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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 10:56:42 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7683
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
i would think if a woman shined enough, without a lot of the problems mentioned that haven't been dealt with yet, it would be very motivating factor even for any man to pursue such a woman on the top of the tree. i wouldn't expect to draw the cream of the crop of the opposite sex while dealing with multiple personal problems or road blocks.
If she truly shined she would be very intimidating to the vast majority of men ("She's so perfect she'd never date me") so a lot of these women who are truly wonderful sit home dateless because no one (or few) have the guts to pursue them.
I've seen it time and time again from high school to now.
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 11:32:24 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 1403
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
i would think if a woman shined enough, without a lot of the problems mentioned that haven't been dealt with yet, it would be very motivating factor even for any man to pursue such a woman on the top of the tree. i wouldn't expect to draw the cream of the crop of the opposite sex while dealing with multiple personal problems or road blocks.
If she truly shined she would be very intimidating to the vast majority of men ("She's so perfect she'd never date me") so a lot of these women who are truly wonderful sit home dateless because no one (or few) have the guts to pursue them.
I've seen it time and time again from high school to now.
quote:
If she truly shined she would be very intimidating to the vast majority of men ("She's so perfect she'd never date me") so a lot of these women who are truly wonderful sit home dateless because no one (or few) have the guts to pursue them.
I've seen it time and time again from high school to now
I am not sure I agree with this. I've seen some truly attractive women who have nice personality and have high positions in the corporate world that are going out with men who are, by worldly standard, lower than the female. One particular woman I know is just supergood looking, super nice, and a top manager in the place i used to work at (makes over $100K/year which is a lot in Canada), and she had guys fighting (literally) over her. She dated some of the most unattractive men I've seen. I think she had an inviting personality and her sense of self wasn't based on her looks or her position. So, I think it's got a lot to do on how we present ourselves to people.
_____________________________
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Money in the bank may be nice, but it will never beat sunrise from a sleeping bag in the mountains. " - climbhard511
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 7:42:24 AM
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onthewayray
Posts: 27
Joined: 7/23/2008
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You ask why I am still single?
This is a easy one. I have not found the one that God has for me. I know He has made her just for me and she will come into my life when the time is right. There has been a few that I wish were the one but on the other hand there been a few that well you know.....
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I am still being shaped by God.
Isaiah 64:8
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 9:49:07 AM
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offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
i would think if a woman shined enough, without a lot of the problems mentioned that haven't been dealt with yet, it would be very motivating factor even for any man to pursue such a woman on the top of the tree. i wouldn't expect to draw the cream of the crop of the opposite sex while dealing with multiple personal problems or road blocks.
If she truly shined she would be very intimidating to the vast majority of men ("She's so perfect she'd never date me") so a lot of these women who are truly wonderful sit home dateless because no one (or few) have the guts to pursue them.
I've seen it time and time again from high school to now.
quote:
If she truly shined she would be very intimidating to the vast majority of men ("She's so perfect she'd never date me") so a lot of these women who are truly wonderful sit home dateless because no one (or few) have the guts to pursue them.
I've seen it time and time again from high school to now
I am not sure I agree with this. I've seen some truly attractive women who have nice personality and have high positions in the corporate world that are going out with men who are, by worldly standard, lower than the female. One particular woman I know is just supergood looking, super nice, and a top manager in the place i used to work at (makes over $100K/year which is a lot in Canada), and she had guys fighting (literally) over her. She dated some of the most unattractive men I've seen. I think she had an inviting personality and her sense of self wasn't based on her looks or her position. So, I think it's got a lot to do on how we present ourselves to people.
All of the above I agree with. I am not a "Barbie" or a Playboy bunny, and do not talk about myself. When a man does approach me, I listen to everything and seldom get to put in my two cents. It is like a sales pitch at times when I am listening to these guys. Some will talk about their family or what they do for a living.
