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RE: Jumping ship - 11/24/2007 11:28:05 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10420
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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I'm feeling a bit weepy tonight again. Realizing how much is going to change and knowing there are so many unknowns. I don't much care for unknowns. 
I still haven't really told anyone besides you all and some of our family. Only one comment could have irritated me and I am trying to let it go. But tomorrow is church and a whole new set of people. It's ridiculous that I am worried about what anyone thinks. We have a great mix of Christian school, homeschool, and public school (in order of popularity) in our church. I guess I'm worried I will get the "oh good! I'm surprised you lasted that long hsing" attitude...as if they knew we'd never make it.
I need to stop caring what other people think about me. If only it were that simple... I also need to let my disappointment in myself go. It just hurts that I can't give my son what he needs. I never said we would hs forever, but I also never dreamt of it ending this way. I am disappointed in myself. Again. Trying hard not to slip into the "I never do anything right" mindset.
< Message edited by PrincessDonna -- 11/24/2007 11:44:52 PM >
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/24/2007 11:41:35 PM
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cindybode
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{{{Donna}}}
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If you lock in any creature, from rats to chickens to pigs to people, 10 to 30 or more in a box and force feed them you'll create little monsters. Confinement Education School Operations (CESOs) just don't compare to naturally pastured free-ranged kids.
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/25/2007 12:33:50 AM
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cynthia
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From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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Donna, I'm going to pray that you stop beating yourself up.
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We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/25/2007 9:16:13 AM
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JuliaHop
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quote:
It just hurts that I can't give my son what he needs.
Look at it this way...perhaps you are giving your son what he needs at this time. You will still be his mother. You will still have him for 17 hours each day (plus all summer and holidays). You will still teach him his AWANA verses and help him study for his tests and quizzes. You are blessed that your church has a school and that your ds will be with your Christian family and not with strangers.
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For God so loved the World, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
John 3:16
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/25/2007 12:37:42 PM
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Ellie-Mae
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From: The EMPIRE state!
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Donna, every child learns how to speak from their parents, But I can't do that with Sarah by myself. I need people to help me teach her. I have not abdicated my role in teaching Sarah speech as I am VERY involved with her speech. It was absolutely necessary for me to get help with her speech while she was still young. It affected every aspect of her life so that she she seemed a different person than she really was.
Same thing with handwriting. It affected every other subject. their handwriting was atrocious. There was so many tears and frustrations from both them and me. To make matters worse, I have issues with handwriting as well. My mom does all handwriting with the kids. I still oversee it and direct it, but she is the one works with them because I needed an outside resource to address their handwriting.
Your home schooling was fine. Noah was doing great. You just have this one area that needed outside resources to help you to get what he needs to learn across to him. ONE area! That is all! that is success, not failure.
Furthermore, you and Brian are still directing his education ESPECIALLY when it comes to that one issue. God has not taken away your control as parents who train and educate their children.
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/25/2007 7:43:06 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10420
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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Thanks, guys.
I am very thankful the Christian school is there, and that they offer a low-income discount. I went to this school and know many of the teachers. I know it is a wonderful environment where Noah will be both challenged and encouraged, and where they love to work with parents too.
Lisa, I'm sorry I snapped at you this morning.  Can I have permission not to be perky about this decision just yet?
Well, I think I told about 4 people today. Every single one of them had a "YAH! GREAT!!" response. I know what they meant was they were excited he would be going to the Cs, and not hooray, she couldn't do it any longer. My very good friend did talk with me more about it and she knows it was/is a hard decision. One of the other elementary teachers said that it will be good for him to start in Mrs. H's class, and she is the perfect mix of loving and firm.
Noah and Nick both got in trouble in SS this morning. The teacher did not talk to me, as we had requested for weeks and weeks. I heard second hand, and I was not in the mood, so I did not hunt the teachers down. They also caused ruckus in children's church, and Noah got kicked out for kicking Nick. Noah never came back into church like he was supposed to. Very discouraging, but this is the kind of stuff we are dealing with every day. I feel like we can't take them anywhere without getting a bad report.
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<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/25/2007 7:46:00 PM
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zoebob
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((((Donna)))) I am sorry you had a rough morning today. I hope the rest of your week goes better.
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L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/25/2007 7:54:39 PM
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Ellie-Mae
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I am sorry that you had such a bad morning.
It didn't bother me much that you snapped.[ETA: I mean I didn't take it personally.] I just want to encourage you. I know that you are feeling sensitive still and will, I suspect, until you get used to him being there. I shouldn't have been pushy and just waited until you were back here on the forums.
< Message edited by Ellie-Mae -- 11/25/2007 8:01:59 PM >
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Please do not PM me about this message, discuss it at the water cooler, or include it in your church bulletins. If you have questions, please keep them to yourself. ~Kerrlaw
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/25/2007 8:19:32 PM
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Homegrownkids
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Sorry to hear about your morning Donna. Things will get better, this is a season that will pass. Your a good mom and don't forget it!
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God heals!
