Teen Christian Dating (Full Version)

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BJirah -> Teen Christian Dating (6/26/2008 1:47:00 PM)

Hi
I would like know if anyone would direct me to a christian website with information on christian teen dating together with giving me scripture references on this subject and other important teen issues?



4IMPersuaded -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (6/27/2008 5:01:50 PM)

I'm sorry that I don't have an answer for you, but I am curious-- are you a leader or a teen? It might help to know.

Blessings.



Purposeful_Life -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (6/30/2008 5:12:47 AM)

One of the other issues concerning dating is the national culture - the word 'dating' means different things in America and England for example.



RJR_fan -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (6/30/2008 6:31:17 PM)

Do children too young to start families have any business getting off on mutual sexual stimulation? Is there any Biblical warrant for the custom of "dating," of trying on human beings one after another? Doesn't the pattern of forming, then breaking, one attachment after another set the victims of the process up for unstable marriages?

Why is the divorce rate among evangelicals the same as that among the unchurched?



Purposeful_Life -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (7/1/2008 1:01:09 AM)

That is a fascinating definition for the word' dating' RJR_Fan - where did you get that from?



RJR_fan -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (7/1/2008 6:52:08 AM)

Gregg Harris taught an excellent series of lessons on the topic of "recreational sexuality" a while back. His son Josh Harris later wrote a book on the subject, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. There is no Biblical justification for single young people to spend unsupervised time alone together. In fact, if we take God's Word seriously, fornication and adultery are capital offenses, not trivial indiscretions. If God said the death penalty was the appropriate response to this trifling with His image[1], should we not take pains to avoid "near occasions of sin?"

If protecting marital intimacy is so important to God, should it not be important to us?



[1] "In the image of God created He them. Male and female created He them." Something about the interplay between male and female illustrates God's nature.



slushie -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (7/1/2008 8:24:39 AM)

I have read that book. By the way, what was the definition of "unsupervised"? Ask I recall, when Josh Harris and his future wife started courting, they'd go out alone to restaurants. It was just the two of them. However, they were accoutable to several godly men and women. Do you mean "unsupervised" to mean going out alone?

It is true that protect marital intimacy is important. I think that people look at the word dating to mean that a boy or a girl picks up a partner, then dumps that person after a few weeks. There's no real commitment- and I infer that that's how you see it.

In any case, I'd judge my kids old enough to date on the basis of their maturity level and where they are in life. If they're still in high school, then I'd ask them to wait a while. Some teens know how to handle it in a godly manner. Some don't.



iluvatar -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (7/2/2008 2:27:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RJR_fan
Doesn't the pattern of forming, then breaking, one attachment after another set the victims of the process up for unstable marriages?


Do you have any evidence to prove that it does? Looking at my own life, having some other dating history prior to marriage would have been helpful for me. There were certain things that I just went with, because I didn't see them as outside the bounds of "normal." I believe that had I dated other women before my wife, I could have developed a more accurate perspective of certain things.

-Dan.



youthrev -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (7/2/2008 9:46:54 AM)

I believe dating can take place without a lot of heartbreak and strong attachments being formed if the student goes about it in a sensible manner. I will be doing another "pre-marriage weekend" in the fall during which we will talk about God's design for marriage. The emphasis is placed on marriage, not on dating. The reason is that if the students understand what God intends marriage to look like; and the students understand that every date is a potential for a spouse, they should become more selective in their choices of who to date, how to date, how to treat the person they are dating, when and how to end a relationship with respect, and how to edit their list of "what I want in a spouse." It can potentially prevent a lot of heartache, but it allows the student the freedom to find a godly spouse in what they deem as a "normal" pattern.

Courting may be fine for some, but most students, parents, and even leaders can't even tell a significant difference between dating and courting. And trying to explain to your child why courting is okay, but dating isn't, can be difficult at best. And many who start out courting a person eventually move into dating as the relationship progresses. So is there a formula for determining what is the best way to go? Not really.