Here's another reason why I am still single. It may be because I am too focused on the needs of my 11 year old daughter, and making deadlines that I do not have time to get out of this bubble I have created and be around places that have eligible bachelors that would be willing to date someone busy like me.
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 11:58:30 AM
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John_O
Posts: 7683
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
i would think if a woman shined enough, without a lot of the problems mentioned that haven't been dealt with yet, it would be very motivating factor even for any man to pursue such a woman on the top of the tree. i wouldn't expect to draw the cream of the crop of the opposite sex while dealing with multiple personal problems or road blocks.
If she truly shined she would be very intimidating to the vast majority of men ("She's so perfect she'd never date me") so a lot of these women who are truly wonderful sit home dateless because no one (or few) have the guts to pursue them.
I've seen it time and time again from high school to now.
I am not sure I agree with this. I've seen some truly attractive women who have nice personality and have high positions in the corporate world that are going out with men who are, by worldly standard, lower than the female. One particular woman I know is just supergood looking, super nice, and a top manager in the place i used to work at (makes over $100K/year which is a lot in Canada), and she had guys fighting (literally) over her. She dated some of the most unattractive men I've seen. I think she had an inviting personality and her sense of self wasn't based on her looks or her position. So, I think it's got a lot to do on how we present ourselves to people.
Those guys are the ones who learned that even women who shine brightly may be available. Good looks are defined differently by everyone who has eyes. My standard is different from yours and everyone elses.
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 12:22:37 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3644
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
If she truly shined she would be very intimidating to the vast majority of men ("She's so perfect she'd never date me") so a lot of these women who are truly wonderful sit home dateless because no one (or few) have the guts to pursue them.
I've seen it time and time again from high school to now.
If that truly occured, these women would stay single most of their whole life. i know many married women that truly shine and that had plenty of dates even got married at a young age. i've seen it time and time again from middle school to now ;)
by most people's posts in this thread, there were personal issues / situations contributing to their singleness. i don't see anyone saying they have shined brightly and put themselves out there for decades and still single. and if what you say were always the case, that means these shiny single woman should not change one thing about themselves or refocus their efforts in a different approach and that at some point, something different might occur such as one man out of a tiny minority might approach them for a date.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 12:32:33 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3644
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Those guys are the ones who learned that even women who shine brightly may be available. Good looks are defined differently by everyone who has eyes. My standard is different from yours and everyone elses.
maybe the great minority of men who can see shiny women is geographically based john? how else can one shiny person receive lots of dates and another shiner not? there's got to be other factors at play then just men.
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Photoblogging my life
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 12:35:54 PM
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sunshinesoprano
Posts: 1034
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Georgia
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I think sometimes the only time I shine is when I sing.
But, then again, it used to frustrate me to no end when our previous lead singer, who was an extremely slothful person with bad stage presence and whose suit was usually wrinkled from being tossed in his garment back, had women swarming him!
It frustrated the SNOT out of me!!!!! I was like...here I am, dressed to the nines, singing beautiful sopranoness, and I get nothing and J gets all these girls all over him like bees swarming to a bed of daffodills! ARRGH!!!! 
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Pure Heart-Fresh, Progressive Southern Gospel
Sing, laugh, love, PRAISE!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 12:55:44 PM
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Rivermoon
Posts: 56
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: T.O., Ontario, Canada
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
If she truly shined she would be very intimidating to the vast majority of men ("She's so perfect she'd never date me") so a lot of these women who are truly wonderful sit home dateless because no one (or few) have the guts to pursue them.
I've seen it time and time again from high school to now.
If that truly occured, these women would stay single most of their whole life. i know many married women that truly shine and that had plenty of dates even got married at a young age. i've seen it time and time again from middle school to now ;)
by most people's posts in this thread, there were personal issues / situations contributing to their singleness. i don't see anyone saying they have shined brightly and put themselves out there for decades and still single. and if what you say were always the case, that means these shiny single woman should not change one thing about themselves or refocus their efforts in a different approach and that at some point, something different might occur such as one man out of a tiny minority might approach them for a date.