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/26/2007 11:15:30 AM
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sen10tious
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Donna, you have been so wonderfully open with us here in the home schooling support forum that I'd like to ask your advice on something:
Twice in my life I have had people tell me that they are stopping home schooling. Both times I have found myself bumbling for something to say and I've ended up with a "you have to do what is best for you" kind of response. I know that sounds like the most trite and canned answer ever and isn't very supportive, but it was truthful and the best I could think of on the spot.
In the first case, the mother had been obviously headed for burn-out. Every problem she faced she tried to solve by doing still more. If a public-school-at-home had been available, she might have been able to make that work for her. But mostly she was too rigid to give herself a break and if I had said so, she would likely have construed it as criticism.
The second case was due to a combination of disorganization and family issues of an aging parent added into the responsibilities. When the parent moved to a nursing home, the kids were all a year and a half older and capable of working more on their own, so the following year they reorganized their curriculum and returned to home schooling. But at the time, this was a case of the mom just not being able to see any light at the end of the tunnel, only the darkness of the moment.
My suggestion for the second case was that a cleaning service was cheaper than Christian school tuition and that if they would hire a weekly maid service that included laundry they could make the home schooling work. They thought that was crazy and not at all helpful. (In hindsight, it is good they did not do that because I don't think the mom would have learned to be as well-organized as she has now.)
Do you have any suggestions on what I could have done differently? I feel like I was pretty ineffective at being able to help.
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/26/2007 12:35:02 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10420
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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Let me think about that...
Did either mom come to you before the decision was already made in her mind? Also, were they coming to you to seek advice or your opinion, or just to inform you of their next step?
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<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/26/2007 4:53:30 PM
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sen10tious
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
Let me think about that...
Did either mom come to you before the decision was already made in her mind? Also, were they coming to you to seek advice or your opinion, or just to inform you of their next step?
In the first case, it was more of an informing me.
The second case never came right out and asked for an opinion. In hindsight there may have been a veiled request that I just did not pick up on; she had said she "just could not do it all," but mostly she kept her 'public face' until she had decided.
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/26/2007 9:39:51 PM
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W.O.F.
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first of all...I don't see it as jumping ship. Seriously. You are still choosing an excellent education for your son in a spiritually secure environment. You are just trading in one boat for a different one (kind of like buying a different car).
I don't see it as failure. The failure would be to NOT see what Noah needs and to NOT hear what God is leading you to do.
Can't give your son what he needs? I don't see it that way. Are you giving up YOUR teaching of him in order to give him what he needs, in spite of how awful it is making you feel? YOU ARE GIVING HIM WHAT HE NEEDS.....you haven't failed at anything, except not believing that you are capable.
Maybe God is leading you this way because of your health issues...and is using Noah to get you to take a time of rest. Maybe God is leading you this way because of Nick....if he comes to live with you all full time, you said he'd be in the Christian school and perhaps that would have caused even more dissension between him and Noah if Noah were still homeschooled and he were not.....
Maybe God is just seeing if you will obey....no matter how painful.
Thank you for lovingly leading Brian to take a stand and make decisions with you. Too many women think that the Bible is making it up when it states that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Doesn't mean all men can lead, or should lead, but they do deserve respect and honor from their wives, and giving that to them enables them to be men and to lead in a servant manner just like Christ did.
so.....instead of your working fish boat....enjoy your cruise ship! And re-connect with your son and realize that often to give our children what they need we have to reach outside of us....I can't give my oldest daughter the training she needs/desires on the violin so am I failing to hire a music teacher to give her lessons? After all..I am an accomplished pianist...surely I should be able to.....
see where that kind of thinking will take you?
YOu are loved. You are Loving.
Keep being Obedient to the Father dear Donna...that is all He asks of any of us!
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Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/26/2007 10:28:26 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 7980
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From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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Great post, WOF.
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My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/27/2007 9:55:14 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10420
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sen10tious
quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
Let me think about that...
Did either mom come to you before the decision was already made in her mind? Also, were they coming to you to seek advice or your opinion, or just to inform you of their next step?
In the first case, it was more of an informing me.
The second case never came right out and asked for an opinion. In hindsight there may have been a veiled request that I just did not pick up on; she had said she "just could not do it all," but mostly she kept her 'public face' until she had decided.
In the first case, I think your response was just fine. What else could you have said, when her mind was already made up? And if you had gone on about ways to make it work, that would have shown you were not listening to her.
The second case sounds more like me. Several people have known we were struggling but they either didn't know how to help or didn't catch that we needed help. I don't know that they could have helped anyway. And with this friend and the elderly family member, maybe there wasn't anything that you could have done to help either. In theory, a housekeeper would have helped, but in reality, the bigger issues were probably the emotional issues of dealing with a family member who could no longer live on their own. Not much anyone outside the family could do to help there, KWIM? Since that family later went back to hsing, it seems the stress of it all was just too much and they probably made the right choice for that season.
Those are my thoughts anyway...
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<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/27/2007 10:01:38 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10420
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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WOF, thank you. Let me see if I understand...since we have seen what Noah needs and taken the steps to make sure he gets what he needs (even when we can't give him this ourselves), we are doing exactly what needs to be done, which is not a failure in any way.
