bifocals so bold is easier to re read for proofing...yes, I am lazy.



GroupW -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 3:43:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Apaise

In general, I try very hard to apologize once and move on. I am not a people person, and I don't have the emotional energy to deal with easily offended people for long periods of time. I burn out.


I agree. By nature, I have an explosive temper with a short fuse. I also grew up as a really short scrawny kid. I learned early on that scrawny kids can't afford to have bad tempers.

As a result, I kind of invented my own 12 step program to deal with conflict (ok it's 7 steps, but let's not get picky). Since I have a bad temper, I need to go through this process in order to make sure I don't say something stupid. (It only works about half the time.)

1) Examine my behavior - can I honestly say I didn't do anything wrong.

2) Apologize - if you can't figure out what you did, figure out something something you can apologize for. It doesn't matter if the apology is owed or not. The important thing is that the other person feels offended.

3) Examine the other person's reaction - did they misunderstand what I said/did. If they misunderstood, try to clarify. What was it about what I said that triggered the response?

4) If they can't understand the clarification - try one more time saying it in a different way. Could it be some baggage present that I didn't know about? Account for the possible baggage in your explanation. It's not uncommon to step into a pile of doo that someone else deposited.


5) While clarifying, remember the old adage to say only as much as the other person is capable of hearing without shutting down. Better to get across 50% of the message than say 100% of it but have 0% of it actually get through.

5) Back away.

6) If they continue to pursue, RUN away.

7) If that doesn't work, run away faster. Repeat item #7 as often as necessary until successful ;)

Depending on the relationship, I might continue the conversation for longer. Obviously, with my wife, I hash it out until we've figured out all the issues and have come to peace. With a close friend, I'd do the same. If I get the sense though that I'm dealing with someone that for whatever reason is just going to insist on being offended, I cut it after about twice.

In the end it comes down to how much of an investment in someone else you're going to choose to make. You can't be fully invested in every person you meet - you have to budget your emotional energy and do some relationship triage.



bluestone -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 3:52:00 PM)

Step 8: keep a baseball bat handy at all times[;)]



stellaluna -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 3:53:47 PM)

Someone determined to be offended will be offended, no matter what you say or do.



Qtman -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 3:54:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bluestone

Step 8: keep a baseball bat handy at all times[;)]


I like you. I always say you get better results with a kind word and a gun than you do with a kind word alone.



crankius -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 3:58:12 PM)

Step 9: Share a box of Junior Mints. It's hard to be offended when you're enjoying a Junior Mint.

They're the little mint! They're refreshing!



GroupW -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:00:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellaluna

Someone determined to be offended will be offended, no matter what you say or do.


That's why steps 5 and higher are there ;)



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:01:15 PM)

Cranky, how'd you get your junior mints to look like fishheads?

[sm=icon_smile_fish.gif]



Qtman -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:02:41 PM)

Seriously some people, IRL and on these threads also, wear their feelings on their sleeves. We have all seen them. They are just waiting for some one to knock those feelings off. And some times it only takes something as simple as dieagreeing with their opinion to do that. I never get up in the morning thining how many people can I offend today. I go out of my way to keep from offending anyone. But if I don't agree with them I don't agree with them. And stating that disagreement and the reasons why should not be offensive unless I attack their character in doing so.

For instance it is obvious CherishedbyGod and I don't agree on this thread. I am not the least offended because CherishedbyGod disagrees with me. May not agree with me on several other threads but, has never said anything ugly or personal to me about it. Surely CherishedbyGod is not offended simply because I disagree with his/her opinion.

I think most people on these threads are above that level. There are a few that do seem to look for opportunities to be offended. Those few are going to be offended no matter what the rest of us do. I tried to ignore one and that in and of itself was called offensive.



crankius -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:04:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings

Cranky, how'd you get your junior mints to look like fishheads?

[sm=icon_smile_fish.gif]



Ahem...that's Gruesome Fish Heads. [sm=cowboy.gif]



phosadaud -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:04:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod

quote:

ORIGINAL: Liveloved

quote:

The thread title is a factual title.


While true, it is also a title that might send running the very people who need to be engaged in this kind of dialogue. Although a woman, I err on the side of bluntness and 'cutting to the chase' when speaking and know that sometimes it is MY choice of words (or the attitude that is conveyed) that ends what could have been an opportunity for dialogue.

