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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 8:35:40 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 1350
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:
I don't want to argue, but when I had an anxiety issue it wasn't geared just toward women it was everyone and everything. I personally have taken a close look at myself, which I do everyday.. and have come to the conclusion that most of my problems are because of me.
I completely agree with you on that. I think we've bought into this attitude that if no one likes us, it's their problem and it's their loss, when in reality, we might not be very likeable people. I mean, not everyone is going to like us, but if we're turning off more people every time we open our mouth, then, chances are, it's us, not them.
Ever wonder that we are single because our personality stinks??? It would help us to take a look from time to time.
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Money in the bank may be nice, but it will never beat sunrise from a sleeping bag in the mountains. " - climbhard511
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 10:41:25 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3587
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BugLady
When I pick apples from a tree, I usually pick what's within my reach. I don't think that makes me lazy. Why pick from the top of the tree when there are perfectly good apples within my reach? I guess I could get a ladder, but who wants to have to lug a ladder around the rest of their life? 
I'm poking fun of you all and apple theory. If people were fruit, we'd all be in the produce aisle in the grocery store. It's much more convenient.
quote:
ORIGINAL: BugLady
When I pick apples from a tree, I usually pick what's within my reach. I don't think that makes me lazy. Why pick from the top of the tree when there are perfectly good apples within my reach? I guess I could get a ladder, but who wants to have to lug a ladder around the rest of their life?
I'm poking fun of you all and apple theory. If people were fruit, we'd all be in the produce aisle in the grocery store. It's much more convenient.
lol @ buglady, that is pretty funny (and no, i'm not being sarcastic) i think that while many of us we were married, not walking a Christian life, working out problems for ourselves, etc that a lot of the low hanging apples got picked. i've not yet done the whole dating route yet, but i'd imagine i'd take an approach like looking for potentials first in their church, friends, acquaintenances like coworkers, etc. after those low hanging apples checked, the search expands to maybe asking for introductions (as boundless writes lots on), and then online dating sites or crosswalk. each time trying to climb higher.
sale on apples in the produce section ... we had a what smiley would you marry ... how about what apple would you marry ... the all american red delicious ... the sweet golden delicious ... a spicy tart winesap apple ... the stunningly beautiful gala apple ... maybe a round plump rome apple ... a good baking apple like a Granny Smith ... softer gentler York apple?
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 11:15:25 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3587
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
shemaromans:
I'm still curious what you think about this question if you feel like answering it. No problem if you don't.
So assume for a moment that a woman shines enough and those problems you mentioned don't exist. What are some reasons that men don't pursue (excluding "social anxiety fears" and "difficulty reaching out" (which I view as forms of insecurity))?
the woman might shine radiantly but it might be hard to see that shine from afar (ie, the ground). perhaps the man has a list of traits they are looking for in a partner and see a woman that misses a desired trait such as being thin. i don't think how many men will climb the tree (go to extraordinary efforts) to get to know a woman to see her real shine as it's been ruled out immediately from the ground far away. so is this a lazy man not wanting to climb to the top to see the shine? maybe we can't say 'no problems exist' as we are all sinners and have aspects to ourselves that some people like or dislike (not necessarily a problem). maybe it goes back to personal preference?
[disclaimer before i'm asked, this post is not aimed at anyone in specifically]
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 11:24:02 AM
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sunshinesoprano
Posts: 1022
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Georgia
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I've always been convinced that I've never been with anyone because I'm not attractive, pretty, thin enough, whatever. I sometimes think guys never get past the surface, but then if that's the way they are, I don't really want them anyway.
I'll never be what all the guys are looking for, so I guess I have to wait on the one God has for me who won't care if my hips and shoulders are like those of a small football player, if you can sit a teacup on the shelf of my rear end, or whatever....
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 11:28:16 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 6620
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sunshinesoprano
I've always been convinced that I've never been with anyone because I'm not attractive, pretty, thin enough, whatever. I sometimes think guys never get past the surface, but then if that's the way they are, I don't really want them anyway.
I'll never be what all the guys are looking for, so I guess I have to wait on the one God has for me who won't care if my hips and shoulders are like those of a small football player, if you can sit a teacup on the shelf of my rear end, or whatever....
*snigger* Mind you, I'm not laughing at you, but the thought of seeing that.
