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RE: SAHM Support Part II - 7/25/2008 12:09:33 AM
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paulsbride
Posts: 1965
Joined: 5/19/2005
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quote:
Jessica is Batman really dark? It looks scary a bit!
Ya, it is a bit. Joker is totally creepy and there's a lot of violence. I covered my eyes quite a bit. But I really enjoyed the movie. Good story.
Ruth, I think you did well. This happened at YOUR HOUSE. I think, if anything, YOUR rules apply to this little girl. I can see if she was at Grandma's house (it is her G'ma too, right?! If not I think your MIL was entirely out of line!) But if she were at Grandma's house and Grandma has a rule that "you pee every two hours" then fine, so be it. Her parents should know those rules and can choose to not leave their daughter there.
But this was your house, and I think that leaves you "in charge" - to make up the rules and to be the one to stand up for and defend the little girl should ANYONE do something that goes against what you think is proper for her.
_____________________________
-Jessica-
<--- 25 weeks
MY BLOG
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RE: SAHM Support Part II - 7/25/2008 1:50:18 AM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/3/2006
From: Australia
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I don't think there should be any rule about whether you pee or not. Grandma was out of line. But maybe you could of just told BIL and SIL about it and let them decide whether it was worth saying to her or not?
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Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: SAHM Support Part II - 7/25/2008 6:15:47 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3274
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Yes, niece is the granddaughter of MIL. And I spoke with my SIL later on to see how she felt about it. She agreed that asking/encouraging is as far as she wants to go with niece. No rules or threats.
_____________________________
Don't ascribe to malice what could simply be incompetence.
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RE: SAHM Support Part II - 7/25/2008 8:50:40 AM
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Georgia-Peach
Posts: 1902
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Georgia on my mind
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Good Morning! We had a rough night last night though I could tell a difference in my frustration level now that I am not using birth control. We tried everything with him last night and after two hours he finally gave in to sleep. The only time he was asleep and not crying was if I was rocking him, but the minute I got up he popped up. So I tried putting him in bed with us, giving him juice, changing his diaper, etc. Finally we put him in his crib for the third time and he only cried 5 minutes before falling asleep. Needless to say I am kind of tired right now, but the house is pretty much clean so I won't feel guilty if I lay down when he naps today.
Hope everyone is having a great day!
_____________________________
Chelle
A Mother holds her child's hand for a moment, but holds their heart forever.
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RE: SAHM Support Part II - 7/25/2008 9:12:39 AM
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Georgia-Peach
Posts: 1902
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Georgia on my mind
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quote:
So, BC actually helps to stabilize you?
Oh, no no...it makes me emotionally/hormonally unstable. I should have been more clear about that. I would have been way more frustrated with the situation last night had I still been on the birth control pills. I went off of it mainly because of the mood swings I was having. It wasn't fair to Hunter or hubby when we are at a place of being ok if pregnancy occurred, so why were we preventing.
_____________________________
Chelle
A Mother holds her child's hand for a moment, but holds their heart forever.
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RE: SAHM Support Part II - 7/25/2008 9:13:43 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5751
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
Inlaws, dH, myself, Nathan and 3yo niece were at our house. BIL and SIL were not present. MIL wants niece to try going to the potty. I had just laid out paper and crayons for niece to color. Niece did not want to potty, she wanted to color.
MIL decided to make a fight of it, and told niece she could not draw until she'd sat on the potty. Niece is extremely stubborn and independent, and it all escalated into a prolonged crying, screaming fit. The more you try to force niece to potty, the more she digs in her heels and holds it in (she'd already peed within the last 2 hours and MIL knew it). Niece has gotten infections from holding it in.
I know for a fact BIL and SIL use positive reinforcement only. They ask and encourage her to potty, but do not attach threats or punishment of any kind. So far this has worked very well. I got a little ticked at what MIL was doing (she was being pretty mean), and I informed MIL that BIL and SIL do not use threats with the potty, and that what MIL was doing was not in line with BIL and SIL's parenting style.
Well, niece eventually won, and MIL was ticked at me for interfering with her authority over niece. Poor niece was already grouchy and tired, and after this prolonged fit we returned to BIL and SIL's house for dinner, where niece got a whoppin' from her dad for misbehaving at the dinner table.
So, should I have backed grandma up? Should I have kept my mouth shut? Or was I right to step in when I saw grandma doing something that niece's parents would not approve of?
Sideways
This is a worrying sign that your MIL does not understand about appropriate boundaries, if she considers it her responsibility to toilet train your niece.
You did absolutely the right thing in both standing up for your niece and for how you know your BIL and SIL would have wanted things to be done.
If this little girl is sometimes holding her to her urine, there is probably a reason - and I can't help but wonder if your MIL has something to do with that.
Be warned - your MIL may be like this with your Nathan as well, when the time comes.
_____________________________
"I love Manda's suggestion to just laugh most of it off.."
Tinkerbell, September 2008
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RE: SAHM Support Part II - 7/25/2008 9:15:45 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5751
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Georgia-Peach
Oh, no no...it makes me emotionally/hormonally unstable.
I was the same. It was like having extra bad PMT all month long. I only realised just how much it had affected me when I came off it.
_____________________________
"I love Manda's suggestion to just laugh most of it off.."
Tinkerbell, September 2008
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RE: SAHM Support Part II - 7/25/2008 9:52:29 AM
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lexie
Posts: 3182
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
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Ruth - you did the right thing. In my opinion, you always back up what the parents are doing (unless they are seriously harming the child obviously.) My stepbrothers mother was getting really upset that their daughter was 3 and not potty trained. She was trying to work against what they were doing. Even though I would have done things different from the parents (and more along the lines of the mother) I still stuck up for the parents because it's their decision how to do it.
