|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/24/2008 12:58:42 AM
|
|
|
iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3587
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
I know of at least two women (maybe three) who are extremely wonderful and yet single. Are they perfect, of course not, no one is, but I know of many other women who don't even come close to these yet those women are married. I've not found fault in these women. Must be guys with no guts.
so you met these women AFTER you met your current interest? cause if not, i would think that means they just weren't your type (nothing against them). but according to your logic, that means you were gutless in not pursuining them? and every single man they ran across was gutless? what type of timeframe does a woman have to be mostly perfect for without getting married in order for all men she ran across to be gutless?
< Message edited by iwillfearnoevil -- 7/24/2008 1:35:51 AM >
_____________________________
Photoblogging my life
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/24/2008 10:27:38 AM
|
|
|
offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
I know of at least two women (maybe three) who are extremely wonderful and yet single. Are they perfect, of course not, no one is, but I know of many other women who don't even come close to these yet those women are married. I've not found fault in these women. Must be guys with no guts.
so you met these women AFTER you met your current interest? cause if not, i would think that means they just weren't your type (nothing against them). but according to your logic, that means you were gutless in not pursuining them? and every single man they ran across was gutless? what type of timeframe does a woman have to be mostly perfect for without getting married in order for all men she ran across to be gutless?
That is so funny! The timeframe to be mostly perfect... Haha!
Men have guts, maybe they are cautious ...
There are three men I know that were divorced due to their wives leaving them are very cautious and still (after 10+ years) recovering financially and emotionally.
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/24/2008 9:30:10 PM
|
|
|
Psalms274
Posts: 931
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: offtheisland
quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
I know of at least two women (maybe three) who are extremely wonderful and yet single. Are they perfect, of course not, no one is, but I know of many other women who don't even come close to these yet those women are married. I've not found fault in these women. Must be guys with no guts.
so you met these women AFTER you met your current interest? cause if not, i would think that means they just weren't your type (nothing against them). but according to your logic, that means you were gutless in not pursuining them? and every single man they ran across was gutless? what type of timeframe does a woman have to be mostly perfect for without getting married in order for all men she ran across to be gutless?
That is so funny! The timeframe to be mostly perfect... Haha!
Men have guts, maybe they are cautious ...
There are three men I know that were divorced due to their wives leaving them are very cautious and still (after 10+ years) recovering financially and emotionally.
I had a well meaning friend send me the "Top of the apple tree" email several years ago ... and it does sound nice ... but ... it's not reality.
There are many singles who are wonderful and there are many marrieds who are wonderful. There are many singles who are not so wonderful and there are many marrieds who are not so wonderful. I get those fellows thinking that the others probably are too "gutless" to pursue me and will "go for it" ... and many times I am inclined to pool them with those that stalk!!! They are a bit too aggressive. I suspect they just do not know any better.
Another friend says that some are single for reasons and some for seasons. (She assures me I am in the "seasons" group  ... but there have been seasons of reasons too!!!)
Yet, looking at those who are married ... I could make the argument that a few should be in the reason group ... but they're not.
I think when we are hoping to be married we look for reasons ... hence the question, "why are you still single?" Bottom line answer ... because today, in this moment, God believes that it is the best thing for me .... and He does know best. It's that simple.
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/24/2008 11:06:47 PM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 7622
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
so you met these women AFTER you met your current interest? cause if not, i would think that means they just weren't your type (nothing against them). but according to your logic, that means you were gutless in not pursuining them? and every single man they ran across was gutless? what type of timeframe does a woman have to be mostly perfect for without getting married in order for all men she ran across to be gutless?
I met some of them before and some of them after and my current interest is one of them. My current interest is my type, the others are not. That doesn't mean that I cannot see qualities in them that are amazing. Just because a certain woman is not on my potential ladder doesn't mean I can't see her shining.
Why would I be gutless for not pursuing someone I don't want? that line of reasoning makes no sense to me.
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/24/2008 11:29:24 PM
|
|
|
shemaromans
Posts: 3854
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
so you met these women AFTER you met your current interest? cause if not, i would think that means they just weren't your type (nothing against them). but according to your logic, that means you were gutless in not pursuining them? and every single man they ran across was gutless? what type of timeframe does a woman have to be mostly perfect for without getting married in order for all men she ran across to be gutless?
I met some of them before and some of them after and my current interest is one of them. My current interest is my type, the others are not. That doesn't mean that I cannot see qualities in them that are amazing. Just because a certain woman is not on my potential ladder doesn't mean I can't see her shining.
Why would I be gutless for not pursuing someone I don't want? that line of reasoning makes no sense to me.
I think that's the answer he was looking for. It supports his opinion that men aren't necessarily gutless just because the men don't ask these women out. Some men don't pursue these women for the sole reason that the men just aren't interested in them.