I completely relate to this thought though. Which is one reason I have been very hesitant to lose weight. As long as I tell myself it's all about my physical looks, that's the only reason I'm being rejected, right?
If I lose weight then what? Either the men will flock to me like rabid squirrels, or it wasn't my looks to begin with.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 11:45:11 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3587
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sunshinesoprano
I've always been convinced that I've never been with anyone because I'm not attractive, pretty, thin enough, whatever. I sometimes think guys never get past the surface, but then if that's the way they are, I don't really want them anyway.
i know it's not easy but it's important to fight that thought process as much as you can. because it will show through in your confidence. one of my friends is very overweight and has had many boyfriends, i think because of her attitude. (of course her not being a Christian enlarges her selections). yes she tries to lose weight but she doesn't go around thinking she is not good enough for anyone. i just did a bible study for the teens last week on our worth and how it comes from God with scriptures like you were fearfully and wonderfully made (psalm 139). to criticize our appearance is to criticize God. (not saying we don't abuse our bodies ever but if we try to take care of ourselves then that is how God made us).
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 11:58:46 AM
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sunshinesoprano
Posts: 1022
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Georgia
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Yeah, I totally agree with you guys.
Tink...I'm with ya 100%. If I lose weight and I'm still ignored, yikes!
Questioning the vessel questions the Potter, and that's wrong. We're made the way we are for a reason.
I know the enemy likes to feed me that stuff to keep me defeated, so I try to keep it at bay.
However, my confidence suffers greatly. Just about the only time I would call myself confident is when I'm singing.
I'm not even really that overweight, which baffles my mom. Structurally I'm what you'd call thick, I guess.
People have told me that another reason I'm single is because there's this protective aura around me keeping all the creeps away. Not so sure if I buy that one....but it came from my mom and my pastor...mom, partial, pastor...cool.
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Pure Heart-Fresh, Progressive Southern Gospel
Sing, laugh, love, PRAISE!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 12:40:59 PM
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offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
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I lost weight from stressing over my divorce, worrying over finances, and I'm still single. So from my previous post, I said that some people see me as intimidating. Others view me as overly confident and assertive (bossy.) Maybe in this county, it's a man's world and I'm hard to handle?
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My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 12:58:31 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3587
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: offtheisland
I lost weight from stressing over my divorce, worrying over finances, and I'm still single. So from my previous post, I said that some people see me as intimidating. Others view me as overly confident and assertive (bossy.) Maybe in this county, it's a man's world and I'm hard to handle?
i was just reading something a couple days ago where the author was talking about intimidation. it was not in the dating context but professionally as they were a fire fighter who can look quite impressive in gear and could be frightening to children or others just involved in a traumatic experience. i think she gave an example of her smiling or something to set the other party at ease. maybe there are things that can be done to set guys at ease if you view it as a problem?
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 1:03:19 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12973
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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I smile all the time. People are at ease with me - all the time. Yet, when I start talking about my studies or things I've done or things I want to do or what God is doing in my life, etc, most men go running for the hills.
So......you tell me (us) what I'm (we're) supposed to do - or any of the women who are in similar situations.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 1:13:18 PM
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offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
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I RESEMBLE THAT REMARK!!!!!!
I am at the information counter every Sunday at the church I work at and have to have the SMILE on, or else new comers will say that we are not a very hospitable church. Maybe I should stop wearing my reading glasses. Or, stop wearing red lipstick. Or stop wearing heels that make me look like I'm 6'2".
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 1:15:02 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12973
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: offtheisland
I RESEMBLE THAT REMARK!!!!!!
I am at the information counter every Sunday at the church I work at and have to have the SMILE on, or else new comers will say that we are not a very hospitable church. Maybe I should stop wearing my reading glasses. Or, stop wearing red lipstick. Or stop wearing heels that make me look like I'm 6'2".
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 1:35:02 PM
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sunshinesoprano
Posts: 1022
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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I've been told that I am intimidating, too, because I have a degree, a good job, I know where I'm going, what I want, have a command over my musical knowledge and capacity, and where God wants me to be and do.
I don't see me as intimidating, but again, I just never know.