I think you truly missed out what John_O said above that ' a lot of these women who are truly wonderful sit home dateless because no one (or few) have the guts to pursue them.' 1) NO ONE (OR FEW) have the guts to pursue them. We ladies can't be responsible for the guys' gutless, can we? 2) dateless - specifically meaning that no date. But it doesn't mean that these ladies don't go out and social with her ladies and guy friends. Just specifically about date, she has NONE. You may prompt us another question, should these ladies initiate date with guys? Well, my subjective answer is not preferable, but it's still quite controversial.
What I want to say I believe we all ladies will strive to learn our lessons along our dateless journey, and learn to let ourselves be friendly and approachable to guys. But one thing we definitely can't do is to downgrade our own values to be not ourselves, such as act simple, naive, indecisive, and be a spineless YES girl. No way. We want guys to appreciate who we truly are, and we'll strive to improve ourselves along the way, regardless dateless or 'date-full', by working with God.
_____________________________
=^O^=
Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst
"And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5 (NLT)
*** PUSH- Pray Until Something Happens ***
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 2:41:51 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3644
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Rivermoon
We ladies can't be responsible for the guys' gutless, can we?
nope but you do have control over most of the below. that's not on the opposite sex, that is what singles said:
Pursue Education, Pursue Career, Pets (i think this was a joke) , Take care of family members , Turned down offers , Social anxiety fears , No confidence , Overeating , Drug use , Not knowing what we want , Not emotionally ready , Sabotaging potential relationships , No man yet understands my past personal tragedy , Being selective/discerning about potentials , Enjoying life, not making it a priority , Difficulty reaching out , Don't drive
try combining a couple from the list and really think if a man is gutless if he doesn't pursue you in such a state. conversely, i wouldn't expect a woman showing interest in me if i was an insecure drug user ... or i worked 60 hours a week and didn't reach out to women ... my point is that in this conditions, most likely there is not a lot of shine. that we aren't leveraging our relationship with God to its fullest to deal with these problems. and finally we allow God to work in us and shine bright. i feel if you really blame gutless men for not being married however many years those problems ruled your life, there is still work left to do. i am sure there are some single women with no past or current problems ever that still are single, but this post is more geared to everyone including myself who dared look inward to reflect and grow.
quote:
You may prompt us another question, should these ladies initiate date with guys?
i am not one to tell a woman to ask a man out on a date if they don't feel comfortable but i think that women might need to give more direct clues sometimes.
quote:
What I want to say I believe we all ladies will strive to learn our lessons along our dateless journey, and learn to let ourselves be friendly and approachable to guys. But one thing we definitely can't do is to downgrade our own values to be not ourselves, such as act simple, naive, indecisive, and be a spineless YES girl. No way. We want guys to appreciate who we truly are, and we'll strive to improve ourselves along the way, regardless dateless or 'date-full', by working with God.
i agree with all this! especially the part about learning ... we all need to learn from our experiences ... this implies there are things we can change or different ways to handle situations ... if something isn't working, _it may_ be time for a different approach just as if i was unemployed for months on end, i'd look to see if any changes are appropriate and hopefully not just blame all potential employers for being gutless not to hire me.
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Photoblogging my life
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 3:39:38 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2718
Joined: 12/5/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
No man yet understands my past personal tragedy
Since you've done the ol' ;) when responding to me previously, and identified this explanation as coming from me, I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't characterize my personal circumstance you know nothing about in this manner. I said nothing of a "personal tragedy" in my response. That is your inference.