Which is why I start with marriage and work backward with the students I teach. Over the course of the weekend, we have five biblical studies on the following:

1. The biblical model of headship and submission
2. The biblical roles of the husband and wife
3. Becoming someone worth marrying
4. Finding a godly spouse
5. Making sure Christ is the priority/center of a marriage

In addition, we have one all-questions-answered session for the boys and one for the girls (although we will not answer questions concerning sexual practice or technique; issues of boundaries and biology are answered with a stipulation that the parents should be spoken to if the environment permits). Because of the format of the weekend and the seriousness of some of the ones who came, I saw a couple of new filters go up for some of the youth, a couple of girls who looked for the "hot guy" or "bad boy" changed their thinking and expressed no interest, and the same for the boys. They were actually able to look at things from a "long-term" perspective and some began asking themselves, "Would I want to be married to him/her for the rest of my life, and rear children with him/her?" If the answer is no, they actually back away and look somewhere else. They have also found their own value and have gained perspective in their gender role. The boys started becoming more respectful of the girls as sisters and as "prospective spouses", and vice versa.

So, to the question about dating: dating for the sake of dating goes nowhere fast and just as a social outlet is ineffective. With a view toward godly marriage and working backward from that, they can and most will be much more selective about who they date. Granted, not all will grasp the concept or will think they are the exception, but it certainly can give them a better perspective on why they want to date, and who they set their sights on.



DaveW -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (7/2/2008 1:35:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RJR_fan

Do children too young to start families have any business getting off on mutual sexual stimulation?

There was no reason to take this thread down that road.
quote:

Is there any Biblical warrant for the custom of "dating," of trying on human beings one after another?

That is entirely a cultural thing. Biblical times and cultures had arranged marriages.
quote:

Doesn't the pattern of forming, then breaking, one attachment after another set the victims of the process up for unstable marriages?

Is there any hard evidence to say it does? It kind of makes sense, but is that really how it works?
quote:

Why is the divorce rate among evangelicals the same as that among the unchurched?
The same reason: hard hearts. No one is taking the time to disciple new believers to expose those stony places and deal with them.



KPOP -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (7/4/2008 1:12:33 AM)

HI THERE.

JOSEPH AND MARY DATED -- THEY WERE BETHROTHE

AND MARY WAS INSPIRED BY GOD AND CONCEIVED BABY JESUS

AND JOSEPH TRIED TO PUT HER AWAY QUIETLY -- BUT AN ANGEL SPOKE TO JOSEPH AND TOLD HIM TO MAKE HER AN HONEST WOMAN

AND HE DID

AND MARY WAS A GOOD MOTHER TO JESUS CHRIST

8888888

BUT THEN THERE WAS EVE A MATURE -- WHO WAS DECEIVED BY SATAN WHO IN TURN EVE DECEIVED ADAM

SO AGES DOES NOT REALLY MATTER -- EXCEPT FOR LEGAL

AND ALSO WHAT THEY KNOW OF THE WORLD

EVE WHO WAS INNOCENT IN BIRTH -- GOD'S CHOOSING -- WAS DECEIVED BY SATAN

AND MARY -- PROBABLY INNOCENT TOO -- WAS USED BY GOD -- TO CONCEIVED JESUS CHRIST

THE BEST THING -- IS TO REALLY HAVE A GROUNDED CHILD BRINGING UP

SO IF YOU LEARN AT HOME -- TO GO TO SCHOOL FIRST AND DATE LATER

THEN DO THAT --

BUT IT DOES NOT MEANS THAT YOU CANNOT HAVE FRIENDS

FRIENDS ARE GOOD TO HAVE

JUST MAKE SURE THAT YOUR FOUNDATION IS GROUNDED AND THAT YOU ARE NOT ENTICED BY THE WAYS OF THE WORLD

GOOD LUCK

YOU CAN ALWAYS BUY A TEEN DATING BOOK

MY AUNT GAVE ME ONE AND I READ IT

SHE GAVE IT TO HER DAUTHERS AND MY AUNT LET ME LOAN IT AND I READ IT

THEN YOU CAN READ HOW TO BRING UP A CHILD

THIS FOR SOME REASONS FOR ME OPENED UP MY EYES INTO BEING COGNITIVE THINKER

YOU CAN ALSO CALL THE SALVATION ARMY WESTERN TERRITORY AND ASK TO SUBSCRIBE TO THEIR YOUTH MAGAZINE

BUT GET INVOLVE IN YOUR CHURCH

IF YOUR CHURCH DOES NOT HAVE TEEN YOUR AGE

YOU MIGHT LIKE TO FIND A CHURCH THAT HAS ONE

I DID NOT

I WENT TO A CHURCH THAT HAS SINGLES FELLOWSHIP

IT LEAD ME TO A CHURCH THAT IS A SISTER OF THE OTHER CHURCHES THAT ARE TOGETHER

IT LEAD ME TO MY HUSBAND

SO I WENT FROM THE SALVATION ARMY -- TO HORIZON CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP -- TO CALVARY CHAPEL

