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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/16/2008 9:41:41 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12859
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
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Do they really believe that? I don't think I've heard that out of either of them, but then again, I don't really listen to Dobson, and I've only read a few of Elliott's books.
Yes, it's all old and yes we've covered it a thousand times, BUT, there are new people around here all the time AND there are those who "lurk" that we don't know about - so there's no telling how much of this can help others. We need to stop being so shortsighted in thinking that these threads are only for the few of us who regularly post in here. Also, this is about our pet-peeves, so yeah, it IS going to be old - because we all hear it all the time!
This has been VERY properly mentioned by several in here - it's not just about us!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/16/2008 4:08:49 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2104
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You know...I haven't really spent any time here, just read the last couple pages of posts. But I like what people are saying. I don't appreciate the whole "something's wrong with you if you aren't happy being single" thing. I think God gives us the desires that we have, and if HE gives various ones of us the desire to be married, then that's His business. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean we should grab and marry the first available person of the opposite gender, either: God uses those desires He gives us in lots of ways, and sometimes has no intention of fulfilling them, only using them to grow us up.
Here's a peeve...and maybe it's already been mentioned, so forgive me if it has:
I hate it when people find out that I am interested in remarrying and at first they look surprised, and then they blurt out "Awwwww...you don't need a man!"
WHAT is that supposed to mean? Are they surprised because they think I'm too (fill in the blank--ugly, old, intimidating, yadda)? And why would they tell me, when I just told them that I have a desire to be married, that I don't need to be?
geez.
besiderself
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/16/2008 6:03:38 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12859
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
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Okay, that's just plain wrong for someone to say that! You (all those who have lost spouses) obviously were good as a spouse, so why WOULDN'T you want to have the chance to be a good one again???? That's just plain ole silly that people have said that. 
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/16/2008 8:33:56 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2104
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quote:
That's just plain ole silly that people have said that.
Well, thanks for the vote of support. What I think is this: mostly people realize all the sudden that I am hurting and empty...I don't exactly go around advertising it if I can help it, really  ..., and they want me to feel better and they can't provide what I'm asking. The only way they can think to do that is to try to convince me I really don't want what I think I want. It's not logical, but their hearts are probably in the right place.
One other thing I don't like, Lisa, and don't really know how to take, are those who say..."Oh, some ol' boy will come along who'll fall for you". That's my mother. I love my mother, and I really hope she's right. But she's even said "some little dumpy fat guy will come along and you'll fall head over heels for him". Sheesh. I know she's kidding, but honestly, it's a sensitive subject. Not exactly material for jokes.
Nadine: I'm sorry to hear you are worried about the inlaws. My inlaws have been praying for me to find another husband--they love me and support me. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to worry about what they would say.
Have your inlaws indicated that they would have problems with you remarrying?
besiderself
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/16/2008 10:35:50 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
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Only comments here and there that since I had found someone so perfect the first time,
I can't possibly imagine being so lucky the second time around. Now, I adored my husband, but , he wasn't perfect. LOL Anyway its still early. I would never think to disrespect them by pursuing a relationship too early. I always wonder how men look at a widow. Are they intimidated by it? Do they see us differently than some one who has been divorced or is it all the same to them. I think that most men who see me in public assume I am divorced because I have kids. Sorry going off topic. I'll quit here.
~Nadine
_____________________________
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a mans character, give him power" - Abraham Lincoln
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/16/2008 11:25:23 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8029
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quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
Nadine: I'm sorry to hear you are worried about the inlaws. My inlaws have been praying for me to find another husband--they love me and support me. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to worry about what they would say.
Have your inlaws indicated that they would have problems with you remarrying?
I've told this story before but for the benefit of the new folks...
I have been blessed with incredible in-laws.
M was a wonderful woman. But I found myself wondering about remarrying when I was on my way to the cemetery to get a plot. You see I wanted to be next to M forever, but if Iremarried I'd want to be next to the new Mrs O. Also. So I had to get three plots and I didn't know how much they were so I was worrying about it.