I'm curious, though. Did you somewhat pursue these women--kind of like information gathering--before figuring out that they weren't your type?
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/24/2008 11:39:52 PM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 7622
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: shemaromans
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
so you met these women AFTER you met your current interest? cause if not, i would think that means they just weren't your type (nothing against them). but according to your logic, that means you were gutless in not pursuining them? and every single man they ran across was gutless? what type of timeframe does a woman have to be mostly perfect for without getting married in order for all men she ran across to be gutless?
I met some of them before and some of them after and my current interest is one of them. My current interest is my type, the others are not. That doesn't mean that I cannot see qualities in them that are amazing. Just because a certain woman is not on my potential ladder doesn't mean I can't see her shining.
Why would I be gutless for not pursuing someone I don't want? that line of reasoning makes no sense to me.
I think that's the answer he was looking for. It supports his opinion that men aren't necessarily gutless just because the men don't ask these women out. Some men don't pursue these women for the sole reason that the men just aren't interested in them.
I'm curious, though. Did you somewhat pursue these women--kind of like information gathering--before figuring out that they weren't your type?
Yep. Can't filter them out until you know if they match or not. This examination can be very quick at times and usually neither party is conscious of the fact that it's being done.
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 1:14:51 AM
|
|
|
iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3587
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Why would I be gutless for not pursuing someone I don't want? that line of reasoning makes no sense to me.
cause you called other men gutless for not pursuing them ... why would it be SO hard to believe their types didn't line up as well? that line of reasoning makes way more sense to me than calling them gutless for the same reasons of yours.
_____________________________
Photoblogging my life
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 1:45:41 AM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 7622
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Why would I be gutless for not pursuing someone I don't want? that line of reasoning makes no sense to me.
cause you called other men gutless for not pursuing them ... why would it be SO hard to believe their types didn't line up as well? that line of reasoning makes way more sense to me than calling them gutless for the same reasons of yours.
You are taking a specific and making a generality from it. Not all men are gutless. But some are.
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 3:53:42 AM
|
|
|
Mrs.Above_All
Posts: 11982
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: man's rib
Status: offline
|
quote:
John:
Yep. Can't filter them out until you know if they match or not. This examination can be very quick at times and usually neither party is conscious of the fact that it's being done.
Hmm. I think many times this is an understatement. Women can have a very good ability to sense these things. If she senses it and likes you, she may act a certain way to get you to actively pursue. If she is not interested, she may act in a way to get you not to pursue.
I would have to say that this is how it was for me. I totally sensed even the most subtle things. So I did have control over how I acted and the things I said. And I think the men that are most aware (conscious) of it are the analytical ones who are actively looking for a future mate. Interestingly enough for the woman, she may be most aware when she is both analytical and emotional. The balance of the two makes a woman very aware. If she is too emotional or too analytical of a person she could easily misinterpret.
_____________________________
BLOG
Formerly known as Above_All
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 9:44:32 AM
|
|
|
iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3587
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
You are taking a specific and making a generality from it. Not all men are gutless. But some are.
i agree  i didn't mean to make a generality from your statement:
quote:
I've not found fault in these women. Must be guys with no guts.
i thought you were saying that gutless men were the only reason some women are single. yes some people (men and women) are gutless but from looking over this thread, that's not the primary reason that many people posted they are single.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalms274
I had a well meaning friend send me the "Top of the apple tree" email several years ago ... and it does sound nice ... but ... it's not reality.
There are many singles who are wonderful and there are many marrieds who are wonderful. There are many singles who are not so wonderful and there are many marrieds who are not so wonderful.
i'm often cautious with these feel good chain emails and brace myself whenever i hear one possibly being quoted (especially in a sermon or devotion)! my problem with it is not that i mind likening a woman to an apple but i believe t falls apart with its false premise that the best apples are at the top of the tree. [disclaimer: imnotafarmerbutiplayoneontheinternet] due to a good mix of sun & shade, a lot of the better apples are actually at the bottom irl. sun and wind can cause problems on the top of the tree apples. i feel any women at the top (or as women also have free will, this could apply to men too), is more a reflection of their availability and approachibility more than their shine or greatness. also by saying you are at the top of the tree, it's taking a superior attitude towards those beneath you. and perhaps this view is reflected to the opposite sex somehow which is unappealing. i believe all men and women find certain aspects of other people appealing, and that varies from person to person and has nothing to do with positioning on a tree.
i believe if a man likes a woman than they are simply believing that woman would be a better fit for them (not that there needs to be a problem with a woman not selected). it's not a reflection of shine but just where people are at their point in life.
i believe sitting at the top of the tree is a mindset created from past experiences ... or lack thereof. i think someone thinking they are at top has [and very possibly not on purpose] made themselves unavailable and unapproachable as singles have already shared in this thread. not that opposite sex parties don't have responsbilities but relationships take effort - from both parties.
edit: i don't think anyone posted the actual quote yet:
“Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.......so, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're AMAZING. They just have to wait for the right guy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree”
the ending is all pretty condescending ... i'd much rather think of apple pie though ...