BUT NOW I WORSHIP AT CORNERSTONE INTERNATIONAL CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP

GOOD LUCK

KATHY



DaveW -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (7/5/2008 10:44:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KPOP

JOSEPH AND MARY DATED

They did not; as the concept of dating was still about 1900 years away. Most likely it was an arranged marriage.
quote:

THEY WERE BETHROTHED
True.



rwe2156 -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (7/7/2008 6:14:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RJR_fan
Why is the divorce rate among evangelicals the same as that among the unchurched?

Do you really think the divorce rate amongst the TRUE church is just like the world?



BJirah -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (7/12/2008 3:09:15 PM)

yes, i am a teen leader. All input and scripture knowledge will be well accepted. i love looking at things from others point of view and I look forward to fresh ideas. thanks for your reply.



BJirah -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (7/12/2008 3:17:47 PM)

I agree with your views on dating. True, some individuals a mature enough to handle it and some are not. Thanks for your relpy.



GregandJenny -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (7/15/2008 11:58:18 AM)

quote:

Why is the divorce rate among evangelicals the same as that among the unchurched?


I think there is a problem with this thinking. Just Because one claims to be evangelical doesn't mean they are. Just because one claims to be a Christian doesn't mean they are. Do they even know the definition.

G



RJR_fan -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (7/21/2008 7:01:12 AM)

quote:

Do you really think the divorce rate amongst the TRUE church is just like the world?


Like the old Calvinists, I go by the two-part test. Does the person assent to the creeds, and lead a life free of visible scandal (unrepented sin)? If so, it is my job to consider that person a fellow Christian, and God's job to dig beneath the surface and deal with the heart. Attempts to define "the TRUE church" on the basis of something beyond what we, as humans, can objectively observe, lead God's people into weird places. Is "experience" a more reliable guide than creed + behavior? Well, false conversion experiences can be easily mass-produced by a talented stage hypnotist -- such as Billy Graham -- whose own organization ruefully admits that 96% of the "conversions" generated by his organization are spurious.

Only God can truly sort out His own "at the end of the age," when the reapers first cull the tares.

Us mere humans have to settle for less certainty. Given the fact that we are not God, we have to attend, and support, a local church that is something less than 100% "the TRUE church."

My friend, believe it or not, if you honestly examine your own soul, you'll see something less than 100% TRUE Christian perfection.[1]

At this point in history, God's people are deeply, and profoundly, compromised. More than 90% of the Christian parents are cool with handing their kids over to a rival faith for their religious education. Our divided allegiance cripples us, alas. OTOH, a growing number of Christian parents are not rendering unto Caesar that which is God's. The general testimony among those inside this move of God is -- "our teenage children are more wholesome than we were at their age. And much happier."


[1] I assume you are an honest fellow pilgrim. Thomas Wilson, OTOH, was convinced that he was incapable of sin, and would outperform Jesus. This conviction took root in his soul after he engaged in an adulterous affair while president of Princeton College, and guided his messianic schemes that plunged the world into a century of bloodletting.



jawpawjpjt -> RE: Teen Christian Dating (7/22/2008 5:47:00 PM)

An good website that includes information about Christian Teen Dating is www.TeenU.org. It's a free online "university" in which teens take courses that involve reading a book and taking a test. The courses are Dating (all ages), How to grow as a Christian (for senior high), Prayer (for all ages), Spiritual Warfare (for all ages), Decision Making (for senior high), Living your Life for Christ in High School (for all ages), Personal Finances (for all ages), Selfishness (for all ages), and Parenting (for senior high). The book for the Dating course is Straight Talk About Teen Dating by James Wegert.

The homepage of the site also has access to the Christian Teen blog which addresses topics of interest to teens from a Christian perspective.



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