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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/12/2008 9:20:01 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: collie1
I am not sure if this qualifies, but it didn't happen until after I was single.
After learning my husband had died, people would often ask me, "were you close?"
I'd be so tempted to reply "NO. I intentionally married someone I couldn't stand so when they died I wouldn't miss them."
I mean really, how heartless can people be. (or are they just that stupid? Both?)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/12/2008 10:21:31 PM
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A-Tech
Posts: 67
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From: Illinois
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quote:
Currently, I am reading a book about a single woman who decided to do something about her status. It's called "Getting Serious about Getting Married" by Debbie Maken. She takes every "Singles Cliche" and compares them with the Word of God and current statistics. Most if not all of these cliches contradict what the bible says and the rest of them are just unrealistic.
Finally, I found a book by an author that totally knows what I am going through.
If your interested, please check it out!
Does anyone want to volunteer to handle this?
_____________________________
"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."
--Corrie ten Boom
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/12/2008 11:20:57 PM
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simpleone
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quote:
Does anyone want to volunteer to handle this?
Is this comment good or bad?
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/13/2008 8:28:35 AM
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A-Tech
Posts: 67
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From: Illinois
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Let's just say Debbie Maken and her writings are a very controversial topic around here.
_____________________________
"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."
--Corrie ten Boom
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/13/2008 1:58:14 PM
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skreyola
Posts: 1988
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From: Mars
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simpleone: Thank you for mentioning the book. It looks like something I might want to check out.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/13/2008 3:09:51 PM
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LabGuy
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Ok, this one has been bugging me of late. A number of articles have appeared recently on Crosswalk (and elsewhere I'm sure) directed at singles which basically all seem to be saying the same thing - that God meets all your deepest needs and you don't need a mate. The unspoken undercurrent seems to be if you do have a strong desire for a spouse then something isn't quite right in your relationship with God.
Now I do agree our most important relationship is with the Lord, and He does give us what no human can. But the desire for companionship is legitimate and God-given. Adam had perfect communion with God, and yet God Himself said it is not good for the man to be alone, so He created Eve to fill a very real need.
Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm reading too much into it. But these articles are starting to bug me. Maybe if the authors would just say we should be careful that we're not looking for a mate to fill needs that God should, it wouldn't bother me because that is spot-on. But as long as our desires are within the context God has prescribed, they're legit, and suggesting otherwise does us all a disservice.
<puts away soapbox>
-Robb
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/13/2008 3:12:29 PM
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Tinkerbell_
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I love how married people tend to flock that direction as well. Not to lump them together, but hey...it does happen.
However, they weren't married at birth, correct? So that to me says they were single some time in their life, correct? Hmmm...me thinks we forget how life was 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago. *ponders*
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/13/2008 9:27:24 PM
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skreyola
Posts: 1988
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Spot on, LabGuy.
I agree that we have needs God should be fulfilling, that we should be focused on God's word, will, and leading, and that some people seem to be saying that if we have strong desires, our walk with God isn't right, because that's what I see and hear a lot, too.
And I'm tired of hearing that. Maybe some people have the wrong focus, but that isn't something people should say to everyone who isn't "single and happy and not looking," because it isn't a binary state between that and "out-of-focus spiritually."
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/13/2008 9:48:41 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8030
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
Spot on, LabGuy.
I agree that we have needs God should be fulfilling, that we should be focused on God's word, will, and leading, and that some people seem to be saying that if we have strong desires, our walk with God isn't right, because that's what I see and hear a lot, too.
God never designed us so that He would be the entire answer to all our needs. If you disagree, just stop breathing, God will supply your need after all.
When you wake up with that horrible headache that comes from passing out due to lack of air you will realize that God created us with needs that He does not directly fill.
However, just like God created air to fill that need in us, He created each of us to perhaps fulfill someone else's need for a mate.
I praise God that He create women and made us for each other. Life would be pretty boring with just guys here.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/13/2008 9:51:05 PM
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skreyola
Posts: 1988
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
Spot on, LabGuy.
I agree that we have needs God should be fulfilling, that we should be focused on God's word, will, and leading, and that some people seem to be saying that if we have strong desires, our walk with God isn't right, because that's what I see and hear a lot, too.