When I got to the cemetery M's dad (henceforth dad) was there and we selected a spot she would love. I asked the caretaker how much the plots were and he said $15. After realizing he wasn't lying to me or leaving something out I said "I'll take three"
To which dad replied. "John I think that's very smart. Because you'll remarry when the time is right and you'll want to be by both your wives."
In that one moment he took away all fears I had over hurting them, and gave me approval to go on. God has been so good to me.
Of course M's mom has insited that they get to approve the New Mrs O. After all, she'll be mother to their granddaughter so she has to measure up.
They are my number one cheerleaders in the hunt. (Dad keeps trying to match me up but his tastes are so different than mine. But at least he's trying.)
It's highly likely your in-laws will react the same. When you married their son you became their daughter. They want the best for you (when the time is right)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/16/2008 11:29:50 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cherishhim
I always wonder how men look at a widow. Are they intimidated by it? Do they see us differently than some one who has been divorced or is it all the same to them. I think that most men who see me in public assume I am divorced because I have kids. Sorry going off topic. I'll quit here.
A very good friend of mine, who lost his wife a couple years before I did, prayed that God would send him a widow to marry. And God did.
I don't see how someone would be intimidated by a widow (or widower). I would guess that they see you different from someone who was divorced. You are safer
Let me clarify this. I am a huge believer in the sanctity of marriage. Divorce is only permissible under a few circumstances. Before emotionally investing myself in a divorced woman I would want to be certain that her divorce was biblically sound and that her ex-husband was the one who broke the covenant. That concern doesn't exist with a widow.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/17/2008 12:10:50 AM
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WaitingforBoaz
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I have been blessed with incredible in-laws. .....
God has been so good to me.
Of course M's mom has insited that they get to approve the New Mrs O. After all, she'll be mother to their granddaughter so she has to measure up.
Sounds like a wonderful woman.
It's highly likely your in-laws will react the same. When you married their son you became their daughter. They want the best for you (when the time is right)
[/quote]
I was married to John for 19 years, however, It was not until after my husbands last surgery in Dec. 2006, when he was declared terminal and I became his caregiver that I became family. No kidding...
They saw, my dedicated care of John and my unconditional love for him. They were blown away. (They give me the credit. I give it to God for the new measure of grace he gave me, everyday, to do the things no wife ever thinks she will have to do for her husband)
I love them as my own, but, they are very unpredictable. There is alot involved here but, I'll leave it in Gods hands.
~Nadine
_____________________________
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a mans character, give him power" - Abraham Lincoln
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 3/3/2008 5:40:08 PM
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A-Tech
Posts: 67
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Illinois
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"People like you keep match.com and eharmony in business."
To correct an earlier post re divorce listings in the newspaper - I remembered the (almost) actual verbiage that was used:
"Did you see the newspaper today? A lot of people got divorced. Your chances went up."
Our newspaper does list filed divorces intermittently. There are two things I don't understand though - How do my chances go up if I don't know any of the people listed? Second, the newspaper runs a personals section twice a week. It would have made more sense to ask if I look at the personals section. I guess it's funnier for them to think that I'm so desperate and pathetic that I have to wait around for someone on a divorce rebound.
In addition, I've never paid a dime to match.com or eharmony. I did try to sign on with eharmony, but they told me that I was part of their 20% that there's no one out there for. (Would have been nice to know that BEFORE I spent 45 minutes filling out their stupid survey.
< Message edited by A-Tech -- 3/4/2008 10:11:14 PM >
_____________________________
"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."
--Corrie ten Boom
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 3/4/2008 8:02:09 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7668
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From: NeverNeverLand
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quote:
ORIGINAL: A-Tech
"People like you keep match.com and eharmony in business."
Ouch...that's harsh. *wincing*
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 3/4/2008 1:17:09 PM
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KeiserSoze
Posts: 10
Joined: 2/28/2008
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“Why don’t you just find a gal and go out with her? “
Well you see it really is that easy, to find woman, you just call this 1-800 number and they start showing up at your door…. .
(This is a classic example of the ol high school sweet hearts that really……are……clueless………on what its like to be in our position)
When I get to heaven I’m going to give Paul a noogie for those infamous versus. Just sayin.