_____________________________
Photoblogging my life
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 9:59:28 AM
|
|
|
offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
|
Apple pie ala mode!
Your responses are very deep and thought provoking. Now, I thinking of apple pie YUMMMM!
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 10:03:26 AM
|
|
|
iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3587
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: offtheisland
Apple pie ala mode!
Your responses are very deep and thought provoking. Now, I thinking of apple pie YUMMMM!
i am thinking of my grandmother's apple pie ... yummmm i wonder if she's back in town so i could visit this weekend lol
_____________________________
Photoblogging my life
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 10:07:35 AM
|
|
|
offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
|
Grandma's apple pie! Wow! I was thinking about picking one up at Publix down the street or going to Cold Stone Creamery for a big giant waffle bowl of apple pie ala mode.
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 10:20:57 AM
|
|
|
offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
|
I received that email about the apple tree three times this year, and there's always the part where men are like grapes. That email was sent out to me by women that are bitter about being single.
I also get those emails that ask questions like, "What was the first thing on your mind as you woke up this morning?" One single friend of mine would always respond back with something like, "Why am I still in bed alone?" That makes my heart so sad. She's very depressed about still being single and never married.
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 10:30:19 AM
|
|
|
iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3587
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: offtheisland
I received that email about the apple tree three times this year, and there's always the part where men are like grapes. That email was sent out to me by women that are bitter about being single.
I also get those emails that ask questions like, "What was the first thing on your mind as you woke up this morning?" One single friend of mine would always respond back with something like, "Why am I still in bed alone?" That makes my heart so sad. She's very depressed about still being single and never married.
i have seen the grapes comment before and you are SO right, it does help set the context.
Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp them until they turn in to something acceptable to have dinner with.
that is sad, because our true self worth should come from God as he fearfully and wonderfully made us. God is the only one who we know for sure will never leave us (in whatever context you want to take leave). thinking our spouse will rescue us and give us our primary sense of happiness i feel is dangerous thought process. it's a hard thought process to battle.
_____________________________
Photoblogging my life
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 11:47:49 AM
|
|
|
offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:
ORIGINAL: offtheisland
I received that email about the apple tree three times this year, and there's always the part where men are like grapes. That email was sent out to me by women that are bitter about being single.
I also get those emails that ask questions like, "What was the first thing on your mind as you woke up this morning?" One single friend of mine would always respond back with something like, "Why am I still in bed alone?" That makes my heart so sad. She's very depressed about still being single and never married.
i have seen the grapes comment before and you are SO right, it does help set the context.
Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp them until they turn in to something acceptable to have dinner with.
Stomp them.....HAHA! The next time that email comes to me I will insert what you wrote.
that is sad, because our true self worth should come from God as he fearfully and wonderfully made us. God is the only one who we know for sure will never leave us (in whatever context you want to take leave). thinking our spouse will rescue us and give us our primary sense of happiness i feel is dangerous thought process. it's a hard thought process to battle.
Took me awhile to believe that, so I am praying my friend will too.
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 11:51:51 AM
|
|
|
Tinkerbell_
Posts: 6620
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
|
I think a lot of people go through the 'the opposite sex is scum' feeling. Only through Him can we get passed it and start focusing on ourselves.
We are truly the ones responsible for what happens in our lives. If we aren't making any effort to do something about it, then who are we to complain when things don't change?
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 11:57:20 AM
|
|
|
offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
|
Not only the opposite sex. How about when other women trash talk the pretty girls that get everything? It's that child thing when you get jealous or something and you talk bad about people to make yourself look good or make people focus on you so you can get attention. Almost like "attention deficit syndrome."
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 12:03:44 PM
|
|
|
shemaromans
Posts: 3854
Status: offline
|
How about this change? We could pick all of the apples off the tree and put them in a barrel with the shiniest ones on the bottom. They still might be the last ones picked.
I believe the basic premise of the tree top (or bottom of the barrel) theory. The "shiny" women that I know who never get asked out on dates are not bitter towards men and they do make themselves available in a warm way.
Personally, I don't find either word picture to be condescending. It's a person's perspective based upon personal experience that attaches meaning to the theory--whether positive or negative or somewhere in between.
Perhaps this is just too subjective of a topic for there to be a consensus.
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Why are you still single? - 7/25/2008 12:25:04 PM
|
|
|
BugLady
Posts: 2716
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
|
I still say if people were fruit, we'd all just go to the grocery store where all the apples are shiny because of that waxy spray stuff.
_____________________________
• Human trafficking is the 3rd largest source of income for organized crime, generating $7 billion a year.
International Justice Mission
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