God never designed us so that He would be the entire answer to all our needs. If you disagree, just stop breathing, God will supply your need after all.
When you wake up with that horrible headache that comes from passing out due to lack of air you will realize that God created us with needs that He does not directly fill.
However, just like God created air to fill that need in us, He created each of us to perhaps fulfill someone else's need for a mate.
I praise God that He create women and made us for each other. Life would be pretty boring with just guys here.
Right on!
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/14/2008 12:38:39 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2435
Joined: 7/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
Spot on, LabGuy.
I agree that we have needs God should be fulfilling, that we should be focused on God's word, will, and leading, and that some people seem to be saying that if we have strong desires, our walk with God isn't right, because that's what I see and hear a lot, too.
God never designed us so that He would be the entire answer to all our needs. If you disagree, just stop breathing, God will supply your need after all.
When you wake up with that horrible headache that comes from passing out due to lack of air you will realize that God created us with needs that He does not directly fill.
However, just like God created air to fill that need in us, He created each of us to perhaps fulfill someone else's need for a mate.
I praise God that He create women and made us for each other. Life would be pretty boring with just guys here.
Right on!
Ditto!
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/14/2008 9:27:47 PM
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Pauley464
Posts: 526
Joined: 7/29/2007
From: Washington, Indiana
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LabGuy
Ok, this one has been bugging me of late. A number of articles have appeared recently on Crosswalk (and elsewhere I'm sure) directed at singles which basically all seem to be saying the same thing - that God meets all your deepest needs and you don't need a mate. The unspoken undercurrent seems to be if you do have a strong desire for a spouse then something isn't quite right in your relationship with God.
Now I do agree our most important relationship is with the Lord, and He does give us what no human can. But the desire for companionship is legitimate and God-given. Adam had perfect communion with God, and yet God Himself said it is not good for the man to be alone, so He created Eve to fill a very real need.
Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm reading too much into it. But these articles are starting to bug me. Maybe if the authors would just say we should be careful that we're not looking for a mate to fill needs that God should, it wouldn't bother me because that is spot-on. But as long as our desires are within the context God has prescribed, they're legit, and suggesting otherwise does us all a disservice.
<puts away soapbox>
-Robb
Thanks LabGuy,
I was beginning to think that I was the only one who wanted to get married. Or at least the only one willing to admit it.
_____________________________
There is nothing so important that it can't be put off until tomorrow.
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/14/2008 10:17:30 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12859
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
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Oh man, I just have to tell you that last night when I was at a friend's house, her husband (who had been having a *few*) started in on me about how I was such a beautiful lady and that I needed to get married and have a family, etc. I told him that mother nature was taking care of the family part without me worrying about it. But, when he started in on the marriage stuff - I tried to explain to him how men are intimidated by me - and he said that he wasn't - and I told him it was because he wasn't interested in dating me - since he was already married. He couldn't understand why some man hadn't swept me up yet. His wife and I basically just said that the right one hadn't come along yet.
Oh, he was annoying me to NO end!!!!!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/14/2008 10:31:29 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3877
Joined: 3/30/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
Oh man, I just have to tell you that last night when I was at a friend's house, her husband (who had been having a *few*) started in on me about how I was such a beautiful lady and that I needed to get married and have a family, etc. I told him that mother nature was taking care of the family part without me worrying about it. But, when he started in on the marriage stuff - I tried to explain to him how men are intimidated by me - and he said that he wasn't - and I told him it was because he wasn't interested in dating me - since he was already married. He couldn't understand why some man hadn't swept me up yet. His wife and I basically just said that the right one hadn't come along yet.
Oh, he was annoying me to NO end!!!!!
That's just as bad as when people say that you're [insert all sorts of wonderful qualities] so men are probably falling all over themselves to date you. Reminds you that, since they're intimidated, they aren't.
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/14/2008 11:29:23 PM
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LabGuy
Posts: 3350
Joined: 9/22/2007
From: NW Pennsylvania
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pauley464
Thanks LabGuy,
I was beginning to think that I was the only one who wanted to get married. Or at least the only one willing to admit it.