What’s a nice guy like you…” : " I’m not that nice"I give them a noogie.
Never underestimate the power of the noogie.
Another one :
“You just don’t get it, do you? “
Get what?
“*blank stare*”
No, really what don’t I get?
“If you don’t know I really can’t tell you”.
?????
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 5/29/2008 5:48:28 PM
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A-Tech
Posts: 67
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Illinois
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"God won't answer your prayer [to find someone] because of James 4:2-3"
James 4:2-3 (CEV) You want something you don't have, and you will do anything to get it. You will even kill! But you still cannot get what you want, and you won't get it by fighting and arguing. You should pray for it. Yet even when you do pray, your prayers are not answered, because you pray just for selfish reasons.
I don't have a comeback for this because I think it might be conditionally valid. When would it be selfish to pray that you will find a special someone?
< Message edited by A-Tech -- 5/31/2008 9:12:29 AM >
_____________________________
"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."
--Corrie ten Boom
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 9/3/2008 6:15:21 PM
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A-Tech
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From: Illinois
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This really isn't a cliche, but when people happen to give presents to singles, they may tend to give them "non-adult" gifts. Like I once saw (can't remember if it was here or somewhere else) that some lady who was single got a teddy bear as a gift from someone.
_____________________________
"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."
--Corrie ten Boom
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 9/15/2008 11:04:53 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2675
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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quote:
What bugs me are these people (Elizabeth Elliot, James Dobson, etc) who think if you're over 30 and still single, then the only thing you're good for is to pack yourself off to the Amazon or Africa as a missionary.
Elizabeth Elliott bugs me period.
1. She seems arrogant to me (and yes, I met her in person once, although did not have time to really converse).
2. In her book Passion and Purity, she is SO judgmental that women shouldn't chase guys around (which is true to an extent) or that they shouldn't even DESIRE marriage until some guy has placed a ring on her finger (impossible for any living, breathing female), and yet in my opinion, the way she waited endlessly for Jim Elliott to make up his mind was pretty desperate..if some guy took that long to make up his mind about ME, he could go take a hike. Which also reminds me why that book bugs me...she made him sound so virtuous, and I don't think taking forever to make up your mind is virtuous.
Also, even though she tells other women they shouldn't assume they will marry, she admits that she assumed her daughter would marry even before she (her daughter) had met her husband.
_____________________________
Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, what wondrous things He's done, in whom the world rejoices.
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 9/16/2008 12:24:29 AM
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rgod
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
2. In her book Passion and Purity, she is SO judgmental that women shouldn't chase guys around (which is true to an extent) or that they shouldn't even DESIRE marriage until some guy has placed a ring on her finger (impossible for any living, breathing female), and yet in my opinion, the way she waited endlessly for Jim Elliott to make up his mind was pretty desperate..if some guy took that long to make up his mind about ME, he could go take a hike. Which also reminds me why that book bugs me...she made him sound so virtuous, and I don't think taking forever to make up your mind is virtuous.
I like a lot of what Elizabeth Elliot has to say, but don't agree with her on some issues. There is one thing in particular that has bugged me. I read Passion and Purity quite a few times - and it always seemed to me that she chased Jim. Really ... he was in Ecuador in Februrary 1953. THEN she gets the call to go there and she arrives in April 1953. If you meet a woman in America - you like her, but decide not to continue the relationship - THEN you go to the mission field in Ecuador and when you show up, a few months later - here comes that same woman who "happens" to be assigned to the same region - how can you not see that as her chasing you? It's not like Ecuador is close to where you live in America so that you'd bump into her, as if you were going to the corner store. I'm not questioning her call from God - but from the man's perspective ... he had to wonder if she was chasing. I don't think it would have been humanly possible to not wonder that. But it seemed that their marriage was quite happy and blessed though and it was a sweet love story.
I personally don't care for Dobson for a myriad of reasons - but I do think that on the subject of singles he isn't too bad.
< Message edited by rgod -- 9/16/2008 1:39:49 AM >
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 9/16/2008 1:44:05 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1535
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
quote:
Ok, this one has been bugging me of late. A number of articles have appeared recently on Crosswalk (and elsewhere I'm sure) directed at singles which basically all seem to be saying the same thing - that God meets all your deepest needs and you don't need a mate. The unspoken undercurrent seems to be if you do have a strong desire for a spouse then something isn't quite right in your relationship with God.
