She nevers telles me she loves me. (Full Version)

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rmiller15 -> She nevers telles me she loves me. (5/26/2008 5:26:15 AM)

Not sure if I should post here or in marriage, but guess I wanted thoughs from men. Over the last two years the only time my wife tells me that she loves me is when I tell here I love here. It was over year ago we made love, she does not go to curch with me any more ( yes she works some sunday soff some or my not go in till 1pm) We also never go any where together. I feel single. ANY THOUGHTS?



ChoirDJ -> RE: She nevers telles me she loves me. (5/26/2008 1:46:20 PM)

I think it's safe to say that your marriage is experiencing a crisis of some sort. You don't say how long you've been married or if you've had open discussions with her about yor marriage, how often you were intimate prior to the downturn. More info is needed to give you the best advice.



BlackCapnHarlock -> RE: She nevers telles me she loves me. (5/26/2008 9:21:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rmiller15

Not sure if I should post here or in marriage, but guess I wanted thoughs from men. Over the last two years the only time my wife tells me that she loves me is when I tell here I love here. It was over year ago we made love, she does not go to curch with me any more ( yes she works some sunday soff some or my not go in till 1pm) We also never go any where together. I feel single. ANY THOUGHTS?


I'm in the exact same boat. I am praying about whether to leave or whether to stay. We just had our wedding anniversary and she got me nothing, she could give a care.

At least I know as a Christian I am not alone in my current misery.



APZR -> RE: She nevers telles me she loves me. (5/26/2008 9:34:15 PM)

I'd say some counseling is in order.
I wouldn't trust any marital advise from an internet forum. More often, there are just too many variables, too many things in the past to mull over or be understood by strangers on an internet forum. Like the old saying, there are three sides to the story... his, hers, and the truth.



Christian30 -> RE: She nevers telles me she loves me. (5/26/2008 10:21:48 PM)

As others have said, counseling is indeed the way to deal with this. An internet forum is not the way to go when STARTING to deal with this. You need to start the ball rolling with a solid, biblical counselor, which could be a pastor with counseling gifts (oftentimes best case). You will need BOLD counseling, meaning that you get someone to give you solid direction and not just say what you want to hear. As you start working through the issues it could help to get advice from multiple other people. When you start with the "big picture" of your problems and move to the details, all kinds of questions will surface.



Konstantinos -> RE: She nevers telles me she loves me. (5/28/2008 3:05:58 AM)

solid advice?

love each other
respect the husband.

and uhmmm talk about it

thats all i could say from what you've told us.



jn1010lf -> RE: She nevers telles me she loves me. (5/28/2008 5:05:18 PM)

Hello rmiller15

Have you confronted your wife over this? One cannot go through life with estrangements of any degree in marriage. The problem may you but it also might lie with her. At any rate, it's been my experience that the Lord doesn't want men to be aloof to love. He wants the man to do whatever he can to make sure that Christ is the foundation of any relationships.



evryknee -> RE: She nevers telles me she loves me. (5/29/2008 8:33:31 AM)

I agree with Jn100lf about confronting her with this if you have not done so already. 3 thoughts are in my mind: 1) She is bitter & shut herself off or 2) She is depressed and/or 3) She has been abandoned or abused (in past) & has emotional issues to work through. Whichever it is (or something else), she will need to get to the root of the problem and you will need to be there with her and for her.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: She nevers telles me she loves me. (6/2/2008 6:51:16 AM)

My darling and I never fail to express to one another on how much we love each other. As you wake up each day, God reminds you how much He loves you by giving you the opportunity to yet again live another day. I believe we should share that same love with our spouse/partner. I believe it's incredibly significant and vital to maintain a healthy, consistent relationship.

Ephesians 5:33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Respect and love go hand-in-hand. To respect someone is to hold one in high value, and as the spouse, they should be the most highest valued, as in the same manner for loved.

A marriage shouldn't feel like singlehood. It's the bond of two flesh formed into one as God designed, not as seperates. Seeing how you two never go anywhere or do anything together, as you described, seperation seems to be a big issue. Which not only forms a physical seperation, but an emotional/spiritual one as well.



gmc4Jesus -> RE: She nevers telles me she loves me. (6/3/2008 12:42:10 AM)

I've been there, done that.

1. Get yourself into marriage counseling FAST. If she will go with you, all the better. If not, get yourself there. You guys need help.

2. (Maybe this should be #1) Pray that God will help you love her in a way that she sincerely feels loved.

3. Learn her love language. There are plenty of Christian sources to help you with that. Read Dr. Gary Chapman's book on the five love languages - http://www.familychristian.com/shop/product.asp?ProdID=884.