I definitely hope for it, because being alone stinks. The more I learn about myself and life, the more it seems right. But ultimately it is up to God whether it happens or not. (I don't want my way if it isn't His way, because I'm convinced disaster awaits in that case. But I keep praying and the desire just seems to grow, not diminish.)
quote:
Something that I am tired of hearing from married people is, "You should be glad you're single, because I wish I was single again."
Which means those married people have problems that need to be addressed. Perhaps a good comeback (though yours was pretty good!) would be to offer to pray for them? For the resolution of their difficulties.
-Robb
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/14/2008 11:41:23 PM
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Pauley464
Posts: 526
Joined: 7/29/2007
From: Washington, Indiana
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quote:
But ultimately it is up to God whether it happens or not. (I don't want my way if it isn't His way, because I'm convinced disaster awaits in that case. But I keep praying and the desire just seems to grow, not diminish.)
The same for me.
_____________________________
There is nothing so important that it can't be put off until tomorrow.
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/15/2008 2:06:42 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1535
Joined: 4/25/2005
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quote:
Ok, this one has been bugging me of late. A number of articles have appeared recently on Crosswalk (and elsewhere I'm sure) directed at singles which basically all seem to be saying the same thing - that God meets all your deepest needs and you don't need a mate. The unspoken undercurrent seems to be if you do have a strong desire for a spouse then something isn't quite right in your relationship with God.
Ok - this is going to be a bit of a pet peeve rant. LabGuy - I am with you on this! I just couldn't let the latest article go and just HAD to comment. I didn't want to hurt the author's feelings, but she got married at 19 and is dispensing advice about being single. That's like people who don't have kids lecturing those who do. Don't get me wrong - you can have insight - because God said that He gives wisdom liberally - and she did have some good points. But I get very tired of seeing singles articles written by people who are married or have been married for a long time, who want to lecture singles about how we should be trying to be whole or should somehow be completely filled by Jesus. Of course THEY feel completely filled - they have the physical companionship and the emotional companionship already - all that was missing was the spiritual aspect (which is the most important) and only Jesus can satisfy that. This really is not rocket science.
And they forget the single-minded zeal that they displayed before they got married. So they dispense theoretical advice: "Wait, God will bring your mate." Everytime I hear someone say that to a young person, I cringe. I got saved in my 20s. But if I had it to do over again, I would have made marriage a much higher priority. I would have still pursued God, but I wouldn't have been so single minded about it. (I know that sounds blasphemous, but hey, I've got to be honest.) I was convinced that if I followed the Lord wholeheartedly that my mate would come in the natural course of things. I totally bought into that whole "Jesus can cure your loneliness" schtick. In some ways it was good; I am a lot more stable, have addressed all sorts of issues, and many things are great. But I would never, ever, ever suggest that anyone else do it this way. I lost a lot of time that I can never get back. As painful as heartache is, I would say that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Take it from an older single - don't be afraid - if you want to be married, make it a priority in your life.
Back to the original question - pet peeves. I was listening to a guy on the radio today who kept lecturing singles about how they needed to spend more time "looking within" and "spend more time with God" as if many singles aren't already doing that. He then proceeded to tell some old story about when he was a DJ at a single's dance and though he was married 6 or 7 women were hitting on him. Since there were 40 people at the dance and most of them were women, why didn't he mention the other 33? I get tired of married people wanting to treat us as if we are single because we aren't whole or are defective. Oh - and the worst is the woman (or man) who has been celibate for a like - a year - and then God brings their husband (or wife) and they get married. Then they want to talk about celibacy to you - and you really want to tell them that a year is nothing - a piece of cake - if you want a challenge, let me tell you how long I've been waiting ...
Ok - rant is completed.
rgod
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/15/2008 2:22:44 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12859
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
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quote:
But ultimately it is up to God whether it happens or not. (I don't want my way if it isn't His way, because I'm convinced disaster awaits in that case. But I keep praying and the desire just seems to grow, not diminish.)
This is me 100%!!!!!