Maggie - my husband feels the same way as Josiah about dogs. But my husband won't let them in our home even to babysit - in addition to the idea of keeping pets being silly, he is so afraid of dogs!
I think I need to start doing some housework! I've done nothing this past week. I've had major head pain...not sure if it's a really bad cold or my teeth (I'm waiting for my cold to clear up to see what it's from and then go to the corresponding doctor). Thankfully Dh has been good about picking up the slack, but the place is still not up to my standards!
_____________________________
I want to be more than an ordinary servant.
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RE: SAHM Support Part II - 7/25/2008 11:44:29 AM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 1152
Joined: 1/10/2008
From: Great Plains, Kansas
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: isaacsmom
Mornin', ladies! I'm waiting for my first yard sale customers, LOL.
eta: ROFL!! My first customer just came. The garbage truck guys. 
That's funny, Rachel. If only MY garbage can would hold all of the things leftover from my garage sale. We'll probably haul some down to the thrift store & stick the rest out to the curb with a free sign.
Yay to getting your can/van fixed!!! That's always nice & you'll be able to make VBS...woohoo!
Ruth, I don't think you were out of line at all because you were standing up for what is in the best interest of the child....as her parents would have done had they been there!
Lexie...hugs about the housework. Our house is in a similar state, but we've been trying to get things packed for our move. How can it be such a disaster while packing?!!?
Pets....our son misses our dog so much. We re-homed her because she was going to be too large for our new home (as she was over the landlord's weight requirement). Our cat will go with us...I just wish she could get over her problem of peeing in places besides her litter box.
Have a great day ladies...it's FRIDAY!!! For me, that means it's hubby's last day of work here in Cali. He's mine all weekend & we're going to visit the in-laws. We're going to an amusement park tomorrow & then church on Sunday.
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RE: SAHM Support Part II - 7/25/2008 2:29:37 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3274
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
Be warned - your MIL may be like this with your Nathan as well, when the time comes.
Yes, I agree with you. Watching her with niece has made me nervous about how she would deal with Nathan should the time come. So far I've been able to use the excuse that Nathan is uncomfortable around inlaws, but he's been getting a lot better around them, at least on this particular visit.
No one was specifically in charge of niece; I don't think anyone thought to name someone.
Trying to put MIL in the best possible light, I think sometimes she is well meaning but ignorant and to forceful. She knows that niece's parents would like her to potty regularly, but I don't think she knew that she was going about it all wrong. They are only around us about 4 times a year. I'm around niece far more then that, maybe 2 or 3 times a month.
I think MIL wanted to back up parents by ensuring that niece went to potty, but she went about it horribly wrong. I don't believe MIL is a bad person, but I think she is to forceful with children not her own, over issues that aren't that important in the long run.
Remember how BIL doesn't like his children to get dirty? Niece, grandparents, myself and Nathan were at the park, and niece was messing around in the dirt. That was the last time niece and MIL had a serious altercation, and niece got a smack from grandma for that one. SIL does not want anyone but mom and dad striking their child.
Again, way to much force over something not that important.
_____________________________
Don't ascribe to malice what could simply be incompetence.
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RE: SAHM Support Part II - 7/25/2008 7:05:10 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/3/2006
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Chelle I feel for you. I had yet another terrible night of 2.5 hours of getting him to sleep. So I know how you feel. You sound like you handled it well. I was a raving lunatic. I can't wait to be off the BC. Just have to convince hubby to get the snip.
_____________________________
Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: SAHM Support Part II - 7/25/2008 8:11:31 PM
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lexie
Posts: 3182
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
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Jessica - my teenage nephew has been living with us this past month while he goes to summer school in our neighbourhood. He was at the mall a few days ago when he heard "Hey! What are you doing in my mall?" It was your friend who lives in my neighbourhood. Turns out he was the leader of a youth group my nephew used to attend.
Small world eh? He says your friend said he never put two and two together, but really, who would?
_____________________________
I want to be more than an ordinary servant.
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RE: SAHM Support Part II - 7/25/2008 10:55:26 PM
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paulsbride
Posts: 1965
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline
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wow! Very small world!
I totally could've met your nephew at one point!
How weird.
I only went to that church a couple times for youth functions and I didn't really *know* any of the young people, but I could've said hi at one point!
_____________________________
-Jessica-
<--- 25 weeks
MY BLOG
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RE: SAHM Support Part II - 7/26/2008 7:09:41 AM
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Georgia-Peach
Posts: 1902
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Georgia on my mind
Status: offline
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I am tired too! Hunter is still sleeping and slept all night so that was nice. I on the other hand couldn't get to sleep and then once I did I slept horribly. We had a lot of fun last night though. Hubby went to play tennis with one of the college students while Hunter and I walked around a few stores. We met up at Sonic where I ran into a couple of women from church. Anyway we all ended back up at one of the couples houses and hung out there until 10:30. The couples house we went to, they have a 2.5 year old little boy. It was so fun to watch him and Hunter play together because Hunter doesn't have many boys to play with.
Tonight we have a church social to meet the pastoral candidate that will be preaching tomorrow both services. After the evening service all the church members will vote yes/no as to him becoming our next pastor. It is exciting to think that we might finally have a permanent pastor again. I have a ton of straightening up to do so I better attack it now while my guys are still asleep.
_____________________________
Chelle
A Mother holds her child's hand for a moment, but holds their heart forever.
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How long will you have the dog? Oh, the boys will be in heaven, and you won't have to worry about entertaining them! 
How does Josiah feel about animals?
However, since I grew up with the dog and she's housetrained and harmless, he doesn't mind babysitting. 
my soldier!