4. Pray that God will bless her, protect her, keep her in good health.

5. If she is willing, pray with her.

My wife and I pray together every night before we climb into bed. I initiated it and I believe it is foundational for our marriage. We praise God, pray for others, pray for each other and pray that we can be the person God has called and gifted us to be. I strongly recommend it.

If she won't pray with you, just keep praying for God's blessing on her and that He will change you in the ways you need to change to show her that you really love her.

I pray for all marriages, that you will find the strength, love and power to keep it together.



terryjohn -> RE: She nevers telles me she loves me. (6/7/2008 4:09:36 PM)

We can not create faith and love in others and scripture does tell us clearly to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. hence, the issue is with he who sees the problem. That is to say He who knows better should do better.

We all want to be careful in counselling as it is not the silver bullet everyone makes it out to be, for it must be all important that we do not sacrifice our faith to accomodate the weaknesses of our spouses.

As scripture suggests seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness and live the life you want in Christ. If you just so happen to be Christ however, people will still reject you but that is their problem. Do not let it be your problem by allowing their problems prevent you from reaching Christ.

When you do, she and everyone will know it and sit up and take notice.



Gluelin -> RE: She nevers telles me she loves me. (6/28/2008 2:51:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rmiller15

Not sure if I should post here or in marriage, but guess I wanted thoughs from men. Over the last two years the only time my wife tells me that she loves me is when I tell here I love here. It was over year ago we made love, she does not go to curch with me any more ( yes she works some sunday soff some or my not go in till 1pm) We also never go any where together. I feel single. ANY THOUGHTS?

quote:



Respect and love go hand-in-hand. To respect someone is to hold one in high value, and as the spouse, they should be the most highest valued, as in the same manner for loved.

Men are often told that they are the problem. I don't quite understand why. No intimacy in over a year? Many will suggest its your fault. why? Is it unreasonable to expect intimacy in marriage? I dont think so. If intimacy is not to be expected in marriage, then where is it to be expected? Marriage is the perfect place to expect intimacy. Good that you didn't post in Marriage forum, you would have been advised that you are the problem. The problem is not you. If spouse withholds intimacy, the problem is spouse. Get counseling if you wish, but what will be achieved? What is your objective: more intimacy. Men are made to feel as if they should not be able to expect intimacy. I think that's a travesty.



DaveW -> RE: She nevers telles me she loves me. (7/8/2008 10:30:19 AM)

quote:

One cannot go through life with estrangements of any degree in marriage.
One absolutetly can do this and many past generations did it as matter of routine. No cheating, and few complaints. It goes on what your expectations are.
quote:

Learn her love language. There are plenty of Christian sources to help you with that. Read Dr. Gary Chapman's book on the five love languages -
Chapman says at the end of that that some people who are very messed up (like abuse victims) cannot find their language, as if it does not exist for them. If you can find it, fine. If not......
quote:

Get yourself into marriage counseling FAST. If she will go with you, all the better. If not, get yourself there.
quote:

We all want to be careful in counselling as it is not the silver bullet everyone makes it out to be,
Counseling would be in order, but it is only what you make of it. No counselor, secular or biblical, can help someone not willing to put in some hard work to change themselves. If you are willing to change (at least your reaction to the lack) you will benefit. If she is dragged along unwillingly, she will not.
quote:

Men are often told that they are the problem. I don't quite understand why.
For the same reason investigators of child abductions, murders, etc. look first at the parents: Too often they are to blame. Of course it makes it bad for everyone else but the numbers do not lie.

That is why as men we need to look to our own selves in difficult situations and work with God to change us BEFORE the circumstances and people around us.



DaveW -> RE: She nevers telles me she loves me. (7/8/2008 10:39:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gluelin

Good that you didn't post in Marriage forum, you would have been advised that you are the problem. The problem is not you. If spouse withholds intimacy, the problem is spouse. Get counseling if you wish, but what will be achieved? What is your objective: more intimacy. Men are made to feel as if they should not be able to expect intimacy. I think that's a travesty.
Actually I think this could benefit from some female input. (assuming the blame game can be avoided) However, I do not agree that it is ALWAYS the withholder's problem. The 2 become one. It is a problem for BOTH.

If a wife withholds affection or intimacy from her husband, it may not be her fault but the fault of the ****#### that abused her as a child. She is injured and unable to give affection without it causing a lot of emotional, even physical pain. If Vinny and Louie broke your fingers for being late on that loan payment, can you throw that football or catch it well enough to play? No, because it hurts too much and the hands won't work right. It is the same thing.



denbert -> RE: She nevers telles me she loves me. (7/8/2008 8:20:53 PM)

-
So does Rmiller15 have to pay for what Vinny and Louie did?



DaveW -> RE: She nevers telles me she loves me. (7/9/2008 8:09:27 AM)

When you get married it is for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health.

That can mean having to live with the aftermath of Vinny and Louie.



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