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RE: I want my life back. - 1/20/2008 5:48:44 AM
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cavalry1st
Posts: 94
Joined: 12/10/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
Something that can help you today is to get involved in someone else's struggles and help them.
I agree. When you give of yourself, without expecting anything in return, self-esteem, self-confidence will return in bucket-fulls. Search out and become involved in a self-help group in your area to openly and frankly discuss your situation, and more importantly listen to ohers and learn.
God creates every sunrise. Sure, there will be days when clouds of confusion, daily circumstances or pain of loss may hide the sun's rays, but, it's still there. God is presenting, upon the horizon of His sunrise, tremendous opportunities every day to be of service. And, it is thru service to others that more is returned to us. But, it also follows that, "God may give us a Cadillac, but, He won't drive it for us."
_____________________________
http://www.GodsSunrise.com
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RE: I want my life back. - 1/22/2008 7:49:48 PM
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JCMK
Posts: 119
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline
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Just to let you all know - my (ex)husband did not come to the funeral last night for the Church's piano player. I haven't heard from him since I talked to him the other day to tell him that he had passed away. I am afraid for his soul and this is not like him at all and it shows either that his heart has gotten very cold, his conscience bothers him so much that he can't face the church friends, or his girlfriend wouldn't let him go.
It's sad. I kept looking for him during the entire service and really was surprised that he didn't at least come to the receiving of friends.
Every day that does by is another step further from God, and less chance that he will ever repent and return to the Lord (and me).
I sure will be glad when I get over him and can move on with my life.
I don't know what is going on - I do not believe in coincidences - but my son-in-laws grandmother passed away yesterday morning. That is four deaths in four weeks. If I were my ex-husband, I would start examining my soul and standing with God. We never know who will be next. It could be us.
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RE: I want my life back. - 1/26/2008 10:00:11 PM
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lightshineon
Posts: 3553
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Hows it going today?
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: I want my life back. - 7/29/2008 11:57:51 AM
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JCMK
Posts: 119
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline
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UPDATE -
It's been six months and I thought that I would let everybody know how I'm doing.
In February I decided to move out of the house where we lived. It was our dreamhouse and we had just finished remodeling it two years before he left. I loved it, but it became a burden to live there. I was grieving so much and had so many memories there - good and bad.
I moved closer to my children, grandchildren and parents. Plus my drive is a lot closer to my church.
It was really hard to move. I know that I will never have a house that nice with so many new rooms and built just like I wanted. I thought that it would help me a lot more than it did to get away from the house because I didn't leave all the pain behind - it came with me.
I found a nice Townhouse that is half the size of my house, but plenty big for me. My big house is still up for sale and I have a lease-purchase contract on the Townhouse.
I had to sell a good part of my furniture and I gave away a lot of things. Still, I have so much "stuff"! There just isn't enough room here, but I sell on eBay, so hopefully I'll eventually get organized.
I love living in this little town and being close to everybody. That is the good part. The hard part is that I still miss my husband. He called me at least one a week until about two months ago and I finally made it clear to him that he couldn't have his cake and eat it too. No one in my family wanted me to keep talking to him, but I was holding onto "hope". And I told myself that I was the only person who would talk to him about the Lord and Church and getting his life straightened up. He would listen and said that it meant a lot to him for me to give him scriptures and so on. And he would tell me that he loved me and was just in a trap that he couldn't get out of. He also asked me to not give up on him. So he was saying the words that I needed and wanted to hear, yet he never changed his lifestyle. He is still living with his girlfriend. I finally had to let go. He's a grown man. He made his choices and he knew right from wrong. I guess it was a boost to his ego to string me along at the same time that he was living with her.
The last time that we talked, he told me that he was going to church. It is a denomination that is a whole lot different than the one we went to. I don't want to judge, but I doubt that he will hear the truth of the Word enough to condemn him for the life that he is living. I asked him if "she" went with him and he said she did sometimes. Then I asked him if he felt strange to sit in church beside the woman that he is living in sin with. He didn't say anything.
So.....I give up. He's gone. I feel that I did all that I could do. I waited on him for almost two years. Some people said that I was a fool to do that, but at least my conscience is clear.
That part is over, but I still don't have a handle on my life. I still don't see any future. I have nothing to look forward to. I've tried to continue doing things that I love to do. It still hurts to go to church and remember where we used to sit together, but I go. It's hard to go to Gospel Concerts - which I love to do more than anything - but I go alone, and that's hard.