Okay, regarding above rant -
This is why, Lord willing WHEN I DO get married some day, I truly desire to have a ministry to singles, because I will have gotten married for the first and only time as I approached 50, and IF I marry the person I desire, then he'll have gotten married for the first and only time after turning 50. I think we both would be able to shed a bit of godly insight into the lives of singles around us that God would put into our paths. It is a very strong desire of mine (and I believe his as well). Our lives together in ministry could potentially be so much more than our lives separately, and that's also something I've desired as well. Just as long as we both decrease so Jesus can be increased through all that we do - and especially towards Singles, that's all that really matters to us both. And if it does not end up being him, then God knows this desire of mine and will allow it to happen with another who has the same desire. I just believe that one day I will have a ministry to other singles in my life. (am I getting a glimpse of it already in here?)
< Message edited by mutinywxgirl -- 2/15/2008 2:29:06 AM >
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/15/2008 1:44:57 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8030
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
I totally bought into that whole "Jesus can cure your loneliness" schtick. In some ways it was good; I am a lot more stable, have addressed all sorts of issues, and many things are great. But I would never, ever, ever suggest that anyone else do it this way. I lost a lot of time that I can never get back. As painful as heartache is, I would say that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Take it from an older single - don't be afraid - if you want to be married, make it a priority in your life.
Unfortunately this gets heard a lot. It's the same conundrum that the career woman faces, career or family, career or family. All teh while the world tells her she can have it all. But many find that they cannot have it all. By the time they are ready for a family, it's passed them by.
(Even though I'm a guy this just breaks my heart)
quote:
I was listening to a guy on the radio today who kept lecturing singles about how they needed to spend more time "looking within" and "spend more time with God" as if many singles aren't already doing that.
Well D'uh. Who else am I going to spend time with. I'm single for crying out loud.
Do these people ever think before they talk?
(Great post rgod)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/15/2008 8:56:58 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3877
Joined: 3/30/2007
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I was thinking recently about the "just be content in the Lord" comment that many people tell singles. Possibly, the cliche gets in the way of the meaning.
We're marked in him with a seal, the Holy Spirit. We have hope through Jesus for an eternal life spent in God's presence. Because of this hope, God's grace, and the Holy Spirit, we have an inner joy. Therefore, we can be content in all situations because of his promise.
Is it possible that the cliche sums up the paragraph above, but we misinterpret it? Just a thought...
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/15/2008 9:12:42 PM
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skreyola
Posts: 1988
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: Mars
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shemaromans
I was thinking recently about the "just be content in the Lord" comment that many people tell singles. Possibly, the cliche gets in the way of the meaning.
We're marked in him with a seal, the Holy Spirit. We have hope through Jesus for an eternal life spent in God's presence. Because of this hope, God's grace, and the Holy Spirit, we have an inner joy. Therefore, we can be content in all situations because of his promise.
Is it possible that the cliche sums up the paragraph above, but we misinterpret it? Just a thought...
I think it's not misinterpreted, but that a lot of people want singles to not think about getting married, and they assume that if you're making any move toward marriage, you must not be content with being single...
But I think that it is possible to be content with your situation, filled with joy, and still interested in changing your circumstances. People need to understand that being content in our singleness doesn't mean we're highly enthusiastic and perky and just love to be single and are happy with all that singleness brings us.
Contentment does not have to be at the level of bursting out in purrs and sqeals of delight. Contentment can simply mean that it doesn't get in the way of important things.
I think it's a lot like the difference between respect/fear and phobia. You can respect snakes, even fear them a bit, without being phobic. It's only a phobia when it interferes with doing what you have to do. Likewise, I think a lot of people look at "contentment" as being some very high level of ecstasy, or else a total lack of inclination to chage.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: Pet Peeves: What are the Worst Single Cliches? - 2/16/2008 9:20:00 AM
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ajlewis
Posts: 212
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: State of Confusion
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quote:
that God meets all your deepest needs and you don't need a mate. ...sounds real holy, doesn't it?
This thread is getting old and just about everything has been covered.
What bugs me are these people (Elizabeth Elliot, James Dobson, etc) who think if you're over 30 and still single, then the only thing you're good for is to pack yourself off to the Amazon or Africa as a missionary.
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