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• Human trafficking is the 3rd largest source of income for organized crime, generating $7 billion a year.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 4:05:50 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3644
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BugLady
quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
No man yet understands my past personal tragedy
Since you've done the ol' ;) when responding to me previously, and identified this explanation as coming from me, I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't characterize my personal circumstance you know nothing about in this manner. I said nothing of a "personal tragedy" in my response. That is your inference.
don't forget you asked for some sort of attribution and i obviously misinterpreted the dozens of posts made by you regarding this 'personal circumstance'. so i withdraw that labeling as personal tragedy, ladies and gentlemen, please let the record show that poster identifying themselves as buglady posted this:
If I had to guess why I'm still single, I'd say it's because I'm living with something that most people just don't understand... and until God sends someone my way who does understand, single it is.
and that does not refer to this:
No man yet understands my past personal tragedy
furthermore i will rephrase this as:
still coping with a past personal tragedy
and this has nothing to do with the poster identifying themselves as 'buglady'
furthermore that fits in the discussion more as the ability to cope and overcome personal tragedy can hinder a single from finding a spouse
and this has nothing to do with the poster identifying themselves as 'buglady'
edit:
http://forums.crosswalk.com/fb.aspx?m=3573980
< Message edited by iwillfearnoevil -- 7/23/2008 4:14:52 PM >
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Photoblogging my life
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 4:21:09 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2718
Joined: 12/5/2005
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Wow, iwillfearnoevil. You're a real smart aleck aren't you? I guess you think you really have me pegged. You have no idea what I'm coping with. And whether or not I cope well. Nope you don't.
_____________________________
• Human trafficking is the 3rd largest source of income for organized crime, generating $7 billion a year.
International Justice Mission
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 4:31:35 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3644
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BugLady
Wow, iwillfearnoevil. You're a real smart aleck aren't you? I guess you think you really have me pegged. You have no idea what I'm coping with. And whether or not I cope well. Nope you don't.
i am not talking about you and coping. my posts are not about you, please refer to above disclaimers. i changed the line to be more generic and has nothing to do with God not yet sending anyone a man to understand to understand what you are living with. it can refer to many tragedies from criminal acts, unfairly fired from a job, discrimination, divorce, abuse, etc. my post is not about you budlady, you really have no idea what i'm posting about. nope you don't.
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Photoblogging my life
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 4:37:06 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2718
Joined: 12/5/2005
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And that's why you linked one of my prior posts in the post above? Okay, thanks for clearing that up.
_____________________________
• Human trafficking is the 3rd largest source of income for organized crime, generating $7 billion a year.
International Justice Mission
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 5:48:49 PM
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WalkingwithHim2
Posts: 2436
Joined: 12/13/2007
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Ok, I'm gonna be honest here. Why I am still single....well for a VERY long time I was self-centered and wanted everything to be about me. I had no desire to compromise in any way, shape or form. It was absolutely my way or the highway. Then as a single momma my life became centered around my Cadets and I didn't have time to cultivate a relationship. Plus, there were not many men (that I had met) that were ready for an instant family.
Now that I am ready...I just have to "put" myself on the market and see what happens.
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Jesus saves the soul not necessarily the brain
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 6:33:58 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
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Good post Walking...I think God uses singlehood to smoothen out our rough edges. There are not many things more destructive to a marriage than two people who are set in their ways and unwilling to make some compromises.
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"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 8:01:57 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 1403
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WalkingwithHim2
Ok, I'm gonna be honest here. Why I am still single....well for a VERY long time I was self-centered and wanted everything to be about me. I had no desire to compromise in any way, shape or form. It was absolutely my way or the highway. Then as a single momma my life became centered around my Cadets and I didn't have time to cultivate a relationship. Plus, there were not many men (that I had met) that were ready for an instant family.
Now that I am ready...I just have to "put" myself on the market and see what happens.
Sounds like my story. I've always pointed to my self centreness that contributed to my singleness. A bit of vanity, a bit of insecurity, a lot of wishy washyness, a lot of commitment phobia, and now that I'm turning 40, I know that I really had nothing to offer any man, though on the outset, I felt ,and even acted, like I was all that. I'm truly thankful that God really broke through me and made me realise all my nonproductive ways of thinking that prevents me from allowing someone into my life.