I agree about Brian being involved and letting him lead too. I was so encouraged when he stepped up and did that. What a load off my shoulders for him to let me know exactly what he was thinking and even when he gently stated he thought we should send Noah ASAP and not wait until next school year. We're not where I want to be, but when I look at where we came from, I know we are on the right track. I am so blessed.
Oh, also...good point about Nick. And yes, I will try to enjoy this "cruise ship". I think it'll be fine once we get into it, it's this weeks of waiting that may make me crazy. 
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<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: Jumping ship - 11/28/2007 6:42:37 PM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1470
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
WOF, thank you. Let me see if I understand...since we have seen what Noah needs and taken the steps to make sure he gets what he needs (when we can't give him this ourselves), we are doing exactly what needs to be done, which is not a failure in any way. YES...you got it!!!
quote:
I agree about Brian being involved and letting him lead too. I was so encouraged when he stepped up and did that. What a load off my shoulders for him to let me know exactly what he was thinking and even when he gently stated he thought we should send Noah ASAP and not wait until next school year. We're not where I want to be, but when I look at where we came from, I know we are on the right track. I am so blessed. God is good, and He can grow our husbands to be the men we need them to be, and us to be the women our husbands need.....
quote:
Oh, also...good point about Nick. And yes, I will try to enjoy this "cruise ship". I think it'll be fine once we get into it, it's this weeks of waiting that may make me crazy.
It is kind of like having a baby...the waiting is the very worst part!
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Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: Jumping ship - 12/3/2007 10:16:45 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10420
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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Okay, so I was not liking the phrase "throwing in the towel", but it appears that's what I've done. LOL Now before you all jump all over that, let me explain.  The towel is not really thrown in, it is in the wash, getting ready for the next round.
I seriously cannot motivate us to do even a tiny bit of school work. Now that the decision is made, I just can't make myself battle him over it. Is that bad? When we meet with the teacher (next week??), I am going to find out what they've covered so far this year and make sure there aren't any big, gaping holes we need to fill in. Other than that, I just don't have the energy to care anymore. (I hope you all know what I mean and not that I don't care...)
I'm settling into our decision and starting to feel relief. That's a good thing. I don't think I even realized how stressed I was.
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<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: Jumping ship - 12/3/2007 10:28:07 AM
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garsyt
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quote:
I'm settling into our decision and starting to feel relief. That's a good thing. I don't think I even realized how stressed I was. Quite honestly that's how I felt once we finally made the decision and I got used to the idea AND decided that I was NOT failing my child by sending him off to school instead of homeschooling.
quote:
The towel is not really thrown in, it is in the wash, getting ready for the next round. And that's exactly what it will be. The next round. But you know what? You'll make it. YOu and your family will be blessed AND be able to be a blessing to others. Take some time to rest and fill your home with peace and calm and be assured that even if there are gaps, (which I doubt there will be) Noah will catch up, if needed, and will do just fine.
Blessings,
Garsy
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RE: Jumping ship - 12/4/2007 12:52:18 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
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Well, I guess you got all the encouragement you need, but my 2 cents, is just that I believe the whole point of home schooling is that parents have perrogatives...and that includes the perrrogative NOT to home school..also, to me home schooling isn't necessarily all about making sure every kid in the world is home schooled..its about recognizing that each child is DIFFERENT...and differences can mean that some children will better thrive in home school, and some will better thrive in school. Hope that helps.
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Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, what wondrous things He's done, in whom the world rejoices.
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RE: Jumping ship - 12/5/2007 2:07:47 PM
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saagmom
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Donna,
I know I haven't been around much and to be honest I had read the start of your thread when you posted. I'm glad you are getting the support and understanding you need at this point. I'm glad you are starting to feel relief and less stress about the whole situation too. I just want you to know one thing; we love you.
With love,
Vic
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RE: Jumping ship - 12/8/2007 12:47:34 AM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1470
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
Okay, so I was not liking the phrase "throwing in the towel", but it appears that's what I've done. LOL Now before you all jump all over that, let me explain. The towel is not really thrown in, it is in the wash, getting ready for the next round.
I seriously cannot motivate us to do even a tiny bit of school work. Now that the decision is made, I just can't make myself battle him over it. Is that bad? When we meet with the teacher (next week??), I am going to find out what they've covered so far this year and make sure there aren't any big, gaping holes we need to fill in. Other than that, I just don't have the energy to care anymore. (I hope you all know what I mean and not that I don't care...)
I'm settling into our decision and starting to feel relief. That's a good thing. I don't think I even realized how stressed I was.
I think that just taking this time to enjoy each other's company and get what you need together for him to go to school is fine.
The whole point (or at least a large part of it) was to not being doing battle with him anyway...so why go there?
I think it is good to meet with the teacher...but DO NOT LET any gaps that may be there be a point of stress....just being aware they exist...even you don't bridge them at this point...will be good. I doubt he has any gaping holes....and even if he does...they are his own doing for the most part..and he will be able to catch up....
I know what you mean about not caring....it isn't that you don't care...you just don't care to be in conflict over it anymore at this time.
I am glad that you are finally feeling relief at this decision.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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