For two years I have gone to the Gaither Family Fest in Gatlinburg all by myself. I sit in a Convention Center with 8,000 people and feel alone and invisible. Almost like I am on another planet. People are friendly, but then I have to walk to the Motel alone. It's not much fun to walk around Town by myself.
A lot of people tell me to make friends with women. I've just never done that. I always wrapped my life around my marriage, my husband, my children, and Church. And Church was the packaging that held all the other together. I never felt the need to have a "girls night out", join a club of women, or go on a weekend Holiday with a bunch of women. I always wanted to be with my husband. So at my age, it's hard to find single women as much as it is to find a single man. One who likes to do the same things that I do and who I would get along with.
So.....I'm still struggling. I'm still wounded and I still grieve. But at least I don't cry 8 hours everyday. I'm past begging God to send him back. I have accepted that I am alone and will be for the rest of my life. At the healthy and active age of 60, that isn't a very comforting thought.
I know that there are a lot of people who have it worse than I do. I am thankful for what I have. My main prayer now is that my house will sell soon as I am paying double mortgages and utilities. The Realestate market is slow now, but I know that God could sell my house regardless.
Thanks again for everyone's support and prayers. It's slow-going. I see my life going by and I'm stuck in limbo of grief and aloneness. I don't want to be this way and hope that I soon find a reason for my life, and something that brings me happiness.
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RE: I want my life back. - 8/7/2008 2:56:17 PM
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JCMK
Posts: 119
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline
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Dreams - I've always had occasional dreams about him since he left. But now I'm having them everynight. Tormenting dreams - all kinds of dreams - dreams of fighting - dreams of begging him to come back - dreams of him asking to come back.
I'm tired of them. I dread going to bed now. I even stopped taking my medicine before bedtime thinking they might be causing the dreams, but I'm still dreaming.
How does a person stop dreaming?
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RE: I want my life back. - 8/8/2008 1:12:14 AM
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cynthia
Posts: 7975
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JCMK
Dreams - I've always had occasional dreams about him since he left. But now I'm having them everynight. Tormenting dreams - all kinds of dreams - dreams of fighting - dreams of begging him to come back - dreams of him asking to come back.
I'm tired of them. I dread going to bed now. I even stopped taking my medicine before bedtime thinking they might be causing the dreams, but I'm still dreaming.
How does a person stop dreaming?
You want to stop the bad dreams, not dreaming in general. Dreaming is important for our well being. The way to stop bad dreams is to resolve the conflict. The Bible says:
I Corinthians 7:15
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
You are not living in peace because you have not let him go in your heart. He is no longer your husband. He has put you away. You have got to accept that and be at peace with it. Then you have to look to the future and the hope that Lord has planned for you. Until that time, you will not be free. You are the only one who has the power to free you, as Jesus Christ has already paid the price for you. Now it is up to you to accept it. You are the one with the power here. Use it. Be free.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: I want my life back. - 8/8/2008 9:58:07 PM
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JCMK
Posts: 119
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline
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Thank you Cynthia. It is good advice and I know that you are right. I just don't know how to go on without him. I have tried everything. I have stayed in church. I have moved from our home and closer to my children and grandchildren. I am trying to figure out what to do with my life. It would easier if I could work and be around people and keep my mind occupied, but I am disabled, so that isn't an option.
Some days are worse than others. Yesterday was real bad. I thought that it was Friday all day long, then when I realized it was Thursday, I almost went into a panic because I didn't know what I was going to do with myself today. I can't allow myself to think ahead - even for tomorrow. Because everyday is empty except Sundays when I go to church. My kids call and write email during the day and at least one of them comes over every evening. They always have some excuse, but I know that they are concerned about me and are checking up on me.
I have a little dog that is three years old. She is so sweet. My two youngest grandchildren love her and like to keep her a couple of days a week. They took her yesterday and I felt so lonesome. It's hard to believe that a dog gives me a reason to get up in the mornings, but she does.
All of my friends work and have their own homes and families. I pray constantly that the Lord will help me move on with my life. Hopefully when my house sells and I can get settled, I will have something to do during the day - you know, unpack and stuff. There is a chance that I may have to move back to my house if it doesn't sell soon because I can't keep paying mortgage, rent and double utilities. That will not be a good thing for me.