Back in November, I was sitting around with a few friends watching a football game. The topic turned to my singleness. Both of the male in the group commented that I don't give an impression that I want a man in life. THey think I'm perfectly happy and if I ever allow someone in, he would have to be a superhero. One commented that I seem to be afraid of getting close. That was the impression I give off to men. It really helped me to see how I was contributing to my singleness. Though that may not be who I am, the image I was projecting really gave the impression that men should steer clear out of my way. It was an eye opener.
_____________________________
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Money in the bank may be nice, but it will never beat sunrise from a sleeping bag in the mountains. " - climbhard511
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 8:09:58 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 1403
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
Those guys are the ones who learned that even women who shine brightly may be available. Good looks are defined differently by everyone who has eyes. My standard is different from yours and everyone elses.
From your perspective, what are these qualities that allow women to shine? And would these qualities draw men to them or intimidate them?
With the example I cited, by worldly standard, the lady had a lot of qualities that would intimidate any man, but she wasn't intimidating, therefore, she drew men to her.
By the way, I've been in Crosswalk long enough to notice a few women who truly shine the characters that I would want to have for myself. They are kind, and gentle, and compassionate, and peaceful and intelligent. I won't name names because I don't want to single out anyone. I even mentioned to one of the women that I'd set her up with my brother if I had one and I had never even met her in person. Perhaps, we see those qualities shine because they don't have their defenses up. There's no walls. We're not hiding because we're not threatened. We
re not trying too hard to impress. We're just relating to our Crosswalk friends and there's no pressure.
But are we like that in a dating situation? Do we put our guards down enough so that our true inner beauty shines like we do here in the forums? Do we allow men or women to see those instead of seeing just a glossy, superficial side of us? Just food for thought.
_____________________________
________________________________
Money in the bank may be nice, but it will never beat sunrise from a sleeping bag in the mountains. " - climbhard511
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 10:11:06 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7683
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
by most people's posts in this thread, there were personal issues / situations contributing to their singleness. i don't see anyone saying they have shined brightly and put themselves out there for decades and still single. and if what you say were always the case, that means these shiny single woman should not change one thing about themselves or refocus their efforts in a different approach and that at some point, something different might occur such as one man out of a tiny minority might approach them for a date.
I know of at least two women (maybe three) who are extremely wonderful and yet single. Are they perfect, of course not, no one is, but I know of many other women who don't even come close to these yet those women are married. I've not found fault in these women. Must be guys with no guts.
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 10:12:44 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7683
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Those guys are the ones who learned that even women who shine brightly may be available. Good looks are defined differently by everyone who has eyes. My standard is different from yours and everyone elses.
maybe the great minority of men who can see shiny women is geographically based john? how else can one shiny person receive lots of dates and another shiner not? there's got to be other factors at play then just men.
What's shiny to you may not be shiny to me. If I fail to climb to the top for the woman who shines brightly to me, the problem is in me, not in her.
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/23/2008 10:15:52 PM
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Rivermoon
Posts: 56
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: T.O., Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
By the way, I've been in Crosswalk long enough to notice a few women who truly shine the characters that I would want to have for myself. They are kind, and gentle, and compassionate, and peaceful and intelligent. I won't name names because I don't want to single out anyone. I even mentioned to one of the women that I'd set her up with my brother if I had one and I had never even met her in person. Perhaps, we see those qualities shine because they don't have their defenses up. There's no walls. We're not hiding because we're not threatened. We
re not trying too hard to impress. We're just relating to our Crosswalk friends and there's no pressure.
But are we like that in a dating situation? Do we put our guards down enough so that our true inner beauty shines like we do here in the forums? Do we allow men or women to see those instead of seeing just a glossy, superficial side of us? Just food for thought.
I agree with your analysis, and it's so insightful. It truly applies to both men or women. The problem could run both ways, from both sides.
_____________________________
=^O^=
Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst
"And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5 (NLT)
*** PUSH- Pray Until Something Happens ***
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