Ok - this is going to be a bit of a pet peeve rant. LabGuy - I am with you on this! I just couldn't let the latest article go and just HAD to comment. I didn't want to hurt the author's feelings, but she got married at 19 and is dispensing advice about being single. That's like people who don't have kids lecturing those who do. Don't get me wrong - you can have insight - because God said that He gives wisdom liberally - and she did have some good points. But I get very tired of seeing singles articles written by people who are married or have been married for a long time, who want to lecture singles about how we should be trying to be whole or should somehow be completely filled by Jesus. Of course THEY feel completely filled - they have the physical companionship and the emotional companionship already - all that was missing was the spiritual aspect (which is the most important) and only Jesus can satisfy that. This really is not rocket science.
And they forget the single-minded zeal that they displayed before they got married. So they dispense theoretical advice: "Wait, God will bring your mate." Everytime I hear someone say that to a young person, I cringe. I got saved in my 20s. But if I had it to do over again, I would have made marriage a much higher priority. I would have still pursued God, but I wouldn't have been so single minded about it. (I know that sounds blasphemous, but hey, I've got to be honest.) I was convinced that if I followed the Lord wholeheartedly that my mate would come in the natural course of things. I totally bought into that whole "Jesus can cure your loneliness" schtick. In some ways it was good; I am a lot more stable, have addressed all sorts of issues, and many things are great. But I would never, ever, ever suggest that anyone else do it this way. I lost a lot of time that I can never get back. As painful as heartache is, I would say that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Take it from an older single - don't be afraid - if you want to be married, make it a priority in your life.
Back to the original question - pet peeves. I was listening to a guy on the radio today who kept lecturing singles about how they needed to spend more time "looking within" and "spend more time with God" as if many singles aren't already doing that. He then proceeded to tell some old story about when he was a DJ at a single's dance and though he was married 6 or 7 women were hitting on him. Since there were 40 people at the dance and most of them were women, why didn't he mention the other 33? I get tired of married people wanting to treat us as if we are single because we aren't whole or are defective. Oh - and the worst is the woman (or man) who has been celibate for a like - a year - and then God brings their husband (or wife) and they get married. Then they want to talk about celibacy to you - and you really want to tell them that a year is nothing - a piece of cake - if you want a challenge, let me tell you how long I've been waiting ...
Ok - rant is completed.
rgod
Have you ever looked at something that you wrote and thought - whoa - that was a bit harsh? It is amazing how the Lord just changes your perspective on things. While I still stand by what I said, I think that a lot of the peevishness about these situations have subsided quite a bit. I don't know ... maybe the mellowness of Florida is getting to me, but I'm not nearly as annoyed at this as I used to be.
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 9/17/2008 12:42:38 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8029
Joined: 9/5/2006
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What's my favorite pet peeve? I don't have one. Because people don't talk to me about being single or looking for a wife at all. It's like they widowers like they are already dead. And it's really starting to burn me up.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 9/17/2008 2:27:15 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2675
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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quote:
Because people don't talk to me about being single or looking for a wife at all. It's like they widowers like they are already dead. And it's really starting to burn me up.
I would say that's a pet peeve. Honestly, I would think your daughter would cause people to talk to you about it more...wanting her to have a mother..I dunno, though, people are weird.
It would also seem to me that your daughter would cause you to be quite the magnet with women in your area. In the first place, she's adorable (I saw two pictures)..in the second place, most women have a soft spot for a girl with no mommy.
_____________________________
Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, what wondrous things He's done, in whom the world rejoices.
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 9/17/2008 5:03:09 PM
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joy2give2u
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From: Indiana
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quote:
I would say that's a pet peeve. I think he was being funny Jewels.........You have to watch him sometimes.....or at least I do.........I remember when he first started posting.......I would read something which broke my heart for him only to find out it was not true but one of his puns..........I just don't get why people assume being single also means you are gullible or worse naive........
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Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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