So again, I want to look at myself and evaluate what I am doing and how I can be more thoughtful, careful and always more loving. No, I am not into enablement. No, I don't want to condone walking on eggshells. But I do want to be found walking in love. . . always. Jesus did and that is Who I am following.


Well, you are a jewel, and I just love you and you have a tender, loving heart just like my Jesus[:)] Love should always prevail...always and we are responsible to become all things to all people as Paul did so that he might win some. Not send people fleeing in anger like this thread did to me. If we send people fleeing in anger we are not walking in love.

We are responsible to adjust ourselves to others not to expect them to adjust to us...Love protects, covers, hovers over and always maintains a soft, tender heart towards others...not a harsh and unkind one.....

And yes, Liveloved, you are very correct about the thread title......


I know you will be offended by this because I apparently am very offensive to you, but I say this in love:

You have spent this entire thread attacking me, my motives, my character, etc. based on a mistaken idea as to what this thread is about and yet you claim you are the victim?

Seriously? Wow.

As far as the title: The title is a description about what this thread is about - no more, no less. I hate vague thread titles because you don't get any idea what thread is about. I am not accusing anyone of anything. If you choose to be offended, that is your choice but your choice does not make it correct.

I could easily be offended by some of the wild accusations made against me and even now against other posters, but here's the rub: I don't get offended very easily because I don't tend to take things personally. I know my heart. God knows my heart. That's what I care about. [;)]



GroupW -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:04:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crankius

Step 9: Share a box of Junior Mints. It's hard to be offended when you're enjoying a Junior Mint.

They're the little mint! They're refreshing!


Or the little pink peppermints. In the dutch community, grandparents always had the little pink peppermints in their pockets to give to fussy kids during church. I'd totally forgotten about it until we were looking for a new church after we moved to Denver. An older man walked up to my son and gave him a pink peppermint. We'd been extremely frustrated over the church search, so when that happened I just about cried. I think the fellow thought I was a total loon. 45 year old man sobbing over a pepto-bismol pink piece of candy that his son got.



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:06:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crankius

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings

Cranky, how'd you get your junior mints to look like fishheads?

[sm=icon_smile_fish.gif]



Ahem...that's Gruesome Fish Heads. [sm=cowboy.gif]
Oh, please excuse me. [sm=icon_smile_blush.gif]


Cranky, how'd you get your junior mints to look like gruesome fishheads?



crankius -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:07:01 PM)

quote:

I think the fellow thought I was a total loon. 45 year old man sobbing over a pepto-bismol pink piece of candy that his son got.


Oh I completely get this! On Sunday, another mom and I were watching her little girl run up to a very nice man at our church. He hugged her and talked with her, and then pulled out his box of mints.

The mom had tears in her eyes! For real!



landabee -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:07:55 PM)

quote:

I feel the OP's pain.

The first 2 pages of this thread had me cracking up.


Me too. [:)]

Crankius, phosodaud and bluestone have said all that I would possibly say... with a little Sharon_Marie thrown in for good measure.

[;)]



Abbreviated -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:09:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod

quote:

ORIGINAL: Abbreviated
The first 2 pages of this thread had me cracking up.[8D]


That is so sad[:(]

Does anyone care to know why ?



GroupW -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:10:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crankius

quote:

I think the fellow thought I was a total loon. 45 year old man sobbing over a pepto-bismol pink piece of candy that his son got.


Oh I completely get this! On Sunday, another mom and I were watching her little girl run up to a very nice man at our church. He hugged her and talked with her, and then pulled out his box of mints.

The mom had tears in her eyes! For real!


Funny how very small gestures can have huge impacts. That was the last church we looked at. We already liked the church, but that seemed to be the final stone set in place for me.



crankius -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:11:42 PM)

quote:

Cranky, how'd you get your junior mints to look like gruesome fishheads?


[8D]

You're going to get me in trouble for being off topic.

[sm=pinkhairsmile.gif] Hey mod in the Crosswalk sky--it's all SharMar's fault--really!



Qtman -> RE: The easily offended (7/2/2008 4:11:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Abbreviated

quote:

ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod

quote:

ORIGINAL: Abbreviated
The first 2 pages of this thread had me cracking up.[8D]


That is so sad[:(]

Does anyone care to know why ?


Why you cracked up. - Yes

Why it is sad you cracked up. - Yes



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