It's just a daily battle. And I know that you are right about my dreams. I've always heard that dreams are a reflection of our subconscious minds. I won't let myself think about him during the day and now my mind goes crazy while I'm sleeping. I used to look forward to bedtime because that was 8 or 9 hours of my life that I didn't have to live through. Now I dread going to sleep.
I ask that anyone who reads this, please say a prayer for me. I'm holding onto God and I know that He is the only one that can give me peace.
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RE: I want my life back. - 8/13/2008 4:56:44 PM
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laura...
Posts: 2842
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
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JCMK,
I know you are disabled but can you do any volunteer work? Helping others is a great way to get beyond ourselves and our sorrows.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: I want my life back. - 8/27/2008 11:15:58 PM
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blessed27
Posts: 16
Status: offline
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My heart comes to you along with my prayers- dear sweet lady. What amazes me is that you still love Jesus and you still believe. That in it's self is a true witness to your love for God to all reading what you have gone through.
God only knows why we have to go through such things but you are still a believer even after all you have gone through. The answers and reasons are not always to be found in our life-time.
Now- I will tell you SOME of what happened to me- I was so hurt by life that I could not sleep or eat and I felt the exact way you did because of disappointing circumstances in my life. I WANTED MY LIFE BACK AND GOD HEARD ME.
But things TURNED AROUND FOR ME ONLY AFTER "I" BEGAN TO ACTUALLY THANK GOD FOR WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH. THE MAIN REASON BEING THAT IT HAD BROUGHT ME AND ANOTHER CLOSER TO GOD. WHEN I BEGAN TO SEE THAT- I GOT STRONGER AND MY LIFE TURNED AROUND IN SO MANY WAYS THAT I NEEDED FOR IT TO. I STARTED GOING BACK TO CHURCH AGAIN AND HEALING IS TAKING PLACE IN many WAYS FOR ME.
YOU JUST Keep on praying for God to change his heart. When you pray- plead the blood of Jesus to change his heart and AND MAKE HIM SEE HIS WRONGS. He is under the influence of the world. Only God can change him.
BUT AT THE SAME TIME GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE SOMEHOW. MAKE SOME NEW FRIENDS AND GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND GO PLACES WITH THE CHURCH AND some SINGLE "Chrisitian" FRIENDS. DON'T LET YOURSELF THINk OF YOU AS A VICTUM ANY LONGER. LIVE YOUR LIFE WHILE YOU CAN.
LIFE IS OUR GREATEST GIFT AND WE ONLY HAVE ONE SHOT AT IT.
GOD HAS GIVEN YOU THE chance to be a witness to others going through similar things. TAKE YOUR PAIN AND TURN IT AROUND BY USING SOME OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF THE BIBLE PERHAPS BY TEACHING A SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS AT YOUR CHURCH OR BY READING POSTINGS HERE AND DIRECTING OTHERS WHERE THEY CAN FIND HELP IN THE BIBLE. YOU ARE STRONG- VERY STRONG. GO GIRL. When we do things for others there are rewards in it for us. We are the winners always. AND LET YOURSELF LAUGH AND get surrounded by positive thinkers all you can. PUT IT BEHIND A DAY AT A TIME. Don't stop praying.
You are stronger than you know. We all are. The book "The power of positive thinking" by Robert Schueller is an old book but very wisely written for all who read it. Our thought life has to change for us to be happy. And we have to find ways to make ourselves happy and stop depending on the behaviour of others to make us happy. That is difficult I know but we can do it.
Love and prayers- from a friend a little older than you who has been there- somewhat.
I believe you do have the right to re-marry because 'he left you' and he wanted out. He was the shallow one. Ask a minister about that. He will tell you the truth. I hope things began to change soon for you. There is a site called God Tube that is for Christians. It helped me to find things to laugh about and I put it on my favorites and still visit it. It also has a means of asking for prayer called the Prayer Wall where you can post prayers. It is a great help at times to me.
The Salem Christian site also has a Christian radio source http://www.crosswalkradio.com/ where you can listen to Christian music while surfing the web. It requires no installment and I love how easy it is to use. I put it on my favorites. It inspires me when I need it. Do all you can to inspire yourself. Love yourself. God loves you.
Stay away from the worldly forums. They will not tell you the truth. They will only mislead you. Surround yourself with Christian activities and stay with the Christian sites. Blesssings, dear lady. I just know things have to change for you soon. God rewards the faithful.
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