_____________________________
Pure Heart-Fresh, Progressive Southern Gospel
Sing, laugh, love, PRAISE!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 1:39:44 PM
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offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
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We're just HOTand on FIRE the guys have no clue how to handle the HEAT. Haha!
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 1:48:38 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3587
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
So......you tell me (us) what I'm (we're) supposed to do - or any of the women who are in similar situations.
lisa, if i knew i'd sell the secret for a million dollars ... well you crosswalk girls could have it for free ... i do believe that many of the singles posting here are among the cream of the crop of singles and i have no idea why so many are still single.
it seems multiple people have listed their assertiveness/confidence as something they perceive as holding them back. i wonder who has experienced this has any tips. maybe the relationships forum might be good place in case there are any people who experienced it as a single and has any ideas now that they are no longer single.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 1:59:03 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12973
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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You know what, Ed, that's a really good suggestion! Seems like none of us are getting anywhere in here......so, ladies, who's going to be the one to go over there and start a thread???????
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 2:02:26 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12973
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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What, you think THAT'LL get more responses that way???????
Okay, let me think on this and I'll post something tonight once I'm home and don't have too many eyes around me (like right now).
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 2:39:08 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3587
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
You know what, Ed, that's a really good suggestion! Seems like none of us are getting anywhere in here......so, ladies, who's going to be the one to go over there and start a thread???????
as a followup, maybe even go over things in he says, who knows maybe with everyone's knowledge put together, a few decent ideas can be generated :)
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 4:35:08 PM
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KuKu
Posts: 765
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: Somewhere out there
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: totalfaith
I'm curious about you top of the tree gals... How much effort do you expect a man to exude to be worthy of a date? I personally am not a monkey and will never aspire to become one. There's a place called the zoo for all you monkey lovers.
I'll make a few valiant efforts with a woman and after that you can enjoy the view on top of your tree.
God Bless
No more effort than I would hope you would expect from me- honesty; purity; making God the center of our relationship, [not a name only buddy so I will consider you]; things like that...
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 5:00:54 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 1350
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
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I’m at work right now and I’m just taking a few minutes to chime into this discussion about confident and intimidating women. My thoughts are probably not complete, but I’d like to give an opinion based on experience.
I had this friend once who at one time was short and overweight. Then, through all her hard work, she transformed herself into a Barbie Doll (whether Barbie is attractive or not is not my point, but for the sake of my argument, let’s assume we all find her to be a goddess). Anyway, a lot of men found her attractive from a far. I even set her up with three (3) of my friends (not at the same time, lol). After dating her, all three were repulsed by her and would not spend a moment with her, unless it meant free, no strings attach sex where she’s completely gagged and cannot speak a word. LOL. Why such repulsed with this really physically attractive woman?
She talked about herself too much. Ok, she’s gorgeous! They all got it. She was fit and getting offers to pose for Playboy. They all heard it. She was modelling when she wasn’t working in her full time job. Fine. Did she intimidate the men? Nah! Not one bit. She irritated the heck out of them. She came off as totally vain, and totally insecure. A total turn off.
I know that men hates it when we scream out our good points, our accomplishment, our attractiveness (I don’t know anyone who does this), our godliness, our church attendance, etc over and over again. Men, generally, wants to relate to women, not worship them. I learned this lesson before as well. As much as they want a woman they admire for her accomplishments or looks, , they want someone who won’t talk about it on and on. I think we women are the same. If we hear a man talk on and on about anything about himself, it would turn us off and label him “full of himself”. In actuality, accomplishments, like looks and intelligence, can attract men, but it’ll never make them fall in love. So, let them know what you’ve done, and if they want to ask, then talk about it. Otherwise, let your other qualities, like gentleness, peacefulness, generosity, joyfulness, shine. Those are qualities that doesn’t drive men or women away.
It takes real confidence, and strong faith, to not hide behind our looks, our status, posessions, accomplishments, degrees, etc.
Please don’t take anything I wrote the wrong way. I’m guilty of everything I’ve written down but I won’t talk about them, because honestly, I’m in recovery and don’t want to fall back into square one, LOL!
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 7/22/2008 5:51:41 PM >
_____________________________
________________________________
Money in the bank may be nice, but it will never beat sunrise from a sleeping bag in the mountains. " - climbhard511
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/22/2008 5:42:11 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
Status: offline
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Good post Prairie.
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"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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